THE NIGHT THE ANGELS CAME
It was just a few weeks before Easter and we had already started planning for our Easter celebration with Emily (Luke's sister) & Luke at our cabin in northern Arizona. At that time we lived in the desert and going to the cool mountains was such a treat. Our cabin had just been completed in the fall, so this would be our first Easter at the cabin. We always had an Easter Egg hunt for Emily and Luke even when they were adults (Luke was 21 and Emily was 23), but of course the eggs contained money as an incentive. We also planned a big meal and some hikes and maybe a game of croquet.
Robin (Luke's Dad) and I left the house early on a Monday morning to take a little trip to the cabin, just 2 hours away. Luke was still sleeping when we left, so I went in his room and gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him goodbye. But he never knew this, because he was sleeping and I never knew that this would be our last goodbye and my final kiss before he left for Heaven.
Luke had told me the day before that he had the sniffles, but none of us thought anything of it. He got up that morning after we left and went off to work and
worked a full day. Luke was working a new job as a real estate leasing agent. He was really excited at work because his new business cards had
come in that day and because he had just closed a big real estate deal.
He called his
sister everyday at 12:30 to say hey and see how she was doing. She always
waited for his call. He called that day too. After work he went home to
shower and change because that night he was meeting his friends at the sports bar
to watch a pro basketball game on TV. He even had a $10 bet on the game.
He called his friend at 7 p.m. to tell him he would be there soon. It was just a very normal day.
Luke never showed up at the sports bar and his friend tried to call him but didn't get an answer. We had also been trying to reach him to see how his day at work went. He never answered the phone at home or his cell phone. We
didn't think much of it because Luke was always forgetting to charge his cell phone and the house had a cordless phone so we just assumed that Luke had also let that battery run down on it too. We never talked to him that night and this was unusual, because we always talked everyday.
We went to bed that night at
the cabin and I had a dream that Luke was dying on the floor of our home. He
was saying "Help me Mom, help me." I woke up, sat straight up in the bed,
looked at the clock, it was 3:30 a.m. I thought, what a terrible nightmare.
I dared not call Luke at 3:30 a.m., he would have thought I had lost my mind.
So the next morning we tried to reach him, but we got no answer, and assumed he
was just sleeping, because he was a very heavy sleeper. Later, still no
answer, and then I KNEW, WITHOUT A DOUBT, THAT LUKE WAS DEAD. I told my
husband, I think Luke is dead. He looked at me and said what's the matter
with you, why would you say such a thing. I said "I don't know, I just know
that Luke is dead." I still don't know why or how I knew, but I KNEW!!!
We started our drive home. In the meantime we asked Emily to go home
to check on him. When she arrived at the house she called and told us the Luke's car was there, so we all knew something terrible was
wrong. She would not go in because she feared the outcome and because I
told her that she shouldn't go in. She called a friend to go in.
found on the floor of his room, having been dead for about 18 hours (the exact time of my dream). There
was no evidence of why he died. He was just dead, leaning up against the
side of his bed, like he was sleeping. There was no sign of a struggle and
he looked as though he died without pain. There were no drugs, no weapons, no
apparent injuries, no blood, or anything to tell us why he had died. After the
coroner left with Luke we turned the house upside down trying to find a
reason why he died. We went through the garbage, through his clothing, through the cabinets, through the refrigerator, and through every possible thing in that house. We FOUND NOTHING, but shattered dreams.
six horrible weeks before we received the autopsy report from the coroners
office that stated "Lucas Christopher Ross died of natural cause on April 3, 2001
from Acute Bronchopneumonia".
Easter arrived, but not before..... the night the angels came.
© 2014 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2002
FOREVER LIVING IN THE PAST
Tears fall and the sweet memories of Luke,
Flood through my consciousness so fast.
Just memories remain so I begin,
FOREVER LIVING IN THE PAST.
Our desperate search for Luke has ended,
He is in his room all alone.
We are speeding along so anxiously,
Trying so hard to get back home.
We seem to move down the road so slowly,
Through the warm and stale April night.
I hear only the hum of tires and stare,
Straight ahead at the red taillights.
The scene grips my soul as we park the car,
Home sweet home as never before,
The eerie shadows of bright flashing lights,
Police tape across the front door.
We want to go inside and see our son,
We're not allowed is what we're told.
We wait forever in the heat outside,
Although the desert seems so cold.
Murmurs and voices are muffled and drift,
Across the still dark desert air.
The hours of endless waiting linger,
As I go to my God in prayer.
I ache in the dark and lonely silence,
As I shed my own private tears.
While in my suffering mind I relive,
All of those fond wonderful years.
I finally enter the house alone,
My footsteps stop cold at his door.
My heart is heavy with sadness and pride,
I want to hold him just once more.
Luke's Dad joins me and together we stand,
Holding on to each otherís clutch.
We can only gaze in dull disbelief,
Because we're not allowed to touch.
Outside his only sister cries: "No Luke!"
As it echoes throughout the night.
I painfully watch the coroners van,
Until it is out of my sight.
We enter our home once again and search,
For answers of what took his life.
Nothing is found but shattered hopes and dreams,
Stabbing through our hearts like a knife.
Somehow morning arrives and seems to move,
At an unexplainable pace.
Suspended we make unbearable plans,
That time will not ever erase.
Oh my God! I just can not believe it,
Twenty-one years old and he's dead.
Numbness absorbs me and everything feels,
So misplaced in my mixed up head.
The autopsy is done and finally,
I touch his soft beautiful skin.
Within my chest is a horrible pain,
Because of the absence of him.
Final good-byes before his cremation,
We give him an eternal kiss.
Once more I ask God to please bring him back,
This is my last and only wish.
But my only wish is never granted,
Once again he's warm in my lap.
He's back home again but only ashes,
Oh when I will wake from this nap.
Family members arrive for his service,
They all come from so far away.
To honor our Lucas Christopher Ross,
On this his everlasting day.
We are gathered with loved ones and flowers,
Within a never yearned for place.
There are hugs and precious words of comfort,
As tears stream down each saddened face.
Now solemnly his friends fill the chapel,
As they each enter one by one.
Words and music then the service concludes,
The emptiness has just begun.
After endless weeks of waiting to know,
We get an answer to our why,
Pneumonia crept in and left him to stay,
All alone in his room to die.
Our little family is not apart,
In some strange unusual way.
We share Luke's imperishable spirit,
Each day after day after day.
Our love, dreams and unfading memories,
Still make us cry and make us laugh.
And the FOUR of us spend a lot of time,
FOREVER LIVING IN THE PAST.
© 2001 - Christine Ross
No Easter basket filled with grass.
No colored Easter eggs.
No laughter on this Easter morn
No happy Easter day.
Just an empty Easter basket
Filled with thoughts and hidden sounds.
Like the colored eggs of yesterday
Waiting to be found.
© 2014 - Christine Ross
2014 EASTER GIFTS FOR LUKE