for our children
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music playing: PEACEFUL MORNING

Lucas Christopher Ross "Luke"
October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
Acute Bronchopneumonia


If only our children were Easter eggs,
Hidden safely in the grass,
We could search for them and pick them up,
And hold them within our clasp.

We'd have a Heavenly Easter egg hunt,
All with baskets in our hands,
Searching with a broken heart.
Only WE can understand.

"Oh, look I found your child over here",
"Hey, did anyone find mine?"
They are so beautifully colored,
And they sparkle and they shine.

These aren't your usual Easter eggs,
They each have their own special glow,
That comes from way down deep within,
Only a parent in grief would know.

We gather up our special eggs,
With excitement all around,
For the gift that we've been given,
For the treasure we have found.

We all now stare with wonderment,
At our children that have died.
We want to hold them once again,
And release them from inside.

But we all begin to realize,
We have to crack their beautiful shell,
The one that, makes them sparkle and glow,
The one they have earned so well.

We know we can't destroy their beauty,
And take them from their place,
So we give them an understanding kiss,
As a tear runs down our face.

One by one we take our baskets,
With our beautifully colored eggs,
And place them gently in the grass,
As we turn and walk away.

We look back in amazement,
As our eggs begin to sing.
We see them flutter and move about.
"Look, our eggs all now have wings."

Then the Golden Egg begins to speak...
"Your children are safe with me."
"You'll be with them when the time is right,"
"Together for all eternity."

We stand their in a circle of love,
As we look up to the sky,
Watching our radiant eggs take flight,
Knowing our children didn't die.

© 2003 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001
Published in
Spring 2008, Volume 23 No. 1
Spring 2009, volume 24 No. 1
Bereavement Publications, Inc.


I feel him in the morning breeze
As it skims across my face.
I see him in the sunrise
As it brightens up this place.

I hear him in the thunder
Before the sky begins to drip.
I taste him in the raindrops
That trickle down across my lips.

I smell him in the fragrance
Of every flower that's in bloom.
But these things I just imagine
From the corners of my room.

It's winter here in my room.
There's a chill down to my bones.
It's dark, and cold, and dreary
And I feel so all alone.

The cold is a reminder
Of this frigid, frozen fear
That casts those icy shadows
Of death, and grief, and tears.

I'm hoping for the sunshine,
Fragrant breezes, thunder, rain.
But most of all I'm hoping for...
A very early spring.

© 2008 - Christine Ross

In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

APRIL 2010, Volume 25 No. 4
Bereavement Publications, Inc.

Keep your faith in all beautiful things;
in the sun when it is hidden,
in the Spring when it is gone.

Roy R. Gilson


~ by Christine Ross in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Where is Peter Cottontail?
And chocolate bunny rabbits?
And Easter egg hunts on Sunday?
And brightly colored baskets?

Where is all the laughter?
And springtime with its flowers?
And dressing up in brand new clothes?
And just talking away the hours.

Where is his Easter morning smile?
And his Sunday appetite?
And his way of bringing happiness?
And his hug that held me so tight?

It all left with him long ago,
To where everything wonderful dwells,
A place where no one has to ask,
Where is Peter Cottontail?

© 2005 - Christine Ross

The sun was warm but the wind was chill.
You know how it is with an April day
When the sun is out and the wind is still,
You're one month on in the middle of May.
But if you so much as dare to speak,
A cloud comes over the sunlit arch,
A wind comes off a frozen peak,
And you're two months back in the middle of March.

Robert Frost (1874-1963)

'Twas Easter-Sunday.
The full-blossomed trees Filled all the air
with fragrance and with joy.

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow,


Yesterday's visions
Still drift through my mind,
Of springtime and laughter
When life was so kind.
The world reawakened
From slumberous sleep.
The faces of April
Forever to keep.

Presently visions
Reveal a new face,
Of angels and sorrow
And death in this place.
Forever in slumber.
Awakened no more.
The faces of April
Like never before.

Tomorrow's visions
Will take me away,
To springtime and laughter,
In that heavenly place.
My world will awaken
From slumberous sleep.
The faces of April
Forever to keep.

© 2006 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

I think of the garden after the rain;
And hope to my heart comes singing,
At morn the cherry-blooms will be white,
And the Easter bells be ringing!

~Edna Dean Proctor, "Easter Bells"


  Luke was in a youth group when he was 16 years old. One night the leaders sent them all on a mission as part of a group activity. Those who had cars and wanted to drive, did so, and were assigned about 5 boys to each car. Luke drove and was given instructions as to where to meet the rest of the cars at the end of the activity. He also was given a bag containing more instructions, some items, and places to stop on the way to the destination.

So Luke and the 5 other boys got into Luke's car as instructed. Luke was not supposed to open the bag until they were inside the car. As they sat there in the parking lot, Luke opened up the bag. There inside Luke's bag were blindfolds and carrots!!! The instructions were that all the passengers (the other 5 boys) were to put the blindfolds on and hold a carrot in their right hand until they were to their destination where the activity would be concluded. Under no circumstances were any of the passengers to remove their blindfolds or let go of their carrots until they reached their destination, which only the driver of the car (Luke) knew. So the other boys put on their blindfolds, held on to their carrots as Luke drove out of the parking lot on the way to their assigned mission.

  All was going well. They were laughing and having the best time, stopping at the assigned places, staying blindfolded while holding on to carrots. Then there was a problem. At an intersection some woman  ran the stop sign and hit Luke's car. It was only a minor fender bender, but the police came to the scene for the report. What took place next is the best part of the story.

  When Luke got home that night, he said "Mom, I was in an accident, but no one was hurt". "You won't believe what happened". He then proceeded to tell me the above story. When he was telling me the part where the police came, he was laughing uncontrollably. By this time I was laughing too, not even knowing what he was going to say. Luke said "Oh, Mom, it was the funniest thing you ever saw." "The police officer came to our car and I had 5 guys in the car with blindfolds on and holding carrots". Luke said "I tried to explain it to the policeman that it was a game and what was going on, but I was laughing so hard that the officer thought that we had all been drinking." Luke continued to tell me how he was given a sobriety test and that he passed perfectly, except for the uncontrollable laughter. All the other boys in the car were laughing too, but could not see what was going on.  Through all of this they all kept their blindfolds on, held their carrots, made it to the destination, and had the best story of all the other cars to tell.

  If I could  choose to relive one day with Luke without any changes, I might just choose that day when he came home full of excitement telling me his story. But there are many other days that I could also choose. Oh how I would long to get all dressed up and go to church with Luke as a little boy on Easter Sunday. How wonderful it would be to decorate eggs, have an egg hunt, run through fields of flowers, look for four-leaf clovers, walk together through the forest, have a picnic, watch the sunset together, tell him over and over that I love him, or just sit and talk for hours and hours. There are so many good days to choose from.

Many years have passed since that night of blindfolds, carrots, fun, laughter, and a simple thing of listening to my son tell me a wonderful story. To this day, I smile through my tears and laugh just a little, every time...... I see a carrot.

© 2013 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


Today I spent the day with him,
Dressed up in our Sunday best,
Prayed there in the chapel
And knew that we were blessed.

Soaked up the morning sunlight,
Looked for bunny rabbit tracks,
Decorated Easter eggs
And hid them quietly in the back.

Ran through fields of flowers,
Had a picnic on the ground,
Searched for four leaf clovers
And yelled when they were found.

Walked hand in hand in nature,
Talked for hours 'neath the tree.
Today I spent the day with him,
Through all my memories.

© 2006 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Published in Living with Loss Magazine
Bereavement Publications
Spring 2013, Vol. 28 No. 1


Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me,
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the tv off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do. With one more day with you

Leave me wishing still for one more day
Leave me wishing still for one more day
(oh) how I wish I could forget those, (those) happy yesteryears
That have left a rosary of tears

Your face beams - in my dreams
(in) spite of all (that) I do
(and) everything - seems to bring
Memories of you

~ Words & music by Bobby Tomberlin and Steven Dale Jones
Recorded by Diamond Rio


April and springtime have arrived. Winter is gone and summer is not here yet. We are in the time of spring. A time when the earth comes alive again, no longer buried beneath the cold days of winter. The memories of winter still warm our hearts and the anticipation of summer brings with it more memories of days gone by. The warm sun of Springtime reminds us how wonderful life used to be, and the spring breeze carries with it a freshness of new life, but we are sorrowful with the absence of a special life. A life that knows no more time.

Time? What is it really? Time no longer allows us to be with the physical presence of those special souls that have gone on before us. Those that used to run and play and be happy. Those that were consumed by illness or accident or something else that allowed death to take them away from our arms. We miss having them close and we miss knowing that they are waiting for us when we get home. If only we could speak their name and have them to come to us or look at us in that special way that only they can. But because of the passing of time and the events that time brought with it, it seems that we have lost those things we once had. Are they really lost?

Time is the only thing that separates me from my son, Luke, who died on April 3rd, 2001. Time is such a strange thing. When you are in the midst of something awful it seems as if time passes so slowly, and if you are in the midst of something wonderful it seems as if time passes quickly. But as years pass, this thing called time is still confusing. Sometimes it seems as if Luke was here with me only yesterday, but at the same time it seems as if it has been forever since I touched him and held him.

Time has brought many things for me since April 3rd, 2001. I went through all the stages of grief over and over and over and over. Anger stared me in the face and for a time I let it stay. Denial was there full force too, but the years have given me the reality of it all. Bargaining lasted only a few months for me as I begged to trade my life for his. Depression is something that still comes and goes and will be with me until the day that I join Luke in Heaven. Acceptance has been the most difficult stage of grief for me, but it has finally found a place within my heart and mind.

There was a time when I thought that I could never be at peace with Luke's death. But it happened! Much to my surprise, slowly over time, without myself even realizing the transition..... I felt different. I don't know when it happened, where it happened, or how it happened, but it did indeed happen. I wasn't crying every single day anymore. Somewhere along my journey I quit asking why? I had found some peace, some unexpected peace, in just knowing that he lived a good life, and then he died, but more importantly.... his spirit didn't die.

A dog can sense when his master has turned the corner and headed for home. I often think of when Luke was here on earth, at the house, but in another room. I couldn't see him, I couldn't hear him.... but I knew he was in that other room because I possessed that sixth sense that we all take for granted. His spirit was all around me even though he was in the other room unheard and unseen. It is no different now than it was then. He is all around me unheard and unseen. His spirit has survived! Death could not take his spirit away from me, nor could time.

This pain will never go away, but it is not as sharp as it used to be. Instead of fighting away the pain like I used to do, I have learned to live with the pain. It is just as much a part of me now as breathing is.... a breathing that has finally calmed to a slower pace. I have embraced this pain and I own this pain and it will always be with me, so I just decided to let it be what it is. I have realized nothing can be changed, no matter how many times I go over thoughts of 'what if.' I have finally put to rest all the horrible thoughts that have haunted me throughout the years of grief.

So many of my friends and family didn't understand my pain and because they didn't, I think they were afraid of my pain. It used to make me sad and angry because they didn't reach out. How could they not understand? The passing of time has made me realize that they had never experienced what I had experienced. So how could they possible understand? I am so glad that they do not understand this pain. O how I wish that I did not understand it.

I never thought I would smile again, but I did. And I really never thought that I would laugh again, but I did. And you know what I discovered when I finally did? I discovered that he was in my laugh and he was in my smile and he was still in my life.

I didn't believe that any of these new feelings could possibly happen, but they did, and I am so glad that they crept in without me knowing. I am now at peace with his death, and because of this I remember not only the time that he died, but the time that he lived. And oh how he lived, and oh how wonderful the memories of his life are. Those memories give me back the time that I thought was lost forever.

Death may separate me from his physical self, but time gives me his spirit and his love. I will relish this time that I have with his spirit until I reach that place where he is, where we will meet again, without the constraints of time. I will remember the good times, cherish my peaceful times, and look forward to another time and place. Time was, time is, and time will be again.

Springtime is a time for flowers, a time for birds, a time for rain, a time for love, a time to be born, and a time to die. There is a beginning of life and an end of life, but at the end there is another beginning.

Time is waiting for us all..... somewhere.

© 2011 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


Was yesterday really a few years ago,
Or was yesterday just a few weeks?
Maybe yesterday never existed at all.
But yesterday is the day that we seek.

Is today really here in the present,
Or is today when we said goodbye?
Maybe today has never really arrived.
But today is the day that we cry.

Is tomorrow really tomorrow,
Or is tomorrow years from this pain?
Maybe tomorrow will never come.
But tomorrow is when we'll meet again.

© 2003 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001



I'm not sure when it happened
But I do know that it's real.
Somewhere between then and now
Something changed the way I feel.

I don't cry every single day
But these eyes of mine still cry.
And I don't have a need to ask
That same old question 'why?'

To know he lived a good life
Has given me some peace.
And I've accepted that he died
But his spirit never ceased.

Passing years erased the anger
Of loosing what was mine
By receiving lots of comfort
Knowing that... "it was his time".

The nights have been more gentle.
The dawn has turned to day.
I've finally embraced this pain
That will never go away.

Realizing I can't change things
I have buried all my guilt.
I've forgiven all the others
That didn't know the way I felt.

I've learned to live without him,
Just because I've had no choice.
His pictures bring me happiness
Just like the memory of his voice.

I've heard his laughter in my own
Although I thought I never would.
I've seen his smile in my own smile
Although I thought I never could.

That stabbing pain within my heart
Has turned into a dulling ache.
The breath I used to gasp for
Has quieted to a slower pace.

Those deep dark thoughts that haunted me,
The ones of death and fear and time,
Have found a special place to hide
In the corners of my mind.

I don't know when it happened
But I know I'm glad it did.
I have found the "peace in knowing"
That he died, but that... HE LIVED!

© 2008 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

March 2011, Volume 26 No. 03
Bereavement Publications, Inc.


as performed by Michael Crawford

Where there is time, there is tomorrow
Somewhere in time, all sorrows pass to memory
And the end is the beginning
Somewhere in time, we are as we're meant to be

Where there is time, there is a circle
Somewhere in time, the circle yearns to be complete
Though you may feel this is illusion
Somewhere in time, I know we're certain to meet

Somewhere in time love is forever
A love that's here, a love that's now, to last for all time

Somehow I know this moment's waiting somewhere in time

Where there is time, there is a circle
Somewhere in time, the circle will be complete
Somewhere in time love is forever
A love that's here, a love that's now, to last for all time

Somehow I know this moment's waiting somewhere in time

"Is there any way that I can tell you how my life has changed? Any way at all to let you know what sweetness you have given me? There is so much to say. I cannot find the words. Except for these: I love you".
(From the movie 'Somewhere in Time')

The space between your heart and mine is the space we'll fill with time
~ Dave Matthews


(no more names can be added)







Last Entry in Luke's Journal:

"When there is love in my heart and a smile on my face,
I need nothing else." ~ Luke Ross


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