HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

This page was originally created by Emily as a gift to Robin for Father's Day 2002.
It has since been added to.

Remembering Our Sons & Daughters

With gentle reminders I am blest,
Soft surprises on me are pressed,
As when I, gazing at the moon,
Feel your presence as my guest.

When I hear the cry of a loon,
or catch a brief snatch of a tune
That we once shared some time ago,
You seem so near, I'm not alone.

I sense your breath as breezes blow
and your soft kisses in flakes of snow.
in mists sometimes your form I see
or in the sunsets afterglow.

I often feel you here with me.
Your soul from body now set free
Has the welcome ability
Gentle reminders to bring to me

...From Rachel's Cry

I WANT TO GO HOME

.....by Robin Ross In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

I miss Luke so much, he is my only son.
I want to see him and hold him, I want to have fun.
I love Christine and Emily, more than I can say.
But life, isn't life, since Luke went away.

The pain that I feel no soul should bear.
God can you hear me, I know you must care.
I want to go home, so Luke I could hold.
This world now is always so cold.

I ask God to help, how to survive.
Please, God oh please, make Luke alive.
I want to go home, I scream and I scream.
But, there is only silence, and here I remain.

I want to go home as I lay down at night.
But, then I wake up to see mornings light.
I cannot go before it's my time.
I have to stay here, trapped in my mind.

So until I am called, it's here I must wait,
Looking forward to my walk through the heavenly gate.
This writing is dark as the middle of night,
But not near as dark as what is my life.

So when I am told to have a nice day.
I want to go home I silently pray.
My nice day will happen, I know it will come.
When I see Luke and it's my time to go home.

© 2001 - Robin Ross

A GOOD DAY

.....by Robin Ross In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

It's been nine months, three fourths of a year,
Since my loving son, Luke, was called home from here.
I've tried to endure it the best that I can.
But having Luke leave, I can't understand.

There'll be good days and bad days throughout my life.
Will I know a good day if it comes into sight?
A good day is when the thousand tears on my face
Fall in silence not rage at the emptiness of this place.

A good day is when the deep pain in my heart
Only hurts just short of tearing apart.
A good day is when all my physical strength
Allows me to make it through the day's length.

A good day is when my mind keeps on trying,
Only every other second do I remember Luke dying.
A good day is when this void in my soul
Stays just small enough to act out this role.

A good day is when no pills are needed to sleep
And I quietly drift off with the tears that I weep.
A good day is when I remember Luke's smile
Before I'm dragged back to walk that last mile.

A good day is when I know the pain that I bear
Will last only until I can join Luke there.
There'll be good days and bad days, or so I am told.
Do I long for the good days? To those must I hold?

But what of the days in the space in between?
Are these dark days the essence of my being?
So will I have a good day? Will one ever appear?
I might have had one some time last year.

© 2002 - Robin Ross

LUKE'S DAD

.....by Christine Ross In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Dad, I need tell you something
On this your lonely Father's Day.
There just wasn't time to tell you
These things before I went away.

I just want you to understand,
And I want you to feel better.
So I talked to Mom and told her
What to write within this letter.

First of all I want to say thanks
For loving me unconditionally.
I want you to know that your love
Travels to heaven here with me.

Thank you for cherished times we spent
Skiing and fishing and camping,
Working together, talks at lunch,
And watching life as it happened.

Moments shared, like mountain biking,
And the off road trips in the Jeep.
We really had some good times Dad,
Our captured memories to keep.

You always had that special way
Of making everything such fun.
I'm proud to tell heaven and earth...
"He's my DAD, I'm his lucky SON."

You taught me what was important.
It still resides within my heart.
How to love, how to live, how to....
Be together when we're apart.

It's lessons taught through your sweet love
Instilled by you within my soul,
That make it possible to be
Right there with you as you grow old.

I saw you there the night I died
As you cried alone in my room.
I'm sorry that I had to go
And leave this earth so very soon.

I left you oh so suddenly
And didn't get to say goodbye.
I know that you are struggling.
I know you always question why.

You had so many dreams for me
But always let me be myself.
Because of that I never was
Afraid to ask you for your help.

So Dad, I'm asking for your help.
I need you to understand why.
There's something that you need to know,
Dad... it was just my time to die.

Although we're not together
In the way you thought we'd be.
I need to be within your life
As much as you still need me.

Our relationship is special.
We are close to one another.
You're much more than my loving Dad,
You're my friend and you're my brother.

Thank you for giving me that rose
When you said your final goodbye.
That rose was there within my hand
When I crossed to the other side.

Someday Dad, when your time has come
We'll be together once again.
And as I kneel down by your side
I'll place that same rose in your hand.

Remember that I'm always there
In everything you try to do.
I'm not so very far away.
I'm always watching over you.

So be aware and look for me
And try not to be so sad.
Just know you will forever be...
Lucas Christopher Ross' Dad.

© 2003 - Christine Ross

THE TOUGH GUY

.....by Robin Ross In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

You're a big man & look like a tough guy,
But there's something I don't understand.
I look at you & see you cry,
What's happened to this tough man?

"The tears that you see, I hope you never know."
What causes them to fall?
"This tough guy who will bow to no man,
Something else has made him so small."

"A force that no person should ever face,
Is what brings this tough guy down.
It was having to see my only son LUKE,
His body so cold, His life gone."

Does this happen often, I mean when you cry?
"Oh yes at least every day,
When I realize that LUKE has gone on ahead,
& Here is where I must stay."

Will you ever go back & be that tough guy?
"Of course, I'm tough every second.
To just survive one moment with this pain,
Takes toughness this world cannot measure."

Will it ever end, the pain I mean?
Or will you always be so sad?
"Yes it will end, the day that I hear,
My LUKE say, welcome home Dad."

© 2003 - Robin Ross

FLYING WITHOUT LUKE

.....by Robin Ross In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

I stood in line and waited my turn.
Then boarded and took my place.
"Store your items and get settled in."
"Buckle up so you can be safe."

Will some one sit in the set next to me?
Or maybe I'll sit all alone.
The only one that I wished would sit down
Is LUKE, my only son who's gone.

Where is LUKE, where did he go?
He went on up ahead.
He is also still here and up in the sky,
But they tell me he is dead.

The captain comes on and gives us the rules
And Says that we're ready to go.
"If there's anything I can do to make your flight better
Don't hesitate to let me know."

Yes captain there is one thing
That I'd like for you to do....
Fly me to heaven all the way to the stars
So I can see my only son LUKE.

© 2003 - Robin Ross

THE MUSIC

.....by Robin Ross In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

He felt confused on this crazy earth
With all the things he saw.
He was hoping for an answer to come and find him.
Not knowing what to say or do
And looking for answers from me & you.
Then He heard music in the distance, far behind him.

Luke said I've heard that tune before somewhere
But I can't remember when.
Was it on some other distant shore
Or did I hear it on the wind?
Was it written on the sky above?
I think I heard it from someone I loved
But I never heard it sound so sweet, since then.

He said there's magic in that melody
There's magic in that place.
There's magic in the angel's voice
And the way they dance with grace.
Spirits smilin' everywhere.
Joy & laughter beyond compare.
LUKE knew that it was time to leave this place.

Now LUKE's gone, the cabin's bare.
His old piano's gone somewhere.
LUKE's hat's left, just hanging on the rack.
An empty chair, the wooden floor
That feels the touch of LUKE's feet no more.
Us wishing that our LUKE could come back.

And the guitar leans against LUKE's case
Where all his things have found their place.
The strings are broke and the tune is gone.
The piano's left and makes no song.
But sometimes on October nights
When the air is cold and the wind is right
I can hear LUKE's music, a hello through the night.

© 2005 - Robin Ross

I USED TO CALL YOU DADDY

.....by Christine Ross In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

I used to call you Daddy
Back when I was very small.
I'd ride upon your shoulders,
It would make me feel so tall.

Many years we shared together,
Skiing and camping, and fishing,
Working together, talks at lunch,
All the times that we spent wishing.

Pitch and catch and mountain biking,
Back roads when we went Jeeping,
We had so many good times Dad,
Lots of memories well worth keeping.

I left you for another life.
It was my time to go away.
Just remember that I'm with you
Every minute of every day.

When your time comes to join me
You'll hear me calling out to you......
"Hey friend! Hey Dad! Hey Father!"
And I'll still call you "Daddy", too.

© 2004 - Christine Ross

A FATHER'S DEATH

.....by Robin Ross In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

My life was over
The night that Luke died.
They told me he was dead.
They said I was alive.

They have no idea
Of the lie that they told.
The only difference is
my body is warm and Luke's is so cold.

My dreams and plans
That we have in this place
Flew to heaven that night
With Luke's beautiful face.

Luke's children, my grandchildren,
That never will be
That dream died that night
That was meant to be.

The nieces and nephews
Emily won't know
That dream too left
When Luke had to go.

Holding Luke, Jr.
So close to her chest.
Christine can't realize
That dream was the best.

To watch Luke grow more,
To give all his love,
Can only be felt
From somewhere above.

To be alive
Is to hold things so dear.
It's impossible to do
While I wait way down here.

To meet Luke's wife.
To see his smile do I yearn.
But all I can do
Is kiss his cold urn.

To go to the mountains.
To camp with Luke's son.
That dream too dissolved,
Maybe my favorite one.

To hear once again
As I say "Luke take out the trash",
His beautiful voice
"Sure Dad, I'll get right on that".

To hear just once more
Luke say "Thanks Dad",
I would leave this earth in an instant.
Yet, you say, I'm not dead.

So what are my plans?
Just what do I do?
I only can wait
For Jesus to come for me too.

So I am alive?
I must get on with life?
You see that can't happen
Since that cold April night.

So remember April 3rd,
Two thousand and one,
The night my life ended
There with my son.

© 2004 Robin Ross

ROBIN, LUKE'S DAD

.....by Christine Ross in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

This kind and gentle man is the type of dad that we all dream of having. He never missed a soccer game, or an awards day, or school presentation, or anything for his kids. When his kids were sick, he was there. When his kids were honored, he was there. When his kids just needed their dad, he was there. Working hard and long hours was done only to produce wonderful family vacations and to provide his children with the things they needed or the things that he wanted them to have. But the most important thing he provided for his kids was....LOVE. We were a FAMILY first..... above and beyond anything else. It was understood at his jobs that NOTHING came before his family.

I will never forget that sound of joy that came from deep within his soul as he stood there in the delivery room and first learned that he was the father of a "son". He held his baby so close as his eyes filled with tears. As Luke grew older his dad became his piggy back partner, then his pitch and catch partner, then his mountain biking partner, then his skiing partner, then his real estate partner.

Luke's death literally brought this man to his knees. I watched him as he prayed, kneeling below the window of Luke's room, his eyes once again filled with tears and that sound that came from deep within his soul released, but this time not because of joy, but because of knowing that his son lay dead just beyond that window.

Luke and Robin have that "special" relationship that is created because of a love that is shared. Their love is not an obligated love, but a love that transcends expectation. A love like these two share cannot be separated by the lack of physical presence. They continue to share in each other's spirits on this earth. One day Robin's eyes will fill with tears and that sound from deep within will be released once again because of joy, as his soul and Luke's soul reunite as father and son....... FOREVER on the other side.

© 2005 - Christine Ross

THE SLEEPLESS NIGHT

.....by Christine Ross In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

I woke up early this morning
Just as the sun was beginning to rise.
I reached out for my husband.
He wasn't there, to my surprise.

I arose and went to the window.
On the porch was his shadowy form.
He was probably just reminiscing
In the misty veil of the dawn.

Silently I remained inside
Hidden secretly from his sight.
Allowing him his solitude
Outside in the pale moonlight.

His silhouette took my breath away.
The eerie resemblance of our son
The one that died many years ago
Leaving us grieving and so alone.

Quiet tears began to fill my eyes
With memories of life and joy.
Longing once more for days gone by.
Wishing my husband still had his boy.

I pondered in the stillness
The pain this man should have been spared.
I wanted to go out and hug him
And tell him how much I cared.

I dared not disturb his reverie
Because I know how I cherish mine,
So I waited inside just watching him
As the clock ticked away the time.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder,
A whisper "You can't sleep either hun?"
I turned quickly away from the window.
Standing next to me was my husband.

So I gazed back out the window.
The silhouette I had seen was gone.
Then my husband said "It's okay sweetie,
"He's been out there all night long."

© 2007 - Christine Ross
Published in
LIVING WITH LOSS MAGAZINE
Summer 2007, Volume 22 No. 2
Bereavement Publications, Inc.

FOUR LIVES WERE LOST

.....by Robin Ross In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Yes, LUKE died, oh didn't you hear.
Yes, LUKE died, it's been several years.
Am I OK? Not since that day.
Life ever since is nothing but tears.

How is LUKE'S mom?
Has her pain gone away?
How is LUKE'S sister?
Is she better today?

No, neither cope without LUKE to hold.
I can't explain. There's no end to the pain.
We're all just left here
Waiting to grow old

You see, the day that LUKE died
You can't imagine the cost.
Because on that day
Four lives were lost.

Yes, all four lives ended that day.
One got to go and three had to stay.
It was on April 3rd, 2001.
The only peace that day went to my SON.

© 2007 - Robin Ross

SILHOUETTES OF FATHERHOOD

.....by Christine Ross In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

The silhouettes of fatherhood
From another time and place,
Grief has cast it's shadow
On his cheerful father face.

The contour of his happiness
Created sometime long ago,
Darkened by his agony
And the truth he's come to know.

The profile of his peacefulness
Embraced in days gone bye,
Shaded by his loneliness
And the many tears he's cried.

The shape of all good things to come
Yearned for in future days,
Blackened by reality
Of death that's come his way.

The form of his existence
In the life he thought he'd live,
Clouded by his pleading
That his life he'd gladly give.

The figure of fulfillment
From yesterdays desires,
Obscured by constant mourning
And all that it requires.

The likeness of tomorrow
Won't bring the things it should.
Soon he'll find the light within
The Silhouettes of fatherhood.

© 2007 - Christine Ross

Published in
LIVING WITH LOSS MAGAZINE
Summer 2009, Volume 24 No. 2
Bereavement Publications, Inc.

FATHER'S DAY PLANS

.....by Robin Ross In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

So what are your plans for this Sunday?
To have fun with your boys and girls?
"No, you see, you don't understand,
I no longer live in this world."

You don't live here but I see you.
I don't know what you mean.
"Yes you can see me and hear me I know
But things are not what they seem."

"I live in a place
I hope you won't know.
I was thrown there one night
Not choosing to go."

What is this place? Where can it be?
You look Ok to me.
"It's so far away, so strange a place.
Where pain is your company."

Are you there alone? Are others around?
Can you ever come back to here?
"Yes we're alone, no return is allowed.
All forced to face our fear."

This place where you are,
Is it just in your mind?
Because I can see you
And you appear to be fine.

"I can't explain,
This world that's inside.
I arrived here just after
My son LUKE died."

"I could go on, but it's meaningless to.
You'll never understand what I say.
In my pain and alone I'll spend
What used to be a happy Father's Day."

© 2008 - Robin Ross

DAD, I'M HERE IN HEAVEN

~ by Arlene Gundersen, Danny's Mom

Dad, I'm here in Heaven but my spirit is there with you,
Remembering you on Father's Day, and all the things we used to do.
The love we have between us, is as strong as it could be,
Even death can't change that, all will be okay, you'll see.
I'm sending down my wishes, for a Happy Father's Day,
Know that I am with you each and every day.

Love, Luke

© 2008 - Arlene Gundersen, Danny's Mom

A FATHER'S LONELINESS
I miss you Luke,
Just before dawn arrives
When I awake to another day
And your memory is gently on my mind.

I miss you Luke,
In the early morning sun
When I catch a scent of pine trees
And breath in all the feelings that scent evokes.

I miss you Luke,
In the middle of the day
When I see a dad and his son sharing lunch
And I smile remembering all of our times together.

I miss you Luke,
In the afternoon
When I hear an echo of deep laughter
And I laugh out loud just imagining it is you.

I miss you Luke,
At the beginning of a sunset
When I feel the warmth that it provides
And I can almost feel your hug in that warmth.

I miss you Luke,
At the close of the day
When the stars appear in the night sky
And I wonder how long it will be until I see you again.

I miss you Luke,
In the middle of the night
When I awake from a dream of you
And I long to go back to sleep to dream of you once more.

I miss you Luke,
Just before the dawn
When I awake to another day
And your memory is gently on my mind.

© 2010 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


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