page 2 of 3
2001 - 2010
First 10 years in Heaven

In memory of
Lucas Christopher Ross
1979 - 2001


I'll have a Blue Christmas without you
I'll be so blue thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green Christmastree
Won't be the same dear if you're not here with me

I'll have a Blue Christmas that's certain
And when that blue heartache starts hurtin'
You'll be doin' all right with your Christmas of white
But I'll have a blue blue Christmas




I find myself wandering, through the mall,
Christmas past, I want to relive,
Tears fall from my eyes, as I gaze upon.....
All the gifts I can never give.

Allured by the scent, of his favorite cologne,
Beckoned by music, from a guitar store,
I needlessly search, for that card "To My Son,
Longing for Christmas with him, just once more.

There are so many things, I would give him,
The warmth of a hug, and a smile.
I would give him that one last, "I love you".
Then we'd sit, and we'd talk for awhile.

I'd give him the strength, to overcome death.
That found haven, in his room.
I would be there, when he needed me most,
Perhaps, he wouldn't leave so soon.

The gift of time, for a long goodbye,
Something I desperately wish, I could do,
I would tell him how deeply, I miss him,
How his absence, makes Christmas so blue.

But the guitar, and hugs can't be given,
Nor time for talks, or long goodbyes,
For my Luke has gone, he'll never return,
He dwells with angels, up in the sky.

So this year, I'll wrap up my memories,
Those of a happier, Christmas lived.
Place them beneath, the Christmas tree with.....
All the gifts I can never give.

2001 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001




'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
My emotions were stirring, no one to arouse.
The stockings were hung from the chimney with care.
One stocking seemed lonely... my child wasn't there.

I was sleepy and nestled all snug in my bed
While visions of angels danced in my head.
I dreamt of the heavenly gifts he'd unwrap,
As I settled my brains for a long Christmas nap.

Since the day that he died my life had been shattered.
There was nothing much left that seemed really to matter.
I dosed off to sleep but awoke to a flash.
"Could this light be my child?" myself I did ask.

I gazed out my window at the new fallen snow.
"What was that light?" I wanted to know!
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a beautiful angel with luminous hair.

This angel was happy so lively and quick.
I knew that my child was no longer sick.
More gently than snowflakes his angel friends came
And he softly and tenderly called them by name.

They all stood before me in the snow and the wind
As I heard in the night the sweet message they send.
They want us to know that they heard our lone call
And they're really okay, not to worry at all.

As prayers that are prayed to heaven on high,
When they meet with a teardrop, mount to the sky.
So up to the clouds the angles they flew.
With a message of love for me and for you.

And then in a twinkling, they returned with their love.
They were dancing and prancing right up above.
Then all of the angels flew to the ground.
One entered my home without making a sound.

He was dressed all in white from his head to his foot.
His clothes were all glowing and he carried a book.
Great feathery wings he had on his back.
As he opened his book I sighed and I gasped.

His eyes how they twinkled his smile was so merry.
His cheeks were like roses but I was so weary.
His light and his touch made my heart overflow.
And his fluttering wings were as white as the snow.

As I stood there and watched him I felt a great peace
And a halo encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a sweet face and a wonderful grin
That beamed when he smiled from his ears to his chin.

His hair was so radiant and appeared to be silk.
I was in awe when I saw him, in spite of myself.
The spark in his eyes and the glow 'round his face,
Soon led me to know he was in a good place.

He spoke not a word but went straight to his work
As he checked off my name in his book... under HURT.
My sorrow and pain he perceived, I suppose,
As he gave me a hug and to the clouds he arose.

He joined his new friends and he gave a soft whistle
And away they all flew as I cried just a little.
But I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight...
"Mom, we're visiting all the sad parents tonight."

2002 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001




What I want for Christmas
I think I know I'll never get.
But I'm gonna ask you anyway
Because I figure....What the Heck!!!!

Please bring back my son to me.
How about for Christmas Eve?
And let me know within my heart
That he'll never ever leave.

But if you can't for Christmas Eve
How about for Christmas Day?
Have him waiting by the tree
Early morn as I awake.

I know the gifts you usually bring
Are toys, and clothes, and such.
But please bring me this Christmas gift.
This gift I need so very much.

But wait.... before you do that
You will need to ask my son
If he wants to leave behind
His wonderful heavenly home.

He has found a special place
Where he never has to hurt.
The only thing about this place...
It's too far away from earth.

I know you've probably met him
And I'm sure he's doing great
There with all the angels.
There beyond that gate.

So on second thought I ask
Not to bring him home to me.
It's not fair to ease my pain
By taking his eternity.

But can't we go to where he is
And travel far beyond the moon?
I'll hitch a ride upon your sleigh.
I won't take up too much room.

We'll soar the stars and galaxies.
Then soar above the sky.
I wonder if they'll let me in
Even though I didn't die?

Oh gosh,.... another problem!
I can't yet be with my son
Even if you take me there
... my time here isn't done.

All the things I really want
I know I just can't have.
So I'll hold on to the memories
Of his face, his love, his laugh.

What I want for Christmas
Is what I know I'll never get.
But I thought I'd ask you anyway
Because I figured.... What the heck!!

2003 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001




It's Christmas Eve and I'm lonely,
Remembering you tonight.
Precious memories make me smile,
But this pain within I fight.

I wish I could play Santa Claus,
Just one more time for fun.
And watch you open presents,
But your life is over and done.

I know you are the one that died,
But I also died... someway,
And so did every Christmas Eve,
And every special holiday.

We have no Christmas tree with lights,
And we have no jingle bells,
We only have this loneliness,
Not dead... but a living hell.

I'll still wait for you tonight,
To walk tall through that front door,
And brush the snow off of your coat,
And we'll have Christmas Eve once more.

2004 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001




The silence of Christmas morning,
Echoes through my lonely soul.
No laughter or excitement,
Just the sound of growing old.

Growing old without my son,
No more light upon my face.
Oh how I miss Christmas morning,
In this abandoned... silent place.

I have memories of the laughter,
And the whispering joy within,
From noisy Christmas mornings,
But the memories have an end.

His sweet life was quietly hushed,
When he left us without warning.
This one memory will always bring,
The silence of Christmas morning.

2004 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001




We're all like Christmas presents
Underneath the Christmas tree.
Waiting to be opened.
Waiting finally to be free.

The Christmas tree is heaven
Where unwrapped presents go.
The ornaments are angels
Watching over us below.

The star atop the Christmas tree
Is the one who made it all.
The one who unwraps presents
And gives that final call.

But some are unwrapped way too soon
Their paper ripped and torn.
They leave behind an empty box
While other presents morn.

The presents beg the star above
To fill the box that was unwrapped.
The star reminds the presents....
"I'ts just the box that they now lack."

"Just look above into the tree
And see their brilliant shine.
These ornaments can't be broken.
You'll see them when it's time."

The presents somehow understand....
The ornaments are finally home.
They've earned their place upon the tree.
In the empty box they don't belong.

If not for Christmas ornaments,
If not for the star above.
The presents would have nowhere
To feel the ornaments love.

So we'll remain beneath the tree
Until we're unwrapped by the star.
And leave behind our empty box
To go where the ornaments are.

So when you see a Christmas tree.
Think of all it represents.
Heaven, Angels, God above
And those who wait beneath the branch.

The Christmas tree is heaven
And the presents are those below
And the ornaments are our angels
And the star is the one who knows.

2006 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001




I wonder if you heard it?
Did you listen really well?
It's in every Christmas carol
And in every Christmas bell.

There is a sweet familiar voice.
It's one you'll recognize.
The one you've longed to hear again.
Just concentrate and close your eyes.

I wonder if you smelled it?
Did you inhale really deep?
It's in every Christmas fragrance
And in every Christmas tree.

There is a sweet familiar scent.
It's one you'll recognize.
The one you've longed to breathe again.
Just concentrate and close your eyes.

I wonder if you tasted it?
Did it linger on your lips?
It's in every Christmas candy
And in every Christmas sip.

There is a sweet familiar taste.
It's one you'll recognize.
The one you've longed to kiss again.
Just concentrate and close your eyes.

I wonder if you felt it?
Did it brush you close enough?
It's in every Christmas teardrop
And in every Christmas hug.

There is a sweet familiar touch.
It's one you'll recognize.
The one you've longed to hold again.
Just concentrate and close your eyes.

I wonder if you saw it?
Did you look at it tonight?
It's in every Christmas candle
And in every Christmas light.

There is a sweet familiar face.
It's one you'll recognize.
The one you've longed to see again.
Just concentrate... with opened eyes.

2007 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001





She stood alone at the window
Just staring out through the glass.
It was early Christmas morning.
She waiting for time to pass.

The house was quite and lonely.
Everyone else was sound to sleep.
I wondered what she was thinking
As her sad eyes began to weep.

A faint light in the distance
Shone down on the window pane
Casting a soft reflection of her
In the room where I quietly remained.

I stood back in the darkness
Hiding as I was looking on
Wanting to reach out and hold her
To let her know she wasn't alone.

She must have sensed that I was there
Because she slowly turned around.
But just as she did I stepped aside
Not making the slightest sound.

She whispered my name into the night
So I decided to whisper too.....
"Emily, I'm right by your side,
I'm your special angel Luke"

2007 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001




I took a walk on Christmas day
In the cool crisp winter air.
The trees bowed down before me
And they whispered in my ear.

"Walk lightly on the pathway.
Tip-toe quietly as you go.
Remember all the days gone by
Of the life you used to know"

Along the path were Christmas trees
And stars and angel wings,
Toys for little children
But no children could be seen.

Bright red bows and Christmas wreaths
And flowers all around,
Big brass horns and jingle bells
Although they made no sound.

Manger scenes and ornaments
And little twinkle lights,
Santa Clause and reindeer,
That didn't come last night.

Decorations everywhere,
It was Christmas at this place.
All was well until I felt
A teardrop on my face.

I walked lightly on the pathway.
I tip-toed quietly as I prayed.
Then I looked down and saw it...
His name upon his grave.

"It's Christmas", whispered all the trees
To the graveyard names below.
.And I remembered days gone by
Of the life I used to know.

2007 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001
Winter 2009, Volume 24 No. 4
Bereavement Publications, Inc.




The rocking horse is put away.
The tricycle stands alone.
The little winter coats and hats
Have all become un-sewn.

The bicycle is in the shed.
The car is covered with a tarp.
The Christmas tree and ornaments
Are in the corner in the dark.

The games are in the closet.
The cell phone receives no calls.
The patchwork Christmas stocking
Hangs empty on the wall.

The guitar plays no music.
The new clothes are getting old.
The toys are all upon the shelf
With stories left untold.

The sled is covered up with snow.
The skis rest behind the door.
The gloves that used to warm those hands
Will warm those hands no more.

The candle's burning brightly.
The little tree has twinkle lights.
The urn rests there between them both
On this lonely Christmas night.

2007 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001



2001 - 2010

2011 - PRESENT



Last Entry in Luke's Journal:

"When there is love in my heart and a smile on my face,
I need nothing else." ~ Luke Ross


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