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MEMORIAL FLOWERS

for our children
page 1 of 5

music playing: SERENITY


IN MEMORY OF
Lucas Christopher Ross "Luke"
21
October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
Acute Bronchopneumonia








YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE

You Are My Sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other nite, dear,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried.

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

~Written by Jimmie Davis and Charles Mitchell;
Copyright 1940 and 1977 by Peer International Corporation.




LULLABY OF A LIFETIME

Oh, to be a mother.... a blessing not matched by anything else on earth. I remember gazing into the eyes of my very first newborn baby girl and wondering what life had to offer her, and where she would go, and who she would love. My long awaited Mothers Day had finally arrived. A few years later I was gazing into the eyes of a sweet little baby boy wondering all the same things. I found myself holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers for him that were announcing..... "hello".

Nothing in this world can compare to the feeling a mother has when she first greets her little one and sings that very first lullaby. That in itself is something that not everyone gets to experience. Some mothers lost their babies before their child ever took that first breath. And some mothers lost their babies soon after they were born, never getting that opportunity to sing that first lullaby before their child died. I feel so fortunate to have had that opportunity. That first lullaby for my little baby boy was 'You Are My Sunshine'. As I sang, I watched as his eyes sparkled like the sunshine I was singing about. I will never forget that moment as long as I live.

I am so very thankful that I had "my baby" for 21 wonderful years. I was able to hear him say that most precious thing to a mother's ears....Maaa Maaa Maaa, then Mommy, then Momma, then Mom. All those different ways that he said my name represent epochs of those 21 cherished years. What incredible memories I have of baby bottles, and diapers, and little cries and giggles, and kisses, and cuddles, and sweet soft whispers. Time moved on and just like that, he was playing in the backyard and swinging really high, and riding that little tricycle everywhere. Next he was off to school with artwork piling up on the refrigerator door, and coming home with torn pants and a sad little face. More time passed and there were girlfriends, and hanging out with the guys. Before I knew it he was in high school, and going to dances, and driving a car, and working at his first job. Graduation came, then college, then a career. But just like that, in a blink of an eye, it was all over. All the things that I thought would come next, never came.

The next thing I knew, I was standing at the cemetery staring down at a gravestone with my son's name on it. It was early morning and the sun was just beginning to peak over the mountains as the tears streamed down my face. I was seemingly alone on this special day, and I begged the sky for understanding. My long dreaded Mothers Day had arrived. I soon felt my son's presence there with me on that very special day. I found my trembling hands holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers for him that were announcing..... "goodbye". I began to sing that lullaby to him. As I sang I watched his stone sparkle in the sunshine that I was singing about. It is a moment that I will never forget as long as I live.

A sort of peace came over me as I stared at that stone. As I read those dates I began reminiscing on all the amazing things that were between those two dates. Those were the times of his life, the times to be remembered, the times to be celebrated. I told him I loved him. I told him I missed him. I told him how thankful I was for all the great times we had between those two dates. Mothers Day had come again, and it was good because those memories of him filled my heart, and my soul, and my mind with an awakening..... a lullaby of a lifetime.

© 2011 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001



THE SPACE BETWEEN

The day he was born and the day that he died
Are the beginning and end of a dream.
I cherish those things from the days of his life,
The days in the space between.

"Memories of sweet soothing lullabies
And the bottles, and diapers, and tears.
Warm cuddles and kisses all through the night
And faint whispers in soft little ears."

"Swing me real high, want you Mommy?
Kiss me and sister night-night.
Mommy I wanna help, please let me help.
My tricycle fits me just right."

"Momma, see what I made at school today!
Look, Daddy taught me to ride my bike.
I like my teacher, but not more than you.
I tore my pants, Momma, I got in a fight."

"Guess what Mom, I have a girlfriend.
Look, I made you something in shop.
I've really got a lot of cool friends now,
See ya Mom, I'll be down at the bus stop."

"Hey Mom, I've got a date for the dance.
Wow, driving a car is really cool.
Look, Mom I got my first real paycheck.
I can't wait to graduate from school."

"Oh Mom, college is really tough.
A new job and life is moving on.
Goodbye for now, I'll wait for you.
Thank you Mom, for all you've done."

He came to me one fateful day
And he left too soon, it seems.
So I cherish the days that matter the most,
The days in the space between."

© 2002 - Christine Ross
revised 2011
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001








THE BOUQUET

I saw her in the distance
As she was kneeling down to pray.
Tightly clutching a bunch of flowers
That she brought for Mother's day.

The sun was just arising
Casting shadows on the ground.
As she cried there at the headstone
There was no one else around.

She arranged the flowers in the vase,
Blew a kiss from her trembling hand.
Then she turned her eyes to heaven
Saying "Please help me understand."

I watched as teardrops trickled down
And fell upon her lone bouquet.
I knew that she was hurting
So I gently wiped her tears away.

She shuttered when she felt my touch
Because she thought she was alone.
So I wrapped my arms around her
Right there at that granite stone.

I heard her sigh and saw a smile
Appear on her tear stained face.
She was glad that I had joined her
At this final resting place.

She stared fixated on the stone,
The proof her child no more remains.
Her lips whispered what was engraved
As she sadly read... my name.


© 2007 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Published
Summer 2011, Volume 26 No. 05
LIVING WITH LOSS magazine
Bereavement Publications, Inc.




Brahms' Lullaby or Cradle Song is the common name for a number of children's lullabies with similar lyrics and the same melody. The original was written by Johannes Brahms' and titled: Wiegenlied: Guten Abend, gute Nacht ("Good evening, good night")and was published in 1868. The first verse is taken from a collection of German folk poems. The second stanza was written by Georg Scherer in 1849. The lullaby's melody is one of the most famous and recognizable in the world, used by countless parents to sing their babies to sleep.

Johannes Brahms was born May 7, 1833 and died on April 3, 1897. He was a German composer and pianist, and one of the leading musicians of the Romantic period. Born in Hamburg, Brahms spent much of his professional life in Vienna, Austria, where he was a leader of the musical scene. In his lifetime, Brahms' popularity and influence were considerable.

Brahms composed for piano, chamber ensembles, symphony orchestra, and for voice and chorus. A virtuoso pianist, he premiered many of his own works; he also worked with some of the leading performers of his time, including the pianist Clara Schumann and the violinist Joseph Joachim. Many of his works have become staples of the modern concert repertoire. Brahms, an uncompromising perfectionist, destroyed many of his works and left some of them unpublished.

Like Beethoven, Brahms was fond of nature and often went walking in the woods around Vienna. He often brought penny candy with him to hand out to children. Those who were his friends were very loyal to him, and he reciprocated with equal loyalty and generosity.

SOURCE: Wikipedia








BRAHMS' LULLABY

ORIGINAL LYRICS IN GERMAN

Guten Abend, gute Nacht,
mit Rosen bedacht,
mit Näglein[N 1] besteckt,
schlüpf unter die Deck!
Morgen früh, wenn Gott will,
wirst du wieder geweckt.

Guten Abend, gute Nacht,
von Englein bewacht,
die zeigen im Traum
dir Christkindleins Baum.
Schlaf nun selig und süß,
schau im Traum 's Paradies


TRANSLATION OF ORIGINAL LYRICS

Good evening, good night,
With roses adorned,
With carnations covered,
Slip under the covers.
Tomorrow morning, if God wills,
you will wake once again.

Good evening, good night.
By angels watched,
Who show you in your dream
the Christ-child's tree.
Sleep now peacefully and sweetly,
see the paradise in your dream.


LYRICS REVISED TO RHYME

Lullaby and good night,
With roses bedight,
With lilies o'er spread
Is baby's wee bed.
Lay thee down now and rest,
May thy slumber be blessed.

Lullaby and good night,
Thy mother's delight,
Bright angels beside
My darling abide.
They will guard thee at rest,
Thou shalt wake on my breast.




“Golden slumbers kiss your eyes, smiles awake you when you rise.
Sleep, pretty wantons, do not cry, And I will sing a lullaby.”
~ Thomas Dekker




“Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby”
~ Lyman Frank Baum


Kiss from my forehead the furrows of care,
Smooth the few silver threads out of my hair;
Over my slumber your loving watch keep;
Rock me to sleep, Mother, rock me to sleep!

© ~ Elizabeth Akers Allen


THE LITTLE BLUE VASE

It was Mother's Day! Luke was 3 years old and Emily (Luke's sister) was almost 5. On Mother's Day I always had to pretend that I was sleeping while Robin (my husband) got up with the kids and they all prepared breakfast for me and served it to me in bed. I could hear the giggles and the shhhhh's drifting down the hallway from the kitchen along with the aroma of good things to eat. I knew my two little sweethearts were so excited to cook for me and I could hardly wait to see what they had prepared. I could hear the rattle of the tray as the dishes clanged together while Emily and Luke tiptoed down the hallway with their Dad to the door of our bedroom. I pulled the covers up to my chin and closed my eyes just before the door burst open with the sweet sounds of "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!" Emily and Luke ran and jumped in the bed with me while Robin set the tray in my lap. There on the tray was a little glass bottle that had been hand painted with poster paint and in that little bottle was a little purple plastic flower. I said "Who made this beautiful vase?" Luke replied as he squeezed my neck "I made if for you Mommy." I told him how much I loved it and what a wonderful job he did on it. He was still hanging on to my neck as I looked at such a beautiful decoration on my tray full of wonderful surprises. Oh what treats they bestowed upon me.... a glass of orange juice, a cup of coffee, some odd-shaped pancakes, and something that looked mysteriously like scrambled eggs. No fancy restaurant could ever compete with that early morning Mother's Day breakfast served with much more love than nourishment by my sweet little boy and girl. The company that surrounded me was fit for a Queen. I sat there in my bed and ate every single bite of my special breakfast except for a few shared with the smiling faces of my two children sitting next to me. That is exactly how I felt that Mother's Day morning..... like a Queen.

After breakfast we all got dressed for Church. We arrived at church dressed up for the special occasion. Robin was wearing his suit, Emily was in her pale blue chiffon dress, Luke had on his little dress pants and dress shirt, and I was wearing a pretty dress that had a flared skirt. During church there was recognition of all mothers by the mothers standing up. Oh I was so proud that day when I stood there with my husband and 2 children seated in the pew next to me.

After church service everyone was standing just outside the church door talking in groups. Luke and Emily were right there with us. Luke was holding on to my leg as we stood there talking. There were other groups of people behind us talking also. I kept feeling a draft, but didn't think too much of it. I just thought that the wind was blowing. As I was talking I felt that draft again! I looked behind me and Luke had the bottom of my dress in his hands pulled up above his head providing a perfect view for all the groups of people behind me. I turned around quickly and pulled my skirt down, although it was already too late. There were sounds of snickering from the other people standing behind me. I'm sure it was the talk at the table of a lot of Mother's Day celebrations that day. I was so very embarrassed that I told Robin we had better go. Once we all got safely into the car I looked around at my family as they solemly looked back at me. I was expecting some words of encouragement, but instead there was a burst of laughter coming from the three of them. I gasped and I'm sure I had a very discerning look on my face. But as the laughter continued on the drive home, I couldn't help but laugh too.

When we got back home from church I placed that little blue vase and flower in the very center of the table. They served me a wonderful dinner prepared by my husband. We all bowed our heads as Robin said a beautiful prayer and thanked God for giving his children a wonderful mother. I was so touched.

That special day was a long, long time ago but the memories of it are very fresh in my mind. That precious little vase and flower still rests in a special display cabinet in our home that holds all of my favorite treasures. I take it out every Mother's Day and just hold it and absorb all those feelings and memories from that day long ago. I can't help but smile as a tear runs down my face because sometimes..... I even feel a little draft.

© 2013 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001



PAIN IS THE PRICE

A young girl labored to give birth,
Long ago in some yesterday.
To bring her son into this world.....
Pain was the price she had to pay.

When she gazed upon his tiny face,
All pain vanished from within,
Her pain no longer lingered,
She was with her little man.

He grew so fast, the years went by,
Then off to school he flew.
Her pain came back, a different kind,
Caused from a heart that's blue.

As time went on his mother found,
That this pain too will pass.
Just by the glow upon his face,
As he told of his day in class.

There were many times he struggled,
Through illness and a world unfair.
Her pain returned within her heart,
The pain from his despair.

He learned to deal with illness,
And forgiveness was in his heart.
She saw his unconditional love,
And her pain began to part.

Then, one day, school was over,
And her little man was grown.
Her pain returned the day he left,
To set out on his own.

He worked so hard and did the things,
That made his mother smile.
Her pain had vanished once again,
She was happy for awhile.

Then one dark and lonely night,
God took him from her hands.
Her pain came back, an unknown pain,
That she could not understand.

She knows her son is waiting,
They'll walk hand in hand someday.
But, until the day they reunite.....
Pain is the price she has to pay.


© 2002 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001



MOTHER AND CHILD REUNION

No, I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away
Oh, little darling of mine

I can’t for the life of me
Remember a sadder day
I know they say let it be
But it just don’t work out that way
And the course of a lifetime runs
Over and over again

No, I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away
Oh, little darling of mine

I just can’t believe it’s so
Though it seems strange to say
I never been laid so low
In such a mysterious way
And the course of a lifetime runs
Over and over again

But I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away

Oh, the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away
Oh, the mother and child reunion
Is only a moment away

~ Words & music by Paul Simon


Between the dark and the daylight,
When the night is beginning to lower,
Comes a pause in the day's occupations
That is known as the children's hour.

© Henry Wadsworth Longfellow





THOSE HANDS

Those little hands that clutched my finger,
When you were just a baby boy,
Those gooey hands that touched my face,
And somehow gave me so much joy.

Those dirty hands that made their mark,
Upon the walls and upon my heart,
Those busy hands that worked with love,
To make that special Mother's Day card.

Those talented hands that filled my ears,
With music that came from your soul,
Those excited hands that took control,
Of the wheel at sixteen years old.

Those gentle hands that comforted me,
When life was too much to bear,
Those strong hands that held me close,
When it seemed that no one else cared.

Those cold cold hands that I warmly touched,
When your body was absent of life,
Those spiritual hands that call to me,
As I dream of you all through the night.

I'll never forget those hands of yours,
The ones that made my life worth while,
I'll reach out to hold them again,
When I've finished that last weary mile.


© 2005 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001





Three words fall sweetly on my soul,
As music from and angel's lyre,
That bid my spirit spurn control,
And upward to its source aspire;
The sweetest sounds to mortals given
Are heard in Mother, Home and Heaven.

© William Goldsmith Brown





I'VE SEEN AN ANGEL

"You say you've seen an angel?"
My friend asked me today.
Without a hesitation, "Yes,
I have seen one," I say.

He said, "What does she look like?
Is there a halo and some wings?"
"No", I replied quickly,
"She doesn't have those things."

"She does have, the warmest smile,
And is loving like no other.
"I ought to know," I said,
"for this angel, is my mother."

author unknown







There is only one pretty child
in the world ,
and every mother has it.

© Bridge





How sweet are the thoughts
that fill my heart today,
dear mother of mine!
Memories that stand
in the mist of the years,
Fadeless, enduring
forever.

author unknown





Mother, you carved no
shapeless marble to some high soul design,
but with a finer sculpture
you shaped this soul of mine.

© Thomas Fessenden





As I approached the door
about nine o'clock in the evening,
I heard my mother engaged in prayer.
During her prayer she referred to me,
her son away, God only knows where,
and asked that he might be
preserved in health to return
and comfort her in her old age.
At the conclusion of the prayer
I quietly raised the latch and entered.
I will not attempt to describe
the scene that followed.

© President James Garfield





Is nothing in life
ever straight and clear,
the way children see it?

© Rosie Thomas





We live in the present,
we dream of the future,
but we learn eternal truths
from the past.

author unknown





A picture memory brings to me:
I look across the years
and see myself beside
my mother's knee.

© John Greenleaf Whittier





When you are a mother,
you are never really alone in your thoughts.
You are connected to your child
and to all those who touch your lives.

© Sophia Loren





Who takes the child by the hand,
takes the mother by the heart.

Danish Proverb





A child's spirit is like a child,
you can never catch it by running after it;
you must stand still,
and, for love,
it will soon itself come back.

© Arthur Miller





She broke the bread into two fragments
and gave them to the children,
who ate with avidity.
"She hath kept none for herself," grumbled the Sergeant.
"Because she is not hungry," said a soldier.
"Because she is a mother," said the Sergeant.

© Victor Hugo





Wherever a true mother goes,
home is always round her.
Only the stars may be over her head;
the glowworm in the night-cold grass
may be the only fire at her foot,
but home is yet wherever she is.

© John Ruskin





Who ran to help me when I fell,
and would some pretty story tell,
or kiss the place to make it well?
My mother.

© Jane Taylor





What is home with none to meet,
None to welcome, none to greet us?
Home is sweet, and only sweet,
Where there's one we love to meet us.

© Charles Swain





The moment a child is born,
the mother is also born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed,
but the mother, never.
A mother is something
absolutely new.

© Rajneesh


MEMORIES IN THE STARS

My husband Robin and I have been watching Star Trek together since it was a TV series in 1967, when we were sweethearts at age 14. The very first Star Trek Movie was released in 1979, the year that Luke was born. Several months later, close to Mother's Day, we went to see the first Star Trek Movie. Luke was a little baby and Emily (Luke's sister) was almost 3 years old. We all went to the drive-in theater in the little town that Luke was born in... Soda Springs, Idaho. We watched it from our car while I held Luke in my arms and Emily sat between Robin and I in the front seat. I remember looking past the screen at the stars and the moon that were shining so brightly that night. My mind drifted from the movie as I thought about how grateful I was that the 'keeper of the stars' had brought us all together and had given me the honor to once again be a Mother. The soft moonlight was shining on little Luke's face as I looked into his eyes. Heaven was definitely smiling down on us. I had everything.

The years passed and more Star Trek movies followed in 1982, 1984, 1986, 1989, 1991, 1994, 1996, 1998 and the four of us were always in line together at the opening day of each movie. As we waited we talked and laughed and anxiously anticipated what the big screen had in store for us. We always sat together in the same row loaded down with buckets of popcorn, sodas, and candy. In the car on the way home we all shared our favorite scenes.

We also watched the Star Trek TV series as a family. Emily & Luke were huge Star Trek fans. Luke had a collection of ALL the STAR TREK movies and ALL the STAR WARS movies. I can't even count how many times we stayed up late at night with Luke watching Star Trek movies and the Star Trek TV series or how many times Luke talked his dad into staying up until 2am to watch a STAR TREK movie, when Robin had to be up early for work the next day.

We all talked often about our anticipation for the next Star Trek movie to be released in 2002. By the time it was released Luke had already died the year before in 2001 at the age of 21. None of us could bring ourselves to go to the theater and see it. All those years of standing in line for the opening had ended because it just didn't seem right without Luke. No more buckets of popcorn, no more talks and laughter, no more anticipation, no more memories to be made. When it was released for rental we decided to rent it, but it was so difficult to watch without Luke. There on the TV screen was JEAN LUC PICARD (pronounced LUKE). I cried through the entire movie. I felt so guilty for watching it without Luke.

Then in 2013 when Emily came to visit it was during the premier of the 2013 Star Trek movie, and it was also her birthday. So for her birthday she invited us to go see the Star Trek movie with her and her boyfriend of many years, Dave. As we stood in line waiting for the tickets I was sad, but I felt as if Luke was there with us. We went into the theater and ordered buckets of popcorn and sodas and candy. Then Emily and Dave led us to the seats. Without even knowing it Emily chose the perfect number of seats. She walked down the row and Emily sat down, then Dave next to her, then I sat down next to Dave and then Robin sat down. Next to Robin at the end of the row was only one empty chair. I knew that was Luke's seat for the movie. As the commercials began I was hoping for a sign from Luke. There was a Coke commercial where they sang the entire song "You Are My Sunshine." This was an amazing sign from Luke. At Luke's service in 2001 the words to that song were recited in my letter to Luke because I used to sing him to sleep with that song all through his life. When the song began in the commercial, Robin and I looked at each other and knew that Luke was again letting us know he was there with us. During the movie there was a song played named "Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven." We always sit for the end credits. There on the screen was: LUCAS FILMS. Also someone was named APRIL (the month Luke died), someone named LUKE, and then someone named CHRISTOPHER ROSS. So there were all the signs from Luke..... an empty seat, You Are My Sunshine, Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven, April, Luke, and Lucas Christopher Ross.

The year before Luke died he had purchased a telescope and used to sit on the balcony at night and watch the stars. I would peek out through our bedroom window and see him up there and wonder what he was thinking about. After he died we had a star named after him because of his love of the stars and his love of movies about the stars. When we look at the twinkling night above I know that Luke is peeking down on us from beyond the distant sky where he has found a home at the end of his..... TREK to the STARS.

© 2014 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001






NEVER LEAVE

They say that you are really gone
Although your suitcase wasn't packed.
I saw no maps of where you went
Or how you will come back.

I didn't hear the door close
Or your car pull from the drive.
I found no reservations.
They all say you're not alive.

I think you would have called me
From the place they say you went.
But I never heard the phone ring
So to me it makes no sense.

It's been a long, long time ago
Since the day I saw you last,
But I don't care what they say
They're wrong about the past.

I'm tired of all the lies I hear
That you're in another place.
Everywhere I look for you
I always see your face.

Sometimes in the dark of night
I think I hear you say goodbye.
But I know it can't be true.
I don't think you ever died.

The stars that shine up in the sky
Tell me that you're not gone.
It is the stars that understand
And know I can't move on.

This is the world I've made for us.
Some say it's make believe.
But like the stars communicate....
You'll never really leave.


© 2014 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001 THE KEEPER OF THE STARS




THE KEEPER OF THE STARS

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew

Now I just can't believe you're in my life
Heaven's smilin' down on me
As I look at you tonight

I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin'
When he joined these two hearts

I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

Soft moonlight on your face
Oh how you shine
It takes my breath away
Just to look into your eyes

And I know I don't deserve
A treasure like you
But there really are no words
To show my gratitude

So I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin'
When he joined these two hearts

I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew


~ WORDS AND MUSIC BY: Dickey Lee, Danny "Bear" Mayo and Karen Staley

LONG ENOUGH

When Luke was a little boy he always had to be sitting by me or holding my hand. No matter where we were Luke would say...."Mom, please sit by me." Every night when he went to bed he would pat his hand on the mattress and say.... "Mom, sit down and lets talk." We had some wonderful conversations right there in his room, just before he fell asleep, with me sitting on the edge of his bed. It just didn't last long enough. When he became a teenager he no longer needed to hold my hand, or sit by me, or be tucked in at night. I used to cry remembering how it used to be and long for those days again.

One night before Luke (age 20) had moved back home for the last time he called me from his apartment saying that his head was hurting so bad that he needed to go to the hospital. I said... "I will call 911." He said...."Please don't call, I just want you and Dad to come get me and take me to the hospital." So Robin (Luke's Dad) and I rushed over to his apartment. We walked him to the car and he asked if I would sit with him in the back seat. So of course I did. When we got in the back seat Luke laid his head down in my lap and was holding my hand while his dad drove us to the hospital. Luke was squeezing my hand tight and I was stroking his brow. Luke looked up at me and said..."Mom, don't let me die." I assured Luke that I would not let him die. But this promise did not last long enough because a year later Luke died.

After that night at the hospital Luke was very afraid of dying. He moved back home with us, but still was not able to sleep in his own bed. He would sit up late at night and watch TV to get his mind off of dying. He would ask me to sit up with him, and then when we got very tired Luke would lay down on the sofa and I would lay down on the love seat. Luke would reach out for my hand and say..."Mom, will you hold my hand until I fall asleep." Then we would both lay there in the living room with our hands stretched across the corner of where the sofa and the love seat met. The only sound was the fire crackling in the fireplace as we both drifted off to sleep. These special times did not last long enough.

Then one night when Luke had just turned 21 years old he had gone to bed with one of his migraine headaches. The next morning when he got up he said...."Mom, can you come outside on the patio, I need to talk to you." As he sat there with tears in his eyes he said..."Mom, I think I died last night. I went to this place.... but there are no words in our language to describe this place. The best way I can say it for you to understand is that I was in a room, although it wasn't really a room. Sitting across from me was an old man and he reached out and took my hands into his hands and the old man said.....It is not your time, you must go back. Then I woke up in my bed." I just stared into his tearful eyes with my now tearful eyes. I hugged him and said... "Luke, what do you think it means?" Luke said..."I don't know, Mom, but I think I am supposed to be here for a reason." After this Luke no longer had a fear of dying, or of being alone. He lived everyday happy and full of life as if everyday was his last. I really thought all of this was an affirmation from God that all would be okay. I never expected that my son would die before me. Because of this experience I just assumed that my son would live a long and full life. "It's not your time" did not last long enough.

When I think back on all of this I still do not know the reason that Luke was told to come back and that it was not his time. He died just a few months after this experience of his. He got a glimpse of Heaven and he returned. Because of that glimpse he lost all fear of dying and felt he had some special purpose. His experience touched me and made me think about how precious life is. Maybe because of this 'premonition' we were a little closer, a little more aware of life's miracle. Luke died without fear and so will I someday. Until that day I will continue to search my memories for his special purpose, and maybe come to know that his special purpose is simply to help others realize that there is no fear in dying, we all have a special purpose, and love does not have boundaries of time or space because love is forever. Many things in this life do not last long enough, but there is ONE thing that does..... Love lasts forever, and forever is long enough.

© 2015 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001






LONG ENOUGH

I didn't rock you long enough
Before you went to sleep.
And I didn't kiss you long enough
On your rosy little cheek.

I didn't read long enough
From your little picture book
And I didn't watch long enough
When you said... "Mommy Look!"

I didn't play long enough
With you and your little toys
And I didn't linger long enough
With you my little boy.

I didn't hug you long enough
When you squeezed my neck real tight
And I didn't stay long enough
When I tucked you in at night

I didn't laugh long enough
At the funny things you'd say,
And I didn't listen long enough
To the music that you played.

I didn't hold you long enough
When you were scared or sick.
And I didn't have you long enough
Life went by much too quick.

I didn't cry long enough
On that awful dreadful night.
And I didn't pray long enough
To try to make it right.

I didn't see you long enough
Before you said goodbye.
And I didn't touch you long enough
Just after you had died.

I haven't waited long enough
For my soul to be set free.
But I have suffered long enough.....
To earn eternity.


© 2015 - Christine Ross

~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


CAN'T CRY HARD ENOUGH

I'm gonna live my life
Like everyday's the last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast

And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

I'm gonna open my eyes
And see for the first time
I've let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite

There it goes
Up in the sky
There it goes
Beyond the clouds
For no reason why

I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

I'm gonna look back in vain
And see you standing there
With all that remains
Its just an empty chair

And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

There it goes
Up in the sky
There it goes
Beyond the clouds
For no reason why

I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

~ PERFORMED BY: By The Williams Brothers
~ WRITTEN BY: ETZIONI, MARVIN / WILLIAMS, DAVID B.


YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY SUNSHINE










SEE OUR CHILDREN'S NAMES

(no more names can be added)

PAGE 01 ~ POETRY, STORIES, QUOTES, PAINTINGS, AND MORE



PAGE 02 ~ OUR CHILDREN'S NAMES ~ BABIES AND CHILDREN



PAGE 03 ~ OUR CHILDREN'S NAMES ~ TEENAGERS



PAGE 04 ~ OUR CHILDREN'S NAMES ~ TWENTIES



PAGE 05 ~ OUR CHILDREN'S NAMES ~ THIRTY AND OLDER










"VISIT WITH LUKE"

Last Entry in Luke's Journal:

"When there is love in my heart and a smile on my face,
I need nothing else." ~ Luke Ross


"MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU"

Music playing:
SERENITY