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BringerOfLight

2012

BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTERS



2012
Bringer of Light newsletter






Welcome to the

BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

DAYS LONG AGO

When our baby boy, Luke, was born on Halloween in 1979..... it was snowing. I remember that day as clear as if it were yesterday, but it was many, many years ago. I held my little boy close to me and I felt his warmth. I pulled him close and kissed his sweet little cheek. I cried when I held him knowing that he finally made his way to me. He had come so far to finally find his way home. That first winter of his life is a memory that I will never forget. I would stand at the window with my baby boy in my arms and my little girl by my side and just watch as the snow floated down from Heaven to find its way to us in that sleepy little town in Idaho.

When our grown boy made his way to our little cabin in the woods..... it was snowing. He came through the front door brushing the newly fallen snow from his coat, I held him close to me and felt his warmth. I had to tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. That night when everyone had fallen to sleep, I cried silently in my bed knowing that he had safely made his way to me. That last winter of his life is a memory that I will never forget. I stood at the window the next morning as he left and just watched as the snow floated down from Heaven to find its way to us at that little cabin in the mountains in Arizona.

It was twenty-one years between that first and last winter. It is now the winter of 2012. Eleven years have passed since Luke's very last winter. Were those days long ago? Should those days be forgotten? In reality they were very long ago, but those days long ago will never be forgotten. In my mind I can visit those days from the past, and all the time between then and now somehow disappears. I know that the future holds for me the reality of those days long ago. I have far to go, but when I finally find my way home, I will hold him close and feel his warmth. I will kiss him on the cheek, and we will stand together and watch the snow gently float down from Heaven to the earth below and days long ago will be no more.

© 2011 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001




PICTURES IN THE SNOW

I stared out through the window
With my baby in my arms,
Singing "rock-a-bye to sleep",
Dreaming of the things to come

Street lights were shining dimly,
Halfway veiled by falling snow.
The lamps in neighbors windows
Gave a soft and shadowed glow.

Cars moved slowly, almost silent;
On their homeward way they'ed go.
Sitting there in early twilight,
I saw pictures in the snow.

The years moved on so swiftly
Things changed with passing time
These arms that held that baby
No longer hold what's mine.

More souls have journeyed onward
Casting shadows on my face.
Somewhere beyond the twilight
In that quiet and peaceful place.

Some say the hour is darkest
Just before the dawn appears.
I'm still waiting in the twilight
But my eyes are full of tears.

This loneliness surrounds me
And things sometimes look so grim.
And the hope for life that's better
Often looks so very dim.

Footprints out on the walkway.
Snow will fill them very soon.
Far away in time and distance
I hear that old familiar tune.

Spring birds will soon be singing
And flowers blooming all around.
But as I stand here in the shadows
Snow still covers up the ground.

Waiting in the twilight dreaming
Of the ones I used to know.
I can almost see their faces
Among those pictures in the snow.

© 1979 - Christine Ross..... revised - © 2009
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your.....
BRINGER OF LIGHT.

AULD LANG SYNE

'Auld Lang Syne' is a poem written by Robert Burns in 1788 and set to the tune of a traditional Scottish folk song. It is well known in many countries, especially in the English-speaking world; its traditional use being to celebrate the start of the New Year at the stroke of midnight. It is also sung at funerals, inaugurations, graduations, weddings, and coronations and as a farewell or ending to other occasions.

The song's Scots title may be translated into English literally as 'old long since', 'long long ago', 'days gone by' or 'old times'. Consequently, 'For auld lang syne', as it appears in the first line of the chorus, is loosely translated as 'for (the sake of) old times'.

Singing the song on New Year's Eve very quickly became a Scots custom that soon spread to other parts of the British Isles. As Scots (not to mention English, Welsh and Irish people) emigrated around the world, they took the song with them.

Canadian band leader Guy Lombardo is often credited with popularising the use of the song at New Year's celebrations in America, through his annual broadcasts on radio and television, beginning in 1929. The song became his trademark.

The song begins by posing a question as to whether it is right that old times be forgotten, and is generally interpreted as a call to remember days of long ago. It has also been misinterpreted as a statement rather than a question. With this misinterpretation it is perceived that times and people of long ago should be forgotten. But, the opposite meaning is the intended meaning.... Old days, old times, and people from the past should never be forgotten. The other verses also convey the same meaning and that we should have a toast to those days of long ago, and that we have had many experiences in life with those that are now gone and far away from us, but we will take each other's hand to help each other along the way and to remember the those days of long ago.

sources: Wikipedia & SongFacts.com



The English translation is represented by stars ** and parenthesis ( ).

AULD LANG SYNE

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and days of auld lang syne?

**(Should old acquaintances be forgotten
And never be remembered?
Should old acquaintances be forgotten
and days long ago?)**



For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne

**(For days long ago, my dear,
For days long ago
We'll drink a cup of kindness yet
For days long ago!)**



And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp
and surely I’ll be mine
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

**(And surely you'll have your pint tankard
And surely I'll have mine.
And we'll drink a cup of kindness yet
For days long ago.)**



We twa hae run aboot the braes
And pou'd the gowans fine;
we've wander'd mony a weary foot
Sin' auld lang syne

**(We two have run about the hills
And pulled the daisies fine
But we've wandered many a weary mile
Since the days long ago.)**



We two hae paidled i' the burn,
Frae mornin' sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roar'd
Sin' auld lang syne

**(We two have paddled in the stream
From morning sun till dinner-time
But the broad seas have roared between us
Since the days long ago.)**



And here's a hand, my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne

**(And here's my hand, my trusty friend,
And give me your hand too,
And we will take an excellent good-will drink
For the days of long ago.) **



Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and days of auld lang syne?

**(Should old acquaintances be forgotten
And never be remembered?
Should old acquaintances be forgotten
and days long ago?)**



For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne

**(For days long ago, my dear,
For days long ago
We'll drink a cup of kindness yet
For days long ago!)**

~ Music is a Scottish folk song
~ Lyrics by Robert Burns







ANNIVERSARY AND BIRTHDAY
DEDICATIONS

This month's Bringer of Light Newsletter is dedicated to the memory of:


DANIEL SCOTT FORRESTER

30 years, 2/28/70 - 1/10/2001, non-hodgkins lymphoma

"Danny - how is it possible that you are gone from our sight for 11 long years. Some days it seems like just a short while ago, you were here with us, yet on other days, it seems like forever. Oh, how I long to hug you and feel your strong arms around me. How I long to see that smile of yours. And how I long to hear your voice saying..."Love you Mom". Danny, my heart is always with you as I know yours is always with me. Yes, the heart does go on and on. Love Never Dies. I love you forever...my sweet boy"
~ Mom (Arlene Gundersen)


Airman 1st Class Scott M. Schroeder

20 years, Jan 5, 1974 - June 16, 1994, Military Accident

"Happy Birthday, Son! You are in our thoughts everyday and we miss you immensley. You have shown us that you are with us and it means so much to know that. Every time we see a C130 plane we know you are sending a message. We are so looking forward to seeing you in the future. We are proud of you and proud to be your parents. We Love You!!! Always in Our Hearts"
~ Mom & Dad (Tony & Nancy Schroeder)


Troy Alan Mitzlaff

37 years, 1/27/71-12/14/2008, suicide

"Dear Troy, I will be spending our birthday without you today. I think of you always. It's been three years and I miss you and love you so much."
~ Love, Mom


Brandon James Peterson

18 years, 1/16/89-07/11/07, suicide

"When i think about Brandon n his friend Levi this makes me laugh. they were suppose to take there shoes off at the door one day they just went into the kitchen with them on. i waited til they got in there n then said did youse take your shoes off at the door. they both dropped to there knees n crawled with there feet in the air to the porch n then took their shoes off."
~ Sherry (Brandon's mom)


Daniel Joseph Quinn

21 years, 1/1/87 - 12/16/08

"You are my Angel and your memory will always live on. Keep "Doin' Big Thangs" Danny. "Peace Out."
~ Love, Mom (Mary Jo Landers)


Shannon David Burns

33 years old, 1/2/1976 to 10/30/2009, blunt force trauma to the head

"We miss our son with every breath we take and are truly blessed to have had him in our lives for 33 years."
~ Christine (Shannon's Mom)




QUOTES:

"They shall not grow old as we that are left grow old. Age shall not weary them nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning we will remember them."
~ Laurence Binyon (For The Fallen)

"Remembrance of things past."
~ William Shakespeare






LETTERS TO HEAVEN:

IN MEMORY OF: Daniel Joseph Quinn
21 years, 1/1/87 - 12/16/08
WRITTEN BY: Mary Jo Landers

January 1st - New Years Day you will be 25 years old. I remember the day you were born. The best way to ring in the New Year. Holding my special son Daniel. You were the 1st baby born at Plantation General Hospital in Plantation, Florida and the 4th baby born in Broward County. The joy you brought all of us is way beyond words can describe. Although you left us 3 years ago, this will be your 4th Birthday in Heaven. You left us 2 weeks shy of your 22nd Birthday. New Years Day will never be the same. We still celebrate your Birthday, the only problem is you are not here to blow out the candles or for me to give you a big Birthday hug and kiss. I remember how you couldn't wait to turn 21 and now you are 25. I often think what would you be doing now. You would be on your way to finishing your Doctorate, perhaps in a relationship with one of the many girls that adored you. Would you still be living in Orlando? Driving a new car? All these things may seem insignificant to others but are important to me. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, talk to you and wish I could see you again. The void in my heart is still there and I ache to hear your laugh. Just want to wish you a very Happy Birthday in Heaven. When I get to see you again, we have alot of celebrating to do. You are my Angel and your memory will always live on. Keep "Doin' Big Thangs" Danny. "Peace Out."

Love, Mom




LIFE STORIES:

IN MEMORY OF: Bryan Esposito
20 years, 5/13/79- 2/11/00, unknown
WRITTEN BY: BRYANS MOM

THERE ARE SO MANY STORIES I COULD TELL ABOUT BRYAN, BUT I WANTED ONE THAT WOULD ALLOW OTHERS TO KNOW HIM.

BRYAN WAS A PRIVATE PERSON, THERE WHERE MANY STORIES I HEARD ABOUT HIM AFTER HIS UNTIMELY DEATH. AS HIS MOM I THOUGHT I KNEW MY SON. I WAS AMAZED , BUT NOT REALLY TO HEAR THAT MY SON WAS HIDING AND TAKING CARE OF A HOMELESS BOY. I ALWAYS KNEW HE WAS A THOUGHTFUL AND SENSITIVE PERSON, BUT TO FIND OUT THAT HE WAS BRINGING HOME AND CARING FOR A LOST BOY, I WAS OVERWHELMED, AND PROUD. MY SON WAS SHARING HIS ALL WITH SOMEONE HE HAD MET DURING A SNOW STORM. SUPPOSINGLY BRYAN WAS LEAVING WORK EARLY, DUR TO THE WEATHER. AS HE WAS EXITING THE MALL HE SAW SOMEONE WALKING TOWARD THE MALL. THIS SEEMED AWKWARD SO BRYAN STOPPED AND PICKED UP THE BOY. SHADOW WHICH BRYAN NAMED HIM, WAS LIVING IN MY HOME, UNKNOWN TO ME, FOR SOMETIME.

I AM PLEASED KNOWING THAT BRYAN DID SOMETHING SO KIND, AND AT TIMES IT COMFORTS ME REALIZING THAT, THAT WAS PART OF BRYANS JOURNEY.





POETRY:



IN MEMORY OF: Shannon David Burns
33 years old, 1/2/1976 to 10/30/2009, blunt force trauma to the head
WRITTEN BY: Christine (Shannon's Mom)

FOR JUST A LITTLE WHILE

The day you were born you brought us such joy
a tiny and beautiful little boy
sideburns, tiny fingers and toes
you captured our hearts for all the world to know


Bamps was afraid to hold you when we brought you home
yet I held you in my arms and never left you alone
up all night with bottles to warm
with little to no sleep come early morn


we watched you take your very first steps
you were so proud of yourself and yet
those memories linger in m y mind
we were so blessed to have you for this very short time


years came and went and time moved on
you started school, I took pictures on the front lawn
you loved to watch TV every chance you had
when you were so small you were never bad


you were the oldest of our three kids
they looked up to you in all they did
your brother and you never saw eye to eye
yet he'll love you dearly till the day he dies


the pranks the jokes and things I don't wish to know
were the happy times while you were trying to grow
I look back and cherish each precious memory
and so glad you got to share them with me


I miss those times when you were so small
yet you grew into a young man so fine and tall
you heart was filled with love and lined with gold
I'm sad you never got the chance to grow old


your smiles, your hugs and afternoon calls
will stay forever in my heart and sometimes make me bawl
but I know your in a very happy place
In my dreams I've seen that special smile on your face.


I miss you and love you my precious son
I'll hold you close in my heart till the day is done
please remember while looking down from up above
you filled our hearts with so much love

I Love you Shannon..................Love Mom

IN MEMORY OF: Judi Rebecca Archuleta
31 years, 06/19/1977-7/22/2008, Overdose (suicide)
WRITTEN BY: Rita Applegate

To My Becky Boo

In my mind you are with me still
You will always be my child
my heart my soul
Wind chimes become your laughter
and I see your smile in the bright sunshine
Your beauty is in every colorful spring flower
and the rainfall becomes your tears
I feel you all around me
you will always be with me
Not even the passing of time
can change my love for you
I miss you boo

Love Mom




SIGNS:







IN MEMORY OF: Geoffrey Philip James Edwards
~ 18 years ~ 22 May 2002 ~ heroin overdose, first time use
WRITTEN BY: Karen Lyn Jenkins

This is a story about a huge sign from my Geoff. It happened soon after Geoff died and I was so desperately grieving and in the midst of such pain and agony. I begged him for a sign to let me know how he was doing. Now I had a huge antique mirror hanging over my dressing table (from the 40's very much like my mom's mirrors). I went to sleep that night with the help of some sleeping medication. Around 6:00 AM, I was roused awake by the thundering crash of the mirror coming down off the wall. Now it had been hanging there for about 10 years with no problem. I just had to know it was a sign from Geoff because he always thought his mother was a little "thick" and would need something big to let her know he was okay. I knew it was from Geoff. These days smaller signs come to me and I recognize them as being from Geoff. It is a great comfort and pleasure to know that he still knows I need his signs. I just think, as I look back on the mirror incident, that he really got my attention big-time. He was there and always would be with me. He just had to make sure I listened. Again, I still receive signs albeit smaller ones because I listened with the mirror and knew what now to look for. Blessings to you, Angel Luke and your family.

Karen Lyn Jenkins
Mom to Angel Geoffrey Philip James Edwards
"..I love you so, twas Heaven here with you."




SPECIAL MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: DANIEL SCOTT FORRESTER
30 years, 2/28/70 ~ 1/10/2001, non-hodgkins lymphoma
WRITTEN BY: MOM (Arlene Gundersen)

We took Danny home from the N.Y.U. Hospital the day after Christmas, 2000. We could not get ambulance service for Christmas Day, so the whole family spent Christmas Day at the hospital with Dan. The doctor said Danny was close to dying and we should not try to move him because he may not withstand the trip. I promised Danny, that when the time came, I would bring him home. His wish was to die at home. So, the next day, the ambulance came and we took the 1 1/2 hour drive home. Meanwhile, my husband and children got Danny's room ready for him. They took out his antique sleigh bed and had a hospital bed brought in. Because it was the holidays, it was difficult to get any help so we all agreed to take care of Danny together. We got home and Danny looked around and said "Where are we"..... "Danny - you're HOME". Who else would paint their wall gold" (although it looked like Guilden's Spicy Brown mustard color. He smiled. He closed his eyes and slept. I slept each night next to him....on a small couch next to the bed. He rallied !!! Each day was a bonus.....we watched TV (He loved the Nanny with Fran Drecher)... it made him laugh. When he became tired.....I would talk to him or put on soft music. The boys helped me when he had to be turned. We finally got hospice care and someone would come in each morning to help with personal care. No more medication aside from pain killers. His sisters and the little kids came to visit. His friends came, each one of them knowing this would be the last time they would see their dear friend. On New Year's Eve, the boys carried their brother into the living room to watch the New Year's Eve festivities in his beloved New York. But he fell asleep before the New Year came in. I sat on the couch watching him, crying my tears, fully knowing this would be his last New Year's Eve on this earth. He would soon be with his Lord in Heaven where there was no New Year's.....just eternal peace. He stayed with us for 10 more days. The whole family surrounded Danny as he dimmed the lights of this world from his eyes and began his journey to the Heaven's. We wished him "God Speed" as he took his final breaths.

Christmas and New Year's will always carry the sadness of losing Danny. But I have the comfort, knowing that Jesus, in His infinite Mercy, took Danny home where he was finally at peace. When we celebrate the New Year.....I look to the sky and think of my son...in Heaven with so many of the family and his treasured friends and I know that one day - very soon - I will be joining him. What a celebration it will be.

Peace to you my precious boy.



IN MEMORY OF: Dennis Christopher Tucker
26 years, 1960-1986, accident
WRITTEN BY: Dolores Tucker

There are so many stories about my son Dennis who seemed to be always there for me and family. Sadly, I wasn't there for him when he needed someone the most. Dennis was skilled and gifted in so many ways. It seems he could figure out anything: how to build speakers, doing mechanical work on his cars, playing in musicals, helping his fellow-man. One surprise to me was when he installed an electric garage door opener as a Mother's Day gift in May of one year. I had gone on an overnight trip with a lady friend of mine, and upon my return, he had bought and installed the motor, etc. on his own. I wondered how he managed to support the motor in climbing onto the ladder without any help. He was one to do so much for others. I miss him so much and realize what a treasure I had. God bless him. He is in my heart always. He was my gift in life.



IN MEMORY OF: Joseph Chretien Jr. (Joey)
25 years, January 9, 1969 - June 29, 1994, Heroin OD
WRITTEN BY: Joey's Mom: Joyce A. Eastwood Chretien Freitas

Good Memories

When Joey was about 8 years old he and his sister Lisa attended a day camp during the summer for a few weeks each because I worked the night shift.

About mid week the first week I received a call from one of the male counselors. It seems that Joey had gotten into a bad fight and had to be punished according to camp rules. The councelor wanted me to know what happened and that although they had to punish Joey along with the actual perpertrator that all the staff were very proud of Joey.

It seems that Joey had gotten friendly with a young boy that no one else wanted to play with because he was disabled and much slower than the other children mentally and physically.

That day an older boy of 12 started to pick on Joey's friend unmercifully and then started to puch and shove him causing him to fall. I'm told Joey lunged at the offending older boy and beat the crap out of him although he was much younger and smaller than the older boy. The 12 year old ended up bruised, bleeding & crying "Uncle". This bully never returned to camp by the way.

Joey's young friend wore braces and had CP so he was unable to defend himself.

I was so proud of Joey that day and many other days too. He was always more than willing to protect anyone who needed it.

He was my "Little Hero".






DREAMS:



IN MEMORY OF: Shannon David Burns
33 years old, 1/2/1976 to 10/30/2009, blunt force trauma to the head
WRITTEN BY: Christine (Shannon's Mom)

I would like to share with everyone a very special gift my son gave me several months after his sudden death. He fell and hit his head at work one afternoon, went about his normal day, went to bed and never woke up. We never got to say good-bye and the hurt of not having him with us is unbearable at times. But the following dream is one I will treasure forever.

I awoke one night around 2:00am to go the bathroom. After climbing back in bed and trying to drift back off to sleep, I thought I heard foot steps as if someone was walking across my kitchen floor in work boots that were not tied. (Shannon always wore his boots that way). I thought I had better get up and check to see who was there. The next thing I knew I was standing in the doorway to my dining room and over by the windows was this large gray mist. It had no shape or form but I knew in an instant it was Shannon.

I statred to talk to him and ask questions. It went something like this:

Oh Shan, are you ok. We miss you so much

yes

I talk to you every day, can you hear me

yes

Can your son William see you, I feel like he does at times

yes

Are you always with him

yes

Are you always with us

yes

Your brother struggles so much, he misses you and truly loves you

I know

Your sister struggles as well and so does Nolan & Connor

I know

Janice is so good and lets us have William whenever we want. We are so fortunate

I know

Shannon, if we move, will you know where I am

yes

I miss you so much Shan

I know. I have to go now

I love you Shannon

I love you Mom!

I don't know if this was real or a dream. All I can tell you is it was very real to me. I woke up sobbing. My husband thought I was talking in my sleep. I told him I was having a conversation with Shannon. We both cried and held each other.

It was 2 years Oct 30th and it just doesn't seem to get much easier. Last Sunday the whole family started a tradition where we all had a balloon and wrote a message on them to Shannon. We all went out on the front lawn and let them go up to heaven. Even the children were so intent on watching how long they could see their balloons go to heaven .

When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure to hold deep in your hearts.

We miss our son with every breath we take and are truly blessed to have had him in our lives for 33 years.

IN MEMORY OF: Judi Rebecca Archuleta
31 years, 6/19/1977-7/22/2008, Overdose (suicide)
WRITTEN BY: Rita Applegate

Not long after my Becky's suicide I could not stand the pain of being left behind and I overdosed in hopes I could join my daughter my Boo.. I was found when my husband came home from work and taken to the ER there my family was told I may not make it and to say goodbye to me. But, I did survive and when I came back home in the very early hours as the sun was coming up the sky was a bright pink and purple and I thought to myself how beautiful it was and maybe it was some kind of sign since Becky's favorite color was purple. I talked to her and asked her to please send me a sign anything to let me know she was no longer in pain I could not go on living not knowing. For the first time since her death I dreamt of her. She came walking towards me and I held my hand out to her my throat was burning I could not speak I was silently crying. She said Mom Im ok its ok as I touched her and ran my fingers through her beautiful long dark hair I could only say "my Boo ..my baby" she told me that she could not stay and only came to tell me she was'nt in any pain anymore and to not to cry she was in a happy place now. I watched her walk away until she just disappered in cloud of mist..I woke up with my throat still burning from crying but, with a sense of peace because now I knew my baby was not suffering she just fell asleep and the angels came for her. I will miss her everyday for the rest of my life but, I know she walks with the Lord and sometimes I can feel her smiling down at me....until I join you my boo...






HUMOROUS MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Christopher Neil Thomas
16 years, 9/12/89- 11-19-89, blunt trama to the head and internal injuries from a car accident.
WRITTEN BY: Patsy

Christopher was a big football player for his high school and one college was already filming him. In Ms we have 2 Universies that are rival. Now Christopher was for Ole Miss and I for Miss State. He ask me one day and said "Mama what are going to do when I play for Ole Miss?" I said "well son if your on that field with a rebel uniform on I will be the biggest ole miss fan in the stands." Then with that wonderful smile he had and such a sence of humor he said " what are you going to do when we play state?" Well my answer was the same because if he's on the field with a ole miss uniform on I'm gonna be the biggest ole miss fan in the stands, BUT my heart will be with state. He just smiled and said " oh mama that's just wrong." He looked so forward to making me be an ole miss fan. Unfortunatley he never got the chance to play for ole miss. Me? Well I'm still a die hard State fan. I love you Christopher and miss you dearly. Love forever,
Mama
Patsy






LETTERS TO HEAVEN:

IN MEMORY OF: Daniel Joseph Quinn
21 years, 1/1/87 - 12/16/08
WRITTEN BY: Mary Jo Landers

January 1st - New Years Day you will be 25 years old. I remember the day you were born. The best way to ring in the New Year. Holding my special son Daniel. You were the 1st baby born at Plantation General Hospital in Plantation, Florida and the 4th baby born in Broward County. The joy you brought all of us is way beyond words can describe. Although you left us 3 years ago, this will be your 4th Birthday in Heaven. You left us 2 weeks shy of your 22nd Birthday. New Years Day will never be the same. We still celebrate your Birthday, the only problem is you are not here to blow out the candles or for me to give you a big Birthday hug and kiss. I remember how you couldn't wait to turn 21 and now you are 25. I often think what would you be doing now. You would be on your way to finishing your Doctorate, perhaps in a relationship with one of the many girls that adored you. Would you still be living in Orlando? Driving a new car? All these things may seem insignificant to others but are important to me. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, talk to you and wish I could see you again. The void in my heart is still there and I ache to hear your laugh. Just want to wish you a very Happy Birthday in Heaven. When I get to see you again, we have alot of celebrating to do. You are my Angel and your memory will always live on. Keep "Doin' Big Thangs" Danny. "Peace Out."

Love, Mom




LIFE STORIES:

IN MEMORY OF: Bryan Esposito
20 years, 5/13/79- 2/11/00, unknown
WRITTEN BY: BRYANS MOM

THERE ARE SO MANY STORIES I COULD TELL ABOUT BRYAN, BUT I WANTED ONE THAT WOULD ALLOW OTHERS TO KNOW HIM.

BRYAN WAS A PRIVATE PERSON, THERE WHERE MANY STORIES I HEARD ABOUT HIM AFTER HIS UNTIMELY DEATH. AS HIS MOM I THOUGHT I KNEW MY SON. I WAS AMAZED , BUT NOT REALLY TO HEAR THAT MY SON WAS HIDING AND TAKING CARE OF A HOMELESS BOY. I ALWAYS KNEW HE WAS A THOUGHTFUL AND SENSITIVE PERSON, BUT TO FIND OUT THAT HE WAS BRINGING HOME AND CARING FOR A LOST BOY, I WAS OVERWHELMED, AND PROUD. MY SON WAS SHARING HIS ALL WITH SOMEONE HE HAD MET DURING A SNOW STORM. SUPPOSINGLY BRYAN WAS LEAVING WORK EARLY, DUR TO THE WEATHER. AS HE WAS EXITING THE MALL HE SAW SOMEONE WALKING TOWARD THE MALL. THIS SEEMED AWKWARD SO BRYAN STOPPED AND PICKED UP THE BOY. SHADOW WHICH BRYAN NAMED HIM, WAS LIVING IN MY HOME, UNKNOWN TO ME, FOR SOMETIME.

I AM PLEASED KNOWING THAT BRYAN DID SOMETHING SO KIND, AND AT TIMES IT COMFORTS ME REALIZING THAT, THAT WAS PART OF BRYANS JOURNEY.





POETRY:



IN MEMORY OF: Shannon David Burns
33 years old, 1/2/1976 to 10/30/2009, blunt force trauma to the head
WRITTEN BY: Christine (Shannon's Mom)

FOR JUST A LITTLE WHILE

The day you were born you brought us such joy
a tiny and beautiful little boy
sideburns, tiny fingers and toes
you captured our hearts for all the world to know


Bamps was afraid to hold you when we brought you home
yet I held you in my arms and never left you alone
up all night with bottles to warm
with little to no sleep come early morn


we watched you take your very first steps
you were so proud of yourself and yet
those memories linger in m y mind
we were so blessed to have you for this very short time


years came and went and time moved on
you started school, I took pictures on the front lawn
you loved to watch TV every chance you had
when you were so small you were never bad


you were the oldest of our three kids
they looked up to you in all they did
your brother and you never saw eye to eye
yet he'll love you dearly till the day he dies


the pranks the jokes and things I don't wish to know
were the happy times while you were trying to grow
I look back and cherish each precious memory
and so glad you got to share them with me


I miss those times when you were so small
yet you grew into a young man so fine and tall
you heart was filled with love and lined with gold
I'm sad you never got the chance to grow old


your smiles, your hugs and afternoon calls
will stay forever in my heart and sometimes make me bawl
but I know your in a very happy place
In my dreams I've seen that special smile on your face.


I miss you and love you my precious son
I'll hold you close in my heart till the day is done
please remember while looking down from up above
you filled our hearts with so much love

I Love you Shannon..................Love Mom

IN MEMORY OF: Judi Rebecca Archuleta
31 years, 06/19/1977-7/22/2008, Overdose (suicide)
WRITTEN BY: Rita Applegate

To My Becky Boo

In my mind you are with me still
You will always be my child
my heart my soul
Wind chimes become your laughter
and I see your smile in the bright sunshine
Your beauty is in every colorful spring flower
and the rainfall becomes your tears
I feel you all around me
you will always be with me
Not even the passing of time
can change my love for you
I miss you boo

Love Mom




SIGNS:







IN MEMORY OF: Geoffrey Philip James Edwards
~ 18 years ~ 22 May 2002 ~ heroin overdose, first time use
WRITTEN BY: Karen Lyn Jenkins

This is a story about a huge sign from my Geoff. It happened soon after Geoff died and I was so desperately grieving and in the midst of such pain and agony. I begged him for a sign to let me know how he was doing. Now I had a huge antique mirror hanging over my dressing table (from the 40's very much like my mom's mirrors). I went to sleep that night with the help of some sleeping medication. Around 6:00 AM, I was roused awake by the thundering crash of the mirror coming down off the wall. Now it had been hanging there for about 10 years with no problem. I just had to know it was a sign from Geoff because he always thought his mother was a little "thick" and would need something big to let her know he was okay. I knew it was from Geoff. These days smaller signs come to me and I recognize them as being from Geoff. It is a great comfort and pleasure to know that he still knows I need his signs. I just think, as I look back on the mirror incident, that he really got my attention big-time. He was there and always would be with me. He just had to make sure I listened. Again, I still receive signs albeit smaller ones because I listened with the mirror and knew what now to look for. Blessings to you, Angel Luke and your family.

Karen Lyn Jenkins
Mom to Angel Geoffrey Philip James Edwards
"..I love you so, twas Heaven here with you."




SPECIAL MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: DANIEL SCOTT FORRESTER
30 years, 2/28/70 ~ 1/10/2001, non-hodgkins lymphoma
WRITTEN BY: MOM (Arlene Gundersen)

We took Danny home from the N.Y.U. Hospital the day after Christmas, 2000. We could not get ambulance service for Christmas Day, so the whole family spent Christmas Day at the hospital with Dan. The doctor said Danny was close to dying and we should not try to move him because he may not withstand the trip. I promised Danny, that when the time came, I would bring him home. His wish was to die at home. So, the next day, the ambulance came and we took the 1 1/2 hour drive home. Meanwhile, my husband and children got Danny's room ready for him. They took out his antique sleigh bed and had a hospital bed brought in. Because it was the holidays, it was difficult to get any help so we all agreed to take care of Danny together. We got home and Danny looked around and said "Where are we"..... "Danny - you're HOME". Who else would paint their wall gold" (although it looked like Guilden's Spicy Brown mustard color. He smiled. He closed his eyes and slept. I slept each night next to him....on a small couch next to the bed. He rallied !!! Each day was a bonus.....we watched TV (He loved the Nanny with Fran Drecher)... it made him laugh. When he became tired.....I would talk to him or put on soft music. The boys helped me when he had to be turned. We finally got hospice care and someone would come in each morning to help with personal care. No more medication aside from pain killers. His sisters and the little kids came to visit. His friends came, each one of them knowing this would be the last time they would see their dear friend. On New Year's Eve, the boys carried their brother into the living room to watch the New Year's Eve festivities in his beloved New York. But he fell asleep before the New Year came in. I sat on the couch watching him, crying my tears, fully knowing this would be his last New Year's Eve on this earth. He would soon be with his Lord in Heaven where there was no New Year's.....just eternal peace. He stayed with us for 10 more days. The whole family surrounded Danny as he dimmed the lights of this world from his eyes and began his journey to the Heaven's. We wished him "God Speed" as he took his final breaths.

Christmas and New Year's will always carry the sadness of losing Danny. But I have the comfort, knowing that Jesus, in His infinite Mercy, took Danny home where he was finally at peace. When we celebrate the New Year.....I look to the sky and think of my son...in Heaven with so many of the family and his treasured friends and I know that one day - very soon - I will be joining him. What a celebration it will be.

Peace to you my precious boy.



IN MEMORY OF: Dennis Christopher Tucker
26 years, 1960-1986, accident
WRITTEN BY: Dolores Tucker

There are so many stories about my son Dennis who seemed to be always there for me and family. Sadly, I wasn't there for him when he needed someone the most. Dennis was skilled and gifted in so many ways. It seems he could figure out anything: how to build speakers, doing mechanical work on his cars, playing in musicals, helping his fellow-man. One surprise to me was when he installed an electric garage door opener as a Mother's Day gift in May of one year. I had gone on an overnight trip with a lady friend of mine, and upon my return, he had bought and installed the motor, etc. on his own. I wondered how he managed to support the motor in climbing onto the ladder without any help. He was one to do so much for others. I miss him so much and realize what a treasure I had. God bless him. He is in my heart always. He was my gift in life.



IN MEMORY OF: Joseph Chretien Jr. (Joey)
25 years, January 9, 1969 - June 29, 1994, Heroin OD
WRITTEN BY: Joey's Mom: Joyce A. Eastwood Chretien Freitas

Good Memories

When Joey was about 8 years old he and his sister Lisa attended a day camp during the summer for a few weeks each because I worked the night shift.

About mid week the first week I received a call from one of the male counselors. It seems that Joey had gotten into a bad fight and had to be punished according to camp rules. The councelor wanted me to know what happened and that although they had to punish Joey along with the actual perpertrator that all the staff were very proud of Joey.

It seems that Joey had gotten friendly with a young boy that no one else wanted to play with because he was disabled and much slower than the other children mentally and physically.

That day an older boy of 12 started to pick on Joey's friend unmercifully and then started to puch and shove him causing him to fall. I'm told Joey lunged at the offending older boy and beat the crap out of him although he was much younger and smaller than the older boy. The 12 year old ended up bruised, bleeding & crying "Uncle". This bully never returned to camp by the way.

Joey's young friend wore braces and had CP so he was unable to defend himself.

I was so proud of Joey that day and many other days too. He was always more than willing to protect anyone who needed it.

He was my "Little Hero".






DREAMS:



IN MEMORY OF: Shannon David Burns
33 years old, 1/2/1976 to 10/30/2009, blunt force trauma to the head
WRITTEN BY: Christine (Shannon's Mom)

I would like to share with everyone a very special gift my son gave me several months after his sudden death. He fell and hit his head at work one afternoon, went about his normal day, went to bed and never woke up. We never got to say good-bye and the hurt of not having him with us is unbearable at times. But the following dream is one I will treasure forever.

I awoke one night around 2:00am to go the bathroom. After climbing back in bed and trying to drift back off to sleep, I thought I heard foot steps as if someone was walking across my kitchen floor in work boots that were not tied. (Shannon always wore his boots that way). I thought I had better get up and check to see who was there. The next thing I knew I was standing in the doorway to my dining room and over by the windows was this large gray mist. It had no shape or form but I knew in an instant it was Shannon.

I statred to talk to him and ask questions. It went something like this:

Oh Shan, are you ok. We miss you so much

yes

I talk to you every day, can you hear me

yes

Can your son William see you, I feel like he does at times

yes

Are you always with him

yes

Are you always with us

yes

Your brother struggles so much, he misses you and truly loves you

I know

Your sister struggles as well and so does Nolan & Connor

I know

Janice is so good and lets us have William whenever we want. We are so fortunate

I know

Shannon, if we move, will you know where I am

yes

I miss you so much Shan

I know. I have to go now

I love you Shannon

I love you Mom!

I don't know if this was real or a dream. All I can tell you is it was very real to me. I woke up sobbing. My husband thought I was talking in my sleep. I told him I was having a conversation with Shannon. We both cried and held each other.

It was 2 years Oct 30th and it just doesn't seem to get much easier. Last Sunday the whole family started a tradition where we all had a balloon and wrote a message on them to Shannon. We all went out on the front lawn and let them go up to heaven. Even the children were so intent on watching how long they could see their balloons go to heaven .

When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure to hold deep in your hearts.

We miss our son with every breath we take and are truly blessed to have had him in our lives for 33 years.

IN MEMORY OF: Judi Rebecca Archuleta
31 years, 6/19/1977-7/22/2008, Overdose (suicide)
WRITTEN BY: Rita Applegate

Not long after my Becky's suicide I could not stand the pain of being left behind and I overdosed in hopes I could join my daughter my Boo.. I was found when my husband came home from work and taken to the ER there my family was told I may not make it and to say goodbye to me. But, I did survive and when I came back home in the very early hours as the sun was coming up the sky was a bright pink and purple and I thought to myself how beautiful it was and maybe it was some kind of sign since Becky's favorite color was purple. I talked to her and asked her to please send me a sign anything to let me know she was no longer in pain I could not go on living not knowing. For the first time since her death I dreamt of her. She came walking towards me and I held my hand out to her my throat was burning I could not speak I was silently crying. She said Mom Im ok its ok as I touched her and ran my fingers through her beautiful long dark hair I could only say "my Boo ..my baby" she told me that she could not stay and only came to tell me she was'nt in any pain anymore and to not to cry she was in a happy place now. I watched her walk away until she just disappered in cloud of mist..I woke up with my throat still burning from crying but, with a sense of peace because now I knew my baby was not suffering she just fell asleep and the angels came for her. I will miss her everyday for the rest of my life but, I know she walks with the Lord and sometimes I can feel her smiling down at me....until I join you my boo...






HUMOROUS MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Christopher Neil Thomas
16 years, 9/12/89- 11-19-89, blunt trama to the head and internal injuries from a car accident.
WRITTEN BY: Patsy

Christopher was a big football player for his high school and one college was already filming him. In Ms we have 2 Universies that are rival. Now Christopher was for Ole Miss and I for Miss State. He ask me one day and said "Mama what are going to do when I play for Ole Miss?" I said "well son if your on that field with a rebel uniform on I will be the biggest ole miss fan in the stands." Then with that wonderful smile he had and such a sence of humor he said " what are you going to do when we play state?" Well my answer was the same because if he's on the field with a ole miss uniform on I'm gonna be the biggest ole miss fan in the stands, BUT my heart will be with state. He just smiled and said " oh mama that's just wrong." He looked so forward to making me be an ole miss fan. Unfortunatley he never got the chance to play for ole miss. Me? Well I'm still a die hard State fan. I love you Christopher and miss you dearly. Love forever,
Mama
Patsy




2012
Bringer of Light newsletter






Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER

THE JOURNEY OF THE RED ROSE

The red rose is a beautiful flower that carries with it the meaning and symbol for "love". The color red itself evolved from an early primal symbol for life into a metaphor for deep emotion. As the tradition of exchanging roses and other flowers as gifts of affection came into prevalence, the red rose naturally became the flower of choice for sending the strongest message of love. This is a tradition that has endured to the present day. Red roses continue to be the most popular way to say: "I love you" to someone special.

My husband, Robin, gave me a bouquet of red roses when Luke was born. So, Luke knew all about red roses from the very beginning of his life.

Our home was adorned on the outside with several rose bushes. Many times when Luke was a toddler, he would tug on his daddy's pants leg, his daddy would bend over, and Luke would whisper something in his ear. Luke and his dad would head outside. I would stay in the house 'knowing' exactly what those two were up to. I would act so surprised when they came back inside. Luke in his daddy's arms, grinning from ear to ear, reaching out to me, very carefully holding a beautiful red rose that he and his daddy had just picked. I received so many red roses this way.

When Luke was just a little boy of about five years old he came home from school one sweet day and gave me a thoughtful little gift that he had made. It was a plastic butter dish filled with plaster, which held up some little artificial red roses. How proud he was to give this special handmade gift to 'his' mom!

A few years later my little boy gave me a necklace that had a red rose pendent on it. It wasn't real gold, but it made me glow when I wore it as if it were a fine piece of jewelry.

At twelve years old, Luke was elected to be a beau in the sweetheart court of his middle school. Oh my, how handsome he looked in his white tuxedo with a single red rose pinned to his lapel.

After Luke became a teenager, 'love' filled his heart once again and he expressed his love with red roses. Luke would be known to drive to where his girlfriend worked and find her car in the parking lot and leave a single long stem red rose under her windshield wiper blade. He did this with every girlfriend that he had through the years. When he would take a girl out to dinner at a restaurant he would place a single long stem red rose at her place at the table.

His high school girlfriend described when Luke asked her out for their first date: "I remember he was very insistent upon taking me to school that day, and I opened the door to see him standing there with a shy smile on his face and him unsuccessfully attempting to hide red roses behind his back. I will never forget the look on his face. I'm not even sure how to describe it, but it was beautiful."

Graduation came and it was prom night, and Luke still had plans for red roses. I remember so well how he had a bag of red rose petals in the refrigerator and then just before he left the house to pick his date up, he gently sprinkled the red rose petals all on the seat and floor of the passenger side of the car. He also left the house with a bouquet of a dozen red roses.

His heart continued to be filled with love for the rest of his life. The last entry in Luke's journal was: "When there is love in my heart and a smile on my face, I need nothing else".

When Luke died at the age of twenty-one, Luke's dad, sister and I each placed a singe red rose next to Luke's urn at his service. We wanted to remember him in the way that he so lovingly remembered others. As we sat there on the front pew of the chapel we began to realize that Luke's red roses not only had touched our lives, but had made a lasting impact on the lives of so many others. We watched as several of Luke's friends entered the chapel, walked silently to the front, and gently placed a single red rose next to his urn. Luke's red roses were not only placed under windshield wipers, or at dinner tables, or in the hands of someone special...... they were also placed upon many hearts that have been forever touched by the gift of red roses. Not only was Luke's heart filled with love, but he filled many other hearts with love. Luke's gifts of red roses had come 'full circle' and were graciously returned to him as he quietly left this earth and journeyed to the land where there is an ever abundance of love and smiles and red roses and.......... he needs nothing else.

© 2012 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001






A RED, RED ROSE

I remember a red, red rose
That I held within my clasp.
It was a long, long time ago
From a life that didn't last.

It's fragrance filled my senses,
Soft petals touched my face,
It was given to me with
A warm and strong embrace.

The fragrance and the petals,
Those arms that held me tight,
All things from that lifetime,
Have now faded out of sight.

But the love that surrounded me
Remained deep within my soul.
And it returns to me when...
I remember a red, red rose.

© 2012 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your.....
BRINGER OF LIGHT.

THE ROSE

The Rose is a pop song written by Amanda McBroom and made famous by Bette Midler, who performed it in the 1979 movie, The Rose. McBroom won the Golden Globe Award for the Best Original Song. Midler won the Grammy Award for Best Female Pop vocal Performance for "The Rose". Since then it has been covered by a variety of artist.

HOW "THE ROSE" CAME TO BE..... by songwritter Amanda McBroom

People often ask me what inspired me to write The Rose. Here is the story:

I was driving down the freeway one afternoon, some time in 1977-something.

I was listening to the radio. A song came on the radio. It was "MAGDALENA" by Danny O'Keefe, sung by Leo Sayer. I liked it immediately. My favorite line was "Your love is like a razor. My heart is just a scar."I thought,"Ooh, I love that lyric."

As I continued to drive down the road the thought came, I don't agree with the sentiment. I don't think love is like a razor. (I was younger then.) What, then, do I think love is? Suddenly, it was as if someone had opened a window in the top of my head. Words came pouring in. I had to keep reciting them to myself as I drove faster and faster towards home, so I wouldn't forget them. I screeched into my drive way, ran into the house, past various bewildered dogs and cats and husbands, and sat down at the piano. Ten minutes later, THE ROSE was there.

I called my husband, George, into the room and played it for him, as I always did with my new songs. He listened, and quietly said to me, "You've just written a standard." I protested that no one but my pals would ever hear it. (This is long before I had ever recorded anything.) He said,"Mark my words, something is going to happen with this song."

A year or so later, a great young songwriter named Michele Brourman, who became my primary musical collaborator and best friend, said "Listen. There is this movie coming out called "The Rose". They are looking for a title tune. Do you want me to submit this to them?" I had never really tried to submit this song to anyone. I didn't consider myself a song writer at the time. So I said, "Sure." Originally the film had been called THE PEARL, which was Janis Joplin's nick name. But her family refused permission to use that name. Lucky for me. "Pearl" is MUCH harder to rhyme.

She submitted the tune to the producers, who HATED it. They thought it was dull and a hymn and NOT rock and roll and totally wrong. They put it in the reject box. But the divine Paul Rothchild, who was the music supervisor on the film, and had been Janis Joplin's producer, hauled it out and asked them to reconsider. They again said no. So he mailed it to Bette. She liked it, and that's how it got into the film and changed my life forever.

I have never written another song as quickly. I like to think I was the window that happened to be open when those thoughts needed to come through. I am eternally grateful... to Bette... to Paul Rothchild... to Bill Kerby, who wrote the screenplay...to my friend who first submitted it for me... and to the Universe for speaking to me in the first place and for showing me what I truly believe.

sources: Wikipedia & SongFacts.com



The Rose

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only seed

It's the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed
That with the sun's love, in the spring
Becomes the rose

~ Words & music by Amanda McBroom








ANNIVERSARY AND BIRTHDAY
DEDICATIONS

This month's Bringer of Light Newsletter is dedicated to the memory of:


Daniel Scott Forrester

30 years, 2/28/70 ~ 1/10/01, non-hodgkins lymphoma

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY DANNY,
"FEB. 28TH - The day you were born. 8 lbs. 10 oz. of pure delight. The Lord gave you to me for 30 cherished years. I am eternally grateful for the time I had with you. I try to imagine in my mind what Heaven is like. I know you are at complete peace and always smiling. The bible says there are no tears in Heaven. But we still have tears here on earth. Tears have become a part of my life. I miss you SO much and often I can't help myself but cry myself to sleep.....just missing you. The memories of you are treasures - which I hold close to my heart. I will light a candle for you, as I send your birthday wishes. Eternal peace & blessings....." ~ Your forever Mom


bryan esposito

20 years, 5/13/79--2/11/20, unknown

"this feb 11 will be 12 years since you have left our lives. i have tried to move forward in life, although i have smiled and laughed again, thats only what others will see. my heart will always ache, and my tears will never dry." ~ all my love to you, mom


Leron Jr. Jonas

29 years, 2/17/61 10/26/90, car crash

"Leon Jr was my first born and a wonderful son who loved cars and also wanted to go into outer space one day, now he is with our Heavenly Father along with his brother Wayne who died with him. Five years after they died together, my first husband of 35 years joined them in Heaven. I know one day I will see my sons and first husband again. They were all Christians." ~ Jerry




QUOTES:

"My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose "

~ Robert Burns

Over the winter glaciers,
I see the summer glow,
And, through the wild-piled snowdrift,
The warm rosebuds below.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), U.S. essayist, poet, philosopher

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may:
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying

~ Robert Herrick (1591-1674), British poet

You, of course, are a rose- But were always a rose

~ Robert Frost (1874-1963), U.S. poet






LETTERS TO HEAVEN:

IN MEMORY OF: Dennis Christopher Tucker
26 years, 6-11-60 / 9-16-86, Accidental
WRITTEN BY: mom

My darling cherub, Dennis,
You are thought of more each day. Another year has arrived; yet, without you, I feel as if you are near me, watching and caring. You were my strength and my best friend as well as my youngest son. You had so much to offer and always compassionate to everyone. May you still give me courage and faith to go on with my upcoming surgery next month. I feel your presence and your love always. God bless you my son. I will cherish you always.

Love and prayers, Mom

IN MEMORY OF: Daniel Scott Forrester
30 years, 2/28/70 ~ 1/10/2001 (10:31 p.m.), non-hodgkins lymphoma
WRITTEN BY: MOM (Arlene)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DANNY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.......

I can only imagine the birthday bash you are hosting for yourself on Cloud 9. Luke will be playing his guitar and all the precious loved ones we have lost here on earth, will be celebrating with you in Heaven. I will be thinking of you Danny. And the whole family will be together for your birthday, blowing out candles and sending you up your birthday balloons. Oh how we all miss you. May your birthday in Heaven be filled with joy & laughter.
P.S. Send me a HUG

Love you forever - Mom




LIFE STORIES:

IN MEMORY OF: Daniel Scott Forrester
30 years, 2/28/70 ~ 1/10/01, non-hodgkins lymphoma
WRITTEN BY: Mom (Arlene)

Danny was born February 28th, 1970 in Hackensack Hospital, New Jersey. He weighed 8 lbs. 10 oz. From day one, he always liked to be the center of attention. When Dan was in 3rd grade, he played the part of the Cowardly Lion in the play "The Wizard of Oz". The symbol of the Lion stayed with him his whole life. He truly received the gift of Courage which he would rely on as an adult.

Dan was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma in December of l995. He was given 6 months to a year to live. He said he needed more time. He fought his battle for 5 long years with the courage of that roaring Lion. During the time of his illness....Danny came to realize what life is all about. It's not about fame or fortune, it's about the love of family & friends. It's about faith in God. Danny died at home, in his own room with all his family around him, loving him, touching him and watching the struggle leave his body ~ praying for his peaceful journey home.

As long as I live ~ he will live also. His name, the memories he left us, his love....will not be forgotten. Peace my son, PEACE.




POETRY:



IN MEMORY OF: Denise Rosaleen Vaughan
6 years old, July 14, 1978~~December 28, 1984 , Cancer, brain tumor
WRITTEN BY: Rosaleen Vaughan~Bellamy

My daughter Denise suffered greatly from cancer and I was with her all the time to watch this suffering. She was so much braver then me.....Mommy. There is so much to her story that it is to long to tell here. I wrote this poem for my Angel Denise.

Memories of my Daughter "Denise"

Once upon a time, there was a little girl...
She would put on long dresses and then just dance and twirl.
Her Mommy loved to watch her so happily at play
The apple of her Mommy's eye's each and every day!

They played games, tag and hide and seek
Mommy always said, "Now don't you peek."
These are great memories for Mommy to keep.

So when I am missing you my Angel which is every day...
I look and reach into my heart.....
Where all those beautiful memories will NEVER see us part.

December 12th., 2007
Author: Rosaleen Vaughan~Bellamy

IN MEMORY OF: JOEY WHITEMAN
09-08-80 to 09-03-02, 21 yrs., 360 days old, Auto Accident
WRITTEN BY: Terrie Whiteman, Joey's Mom

DEAREST JOEY

YOU'RE THE STARS IN THE SKY
YOU'RE THE TEARS IN MY EYES
YOU'RE THE SONG THAT I SING
YOU'RE THE ANGEL WITH WINGS
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I LOVE
IN THE HEAVENS ABOVE
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I MISS
TILL THE END OF ALL TIME
MY BEAUTIFUL BOY
MY SWEET VALENTINE

I LOVE AND MISS YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL




SIGNS:


IN MEMORY OF: Michelle Marie Greever
8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93, 9 yrs 2 months, 12 days, Accident
WRITTEN BY: Cindy Jo Greever

My Valentine Michelle~

I started to work on organizing in the basement after Christmas and made alot of progress despite going through all the emotions that I knew would come with it. Feeling good about the accomplishments, things to recyclers and goodwill and where to look for what.

Amongst other things I had been going through I was looking at drawings of Michelle's and marveling at her hand crafted works of art and having the bitter sweet emotions tearing at me.

The other day I came across her sweet lil stuffed animal "baby chicken", bright yellow with googly eyes and a bright orange beak and wiggly legs... ever so small and I clutched it tightly, with memories of her being four and carrying her baby chicken everywhere... and as she always endeared to me, I was her mamahen.... she even took it with her when she had her tonsils out at the hospital... later I set it on a tote.

The next day when working again it fell off the tote and way behind the stack and I couldn't reach it... imagine my surprise the next morning when I walked by and got closer and as the daylight shown on it there it was in the middle of the basement floor!!!

I KNEW Ferdinand our kitty had "captured" it and drug it out for me, for Michelle, from Michelle!!! I knew right away that this was MY SIGN from Michelle, that she is with me, wants me to see her Baby Chicken and be happy!!

This was my Valentine's Gift from my Michelle, sent with Love!

Cindy Jo Greever
michellesmama.com




SPECIAL MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Randy Reed Hecox
30 years, 1-7-69 to 7-23-99 , Suicide after home from War
WRITTEN BY: Ali Hecox

Randy came home from Desert Storm with P.T.S.D. HE NEVER RECIEVED THE HELP HE ASK FOR WHILE HE WAS IN THE ARMY. We finally lost him on July 23 1999, the day i was to pick him up and take him to the airport so he could go to Texas and see his dad and get the rest of his belongings. It has been a terrible nightmare and a long road. With many ups and downs. But my sweet LORD has been with me. Every inch of the way he carried me when i could not stand. I have found that place called PEACE, BUT I WILL NEVER FORGET MY CHILD OF LOVE, MY NUMBER 3 SON (I USE TO SAY). There is a new generation now and I feel so blessed to be alive and to see them grow. Thanks to any ONE or ALL that have helped me these 13 years of DARKNESS. WITH OUT YOU ALL I MAY NEVER HAVE MADE IT.
ALICE /ALI MOM OF RANDY PETE






DREAMS:



IN MEMORY OF: Lucas Christopher Ross
21 years, October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001, Acute Bronchopneumonia
WRITTEN BY: Christine, Luke's Mom

I had this dream just three days after Luke died. It was the night that we went home after his service.

DANCING

Luke and I were in a large room, similar to an empty school cafeteria. He was dressed very nice wearing a shirt and slacks. The room was painted a pale school house green with windows all across the wall. Luke and I began dancing a silly dance we used to do when he was little. We went from one side of the room to the other switching hands as we reached each side. We were both laughing. Then, Luke looked at me with a very caring look and he told me...."Mom, let me show you how I dance now." He picked me up with one of his arms under my knees and his other arm on my back. We then twirled around the room in slow motion.

END OF DREAM.

I believe that this was Luke's way of telling me that he would 'carry' me through my grief. It will soon be eleven years since Luke died and through all of those eleven years he (with the help of God) has always carried me through my grief. Whether with a sign, with a special memory, with a dream, or with the feeling of his presence..... I know that he has reached out from the other side and 'carried' me.






HUMOROUS MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Dylan Ross
36 years, 12/22/73 - 08/27/10, Pulmonary Embolism
WRITTEN BY: Rhonda Ross, Dylan's Mom

From a very young age Dylan loved to make people laugh. So, I was not surprised when, shortly after his death, one of his former classmates reminisced about an incident that occurred during their high school days. In their school was a man by the name of Mr. Harrelson who was a teacher and also served as the school disciplinarian. So it was normal for Mr. Harrelson to be delayed from getting to his classroom due to his disciplinary duties. Apparently Dylan seized the opportunity on those occasions to entertain the class by impersonating Mr. Harrelson. One particular day as Dylan was entertaining the class Mr. Harrelson came in (unbeknown to Dylan) and observed his impersonation until his classmates signaled to Dylan that Mr. Harrelson was behind him. Fortunately for Dylan, Mr. Harrelson had a sense of humor!




2012
Bringer of Light newsletter






Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER

THE WINDS OF TIME

No matter how old Luke became, he was always, always my baby. As he grew, the memories of him as a baby, or as a little boy were just as vivid as the memories we made when he became a man of 21. When he was a baby I rocked him to sleep while singing him a lullaby and when he became a man we talked for hours as he shared his deepest thoughts. That baby boy of mine and that grown man of mine were one and the same.

When Luke died, it left me cold and confused. The uncertainty of it all was almost too much to bear. I was determined that I would keep our connection, even through death. I would not allow death to hide my son from me.

It was a quite morning in March, during the first year of my grieving. The atmosphere was amazingly clear and there was not even a wisp of a cloud in the sky. It was cool and crisp outside and there was a blanket of snow covering the ground. I stood alone in the snow, in a clearing in the woods, holding on to the string of a kite as it soared above me. I tried to guide that kite all the way to Heaven, but the string just wasn't long enough. I had an idea! I gathered up my kite and headed home.

That afternoon I returned to that clearing, all alone and held an orange helium filled balloon up towards the sky. I released it as I shouted to my son "I LOVE YOU LUKE". I watched as it gracefully drifted over the tops of the majestic pine trees and the barren aspen trees, then up to the clear blue sky soaring above the mountaintops. The world was silent as that little orange balloon journeyed on its way. As it floated up and up and up I stretched out on my back in the snow to get a better view of the little orange balloon..... that expression of my love for my son. It got smaller and smaller and smaller.

As I lie there, I thought about how my eyes were focused on this tiny dot in the clear blue sky, and knew that I would be able to see it for a long time if I could just stay focused on the dot. I knew if I shifted my eyes for just a millisecond I would lose sight of the tiny dot. I was diligently focused on it and was amazed that after so much time had passed that I could still see that little dot against the deep blue March sky. All I had to do was to stay focused!!!!... but I knew that there would come a time, when no matter how focused I was, I would not be able to see the little orange balloon anymore.

Soon I had lost sight of the little orange balloon, but at the very moment that it left my sight I felt a comforting warmth because I knew that even though I could not see it anymore, it was still there.... Just as Luke is still here.

I thought to myself, if I stay focused on Luke. I will be able to see him in new ways. But I also know that there will be times when no matter how hard I try I will not be able to see him, but I will know that he is there.

It was then that I realized that my sight is only a very small part of what can deliver Luke to me. When I lose sight of him, I can always reach him through my other senses. Just the scent of roses can bring his smile close to me. The sound of his favorite song has me singing along with him. The taste of a cold glass of chocolate milk makes his glowing face appear in my mind. And when all else fails, I can always feel his touch in the wind.

I realized early on that I just needed to stop running to Luke, to stop trying to find him, to stop trying to catch him in the wind. In every season he found me. He was in the leaves, and the rain, and the snow, and especially the wind. The wind was an invisible messenger.

I have dreams of him where he comes to me from Heaven and we get to do everything we did on earth all over again and we even make some new memories. He is in my heart and in my mind and in my soul. I walk with him, and hold him, and share life with him at ANY age of his that he chooses to come to me.

In those times of fear, and pain, and confusion, and sadness he is here to help me forget those things and to remember only his smile and his touch and the eternity in his eyes. All those things that seem impossible, can be found in my dreams, in my senses, and in many other unexpected places.

When I finally stopped searching for him....I felt him all around me. He had been there all along. The winds of time had brought him back to me..... forever.

© 2012 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001






BABY BOY

Baby boy come to me,
Come to me upon the wind.
Baby boy touch my heart,
Touch my heart and soul again.

Fly from where the angels dwell
And fly into my dreams.
Take me back to yesterday
Before the morning gleams.

Let me rock you in my arms
And sing to you a lullaby.
Let me hold you baby boy
Before you say goodbye.

Baby boy come to me,
Come to me upon the wind.
Baby boy touch my heart,
Touch my heart and soul again.

© 2005 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your.....
BRINGER OF LIGHT.

CATCH THE WIND

Catch the Wind is a song written and recorded by Scottish singer-songwriter Donovan. It was released as a single in 1965. Donovan said: "It is a song of unrequited love, of a love I would like to have had and lost."

The song is very touching and appropriate for many different kinds of love.... whether it be a romantic love or a love of someone that you lost. It speaks of wanting the person around and seeing them and feeling them.... but in reality, knowing that it is not possible because they are gone. Having that person back is like trying to catch the wind.

sources: Wikipedia & SongFacts.com



CATCH THE WIND

In the chilly hours and minutes,
Of uncertainty, I want to be,
In the warm hold of your loving mind.

To feel you all around me,
And to take your hand, along the sand,
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

When sundown pales the sky,
I wanna hide a while, behind your smile,
And everywhere I'd look, your eyes I'd find.

For me to love you now,
Would be the sweetest thing, 'twould make me sing,
Ah, but I may as well, try and catch the wind.

When rain has hung the leaves with tears,
I want you near, to kill my fears
To help me to leave all my blues behind.

For standin' in your heart,
Is where I want to be, and I long to be,
Ah, but I may as well, try and catch the wind.

~ Words & music by Donovan











ANNIVERSARY AND BIRTHDAY
DEDICATIONS

This month's Bringer of Light Newsletter is dedicated to the memory of:


Brad Alan O'Martin

27, 6/7/77 - 3/10/05 , Melanoma Cancer

"Brad, we remember you with love" ~ Mom, Dad & Mike


Major Sean Cedric Douglas

36 yrs., 3/16/72 - 5/31/08, Motorcycle accident

"HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY TO MY SON, SEAN" ~ Your Mom, Diane


Brandon Wesley Sgaggero

29, 4/7/78 - 3/6/08, Narcotic Intoxication-morphine and methadone

"On March 6th, it will be 4 years since he died. This will be the toughest year for me because he's NOT coming back. No waiting for 6 months or so--- it's never." ~Tammie-Brandon's Mom


Dustin James Ellis

16, 2/21/85---3/17/2001, smoke inhailation, due to housefire

"Dustin, eleven years and I can still see your face" ~ Melanie, Dustins Mom


jennifer ann robinson

31, 4-23-75--3-9-07, accidential overdose of prescribed medications


Austin James Jolliff

10 mo 18 days, 03-23-2005/2-11-2006, Homicide

"My little Austin was taken too soon. I miss him everyday he was my last baby and only son." ~ Lynn Jolliff


Aaron Charles Kurtz

31, 3-27-76/ 3-20-08, car accident







QUOTES:

"The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, the answer is blowin' in the wind."

~ BOB DYLAN

"The sun is brilliant in the sky but its warmth does not reach my face.
The breeze stirs the trees but leaves my hair unmoved.
The cooling rain will feed the grass but will not slake my thirst.
It is all inches away but further from me than my dreams."

~ M. Romeo LaFlamme, The First of March









LETTERS TO HEAVEN:

IN MEMORY OF: Brad Alan O'Martin
27, 6/7/77 - 3/10/05, Melanoma Cancer
WRITTEN BY: Yvonne O'Martin

Brad,

We remember you with love. Your great sense of humor and kind, gentle spirit touched the hearts of everyone who knew you. Your amazing courage in the face of adversity gives us the strength to go on even though part of us died along with you seven years ago. Our time together was all too brief and we miss you so much. We will never forget the joy and happiness you brought to our lives. Though you are gone from our sight, you will forever live on in our hearts.

Love you always ~ Mom, Dad & Mike







LIFE STORIES:

IN MEMORY OF: Brandon Wesley Sgaggero
29, 4/7/78 - 3/6/08, Narcotic Intoxication-morphine and methadone
WRITTEN BY: Tammie-Brandon's Mom

Hello everyone and thank you for letting me share the life of my amazingly wonderful son, Brandon, who celebrates his 34th birthday in heaven along with many of your children.

Brandon, my second child, was born in Anchorage, Alaska, on April 7, 1978. He was three weeks late so the doctors induced my labor. I wish I could have those three weeks back. At 8lbs. 10 ozs., he was considered a "sleepy baby." his Apgar was 9/10, he just wouldn't wake up without a lot of tapping on his feet. He was just content to sleep! Much later that night, my roommate woke me up telling me, "Tammie, wake up! Your baby is crying. Good morning it was!!! He was a happy baby, made such hilarious faces and always made me laugh. He had this cute little raspy voice! About a year and a half later, I gave birth to my third child. Kellie was dubbed "Bells," by Brandon and he not only loved her dearly but put up with an awful lot of hair pulling, smacking, and stealing of his toys. I can still hear him plead in that raspy voice, "Bells!"

Then in 1982, my youngest son, Matthew was born. I think that by this time I was busy with a new baby and Brandon was beginning his independence. Lord, one morning we woke up to the sound of somebody riding a Big Wheel down the sidewalk!! There was my son dressed in a Wonder Woman costume with cowboy boots riding his Big Wheel! Hilarious as it is and was, it was serious ... So, typical of Brandon's response to punishment, he would tighten up those fists, stomp, and scream.!!! He looked like the Incredible Hulk dressed up like Wonder Woman!

As the years went by, he had little girlfriends... Did very well in school.. Was editor of his high school newspaper..winner of The Optimist Club competition, played Lacrosse, and had many friends. He loved children and coached high school Lacrosse and worked at an after-school program with elementary kids. This area doesn't offer much in the way of opportunities for kids so many join the service. In 1998, Brandon left for Schofield Barracks in Hawaii sporting a brand new tattoo across his chest- a heart with the word "Mom" inside. That was a surprise for me. His 4 years away was very difficult for me. Although he did come home every 6 months or so, he was still gone for 4 years. He did extremely well, was NBC NCO, Distinguished Honor Graduate and Soldier of the Year. I was as proud of him then, as ever. One thing I can honestly say is this: Brandon and I were closer than I am to any of my other three children. That has changed, I have become closer to each of them since his death because I am scared to death to lose another child. But he would give me cards telling me how much he loved me, appreciated me, how he considered me his best friend. His father and him didn't have the best relationship, so I know that Brandon knowing how much I loved him and his worth meant everything to him.

He returned from Hawaii in 2002 and 4 more years of inactive duty to fulfill his 8 year enrollment. In the meantime, he was hardpressed for a job-imagine being a soldier and working at Block Buster and the after school program? But eventually he landed a terrific job in Bethesda, Maryland for a very well to do real estate developer who owned a huge shopping mall and many apartment complexes. The drive could be 4 hours long per day, and after two years a friend hired him on as a machine operator for a company that makes the plastic bags that salad mixes come in and the plastic grocery bags you use when you go shopping. It was a very demanding job; one which required much focus and attention. Brandon received many pay raises in the two years he was there; mostly for his dependability and job performance. I remember one night he called me and said that a piece of machinery had fallen off and hit him in the head. I was terrified!!! He laughed and said, "you know this old head has had harder knocks than that!" I worried about him and the shift work schedule he had to endure. One week it might be 5:45 AM- 5:45 PM for seven days. He would be off 3 days and go back and do it again. Then the next week, it would be 5:45PM -5:45AM and he'd be off for 7 days.

He had a girlfriend and her name was Jessica. Brandon got his own place --- a brand new efficiency December 1st, 2007. He wanted Jess to come and stay with him at his new place. He was so proud of this place!!! "mom, I bought a Swifter today and a Clorox toilet brush!" Jess didn't want to have to drag her blow dryer and work clothes all the way over to his place. His brand new place that he was so proud of and wanted so much to share with her. One day, it was an extremely nice day for February... He invited me over to sit on his little deck and study while he went to have lunch with Jess. He'd given me a bottle if Propel water ( I still have that bottle ) and a brand new bag of chips to munch on. I felt guilty eating his food that he so willingly shared, didn't have much!! So I ate a few chips and drank the water. Strange how our kids are so happy to share and we are hesitant to take from them. I enjoyed my afternoon there on his little wooden deck studying Anatomy and Physiology. You see, I had just been accepted into the nursing program at age 50 and was going to start a new life!! Brandon had paid 1/2 my tuition for CNA school and was a huge support to me when I started classes just a month earlier.

On Saturday, March 1, 2008, Brandon called me to tell me he'd ended his year and a half long relationship with Jessica. He said he told her he loved her, but wanted somebody who wanted to spend more time with him and not her male friends. He wasn't mad, wished her the best, and said he wanted someone more mature. According to court documents, Brandin purchased morphine and methadone from the very person Jess had been buying marijuana from. The problem that kept the two of them from having a more loving, giving and promising future together. She would never know this fact until months later.

The next day, Sunday, I spent some time visiting my son. He was on the phone with avery good female friend who was encouraging him not to take everything off the tables that Jess had given him in the past, but if he felt he needed to remove pictures from picture frames, then that was perfectly appropriate. The two of them and her husband decided to have lunch together on the Tuesday of that week. I was still so impressed with Brandon's new place and at the same time hurting for my son over the breakup of him and Jess. He said ," I don't want to spend my birthday alone, Mah." I decided to share with him the fact that I'd picked up a few throw blankets from the store that were reduced from Christmas and that I was going to save them for next Christmas. I asked him if he'd like one and he said sure! I said that I had a very pretty brown one that would match his brand new couch ( I'm sitting on that couch now) and I'd run home and get it. I brought it back as well as a blue, tan, and burgundy plaid one. That one really caught his eye, so I gave it to him. He and his boss were to have dinner at 3:00 about 30 minutes away and it was already 3:15 --- so we said our "goodbye's" On Monday morning at around 8 AM, he called me and asked me if I wouldn't mind taking his rent check along with me when I went to pay mine. I'd told him that I'd been paid already and had just mailed it in already. He was on day 5 of 7 days off. I asked him what he was going to be doing that day and he said just laying around or hanging out... something like that. A few hours later, my oldest son called him to ask him for a ride to see their sister's new baby ( their nephew- 2 weeks old.. Brandon DID get to hold him after he was born). Michael described Brandon as sounding "drunk" but that wasn't something that alarmed him right away. What did concern him was the fact that it was around 11 AM and was he really "drunk?" Yes...! We've all said ,"if I only knew I would have .........." so please don't wander there, please? Michael asked him if he was on something and Brandon got real belligerent and said," yeah, right." Kellie texted him and asked him if he was drinking and he said,"I could do a lot worse.. just kidding."

Thursday morning, March 6, 2008, with my oldest son on phone, while walking toward my once "very sleepy baby" on his couch after the rental agent letting me into my son's apartment, I would say "he's passed out, no.....he's unconscious... Oh, Michael, he's dead, he's dead, he's dead, he's dead."

I couldn't get my sleepy baby to wake up, I couldn't make him warm with the blanket I'd given him, I asked him,"Brandon, what have you done?" And he had vomit coming out of his nose, even though he looked like he was just asleep on his couch. I didn't know what the smell was in his apartment, on him, what any of this would mean and how it would impact so many aspects of so many lives .... 12 people came into that apartment to witness Brandon's death. As they all said, " you had to see it to believe it.".

Three people are serving sentences in federal prisons for the sale of prescription drugs. Brandon died of Narcotic Intoxication. A combination of 2 prescription drugs sold to him with no dosage amount, side effects or toxic combination information leaflet included. Brandon died for a $60 copay and nobody knew.

Thank you for reading my lengthy, but healing story of my beautiful son, Brandon. God bless you all.

Tammie Sgaggero







POETRY:



IN MEMORY OF: Dustin James Ellis
16, 2/21/85---3/17/2001, smoke inhailation, due to housefire
WRITTEN BY: Melanie, Dustins Mom

Dustin,

Eleven years and I can still see your face
The twinkle in your eyes
Your smile that can light the sky.
I can hear your laughter.

This world is moving so fast---
A day turned into a week,
A month turned into a year.
Now eleven years without you!
It is hard to believe.

The world moved on, while I stood still;
The biggest part of me died with you.
Although my Heart will never say good-bye,
I have to let this pain go,
To start my life anew.

Oh, Dustin, I can feel your presence,
I still miss you so much,
I will always love you
and because of you,
I can love again,
you have taught me so much in life,
and even in death,
you continue to teach me
and guide me.
I know that when my life,
this side of Heaven is over,
You will be there
to take me by the hand,
I love you Dustin.
Mom







SIGNS:


IN MEMORY OF: Adam R. Fiock
26, 7-1-81 10-6-07, GSWH
WRITTEN BY: Christine, Adam's mom (in early February)

I have planned to make two gifts for friends for Valentine's Day using the conversation heart candy, so I have been stocking up. Of course, I have been eating them as fast as I can buy them. I am sorry to say I took a handful to bed with me one night, as I read to go to sleep. I thought I had eaten them all. Later I moved in the bed, and there was one more blue heart. It reads, "You can do it". Of course, I saved it by my bed, and I look at it every night. I just wish Adam, my grandpa, and God did not have so much faith in me. Thank you Adam, for the heart! I can't tell you how much I miss you and love you.

IN MEMORY OF: jennifer ann robinson
31, 4-23-75--3-9-07, accidential overdose of prescribed medications
WRITTEN BY: Patricia Robinson, Jenny's Mom

My husband and I were so lost after Jenny passed (still are many days)that we both begged for a sign from above, from her, from God, from anywhere that would tell us she didn't mean to leave us and her four year old daughter. Two years earlier she had divorced an abusive husband/father and was living with us. Depression set in, doctors took over and two years later she was gone. I couldn't even say her name or worse yet, look at a picture of my beautiful daughter for over a year. Then one day her sister, who is a RN living in Hawaii, calls to tell us something that was almost un-believeable.

Donna (her sister) was working labor and delivery, walked into the room of her new patient and this beautiful Hawain woman who had just given birth to a baby girl, looked at my daughter and stated " have you lost someone close recently?" Donna was surprised (but not totally shocked because she always believed her sister was close by) stated yes and told her only that she had lost a sister.

The woman began telling Donna her own story of how she had lost her two year old daughter two years earlier and almost lost her mind. Then one day while she was in her garden, her baby girl came to her and told her "Mommy, I am with God and I am ok, but Mommy, you must open your heart and help others" from that day forward she did just that and had many visions of other lost ones that she had no idea who they were. Until Donna walked into her room.

She described Jenny, tall, dark waist lenght hair, and a beautiful smile. She told her things that only Jen could have known.

We couldn't believe it, and to make it more beliveable, about 6 months later, this woman's husband who was only stationed in Hawaii came from the same state we lived in. They made the only visit back to the states and we were able to meet in person. When we met, she stating talking and didn't stop for almost an hour. The peace we felt cannot be put into words.

There is much more to this story but time won't permit me to go on. I just felt the need to tell, not many have believed this but we will always. To this day my daughter and her are friends, she will not take any money or gifts for her gift. She has always said that her gift was from God.

Thank-you for letting me share. God bless you and your family for this wonderful website.









IN THEIR OWN WORDS:

written by our children





IN MEMORY OF: JOEY WHITEMAN
21 years old, September 8, 1980 - September 3, 2002, Single Car Crash
WRITTEN BY: JOEY WHITEMAN in 1994 at age 13

A MEMORY

4/14/94

A memory that I had was when I was just a little boy of three. My mother and father had belonged to a sportsman's club by the name of "Cannoneers". My dad was on the softball team and we traveled with him to all of his games.

One night when we were at an away game, my father was on the field and my mother, my older brother, and I were on the bleachers. Everything was fine so far and as the inning came to an end, I stepped off the bleachers for a couple of minutes. By this time my father's team was already in the dugout getting ready to bat. So as I was climbing up the bleachers I fell and cracked my head open. My mother grabbed me bleeding and all and told my father we were going to the hospital.

As we reached North Penn Hospital my brother was assigned the job of trying to stop the bleeding by applying pressure to it. As we pulled through the entrance my brother took the towel off to see if it had stopped when he saw that my head had closed up. We rushed into the emergency room where doctors examined me and told me that I would need stitches. By this time my mother was nervous as anything until she heard that bit of convincing news. After the game was over my father got one of his teammates to drive him down to the hospital to see how I was doing. So I had an exciting night with me cracking my head open, and my father winning his game.







SPECIAL MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Austin James Jolliff
10 mo 18 days, 03-23-2005/2-11-2006, Homicide
WRITTEN BY: Lynn Jolliff

I remember the day Austin was born my mom brought my 2 daughters up to see their new brother. Heather Jo my youngest girl was sitting on the couch in the room holding Austin. When all the sudden all these nurses come running in and she's looking at them like what did I do. Some how Austin's alarm braclet slipped off and caused the alarm to go off. Then there was the time that Austin started to crawl he would follow me around everywhere and disaeppear in a heartbeat. He ended up stuck under his crib one day and cried his heart out but as soon as he saw me the crying stopped and it melted my heart. Rest In Peace my little angel mommy loves you and misses you dearly.



IN MEMORY OF: Major Sean Cedric Douglas
36 yrs., 3/16/72 - 5/31/08, Motorcycle accident
WRITTEN BY: Your Mom, Diane

HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY TO MY SON, SEAN

Thoughts about my wonderful son Sean, could fill a book! However, I will consider others and make only a few remarks. Sean was my oldest son,a loving brother to his sister Dawn and his brother Brett. We all loved him immensely and his family meant so much to him! He was always a very caring responsible and intelligent young man, who delivered newspapers at twelve years old and worked hard at other odd jobs so that he could make a little extra money. He showed leadership skills throughout his life from Boy Scouts of America in elementary school to ROTC in high school. After earning a degree in Economics from UNC-Chapel Hill in NC, he was commissioned an officer in the US ARMY. Sean became a Black Hawk pilot for the military and bravely served country in places like Bosnia,Turkey,and South Korea. We were very proud of Sean, however if he was asked, "Sean, what has been your greatest accomplishment?" He would say without a doubt,that becoming a first time dad to his daughter Brianna, was his proudest moment, along with being thrilled to make me a grandma! My grandchild will be 14 yrs old this May 15 and I am so thankful to God for her life!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY, WE LOVE AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!

Your Mom, Diane









DREAMS:



IN MEMORY OF: Daniel Scott Forrester
30 years, 2/28/70 ~ 1/10/01, non-hodgkins lymphoma
WRITTEN BY: Mom (Arlene)

The first sign from Danny was sent to his sister Tara in a Dream just days after Danny was buried. She had a vivid dream of the phone ringing - and when she picked it up, it was Danny.... and he said to her "Well, I'm the first one out of all of us to get to Heaven".... She said it was so real.









HUMOROUS MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Lisa Mewbourne
9-23-65 to 4-23-91
WRITTEN BY: Faye Martin, mom of Lisa, wife of Rob

Dancing With the Angels

Lisa was a vivacious young teenager when she accepted Christ as her savior. I still have her Bible where she wrote a dedication of herself to Him. She loved Him with all her heart. But her's was not a "pious" love. It was "teenage love."

One day I saw her and one of her friends out in our driveway talking and goofing around. The friend started singing one of Lisa's favorite songs by Pat Benatar and Lisa started dancing up a storm. Me, being the pious one, said to Lisa,"Honey, do you think that's a proper way to dance?"

She looked at me with all the exuberance of her young life and said, "Mom, don't you know that Heaven is a "cool" place? There will be ALL kinds of singing and dancing up there. I'll probably dance with angels. We're gonna love it, Mom!"

I have thought about that precious little scene many times since she died in 1991. It always makes me laugh, remembering her usual high spirits and cheerfulness that always brought joy and laughter to my heart. I envision her now up in heaven dancing to Pat Benatar music with two or three angels. She would be saying, "Wow, this is so cool!"




Back to top

2012
Bringer of Light newsletter




Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER

DOORS

Luke died alone in his room 11 years ago on April third from Acute Bronchopneumonia. We were out of town and couldn't get in touch with him. When we arrived at the house that night after learning Luke had died, our front door was tied off with yellow police tape. We were forced to wait outside until the coroner arrived hours later. After that, we were allowed to go inside and stand at the door to his room to see him. We were not allowed to go into his room because it had not yet been determined how Luke had died.

As I stood at the door to his room looking at him, he looked better than I had imagined. He was leaning against his bed, eyes closed, asleep.... asleep, but dead. I wanted to look into his eyes, but they were closed. I wanted to touch him, but I was not allowed. I wanted to talk to him in private, but I was not allowed. So I talked to him, there at the door of his room as a policeman peered over my shoulder. I told Luke I was sorry that he died, sorry that I did not die instead, sorry that he died alone, and sorry for so many things. I told him I loved him... over and over and over. I whispered it and I screamed it. I remembered life as it was just the day before. I wanted him to wake up from his sleep because he must have been sleeping. No one dies that peacefully, they only sleep that peacefully.... so he must have only been sleeping.

Then I found myself standing at the door of the funeral home room looking at him. He looked much worse than I had imagined lying there unnaturally straight on the gurney covered with a white sheet. His mouth sealed, his eyes sealed, his hands were folded across his abdomen. His body had been left traumatized from an autopsy. I wanted to look into his eyes, but I still was not allowed. I never expected not to see his eyes again. What was I thinking? What had they done to him? Death did not leave him like that, an autopsy left him like that. I didn't like it. But this time I was allowed to touch. So I did and I cried and I screamed and I felt the coldness of his skin. I talked to him, only him..... no one was peering over my shoulder. I told him I was sorry again and again and again. He didn't look peaceful anymore, he didn't look asleep, he looked dead. I wanted him to wake up, but I could see that he was not sleeping. Since he was not sleeping he must be dead. I began to think that.... maybe none of it was real.

Next I found myself standing at the door to the cremation vault looking at the large box that he was in. It looked like nothing that I have ever imagined. A mother never imagines her child in a box, a brown cardboard box, a box that was sealed with plastic strapping. The box was simply a box, only a box, not a special box.... just a box. I wanted to look in his eyes, but I was not allowed. I wanted to touch him, but he was in the box and I was not allowed. I watched as the box was slid into the oven. I helped close the door and I heard the squeak it made and the clang it made as it closed. I heard the lock being turned and I pressed the button that released the fire and I heard the roar of the fire.....the fire that consumed all physical evidence of him. I talked to him, only him. I told him that I was sorry again and again and again. I wanted him to somehow return, but I knew it was not possible because I heard the continual roar of the fire. I waited five long hours just outside the door of the oven, sitting on a concrete floor writing my goodbye letter to him because he was dead. I began to wonder if.... I was only dreaming.

After that, I found myself standing at the door of the car looking at a small cardboard box. It looked much different than I had imagined. It was a brown cardboard box, simply a box, only a box, not a special box, just a box sealed with tape. There was a metal tag attached to the top of the box, an identification tag, a tag with only a number, a tag with no name, a tag that just hours ago was around his toe. Dead? He must be dead because he was in a little box. He had to be dead to be in a box that small. His ashes were still warm from the fire. I felt the warmth through the box. I wanted to look in his eyes, but his eyes were no more. I wanted to touch him, but I dared not open the box yet. As I sat in the car holding that little warm box on my lap I talked to him, only him. I told him that I loved him... again. I told him that I was sorry.... again. I remembered life how it was and I remembered when I once held him in my lap as I sat in car 21 years before and brought him home for the first time and he was warm in my lap. I now realized that it would be the last time that he would ever be warm. I wanted his ashes to materialize into him, the physical him.... but they didn't because he was dead. I began to realize that..... it might be so.

Now, years later I find myself standing at the door to Heaven looking for him. He seems much further away than I had imagined. I knock, but no one is opening the door. I scream, I am tired, I am sad, I am lonely. I want to sleep too.... that eternal sleep. I want to look into his eyes again, but I still am not allowed. I want to touch him again, but I am not allowed. I talk to him, only him. I tell him that I love him and that I am sorry. I remember life how it was and I want him to come back, but HE is not allowed. I want to go through the door to where he is, but I am not allowed...... not yet. He is dead and..... I finally know it.

© 2012 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001






THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT DOOR

There is a room in our home that is empty now.
I go in this room and pause awhile and wonder how.
How can it be his clothes no longer lay on the floor.
And now, no one is waiting on the other side of that door.

It's Luke's room, where now all that is left is the memory of him.
Within these walls we talked and laughed, and talked and laughed again.
Sometimes there were words of anger, and sometimes there were tears.
But there was also lots of love and happiness, all throughout the years.

I stand quietly and remember waking him at the start of his day.
Sometimes I would sit and listen to his beautiful music when he'd play.
I could not believe the talent that flowed from his fingertips.
In this room I cared for him and helped him when he was sick.

In this very room I looked into his eyes while we talked.
He once cried on my shoulder and told me his deepest thoughts.
One morning he told me of a very bad dream that woke him from his sleep.
There are so many memories from this room that I will forever keep.

Five years we dwelt in this place we called our home.
Luke would come back again and again, no matter where he'd roam.
There was a time when his room was full of guitars, a piano, and such.
Now it is so empty and I miss him so very much.

His closet was once filled with his clothes and all his special things.
Now nothing is left in this closet, only the memories that it brings.
His bed is gone and nothing but emptiness fills this lonely room.
I see the very spot where he died alone, and left us way too soon.

Someday this room will surely belong to someone else's son.
The road I have to travel to see Luke again, has only just begun.
This house is but an empty shell, which echoes of time that has slipped away.
And in his room I hear the lost and lonely whispers of our yesterday.

So now I stand here at his door and say my last goodbye,
To this place, and this room, where my only son had to die.
My life has changed and our time in this place will be no more.
But, I will wait until I can see him again, on the other side of that door.

© 2001 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your.....
BRINGER OF LIGHT.

IN MY ROOM

The Beach Boys are an American rock band, formed in 1961 in Hawthorne, California. The group was initially composed of brothers Brian, Dennis and Carl Wilson, their cousin Mike Love, and friend Al Jardine. They were managed early on by the Wilsons' father Murry. The band's leader, composer, arranger and producer Brian Wilson was responsible for writing most of the bands early singles and albums.

"In My Room" is a song written by Brian Wilson and Gary Usher (writer and producer). It was released on their 1963 album Surfer Girl. This is written from the perspective of a teenager who feels safe and comfortable in his bedroom. Brian Wilson was rumored to suffer from severe Agoraphobia, and refused to leave his bedroom for a significant amount of time. He wrote this song to give people and idea of how he felt.

Gary Usher further describes that "Brian was always saying that his room was his whole world." Brian seconds this opinion: "I had a room, and I thought of it as my kingdom. And I wrote that song, very definitely, that you're not afraid when you're in your room. It's absolutely true." Gary Usher explained that "'In My Room' found us taking our craft a little more seriously. Brian and I came back to the house one night after playing 'over-the-line' (a baseball game). I played bass and Brian was on organ. The song was written in an hour... Brian's melody all the way. The sensitivity... the concept meant a lot to him. When we finished, it was late, after our midnight curfew. In fact, Murry [the Wilson brothers' father] came in a couple of times and wanted me to leave. Anyway, we got Audree [the Wilson brothers' mother], who was putting her hair up before bed, and we played it for her. She said, 'That's the most beautiful song you've ever written.' Murry said, 'Not bad, Usher, not bad,' which was the nicest thing he ever said to me."

In 1990, Brian wrote, "I also enjoyed producing 'In My Room'. There is a story behind this song. When Dennis, Carl and I lived in Hawthorne as kids, we all slept in the same room. One night I sang the song 'Ivory Tower' to them and they liked it. Then a couple of weeks later, I proceeded to teach them both how to sing the harmony parts to it. It took them a little while, but they finally learned it. We then sang this song night after night. It brought peace to us. When we recorded 'In My Room', there was just Dennis, Carl and me on the first verse...and we sounded just like we did in our bedroom all those nights. This story has more meaning than ever since Dennis' death." Dennis was the drummer for the Beach Boys and died on December 28, 1983, shortly after his 39th birthday. He drowned at Marina Del Rey, Los Angeles.

sources: Wikipedia & SongFacts.com



IN MY ROOM

There's a world where I can go
And tell my secrets to
In my room, in my room

In this world I lock out all
my worries and my fears
In my room, in my room

Do my dreaming and my scheming
Lie awake and pray
Do my crying and my sighing
Laugh at yesterday

Now it's dark and I'm alone
But I won't be afraid
In my room, in my room
In my room, in my room
In my room, in my room

~ Words & music by Brian Wilson and Gary Usher











ANNIVERSARY AND BIRTHDAY
DEDICATIONS


IN MEMORY OF: Lucas Christopher Ross
AGE: 21
DATES: October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
CAUSE: Acute Bronchopneumonia

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know Luke how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away"~ Mom, Dad, and Emily


IN MEMORY OF: Joshua Samuel Hughes
AGE: 21
DATES: 4/30/82- 11/07/03
CAUSE: car accident

"Josh Hughes-Happy 30th Birthday. You are Always in my Heart and Soul. I Love You." ~ Mom


IN MEMORY OF: Joshua S Johnson
AGE: 21
DATES: 10/11/1985-04/01/2007
CAUSE: Accidential overdose

"Love and miss you forever and always." ~ Mom


IN MEMORY OF: Alyssa Estevez
AGE: 23
DATES: 04/21/1982 - 03/12/2006
CAUSE: Single Car Accident

"Happy 30th Birthday my beautiful child! You are remembered every day. My very special girl, so happy, so good, so very loving. We love you forever!" ~ Mom and Dad







QUOTES:

God enters by a private door into every individual.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars or sailed an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.
Helen Keller (1880 - 1968)









LETTERS TO HEAVEN:

IN MEMORY OF: Robert Dennis "Bobby" Digan
AGE: 18 years
DATES: March 23, 1973-May 23, 1991
CAUSE: Special Needs Child, Medical Mistake Bobby my little Saint who is missed so much, by Mom and Dad.

It is snowing out today, March 1, 2012, and I am looking out the window and thinking only of you. The tears are coming down my face as I miss you so much. I think of the fun times we had together, even though you were in a wheelchair, you had so much fun. You played basketball from your chair, remember when you got the ball in the hoop and I could not get it in. You just laughted so hard.

Dad is out clearing the snow off the drive way.

I still have your nightshirt and wear it to bed at least once a week...it brings me close to you.

My heart will never be the same, without you. I prayer that I will be in Heaven with you someday.

I love and miss you more than words can say. Big Hugs and Kisses to my Puppy Dog (remember I called you that name). You would smile and say, "Oh Mom"

Love,
Mommy

Keep Luke's family in your prayers for all they do for us....who have children in Heaven







POETRY:



IN MEMORY OF: Alyssa Estevez
AGE: 23
DATES: 04/21/1982 - 03/12/2006
CAUSE: Single Car Accident
WRITTEN BY: Alyssa's MoM

Alyssa was at FSU (Florida State University) when she wrote this about herself. She was a founding sister of the The Gamma Epsilon chapter of Lambda Theta Alpha Latin Sorority......and she was all of these and more.....Happy 30th Birthday my beautiful child!!! Mom loves you for ever!



I am

Love, Patience and Passion
I like candlelit bath and dancing.
Honesty, Respect and Determination are important to me.
I feel refreshed and relaxed after speaking with God.
I sometimes react without thinking
But I always follow my heart to happiness.
I love to travel and learn about new places
I am a good listener
I take pride in my culture and traditions
This is me......I am!









IN THEIR OWN WORDS:

written by our children





IN MEMORY OF: Adam Jarod DeLong
AGE: 18
DATES: 3/10/76 - 9/2/94
CAUSE: auto accident
WRITTEN BY: Cyndee

Adam wrote this to a friend, their Senior year of high school. When Adam passed, this same friend handed me this poem he wrote to her~ she wanted me to have it. It was written in his hand, signed by him. The minister read it at Adam's funeral~ to all his friends there. Our youngest son read it to HIS graduating class~ in memory of his brother. The words are timeless~ precious, and for all.

"I love you, My friend
You're quite dear to me
A true friend you are
And always will be.
But you're leaving me soon
And going your own way,
Perhaps we will meet
In the future some day.
You've left me memories
Of good time we've had
To treasure forever
And make me feel glad.
I wish you good luck
In all that you do
May all of life's pleasures
Come your way too.
Farewell now, my friend
And please may you find~
Some thought of me
~ always in your mind.

^Adam DeLong^ '93







SPECIAL MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Joshua S Johnson
AGE: 21
DATES: 10/11/1985-04/01/2007
CAUSE: Accidential overdose
WRITTEN BY: Tammy forever Joshs mom

One of the memories showing just what a loving person he was: I miss him so much. Even at 21 he would lay on the floor with his Cockapoo that I got for him when he was about 8. She was just a puppy and he would just cuddle with her and kiss her on the head. He loved her so much. She died a year after Josh, close to his birthday. I had her cremated and I buried her with him. I hope they are in heaven having the time of they're life.









DREAMS:



IN MEMORY OF: Jacob Alexander-Lee Gagnon "JAKE"
AGE: 5 1/2
DATES: 05/01/03-09/25/08
CAUSE: bowel obstruction
WRITTEN BY: Michelle Hall-Gagnon, Jakes Mommy

My beautiful lit'l man passed away on Sept. 25, 2008 at 10:15 pm. Jake was our only child. He was our "everything ." We were such proud parents of such a remarkable lit'l boy. His service was held on Sunday , where there was over a thousand people who attended. He was well known in our area. He wasn't a shy child, just the opposite. He never met a stranger.

Monday morning was the last day I would hold him & kiss him, Tuesday he was cremated. On the morning of his cremation I woke up and couldn't believe the dream I had just had. It was so real. Jake was in the food lion shopping cart but not where you normally sit a child but in the buggy part. He was standing and jumping up and down singing and laughing so loud. I said "Jake, sshhhh , sit down ! what are you doing?...you are going to fall and get a squshy spot on your head again, stop ! " He smiled back so big with that mischief smile of his and said Mom-LOOK at me, LOOK at me, I don't want to sit anymore,I have sat for so long... I want to sing, I want to dance! I looked at him but really looked at him and just then realized he was standing & jumping. He was so excited & happy.

I believe Jake came to me in that dream to let me know he was ok and free. You see, Jake had muscular dystrophy, he lived his 5 short years in a wheelchair. Jake had accomplished allot in those years doing things the doctors said he would never do. The week he died he said to me one morning, "Mommy, I'm going to walk by my 6th Birthday." I said I bet you will Jake , I bet you will. His death was unexpected-he went for a simple procedure, but a bad call on the doctors part-my baby died. Instead of passing the blockage his stomach swelled and the blockage burst. The toxins went through his body slowly killing him as the day went by right in front of our eyes.

We miss him so much. Our hearts are forever broken. We thank God for the wonderful 5 years we shared .He taught us so much. I pray the memories will get us through until we can be together again.

Run like the wind my precious child...Run Run Run .




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2012
Bringer of Light newsletter






Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

LAMBY-PIE

I remember so many wonderful things from Luke's childhood.... how we held hands, his cute little giggle, the way he gently touched me, his hugs and kisses, and especially I remember Luke's relationship with Lamby-Pie.

When Luke was a little fellow his best friend in the whole world was his big sister Emily. They did everything together, but when she started school he was so lost. One day his grandma gave him a little white stuffed lamb. The little lamb had a yellow sewn-on T-shirt. Well, Luke absolutely loved that little lamb. He named his little lamb.... Lamby-Pie. This little lamb became Luke's very best friend and went everywhere with us.... restaurants, car rides, vacations, picnics, shopping, playgrounds, wagon rides, walks.... just everywhere.

Oh how Lamb-Pie loved to slide and swing and see-saw! A lot of children had imaginary friends, but not Luke, his friend was very real.... his friend was Lamby-Pie. Lamby-Pie loved macaroni and cheese, and snow cones, and milk.... and Lamby-Pie had the stains to prove it. After awhile poor little Lamby-Pie wasn't very white anymore.

I was amazed at the things that Lamby-Pie could say, but Lamby-Pie spoke only to Luke. Luke would tell me that Lamby-Pie said.... "Let's go for a walk around the block Mommy," or "Let's eat some ice cream Mommy," or "Let's play in the sandbox Mommy," or "Let's read a book Mommy". That Lamby-Pie sure was a talker and always got Mommy to do things even when Mommy was very busy around the house. But I loved it, and I was so glad that Luke had such a wonderful friend to help him not feel so lost without his sister.

Sometimes just after Luke and I would take Emily to school, we would go to the McDonalds just down the street to play on their playground. Luke and Lamby-Pie had so much fun together. I knew Luke was lonely without his big sister so Luke and I and Lamby-Pie went to McDonalds often. One day Luke met another little boy on the McDonalds playground and began playing with him. Oh what a wonderful time he had with his new found playmate. He was so excited telling me all about it on our way home. When we arrived home and started to get out of the car Luke reached for Lamby-Pie, but Lamby-Pie wasn't there. My little boy looked at me with big tears in his eyes and said..."Mommy, I left Lamby-Pie at McDonalds." I knew this was a very serious thing. So we immediately drove back to McDonalds. We ran out to the playground to get Lamby-Pie, but Lamby-Pie was nowhere to be found. Luke and I were both looking frantically for his little Lamby-Pie. Luke called out..." Lamby-Pie, Lamby-Pie, Lamby-Pie," but Lamby-Pie was silent. He walked up to me as I squatted down to hug him and his broken heart. He said..."Mommy, Lamby-Pie is gone." By then we were both crying.

I thought to myself, why would anyone want that dirty old, stained-up, little lamb. So on our way out of McDonalds, with one last effort, I walked up to the counter and sighed as I very sadly said... "Did you happen to find a little stuffed lamb?" The guy said with a huge grin...."Yes, I did and I put it behind the counter! I just KNEW someone would be back for it because it was so worn and obviously so loved." He went and got Lamby-Pie and handed him to me and I squatted down again as I handed him to my wide-eyed little boy. Luke immediately held Lamby-Pie close to his chest as those last big tears ran across the lips of a huge smile.

For the next several years Luke and Lamby-Pie were inseparable. As Luke grew older, his interests grew older, and Lamby-Pie spent a lot of time alone. I knew Lamby-Pie was a very special little lamb so I put Lamby-Pie in the cedar chest for safe keeping, hoping to someday give him to Luke's little boy. Luke never had the opportunity to have his own little boy so when Luke died, I brought Lamby-Pie out of hiding and placed him in a glass enclosed doll case and displayed him in the foyer with all of Luke's special things.

A few weeks ago, not long after Luke's 11th anniversary of passing, I had a dream of Lamby-Pie. In my dream Lamby-Pie told me that he had something to tell me. But I woke up without ever hearing Lamby-Pie's message. As soon as I got up that morning I went to the foyer, reached for the glass case, opened it, and took Lamby-Pie out. I felt such comfort standing there holding Lamby-Pie with his tiny scratched eyes, and his matted stained fur, and his little dirty yellow T-shirt. As tears streamed down my face, I held Lamby-Pie close to my chest, just as Luke did so many years ago when Lamby-Pie had been lost. I said.."Lamby-Pie what do you need to tell me?" But Lamby-Pie was silent, I guess he still only talked to Luke. So I just touched his stained fur and inhaled his stale scent. But as I was touching his fur, I felt something very lightly touching my finger. I looked and there barely peeking out from under the edge of that little yellow T-Shirt was a hair. I raised the edge of the T-shirt up and there was a single dark brown strand of hair, just the exact length that Luke's hair was when he was a little fellow. I held the strand in my hand, and realized that I was holding a physical piece of my son once again. A secret that only Lamby-Pie knew and wanted to share with me. I closed my eyes and called out Luke's name, just as Luke had called out Lamb-Pie's name all those years ago, but Luke was silent. Just at that moment, Lamby-Pie reached into my heart and gave me the spiritual presence of Luke. I felt Luke's presence very strongly, and I held that feeling close to my chest as my tears ran across my smiling lips. I then knew what Lamby-Pie wanted to tell me in my dream. "No matter how far away someone you love is, no matter how much time has passed, there will always be a part of that person with you. Just call out their name." I thanked Lamby-Pie for this gift as I gently placed the strand of hair back where Lamby-Pie had been keeping it safe for over 30 years. It was where it belonged and where it will remain.

Lamby-Pie doesn't need words to speak, and I don't need ears to hear him. Lamby-Pie is silent to my listening ears, but he is my friend, just as he was all those years ago to my little boy who needed a friend so badly. I guess Lamby-Pie comes to those who need him. And amazingly because of a sweet dream and a distant memory that was tucked away in the corners of my mind, peace has found its way to the innermost depths of my broken heart.

© 2012 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001






I REMEMBER

I remember...
holding hands,
walking barefoot,
summer sands,

baby giggles,
little boy eyes,
teenage laughter,
grown-up pride,

sleepy mornings,
stretching yawns,
midday naps,
afternoon storms,

glowing sunsets,
moonlit evenings,
whispered secrets,
midnight dreaming,

smells of Autumn,
hugs and kisses,
gentle touches,
birthday wishes,

rain in April,
cold Decembers,
treasured moments
...I remember.

© 2007 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND

"You've Got a Friend" is a song from 1971, originally written and performed by Carole King, but was made famous by James Taylor's cover version the same year. This song is about being there for others and being a friend for someone in need. King said the song "was as close to pure inspiration as I've ever experienced. The song wrote itself. It was written by something outside of myself, through me."

The story goes that Taylor was scheduled to perform at the Troubadour Theater in Los Angeles, and while tuning up for his evening performance in the dressing room, he heard Carole King's lovely voice, and the beautiful piano music of this song gently wafting from the stage through the dressing room doors. When they met backstage, James told Carole that he liked her song very much. In return, Carole suggested to James that he should record his own special version of her song.

This song became the biggest, and most well-known hit for then 23-year-old James Taylor, and his only #1 in America.

sources: Wikipedia & SongFacts.com

>



YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND

When you're down and troubled
and you need a helping hand,
and nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
and soon I will be there
to brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
and you know wherever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah baby
to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
all you got to do is call
and I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend.

If the sky above you
should turn dark and full of clouds
and that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud now
and soon I'll be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
all you got to do is call
and I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don't you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all you've got to do is call.
Lord, I'll be there, yes I will.
You've got a friend.
You've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
You've got a friend.

~ Words & music by Carole King





QUOTES:

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
~ Anonymous

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.
~ Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC),









ANNIVERSARY AND BIRTHDAY
DEDICATIONS

IN MEMORY OF: Jacob Alexander-Lee Gagnon "JAKE "
AGE: 5 1/2
DATES: 05/01/03-09/25/08
CAUSE: bowel obstruction
WRITTEN BY: Jakes mommy forever

: My Darling lit'l man, I think back to the day God gave you to me. I held you in my arms as happy as I could be. Happy 9th B-Day my big boy you must be. By Heavens gate I know you wait till I can hold you once again. Always & Forever our love will always be.

IN MEMORY OF: DEREK CHRISTIAAN WENTZ
AGE: 36
DATES: 12-4-72 to 5-21-09
CAUSE: GSWC
WRITTEN BY: Mom

: I can't believe you've been in Heaven 3 years already. It seems like yesterday and forever ago at the same time. I see you in the twinkling night stars and still send you a hug and a kiss on your cheeky Little Boy. I see you in the blue sky and clouds during the day and think how much you loved being outside and camping. Have a blessed angelversary. I'll see you soon. I love you dearly and miss you terribly. Mom







LETTERS TO HEAVEN:

IN MEMORY OF: Dennis Christopher Tucker
AGE: 26
DATES: 6-11-60 9-16-86
CAUSE: accidental
WRITTEN BY: Dolores, his mom

: My prayers to you were many before and after my surgery on Feb. 13. As you have had hip surgery at a young age, I had a hip replacemeent in my older years. You were prevalent in my mind, knowing all the health issues with your hip that you underwent during your high school years. That was a bad period for all of us; thankfully, the tumor was benign. Returning to school was difficult and it was your older brother who carried your books to your classes while you walked on crutches. Now, your brother is taking care of me while I recuperate. You would have been a dr. by now. How sad that you are gone. You have been through so much through your young years. I love and miss you so very much, my son. You are forever with me in spirit. Love and prayers, Mom





SIGNS:


IN MEMORY OF: Adam R. Fiock
AGE: 26
DATES: 7-1-81 10-6-07
CAUSE: Self inflicted
WRITTEN BY: Christine, Adam's mom in early April 2012

: I have been having a very hard time with Easter approaching. I am a big college basketball fan, and I have been watching all the tournament games. I felt so lonely two weekends ago. I just happend to stop and hear an announcer talk about a player, who is from Stringtown, OK. My grandpa lived on Stringtown Rd here in Evansville for about 50 years. Then, I happend to walk in the room when they were talking about an assistant coach, who used to coach in Evansville, IN, where I live. I know my grandpa was trying to tell me that I was not alone. Christine, Adam's mom




2012
Bringer of Light newsletter






Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

CRYING OVER SPILLED SHAMPOO

A few short months after the death of my son, Luke, I was showering with anticipation of washing my hair with a new coconut-scented shampoo that I had just purchased a few days earlier. I lifted the bottle and let the shampoo spill into my hands. As I closed my eyes the scent pulled me back in time, to the beach, and to the unexpected memory of coconut oil.... back to a time of Luke's childhood.

The scent of that shampoo overflowed into all of my senses. For just a moment I was back on the beach rubbing coconut oil on my little boy, and he doing the same for me. I could see his beautiful dark skin, feel the warmth of his tiny hands, hear his familiar voice, smell the wonderful scent of coconut oil, and once again I could taste the salty ocean.

I opened my eyes and in an instant I was drawn back into reality. It was then that I realized that the dark skin that I saw was only the back of my eyelids, the hands that I felt were my own, the voice that I heard was the sound of the water trickling on my head from the shower, the smell of coconut oil was my new shampoo, and the salty ocean was simply the taste of my very own tears.

© 2003 - Christine Ross
~ In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001
Published
July 2010, Volume 8 No. 1
GRIEF DIGEST magazine
A Centering Corporation


THE SWIM


The waves are washing over me.
I'm drowning in this grief.
I look for shores to swim to
Or an island of relief.

I tread the murky water
Trying hard to stay afloat.
I'm pulled under by the current
Sinking to where there is no hope.

Submerged in total darkness,
Lying on the ocean's floor.
I contemplate my voyage
To that peaceful heavenly shore.

My chest is tightened by the surge.
In this seabed I can't breathe.
So I look toward the surface
To the place of my reprieve.

A light appears before me
With a hand for me to clasp.
Then I'm thrust above the surface
As I begin to cough and gasp.

I see the shore before me
So I swim towards the sand
But I gaze back at the water
Knowing that it understands.

Then I look to the horizon
At that other peaceful shore.
Someone is waiting for me
But motions not to drift that far.

The hand that rescued reaches high
And waves to me a fond goodbye.
Someday I'll see my angel
When I reach that ebbing tide.

So I turn towards that earthly shore
Drenched in the hope that I betrayed.
Stroke by stroke I reach the reef
And in the shallow sea I wade.

At last I find myself aground.
I lay there resting on the beach
As the waves engulf my being
Again I'm flooded by this grief.

So I build sandcastles to the sky
And I soak up lots of sun.
I splash around in memories
Of the days when life was fun.

The waters still entice me
And I know the current's strong.
I sometimes go out for a swim.....
But I don't stay out too long.

© 2007 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001



Find and be found to discover your.....
BRINGER OF LIGHT.

A SUMMER SONG

"A Summer Song" is the title of the biggest hit by the British folk rock duo Chad & Jeremy in the 1960s. The lyrics and the melody are both upbeat and lushly melancholic. "A Summer Song" went to number two for six weeks on the Adult Contemporary chart in the U.S. Chad Stuart would suggest: "You'd never hear something that sweet in the British charts...For some reason in America it worked. I don't honestly know why".

The song tells how wonderful the summer was and how all good things come to an end. The reference to the falling of Autumn leaves represents the end of a time, a life, or a season. This is when it hurts to say goodbye to someone that you wish did not have to go. But, the memories of that season, or that life, or that time will live on.

sources: Wikipedia & SongFacts.com



A SUMMER SONG

Trees swayin' in the summer breeze
Showin' off their silver leaves
As we walked by

Soft kisses on a summer's day
Laughing all our cares away
Just you and I

Sweet sleepy warmth of summer nights
Gazing at the distant lights
In the starry sky

They say that all good things must end someday
Autumn leaves must fall
But don't you know that it hurts me so
To say goodbye to you
Wish you didn't have to go
No, no, no, no

And when the rain
Beats against my window pane
I'll think of summer days again
And dream of you

They say that all good things must end someday
Autumn leaves must fall
But don't you know that it hurts me so
To say goodbye to you
Wish you didn't have to go
No, no, no, no

And when the rain
Beats against my window pane
I'll think of summer days again
And dream of you
And dream of you

~ Words & music by Chad Stuart with Clive Metcalfe and Keith Noble





QUOTES:

FAMOUS QUOTE:

"But thy eternal summer shall not fade."

~William Shakespeare (1564–1616), British dramatist, poet.

MEMBER QUOTE:

"The love will never die but maybe in time the ache won't be so intense, and even though the hole will never be filled, maybe one day it will soften just a little bit..."

~ Yandell Murphy

MEMORIAL QUOTE:

"When there is love in my heart and a smile on my face,
I need nothing else."

~Luke Ross









ANNIVERSARY AND BIRTHDAY
DEDICATIONS

IN MEMORY OF: Matthew Ross
AGE: 36 minutes
DATES: 6/7/72-6/7/72
CAUSE: Congenital kidney defect

: "My dear son, I carried you and gave birth to you but never got to hold you. You were loved and wanted and you will remain in my heart forever." ~ Rhonda Ross

IN MEMORY OF: Amy Jo Ellsworth Clein
AGE: 45 yr.
DATES: b.6/10/65-d.6/14/10
CAUSE: mandibular cancer







LETTERS TO HEAVEN:

IN MEMORY OF: Amy Jo Ellsworth Clein
AGE: 45 yr.
DATES: b.6/10/65-d.6/14/10
CAUSE: mandibular cancer
WRITTEN BY: Lorraine Radke

: I miss you Amy when I awake and all the memories start replaying. I will never understand why you had to die. I pray each day to make it through as I face the day with this heartache of losing you.I wish you would once more come walking through the door with your beautiful smile and feel your loving hugs and hear you say, "Hi mom"....and "I love you mom". I miss you at the end of day and I wonder how long it will be until I see your beautiful face once more. Miss and love you always. Mom





SIGNS:


IN MEMORY OF: Michelle Marie Greever
AGE: 9 yrs 2 months, 12 days
DATES: 8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93
CAUSE: Accident
WRITTEN BY: Cindy Jo Greever (May 4, 2012)

Angels at work!!!

Our beloved Michelle was 4 when we got Max, our big burly Black Lab and until she went to Heaven in 1993 she spent five years bonding to our Max as he was definitely a huge part of our family! Then in 2002 Max went to join Michelle and I miss him still and think of him often.. My 'SIGN' story below was written on May 4th 2012.

I just got my sign today from our beloved Lab Max, 10 years he has been in Heaven and I still miss him.

I was picking up pine cones like I do every day and was moved to clearing off the grass around a cement area Dave poured years ago for the septic cleanout, a small circular cement area that I just couldn't read anymore as it was so overgrown with grass on the edges- When my husband Dave did the small cement work he had Max leave his paw print and our older daughter Melissa left her handprint and footprint but I had forgotten her foot print as the grass grew over the edges so far I couldn't see or read it anymore other than what I thought said MAX.. so I was looking for his pawprint and got the grass pulled away and off the edges enough that it was readable again, there was more grass covering it than there was exposed cement, after pulling the grass and dirt clumps off the edges I went even further and decided to clean it off with water, THEN I 'noticed' not only Max's pawprint but also his name, Melissa's handprint AND footprint and where I thought it said Max it said JUNE 4, and beneath that '97.. IMAGINE TODAY is also May 4th!!!!!! I was stunned, exactly 15 years ago THIS day they poured that cement and in all these 15 years I had never felt I needed or wanted to clear/clean it off until THIS day, May 4th, I came into the house and said to hubby "isn't today May 4th?" I was stunned!!!

Some things surely cannot be explained in words and this is one of them, no coincidence but a sure sign from Max and Michelle, together in Heaven but very much with us, still...

CindyJo Greever
michellesmama.com









IN THEIR OWN WORDS:

written by our children





IN MEMORY OF: Amanda Nicole Curcio
AGE: 17
DATES: Oct. 17, 1989 - May 19, 2007
CAUSE: suicide by hanging

Separation Feeling

by Amanda Curcio

You know that feeling in the pit of your heart,
That burning sensation every time you're apart
from the person who makes you seem complete?
Without them, you're led to defeat.
This feeling's so bad that you wanna die.
Can't bear a smile though out comes a cry.
You try to replace the emptiness,
But happy rays seem to come less 'n' less.
You try to make do with what you got.
Those joyful emotions you miss A Lot!
But nothing can help you or make it better.
Except to know the one that you miss
will always be there.







SPECIAL MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: BRYAN ESPOSITO
AGE: 20
DATES: 5/13/79- 2/11/2000
CAUSE: UNKNOWN
WRITTEN BY: MOM

: bryan always told me i loved him too much. it seemed like he was telling me that i coddle him to much. after his death i realized that i had to give him all my love,to last a life time.




2012
Bringer of Light newsletter






Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

THE EASY PART OF THIS JOURNEY

It was June 25, 2012 and it had been two years since I had seen Jennifer. There she was... sleeping peacefully and so still. There was an echo of whispers throughout the room. Jennifer had spent the last 20 years struggling with an awful disease that took her kidneys, her legs, and finally her life.

I sat there in that beautiful Catholic church in that quaint little town as I watched her parents standing there in front of her casket. They were crying as they held her cold hands and as they bent over to give her that one last kiss goodbye.

The mother walked back to the pew and as she walked away two brothers of the father walked up to the casket. When the father saw them he turned towards them and they all stood together hugging each other in a circle. But there at the front of that church was an unbelievable eerie coincidence. The three brothers that were holding each other at the casket had now all lost children. One of those brothers was my husband. You could hear their sobs and moans float throughout the chapel as they all clutched each other in disbelief. It was one of the saddest things that I have ever witnessed.

As the music began, the service began, and the pain began. I was now sitting next to my husband. His brother, the father of the child in the casket, was sitting right in front of us. Then, next to my husband was his other brother. I looked at my husband just as his brother grabbed his hand and as their eyes met they both cried on each other's shoulders. I looked further down the pew at his wife, my sister-in-law, and her eyes were red and tears were streaming down her face. My tears dropped to my lap as I absorbed the reality of it all. I thought to myself as I looked at all of us sitting in that pew, we all have a common bond. It was the worst thing in the world to have in common.... our children had died.

As the service continued I cried for Jennifer and I cried for my son Luke. I cried for Dylan and for Matthew, the children of my husband's brother. The thought of all four of these children, together in Heaven, and all of us sitting together on earth was so overwhelming that it consumed my emotions and I could not stop crying. I felt that I was reliving Luke's service all over again, with memories of Dylan's service and Matthew's death, and now the reality of Jennifer's service. It was 1972 when Matthew died as an infant. In 2001 Luke died. Dylan died in 2010. And, now 2012 had brought the death of Jennifer. Four children from three brothers just seemed so unfair.

As the pall bearers, two of which were my husband and his brother, carried another dead child out of a church to a hearse, I could only hear the shuffle of their feet through what seemed like an everlasting silence. Was there a song playing? I really do not know. I only know that there was a reverence, and a presence of angels all around. Angels that would walk with Jennifer to Heaven, the same angels that walked with Luke and Dylan and Matthew. I knew that those Heavenly angels would walk with Jennifer's parents, just as they had walked with us when Luke died, and just as they had walked with the parents of Dylan and Matthew..... and they would be there for all of us through the difficult days and years ahead.

As the casket passed the pew, followed by Jennifer's parents, my sister-in-law (the mother of Dylan and Matthew) and I stepped out behind them. We reached for each other's hands as we both looked deep into each other's eyes with that knowing and those familiar tears streaming down our faces. We walked out of the church together, the sun was shining brightly and a few clouds in the sky as if to say.... life will go on. My heart was heavy with the knowing that for most everyone else at that funeral the pain was mostly over, but for the family of Jennifer it had only just begun. My sister-in-law said to me as we walked hand in hand to the adjacent cemetery...... "As unbelievable as it may sound, the funeral is the easy part of this journey."

© 2012 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001






ONE LAST KISS


Oh, there you are
So still, so cold.
No more breathing.
No growing old.

As I touch you
Nothing is real.
Your skin is cold,
Your body still.

My eyes see you.
My heart wonders...
Beneath this shell
Do you slumber?

I listen close
No sound from you.
I whisper soft
My voice eludes.

Air engulfs you,
Frigid and stale.
I breath in deep,
Capture your smell.

Upon your lips
I press my own.
The taste of death
It lingers strong.

Lips cold and sealed.
Your life dismissed.
Tears warm your face
With ONE LAST KISS.

© 2003 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your.....
BRINGER OF LIGHT.

WALK WITH YOU

"Walk With You" is the theme song for the television series Touched By An Angel. The songs music and lyrics were written by Marc Lichtman. The song is sung by Della Reese at the beginning of each episode. This inspirational drama series ran from 1994 - 2003.

sources: Wikipedia



WALK WITH YOU


When you walk down the road
Heavy burden, heavy load
I will rise and i will walk with you

When you walk through the night
And you feel like you wanna just give up,
give up, give up on the fight
I will come and i will walk with you

Walk with you
Until the sun don't even shine
Walk with you
I'll be there all the time
I tell you i'll walk with you
See you through

When you walk from this place
And you gotta go to meet him face to face
Take my hand and i will walk with you

Oh, oh walk with you
'Till the clouds fade away
I tell you i 'll walk with you
Each and every day
Oh yes i'll walk with you

Oh, oh oh when nobody cares
I'll be right there by your side
If all your hope is lost
I'm the one that's gonna help you see the light
Just look into my eyes
Please know you're not alone
I'm here, i'm here by your side

Walk with you
Walk with you
Walk with you
I'll be there all the time, i'm gonna walk with you
Walk with you
I'll be there until the clouds just fade away
Walk with you
I'll be there every day, every day, every day, every day
Walk with you
I'll be with you all the while
Walk with you
Be right there through the longest mile

Walk with you
I will walk with you yes i will, yes i will, yes i will, i will
Walk with you
I will walk with you
I tell you i'll be there and i will
Walk with you
Believe me i'll be there and i'll walk with you, yes i will

~ Words & music by Marc Lichtman





QUOTES:

FAMOUS QUOTE:

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

~ Author Unknown

MEMBER QUOTE:

I realize there are so many of us, although were not together, we stand together in what we believe, so to me that's like being side by side and we all need that so much.

~ June Witty

MEMORIAL QUOTE:

IN MEMORY OF: Daniel Joseph Quinn
AGE: 21
DATES: 1/1/87 - 12/18/08
CAUSE:
WRITTEN BY: Mary Jo

: My son Danny passed away 2 weeks shy of his 22nd birthday. One of his favorite quotes was "Doin' Big Things." He was away at college in Orlando at UCF and I would speak with him daily. Sometimes we would talk numerous times a day. Everytime I asked him what he was doing he would say "Mom, I'm doing Big Things." Followed by his unique laugh. I would always say what does that mean? His definition of "Doin' Big Things" was going to school, making money, going to the shooting range, training at the gym, getting tattoos, BBQ's, parties or spending time with his family and friends. He was always so proud of his "Big" accomplishments and successes. I remember shaking my head thinking why couldn't he just tell me what he was doing? After he passed I realized how he loved his tattoos. How he felt it was art and how he expressed himself. So, I decided that one of my tattoos to honor him would be "Doin' Big Things" along with a dove and his dates. I must say that everytime I look at that tattoo, I remember our conversations with a smile. How I wish I could hear one more time "Mom, I'm Doing' Big Things."









ANNIVERSARY AND BIRTHDAY
DEDICATIONS

Jason "Beau" Morgan
July 31, 1979 - October 10, 2002
23 years
Brain Aneurysm







LETTERS TO HEAVEN:

IN MEMORY OF: Timothy Arnold Roden
AGE: 21
DATES: 02-13-1989-8-18-2010
CAUSE: accidental
WRITTEN BY: Timothy Arnold Roden's Mom

: My sweet, sweet Tim,

How my heart and my arms long to hold you tight and kiss your beautiful face. To hear you say I love you mom-like you used to do all the time would be nothing short of heaven. I miss you so much my sweet boy and you are never far from my thoughts-never. There are no words for how empty my heart and my life is without you here in the physical. I know you are always around me, playing with my hair, touching my shoulder. So very comforting, but somehow just not enough. I often think that I so want to be with you-and hopefully will be soon. Right now I have your brothers and sisters to deal with and keep going. I know you are happy there with your dad, whom we all miss and love very much, but we would rather you had stayed with us. Nothing in life ever prepared me for this, Tim-absolutely nothing! But just know that you are and always will be a very important part of my life=now and forever my darling son.

I love you so much-Mom




LIFE STORIES:

IN MEMORY OF: Robert Paul Terranova
AGE: 42
DATES: Nov 15, 1964 - April 18, 2007
CAUSE: Pulminary Embolism/ heart attack
WRITTEN BY: Audrey Jones Mihacy

: Robert was always a wonderful, happy, loving boy. We had a close mother and son relationship. As he grew into an adult he became a computer tech. He was dedicated to his job and to the company, they thought highly of him, after he passed away they had two plaques made they placed one in the office where he was based and gave one to me, in recognition of his hard work and loyalty to the company. It has his picture on it also. They said a day doesnt go by that they think of him and miss him.

No matter what time of the day he would call me on his cell. In the morning before going to work, at his lunch time, as he was going home and always before he went to bed to talk a while, tell me "I love you Mom" and I will call you in the morning". Sometimes he would call different times of the day for advice or just to tell me about something interesting.

He went in the hospital for a 4 bypass heart surgery in April 2007, I stayed in the hospital with him night and day i never left his side, he was having a very hard time, his breathing wasnt good, he was bloated, they should not have sent him home, I asked them not to but they said he was ready he would get better but I was so afraid, he came home on April 17 and died suddenly the afternoon of April 18th. I was with him when it happened, I saw his face and saw his last breath, I tried to help him, I called 911, but he was gone, my husband Paul was there also. My world came crashing in that day, the Light of My Life was gone. I was in shock and disbelief. At his funeral many from his work came, even his 3 bosses, our church family, and many friends came, he was cremated, I have his ashes and my moms ashes with me, I will take them this year to West Virginia for a burial in our family plot. They all helped me that day, by their presence at his funeral and by their love through the most terrible time in my life.

I went about taking care of all his business, then I shut his cell phone off. A month later My phone made a strange sound, I went to look at it and Roberts picture and cell number showed up on the screen. I was stunned. I kept his phone number in my phone address book but it had been disconnected for a month or two. I went to my husband and showed him. He was shocked. After that for the next year He would call me on my cell, and a couple times it happened on my husbands cell. I believe he wanted to let Paul know it was real and not just a glitch on my phone, it was like he was saying "I am here with you Mom dont cry". After the year it stopped but from time to time other little things happen, like his picture that had been hanging for a long while on the wall dropped of and landed on the table, we were just sitting and talking about him. I went to a gift shop once and was going through the clearance things, I walked away to look at other things then came back to look again at the clearance things and way up on the top shelf I saw something lying flat I reached up and took it down it was a book, a book of poems with flowers on the cover and the title of the book was " I love you Mom". I began to cry I knew it was from my sweet Robert. I felt so happy just to hear from him.

Robert will always be with me, he is and always will be the Light of My Life, the heartbeat, the very breath of my soul. I can still hear his laugh and see his beautiful smiling face, I try only to think of all the happy memories, those precious wonderful times we shared together, he was here, God blessed me with 42 years with him. His spirit lives on eternally, he is at Peace in Heaven.

"I love you Rob".

Audrey Jones Mihacy





SIGNS:


ENCORE PRESENTATION From: JULY 2011

IN MEMORY OF: Tyler Alan Vanderwall
AGE: 20 years
DATES: 4/20/1986-2/04/2007
CAUSE: HOVD (caused by a chemo drug. HVOD does something to the veins in your liver so that blood cannot flow through it properly which in turn causes the veins in your esophagus to turn into varicose veins that ultimately burst.)
WRITTEN BY: Michelle Vanderwall

: It was February 4, 2010, three years since we had lost our oldest son. My husband and I had taken the day off from work as we always do. Around 3 in the afternoon, my husband suggested that we go get something to eat. We walked in the restaurant-it was deserted at that time of day-and the hostess looked up at us and said "Party of three?" We looked at each other and said "Noooooo-just the two of us." She quickly looked up again from counting out the menus she was going to give us and said "OH! I'm certain I saw three people come in the door!" She strained her neck to look around us and then kind of shrugged. My husband and I just looked at each other and smiled and said "Tyler!" It was so comforting to know that he was with us even though WE couldn't see him!

The next time that happens, I am going to remember to ask the girl to describe who she saw. I'm sure she'll say " A tall,cute guy in his early twenties."










IN THEIR OWN WORDS:

written by our children





IN MEMORY OF: Troy Alan Mitzlaff
AGE: 37
DATES: 01/27/1971-12/14/2008
CAUSE: Suicide
WRITTEN BY: Troy Alan Mitzlaff

: I like to think I am a simple man, but others tell me different. I try to enjoy life to the fullest. I work hard. I play hard. I am an honest, down to earth person who does not like to play games. I hate games and game players. I value friends and family, but sometimes time gets away from me. It's all a big juggling act. Kudos to those who support my decisions and those who don't, well I can't please everyone.

I am very passionate about the outdoors. I love fresh air whether it is sunny, rainy or ten below zero. Hiking, bike riding, camping, fishing, the weather is always right for something.

This is how Troy described himself on My Space. I love and miss you, so very much.







SPECIAL MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Daniel Scott Forrester
AGE: 30
DATES: 2/28/70 - 1/10/01
CAUSE: lymphoma
WRITTEN BY: Arlene Gundersen

: JULY I have so many wonderful memories of July 4th of years gone by. When the kids were little, we'd all go to one of the parks for July 4th celebration and fireworks. One year - when I was working at a nursing home..... I brought the family there as they were having all kinds of fun things planned. Danny was about 6 or 7 years old and his sister Tammy was about 8 or 9. I taught them to sing two songs "Mamie" and "God bless America". I entered them in the talent competition. When it was their turn, they got down on one knee and started singing "Mammie" (by Al Jolson). "The sun shine's east, the sun shines west, but I know where the sun shines best....on Mammie", .....well Danny looked at me and started crying and poor Tammy had to sing the rest of the song on her own. Danny tried but he just kept welling up with tears. HE WAS A GOOD ACTOR AND HIS CRYING WON THEM 1st place. Then when they sang God bless America with their hands on their hearts, looking at the Flag.....they got a standing ovation. It's one of my fondest memories of many July 4th celebrations we spent as a family. Now, when we look at the fireworks, I keep hoping I'll get a little glimpse of Heaven..... or invision Danny sitting on a shooting star. (sigh)









HUMOROUS MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Adrienne Leigh Ingram
AGE: 28
DATES: 6/25/79 - 12/2/07
CAUSE: respiratory failure cause by mitochondrial disease
WRITTEN BY: Beverly Ingram

: Adrienne was such a sweet, friendly child and she was very observant and curious. When she was 4, one of her dad's coworkers came to the house. Adrienne had never met him before. He had a receding hairline. Adrienne stared at him for a while and then asked, "Daddy, why doesn't Rodney have any bangs?"




2012
Bringer of Light newsletter






Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

THE GRANDEST PLACE OF ALL

It was summer and the kids were out of school. It was vacation time! Our son Luke was only 11 years old and our daughter Emily was 13. We were living in Louisiana and just "itching" to go out west. We planned a vacation to Arizona.... that beautiful place of deserts, mountains, cowboys, and the Grand Canyon. We packed our luggage and we all headed out west on a family adventure that became a destined milestone in our lives.

Our first stop in Arizona was that famous town of Tombstone. Excitement filled us all as we experienced the old town, and the old saloons, and the old west the way it used to be. We all stopped in at the old saloon and as we bellied up to the bar just like the cowboys did, we all ordered "Sarsaparilla" (a non alcoholic beverage that tastes like root beer). Luke climbed in a saddle that was placed on a wooden frame for tourist to use as a photo spot. He yelled... "Ride 'em cowboy" with such enthusiasm. Oh how I laughed with my little cowboy. What a wonderful time we had at that old west saloon, in that old west town full of old west atmosphere.

Later while we were shopping in Tombstone for gifts we found a key ring that talked! When you pressed a button it would say a phrase, and then another phrase when you pressed the button again. Only problem is that this key ring said some very "nasty" words, but we had a family member back home that we knew would just love it.... so we bought the talking key ring. The next morning as we were leaving Tombstone we took that little key ring and tucked it safely away in our luggage.

We headed north from Tombstone to the Grand Canyon, passing huge cacti, and desert flowers, and mountains, and hills, and valleys along the way. We were so amazed with the vastness of the desert around us. As Forrest Gump said... "I couldn't tell where Heaven stopped and the earth began". When we had arrived in Northern Arizona the landscape had been magically transformed into tall cool pine country, snow capped mountains, and meadows covered in blankets of wildflowers. Again, we were amazed.

That evening we finally made it to the lodge at the Grand Canyon and were ready for some rest and relaxation after a long drive. Emily and Luke helped carry the luggage to the room. We arrived in the hallway, just in front of the door to our room. My husband was reaching in his pocket to find the key to unlock the door. There were several people in the hall going to their rooms. Just at that moment Luke set down the luggage that he was carrying. Well, the jolt of setting it down made the little key ring that was packed away begin talking. It blurted out... "(blank) YOU" and everyone in the hall turned towards us. We all just looked at one other with our eyes widened in surprise. It did not take Luke long to realize what had happened, so he just kept picking up the luggage and setting it back down in the hallway as it announced.... "Go to (blank)" , and then.... "Kiss my (blank)".... and on and on and on. It was awful and again very funny at the same time. All of us were, by this time, laughing hysterically. My husband was trying so hard to get that key out of his pocket, but the laughter kept his hands from working correctly. He finally got the key out of his pocket as Luke was still picking that luggage up and down while the luggage blurted out obscenities. I so wanted to correct him, but the laughter kept us from doing anything normal. Then my husband dropped the key on the floor and was fumbling around on his hands and knees frantically trying to find it, and all the while Luke was picking up the luggage and setting it down over and over and over. My husband finally found the key, picked it up and was trying to get that key in the door to the room, but still it was almost impossible. We were all laughing so hard, but FINALLY, he got the door open and we all ran in at the same time squeezing through the door, tripping over one another, except for Luke who was still out in the hall raising the luggage up and down on the floor. I reached out the door, without showing my face, and grabbed him by his shirt sleeve and pulled him in the room. We both fell to the floor still laughing hysterically. We could not punish Luke because it was just too funny. We did not go back out of the room any that night for fear that we might see someone who witnessed the "talking luggage" episode.

The next morning we tiptoed out of the room early to avoid any neighbors. There was a trail through the woods where we were greeted by some early morning deer. The path led to the rim of the Grand Canyon. We all just stood there glaring at the miracle below us with eyes as wide as they were the night before.

That memorable summer in Arizona we saw beautiful sunsets, watched eagles soar, listened to the winds from the canyon, saw the shadows from the moonlight, and walked in fields of flowers. It was a wonderful time when we were all very much in love with nature, and so happy to be together as a family. What a wonderful trip we had to Arizona that summer.... a summer that will forever live in my heart and mind.

Two years later we packed up and moved to Arizona. We had no idea what difficult hills and valleys were before us. We lived there, we loved there, and..... we cried there. Luke died eight years later in his room that had a window with a beautiful view of the southwest desert. The sun set that night as Luke lay alone in his room dying. In my hopeful imagination I see him lying there staring at the distant sunset across the desert as his eyes closed for one last time. I do hope that he got to see that beautiful sunset that he so often talked about. He always said.... "There is nothing like a sunset in Arizona."

It has been 11 years since that last sunset for Luke. We still visit the Grand Canyon and when I look towards that lodge, I still feel the laughter building up inside me from that remarkable memory of so long ago. Gazing out at the Canyon I remember all the hills and valleys we had to cross to get to where we stand today. No longer is our little cowboy standing next to us, and we miss his bright eyes and sweet smile. I guess he must have taken some of the sunshine that brightened our lives because the sun just doesn't shine as bright as it used to here in Arizona. Luke peacefully crossed his very last valley in this lifetime, as he soared towards that final sunset, silhouetted against that Heavenly sky, on his way to..... THE GRANDEST PLACE OF ALL.

© 2012 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001






THE COWBOY'S LAST REQUEST

He rode beyond the mountains
On his horse towards the west.
He bowed his head in reverence
As he made his last request.....

"Let this wrangler's voice be heard
In the canyon winds that sing,
And let this cowpoke's spirit soar
On the tips of eagle's wings."

"And in the sun and in the moon
And in the prairie's starlight glow,
Let my light forever shine
Casting shadows of hope below."

"Let this bronco-buster's hat
Be my halo when I die,
While the boots on this ghost rider
Walk across the clouds on high."

"Round-up the ones who rode with me,
And the little buckaroos.
Help them all to understand
That this cowboy's ride is through."

"Please grant this last request of mine
As I quietly ride away,
Kicking up dust along the trail
To that place where I will stay."

.....Then he rode beyond the sunset,
His silhouette against the sky.
He tipped his hat and nodded
As he said his last goodbye.

© 2009 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your.....
BRINGER OF LIGHT.

RED RIVER VALLEY

Red River Valley is an old folk song that has gone by different names such as....."Cowboy Love Song", "Bright Sherman Valley", "Bright Laurel Valley", "In the Bright Mohawk Valley", and "Bright Little Valley"-depending on where it has been sung. It expresses the sorrow for someone that is returning home.

The song appears in sheet music, titled "In the Bright Mohawk Valley", printed in New York in 1896 with James J. Kerrigan as the writer.

It was Texan Jules Verne Allen's 1929 version titled "Cowboy's Love Song" that gave the song its greatest popularity.

source: Wikipedia



RED RIVER VALLEY

From this valley they say you are going
We will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile
For they say you are taking the sunshine
That has brightened our path for a while

Come and sit by my side if you love me
Do not hasten to bid me adieu
But remember the Red River Valley
And the cowboy who loved you so true

Won't you think of the valley you're leaving
Oh how lonely, how sad it will be?
Oh think of the fond heart you're breaking
And the grief you are causing to me

As you go to your home by the ocean
May you never forget those sweet hours
That we spent in the Red River Valley
And the love we exchanged mid the flowers

~ Words & music by James Kerrigen ~ 1896





QUOTES:

FAMOUS QUOTE:

" 'Tis the gift to be simple 'tis the gift to be free 'Tis the gift to come down where you ought to be And when we find ourselves in the place just right 'Twill be in the valley of love and delight." ~ Unknown

MEMBER QUOTE:

"Our angels will never fade away." ~ Terrie Whiteman

MEMORIAL QUOTE:

IN MEMORY OF: Robert Travis Miller
AGE: 19
DATES: 11/29~1001 to 10/09/2011
CAUSE: murder/shot in the back
WRITTEN BY: Kim Irvin,mother of a Angel

: My sons favorite saying was I love you..jus sayin I even had that saying put on his head stone in memory of my beautiful angel son,I miss hearing him saying I love you jus sayin,he was a very special guy,he was there for everyone,if you was sad he would make you laugh,how I need some laughter,a hug from him,when I was sad or upset,he would smile and say "its all good"mom,everyone loved him,he was one of a kind,my world is so dark without him,his brothers and sisters are lost without him,he was more of a big brother then little brother cause they went o him for advice or help,I just miss him more each day and his two little sayings...I love you Travis aand miss you more then I could ever put into words <3 mom











ANNIVERSARY AND BIRTHDAY
DEDICATIONS

IN MEMORY OF: Dylan Ross
AGE: 36 years
DATES: 11/22/73 - 8/27/10
CAUSE: Pulmonary Embolism
WRITTEN BY: Rhonda Ross, Dylan's Mom

: Two years. Two years since I've looked into those gorgeous blue eyes, seen your handsome smile, heard your voice, or hugged you. Two years that seem like an eternity yet memories of the day you died are so vivid it seems like yesterday. Oh how I love you and miss you my precious son.

IN MEMORY OF: Michelle Marie Greever
AGE: 9 yrs 2 months, 12 days
DATES: 8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93
CAUSE: Accident
SUBMITTED BY: Cindy Jo, Michelle's Mom

IN MEMORY OF: Tasia Marie Quackenbush
AGE: 16
DATES: 8/8/92-11/28/08
CAUSE: car accident
SUBMITTED BY: Lisa & Bill Miller







LETTERS TO HEAVEN:

IN MEMORY OF: Geoffrey Philip James Edwards
AGE: 18
DATES: 6May1984-22May2002
CAUSE: heroin overdose given by his friend
WRITTEN BY: Karen Jenkins - Mom

: My beloved son: I can't believe that on 22 May 2012 you have been gone 10 years. It is like yesterday that you left us. I grieve so deeply that you are gone. You are the light in my life and without you here, the joie d'vrie has left me. I just can't seem to smile inside of me; there is nothing to smile about anymore. Your friends are marrying and having children. I go to their celebrations and wonder what you would have done with your life. I know you would have done something good. I miss you like the desert misses the rain. Visiting your grave is a devastation for me always. I wish you were here with us living your life. Gone to soon my sweet son, gone too soon.

I am retiring this year, son, and I plan on doing a lot of volunteer work to keep busy and not get too fat. Blessings and prayers always to you my precious life's blood.

Love to you always,
Mom
Karen Jenkins




LIFE STORIES:

IN MEMORY OF: Amanda Renae Caudill
AGE: 25yrs
DATES: 7 25 79 - 1 28 2005
CAUSE: conjested heart failure
WRITTEN BY: Wilma, Amanda's mom

: Amanda was a very good hearted child all her life. When she was born both of her hips were dislocated. She had her first surgery at 9 months old. She was put in so many body cast, i cant remember. She had 2 more surgeries. After the first ,she was in braces for so long. She was also born with asthma, that was when things started to go bad. She was almost 4 yrs old before she walked. She was in and out of the hospital all her life. The meds Amanda had to take for her asthma put a lot of weight on her. She was teased, laughed at, had smart remarks made. She went on to graduate from high school. One day she came to me and said "Mom I want to have the gastric by pass surgery. I was stunned. I tried so hard to talk her out of it as well as her dad and sister, but she had set her mind on this and she wasn't going to change it no matter what. She said "Mom I'm tired of being made fun of about my weight." That's when my life changed for the worst. I was constantly in the hospital with her. She lost so much weight she was skin and bones. One day she went to complaining with her back. I took her to more doctors than I can remember. They all said it was probably a pulled muscle. She was a very strong girl. I could tell when she was hurting. She would go on. She didn't want to worry me. She went to Virginia to stay a few nights with her friend. Her dad took her on a Wednesday. Well, she called me on a Monday to come get her. I went. My heart sunk. Her eyes were so black around them and they were sunk back in her head. I cried. It scared me so bad. Her dad called the doctor and he was going out of town . He didn't want any other doctor to check her, so I set up 4 days and nights with her. When we finally got to take her to the doctors office, he sent her over to the hospital for blood work. He called over to the hospital and said her liver and kidneys were shutting down. All the back problems she was having was her liver. Not one doctor caught that. But this doctor that did the surgery knew her liver was enlarged and he said it would heal on its own. But it got worse. The last days of her life they over loaded her with fluid. They had it going in both arm. Her kidneys weren't working so the undertaker said they drowned her in fluid. She crashed the life support machine. The whole time she was in ICU Terry and i saw her three times and they ran us out. That was on Thursday. Friday morning they told us she died. After all night Thursday we would ask. They said no change, but at 7 a.m. that morning the doctor came out and told us she had a bad night. Still we were not allowed to see her till she died. After that I don't remember anything, just barely her funeral. No parent on earth should ever have to go through what I did. My life is so lonely without her. You see me, you see her. This is the month of her birthday, she would have been 33 yrs old. Oh how lonely I'll be on her birthday, but she will have a wonderful day with her and my precious Lord. Amanda belonged to church, she was Baptist . So that is what has helped me through all of this is to know I have my Lord . Mom loves you so much. Happy birthday ( Mandy ).







POETRY:



IN MEMORY OF: Christine Marie Klein
AGE: 27
DATES: 1-30-75 - 2-26-02
CAUSE: Suicide
SUBMITTED BY: Brigid Klein

: This is one of many poems that Christine wrote. She was a wonderfully imaginative person who left this world too soon. We Came in Soaked

We came in soaked with rain.
I strapped on my nylon wings
you found when you were looking
for an old pair of slippers.
Sipped cocoa and cream,
and fell into a dream.
An airline ad in a magazine.
Flying over an eternal cobalt blue
Australian shore.
White whispers fell silent
in distant lands, i've never heard before.

A breeze filled my ears and I watched
it turn leaves.
And leave them turned forever more.
You called my name from the tiny door.
I came down to land and took your hands.
The night turned out the light,
and I laid down my wings.

You opened a window to let the breeze in.
We watched TV, and the fuzzy blue screen
lit up the room, where we would dream
of falling leaves turning to brown,
to green, and airline ads in magazines.





SIGNS:


IN MEMORY OF: Michelle Marie Greever
AGE: 9 yrs 2 months, 12 days
DATES: 8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93
CAUSE: Accident
WRITTEN BY: Cindy Jo, Michelle's Mom

It was Easter Sunday 2012, a beautiful sunny day and I went outside and a mahogany brown butterfly followed me everywhere I went! It was amazing because it was the first Butterfly I had seen all year so I knew right away it was a sign from my Angel Michelle to wish us all a Happy Easter!! This butterfly with beautiful vibrant yellow ruffled edges and bright blue dots was one like I had never seen before and as it turned out it followed me around wherever I went for days afterwards!!

CindyJo









IN THEIR OWN WORDS:

written by our children






IN MEMORY OF: Joey Whiteman
AGE: 21 yrs. 360 days
DATES: September 8, 1980 - September 3, 2002
CAUSE: Auto Accident
SUBMITTED BY: TERRIE WHITEMAN, JOEY'S MOM
WRITTEN BY: JOEY WHITEMAN AS A CHILD

A Polar Bear eats carabou, walruses, fish, fox and other animals. The Polar Bear's ability to kill is very high, because Polar Bears are so big and strong. A Polar Bear has sharp teeth. A few of a Polar Bear's habits are playing with barrels, rocks and other big things. The Polar Bears two favorite habits are eating and sleeping. Food, Food, !zzzzzzzzz!
By. Joey Whiteman, 1990







SPECIAL MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Denise Rosaleen Vaughan
AGE: 6
DATES: July 14, 1978~~December 28, 1984
CAUSE: Brain Tumor, Cancer
WRITTEN BY: Rosaleen Bellamy (Vaughan)

: My only daughter Denise was born on July 14, 1978 and left me far to soon on December 28, 1984. She is forever my little Angel and I will always miss and love her with all my heart. Until we meet again honey I hold you in my heart and memory. Love you so much.....God Bless you.









HUMOROUS MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Sean Harrington Riley
AGE: 21
DATES: May 10, 1984- April 26, 2006
CAUSE: suicide
WRITTEN BY: Vanessa Riley

: When Sean was 3, we visited my husband's parents for the weekend. My mother in law always made a special sit down Sunday dinner that she cooked for hours. My children were unfamiliar with those grandparents, and we seldom, if ever had that elaborate a meal in the middle of the day. After a fancy dinner with a white table cloth and candles, Sean sat up and said, "This is even more gooder than McDonald's". For a 3 year old, that was the ultimate compliment! We laughed but I am not sure my mother in law got such a kick out of it.




2012
Bringer of Light newsletter






Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER

FATE

The Autumn leaves of September find their way from a clear blue harvest sky and land exactly where destiny takes them, residing in harmony with the beautiful landscape of fall. Miracles of fate can also find their way from Heaven and land exactly where destiny takes them, residing in harmony with the forever changing journey of life. When fate comes into our lives it can arrive abruptly and sharply while bringing much pain with it, but it can also arrive slowly and gently while bringing comfort to help ease the pain of the journey.

I collect very old Bibles and the oldest one I have is from 1811. It was my most favorite bible because of all the things that were between the pages.... pressed flowers and clovers, a lock of braided hair, and hand written notes. But recently on a trip to Louisiana I received a bible that has become my most treasured bible of all.

I stayed with my aging 87-year-old mother, who knows all about my bible collection. She asked me if I would like to have her mother's bible. Mom's eyesight was failing and she had said that she could no longer read it. I also knew in my heart that Mom probably was thinking that her time on earth is coming to a close because of her recent cancer diagnosis. I graciously accepted this treasure that had Grandma's name engraved in gold on the front cover. The old bible looked very well used and worn. Just looking at the cover of that old bible brought back memories of how Grandma would look at me with such a mysterious smile, as if she knew something that I did not..... and she did. Little did I know that the time had finally come for me to find out the meaning of her smile

One of those nights in Louisiana when my husband was gone to visit with his family I got out Grandma's old bible and began flipping through all the pages as I read out loud to my Mom notes that Grandma had written as early as 1937. Between the covers of that bible I read how she fell in love and how she married at a young age. It revealed how she worked in the church and had helped so many people along the way. Reminiscing with Mom, we talked of Grandma's life. Grandma had given birth to five children. But, there tucked between the pages was a newspaper obituary of Grandma's baby boy who had died when he was 18 months old. Between the pages of that old bible I discovered that Grandma was born in April 1901, exactly 100 years before my son Luke died in April of 2001 at the age of 21. Grandma died when I was 11 years old on August 27th at the age of 63..... a date that would also be a fateful date more than once in my future.... slow and gentle, then abrupt and sharp. Years later when I met my husband-to-be I gently learned that his birthday was August 27th. Then many more years later it abruptly became the death date of our nephew.

After Grandma's death mom would share special stories about Grandma to help keep her memory alive. Mom would tell the story of when her baby brother died and how Grandma would get out the old leather satchel and take out all of his little clothes and shoes and would sing the song "Put My Little Shoes Away" while Grandma cried and cried and while all her four remaining children cried along with her.

All through my life I used to think about Grandma and feel sad that her baby boy died. I thought how awful that must have been for her. But, much to my surprise, I was stricken with that same pain and I finally knew how awful it was for Grandma. Fate had sharply and abruptly found me when my son Luke died in April of 2001 at the age of 21.... 100 years from Grandma's birth,

Fate had brought me back to Louisiana. That night as I set on Mom's bed and read to her all those things that she hadn't been able to read for years and years, I felt Grandma's spirit released from the pages of that old bible. My mom and I sat up very late that night and talked about days gone by. She spoke of her mom and her brothers and her sisters, all peacefully gone to Heaven ahead of her. I listened to her stories and I told some stories of my own about Luke. I knew that night would become a very special memory that I would forever cherish.

It was getting very late but I only had a few more pages left to read, so we stayed up a little while longer. When I turned to the very last page of Grandma's bible and as I read her very last note written in her bible from so long ago, I knew that fate had once again found me. Grandma had written in pencil something that with the passing of another 100 years may slowly fade from that page, but with the passing of my time on earth it would never, ever fade from my mind and my heart and my soul. When I read what Grandma had written I knew then that life had come full circle and that the leaves of Autumn had fallen where destiny had led them. But, this time fate arrived slowly and gently bringing comfort for my pain. Somehow, all those years ago, Grandma's soul knew that fate was to find me, a Granddaughter that wasn't even born yet, a Granddaughter that destiny would deliver that same pain to. For there at the end of the very last page Grandma had written that very last fateful note in her bible..... Luke:21

© 2012 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001






GRANDMA'S BIBLE

(a true story)

Old age quietly found my Mom.
Her eyesight was failing fast.
She asked if I would like to have
A treasure from the past.

Mom gave me Grandma's Bible,
Grandma's name engraved in gold.
A Bible that had been well used.
It was tattered, frayed, and old.

Grandma was born in April
Of nineteen hundred and one.
A haunting hundred years would pass.
Before fate would find a new home.

She fell in love and married young,
And was blessed as a mother of five.
But her boy of eighteen months
Became greatly ill and died.

Grandma kept his little clothes
In a satchel tucked away.
She'd take them out and sing to him
While tears streamed down her face.

The life she lived was filled with pain
As she walked those weary miles.
No matter how tired Grandma was
She always gave me a smile.

Her life was met with burden.
She went to church and prayed.
She worked from dawn till sunset
While helping those in need.

She died when I was eleven
With stories left untold
But Mom would share those memories
From those days of long ago.

I cherished those old stories
Before, Grandma went away.
I hoped she saw me smile at her
When I bowed my head to pray.

I grew up with her memory
And I yearned for those lost years
When Grandma could have smiled at me
And I could have shared her tears.

Through all my life I thought of her
And the pain she had endured.
Grief somehow found its way to me
And Grandma's pain I understood.

Luke, my son, died in April
In the year two thousand and one,
One hundred years from Grandma's birth.
Gone at the age of Twenty-one.

I held her Bible in my hands.
I felt her spirit in those pages
As I read those scripture notes
She had written though the ages.

Grandma's Bible found its way to me.
Destiny had finally come.
Her last note on the last page was
..... Luke: Twenty-one.


© 2012 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001
& Mary Rogers Tullier 1901 - 1964




Find and be found to discover your.....
BRINGER OF LIGHT.

PUT MY LITTLE SHOES AWAY

Written by the popular songwriting team of Samuel Mitchell and Charles Pratt in 1873, is probably their most enduring song. A mournful ballad where a dying child tells her mother to put her shoes away to save for her infant brother, it reportedly sold over 100,000 sheet music copies. This song is typical of the sentimental Victorian parlor ballads which have survived in country music long after their popularity waned. It was first recorded by Riley Puckett in 1926, and later by the "Father of Bluegrass" Bill Monroe (1956), the Everly Brothers (1958), Girls of the Golden West, Woody Guthrie, Dolly Parton, and others. Below is the original copyrighted version which, except for a few minor changes, has remained intact to this day.

sources: Wikipedia





PUT MY LITTLE SHOES AWAY

Mother dear, come bathe my forehead
For I'm growing very weak
Let one drop of water, Mother
Fall upon my burning cheek

Tell my loving little Schoolmates
That I never more will play
Give them all my toys, Mother
Put my little shoes away!

I am going to leave you, Mother
So remember what I say
Do it, won't you please, dear Mother?
Put my little shoes away!

Daddy, he gave them to me
With a lot of other things
And I think he brought an angel
With a pair of golden wings

Then I, too, shall be an angel
By, perhaps, another day
So will you, then, dear Mother
Put my little shoes away?

Soon the baby will grow larger
And they will fit his little feet
And he will be nice and cunning
As he walks upon the street!

I am tired now, dear Mother
So remember what I say
Do it, won't you please, dear Mother?
Put my little shoes away!

~ Words & music by Samuel Mitchell and Charles E. Pratt





QUOTES:

FAMOUS QUOTE:

"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous."
~ Albert Einstein

MEMBER QUOTE:

"I find some peace in knowing I will be with Josh again someday."
~ Tammy, Josh's Mom

MEMORIAL QUOTE:

IN MEMORY OF: Bradford "Wayne" Wells, Jr
AGE: 42
DATES: 6/30/63 * 11/15/05
WRITTEN BY: Joyce Harmon, Wayne's mom

: My son, Wayne, had a great sense of humor. In our family we ALWAYS "pick" at each other. One example of Wayne's humor was when I received notification that I had received a scholarship to get my Master's Degree in Elementary Education. I shared my exciting news with Wayne and his exact words were, "Mom you could earn more just picking up cans to sell and it wouldn't be as hard." Talk about the truth in humor. However his most famous quote was what he had for each new member to our family, "If you have a self esteem problem you better leave it at the door because we rag on everybody. That's the way you know we love you." I miss his sense of humor soooo much.











ANNIVERSARY AND BIRTHDAY
DEDICATIONS

IN MEMORY OF: Paul John LaFaver
AGE: 27yrs.
DATES: 12/11/79-9/3/2007
CAUSE: carbon monoxide poisoning
SUBMITTED BY: Dee Dorsam

: Well, this September 3rd will be 5 years since I saw my wonderful son Paul & it seems like yesterday, yet it seems forever-I know now the pain will never go away, if only I could have known then -there were so many things I wanted to tell him- you can never tell your child you love enough- I wish I would have said it more, but from what friends & family tell me -he loved his Mom more than anything! As I'm typing this the tears just automatically roll down my cheeks! Five years- I still can't believe it- I miss my son sooooo! Paul was my only child & he wasn't married, so I am one lonely grandma,not to be! Paul was making chicken wings late at night & put the oil on the stove & dozed off & the carbon monoxide got him-the fire actually burned itself out by the time the Police located where the smoke came from & broke into his house, but he was gone!
I Love You & Miss you, my wonderful son! Mom

IN MEMORY OF: Dennis Christopher Tucker
AGE: 26
DATES: June 11, 1960 - Sept. 16, 1986
CAUSE: wrongful prescription
SUBMITTED BY BY: Dolores Tucker

: The void in my life goes on, knowing this was a wrongful death of a young man who had many gifts for life. Dennis was given a full scholorship at Amhearst College studying to be a medical doctor. He loved music, art, biking, and photography. Dennis was diversified and excelled in everything that he participated in. To have received the shocking news of his sudden demise, he was found with the Handel's Messiah Choral Booklet as he was in chorus. He also played classical trumpet and had played in shows and Hudson Valley Symphony Orchestra. Dennis was too good to be true. They say God takes the angels sooner than later. Dennis was compassionate to all and went through many hardships with his father who tormented the family with his controlling and abusive behavior. Dennis rose above this when he left for college with a future ahead of him. I think of what could have been in his life and the enrichment he would have given to all he came across to help and nurture. He was my best friend, my confidant, and my hope in life. He is in my heart always. I remember so many joyful moments with him:; playing tennis and so much more.
May the Holy Family embrace him and bless him.

IN MEMORY OF: Jacob Alexander-Lee Gagnon "JAKE "
AGE: 5 1/2
DATES: 05/01/03-09/25/08
CAUSE: bowel obstruction
SUBMITTED BY: Michelle Hall-Gagnon "Mommy"

IN MEMORY OF: Corrina Jennell Parslow
AGE: 18
DATES: 01/15/87 -09/29/05
CAUSE: Car Accident
SUBMITTED BY: Michelle Drury


IN MEMORY OF: Joey Whiteman
AGE: 21 yrs. 360 days
DATES: September 8, 1980 - September 3, 2002
CAUSE: Auto Accident
SUBMITTED BY: TERRIE WHITEMAN, JOEY'S MOM


IN MEMORY OF: Dustin Marshall Rawls
AGE: 25
DATES: Sept.2, 1982 - Sept 27, 2007
CAUSE: automobile accident
SUBMITTED BY: Grandmother







LETTERS TO HEAVEN:

IN MEMORY OF: Amanda Lynn Whitton
AGE: 22
DATES: 6-26-86 6-21-09
CAUSE: vehicle accident
WRITTEN BY: Cheri Whitton

: Dear Mandy,
Life as I new it is no more, I miss you so much, there was never a day that I would not talk to you. I do not know how I have made it this far without you. I have your picture on the end table and I pretend you are here with me, we watch our soaps together, when I go shopping I pretend you are with me.I cant wait till the day we are reunited again. I know you know just how much I love you. and you know just how painful it is to live without you, I never in a million years thought I would have to live life without you. I love you and miss you like you will never know. I will love you for ever, and I had better get to see you again.
Love Forever and always
Mom.




LIFE STORIES:

IN MEMORY OF: Dustin Marshall Rawls
AGE: 25
DATES: Sept.2, 1982 - Sept 27, 2007
CAUSE: automobile accident
WRITTEN BY: Grandmother

: Dustin Marshall Rawls was born September 2, 1982 to David and Patti Rawls in Kirbyville, TX. He had a proud older sister, Tiffany Renee Rawls. He was always a happy baby and grew to be a fine young man. In school he was the class clown but he was extremely smart and school was easy for him. He was well liked by the girls and had many girls who were just friends as well as good, loyal guy friends. After getting out of school he went into the Marines and his Mother went into Mother mode and was so afraid he would have to go overseas. At one time he had to go from Pendleton for more training and Patti just knew he was going to “war”. When she finally found out where he was I had a lot of fun teasing her about it as it turned out he was at The Hilton Hotel in Hawaii. After getting out of the service Dustin came back to Katy to be with “His Good Ole Boys” and his family. While helping a friend move to San Diego, CA he was killed in an automobile accident on September 27, 2007. Dustin was a good son, brother, nephew, uncle and grandson. Patti’s heart was completely broken and words cannot explain how deep her grief went. On December 31, 2009 she had a severe heart attack and had double by-pass surgery. Her health continued to fail and she went to be with Dustin on December 11, 2010. I can only imagine how happy they were to see each other. My heart is now broken after losing both of them but I look forward to the day when we will all be back together.
Helen Wallace, Grandmother to Dustin and Mother to Patti.







POETRY:



IN MEMORY OF: Robert Walton
AGE: 1 day
DATES: November 10, 1963 - November 11, 1963, premature
WRITTEN BY: JOAN TAYLOR

{{{POEM FOR MY BABY BROTHER ROBERT}}}

Robert Our Thoughts Are Ever With You.
Though You Passed Away.
And Those Who Loved You Dearly
Are Thinking Of You Today.

No parting words were spoken,
We didn't say goodbye.
You were gone before we knew you.
And only the Lord knows why

Robert Your Always In My heart And Thoughts. GB You Baby Robert Till We Meet One Day In Heaven. Sending All My Love To You Brother Robert.





SIGNS:



IN MEMORY OF: Joey Whiteman
AGE: 21 yrs. 360 days
DATES: September 8, 1980 - September 3, 2002
CAUSE: Auto Accident
SUBMITTED BY: TERRIE WHITEMAN, JOEY'S MOM

My friend was having company from out of the country. This woman friend of hers is a person who has the ability to connect with the deceased. I asked if she would or could give me a reading. She agreed and called me. She spoke for 2 hours and told me things, no one would have known. I didn't have to say a word, unless I wanted too.

The one question I've always wondered was ..... the moment that you really pass away what are your thoughts. She answered this for me with a ton of other things too. She brought in (connected with) an older man, John's Grandfather. He was a patrol policeman in the city on horseback (A Mounty). She also said there was a younger man wearing a cap. That would be my son Joey. Joey had a million things to say. She asked me... "Is there something wrong with your bones?" Now how would she know that there is something wrong with my bones? She said "Joey does not like my hair blond, he wants it dark like when I went to high school". I thought to myself ..... sorry Joey, I'm old and I'd probably be dead before it grew that long. She said "He wants me to open the cremation box and pour it into the ocean, down the shore. He wants me to throw the wheelchair, (another thing she wouldn't know) in the grave" (meaning he wants me to walk again.) There is so much that she told me. She said Joey told her "I'm 7 and this is my favorite toy, a car, in my hand." So that must be why he came to me in his dreams always as a little boy. Makes sense now!

I was so literally blown away. I couldn't think straight and could not eat for days. I had to re-write the whole thing, because I couldn't write as fast as she was talking. I cried myself to sleep that night.









IN THEIR OWN WORDS:

written or said by our children






IN MEMORY OF: Dustin Marshall Rawls
AGE: 25
DATES: Sept 2, 1982 - Sept 27, 2007
CAUSE: automobile accident
WRITTEN BY: Grandmother

When Dustin was about 4 years old he was telling me all about Fools Gold. Thinking he was such a smart little fellow he must have been watching a PBS educational program, so I asked him where he learned all that. Much to my surprise he said --- from "Woody Woodpecker". I reminded him of that at least once a year and we always got a big laugh out of it.
Helen Wallace, Grandmother to Dustin







SPECIAL MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Shannon David Burns
AGE: 33
DATES: 1/2/1976 to 10/30/2009
CAUSE: head injury at work
WRITTEN BY: Christine (Shannon's Mom)

: A TREASURED MEMORY (Shannon David Burns was 33 yrs old when he passed 10/30/2009)

It was October 22, 2008 and I was on my way home from work, when Shannon called to see where I was. Janice was in labor and about to deliver a precious bundle of joy. I was at the light at Morgan Avenue. He siad to hurry and I might make it in time to see the baby born. But as luck had it, I was a few minutes late. When I arrived, William David Burns had just been born and he was wrapped snuggly in a blanket in his mother's arms. I couldn't wait to see his tiny face. I remember, Shannon placing William in my arms as soon as I sat down. He was so very proud. I was the first one in the family to hold him and snuggle close. A treasured memory.

I saw Shannon change that day right before my eyes. He had finally experienced what it was like to truly love someone unconditionally. You could see it in his eyes. He couldn't wait to show William off to everyone. I was so very fortunate to share that bond with him that day. It was a memory that I will forever treasure.

And I will always remind William just how much his father truly loved him - unconditionally, since the moment he came into the world. Who knew God would call Shannon home just a year later. He passed one week after William's first birthday.

I am so very blessed to have moved back to Indiana in September 2008. I got to spend the last year of Shannon's life with him. I so enjoyed watching him love William and be so very proud every time he did something new. I saw more of him that last year than I had in a very long time. I will be forever grateful in so many ways for that cherished time.

I now miss his truck pulling up outside and him coming up the front walk toting William in his carrier and the diap[er bag over his shoulder and with the biggest smile on his face. Since the day Willaim was born, you rarely saw Shannon without him. They were inseparable. I only wish he had more time with him - many more years to watch him grow, teach him things that he would have taught him and to show William just how much he truly loved him.

I believe that is our duty now. To carry on where he left off. I promise we will do our best.

A wonderful treasured memory of my son, Shannon.
Love his Mom









DREAMS:



IN MEMORY OF: Michelle Marie Greever
AGE: 9 yrs 2 months, 12 days
DATES: 8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93
CAUSE: Accident
WRITTEN BY: Cindy Jo Greever

: ~ Winter of 1997/1998 ~ Dream I had ~ CindyJo Greever ~

This dream is in full color. It is summer out, a sunny and gorgeous day. I hear a baby crying and turn to see a small trailer parked out front by our water spigot. In the window I see a baby of maybe one year, sitting in a small plastic bath tub, on a table. I see Michelle steadying the baby repeatedly as the baby keeps trying to keep it's balance. Michelle picks up the baby and holds it in her arms like a mother and gently comes out and walks towards me, slowly and maturely, serenely. Michelle is wearing one of her favorite outfits, a pink and white thin cotton summer dress with a matching vest. She walks up to me as I walk towards her and we meet. I am SO surprised to see her and SO happy, I cry out, "Michelle, I have missed you since you died!!" She looks at me almost in disbelief and very puzzled, but sweetly, and she says, "Mommy, I didn't die!!"

~ ~ ~
"Have Sweet Dreams, Mommy, I just love you so much..."

Those were the last words Michelle wrote to me days before she parted for Heaven. As her note read and picture the she drew of a little winged girl on a smiling half moon, with the stairs to Heaven, the sun and the stars was her last drawing to me...

I have thought of the over-all meaning of my dreams having to do with water. Michelle is saying that even though she didn't survive in the flesh, she is very much alive "ON THE OTHER SIDE." We as her family have survived this, even in looking back we couldn't change anything but we survived!

In one dream the "infant" Michelle is caring for is the innocent person who hasn't yet completed their earthly life. It could be me, or anyone she loves and "cares" for. Michelle is reminding me that she is not dead, just as the last Bible verse she memorized days before she parted in John 10:28-29 says: "And I give them eternal life and they shall never perish..." Michelle is clearly illustrating her SUPPORT for us to GO ON, not give up!

In another dream I get the message that even as I look back no one, including myself could change what happened, (Michelle's physical death.) But we all survived the tragedy, Michelle being born to eternal life and us being able to survive here on earth. In one dream it ends literally with my Bible being "saturated" in my car as it stays afloat!

CindyJo Greever Mother to Michelle Marie Greever 8/24/84~11/5/93 michellesmama.com









HUMOROUS MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Daniel Scott Forrester
AGE: 30
DATES: 2/28/70 - 1/10/01
CAUSE: non-hodgkins lymphoma
WRITTEN BY: Arlene Gundersen

: SEPTEMBER
School started and Danny was in High School. He was in 10th grade and his sister Tammy was a senior. Just a couple weeks into school.....they said they had "NERD DAY". The two of them were busy looking for "nerdy" clothes to wear. I was working nights at the time at didn't really help them. In the morning.... Danny & Tammy came into my room to say they were heading off to school. I usually didn't go to sleep until they left....but on this day, I had dozed off. When they say "we're leaving" .... I opened my eyes and woke to a sight. They both left arm in arm, truly looking like the biggest NERDS ever....complete with taped together glasses, nerdy hat and dishelved clothes. I got the biggest LAUGH. I watched them walking down the street to the bus stop....smiling from ear to ear. They were so close, not just sister and brother but best friends. And they were always making me laugh at their antics. One of my "September" memories that both Tammy & I share....missing Danny Boy.









OUR CHILDREN'S ACHIEVEMENTS, TALENTS, HONORS, AWARDS, AND UNIQUE CHARACTERISTICS:






IN MEMORY OF: Joey Whiteman
AGE: 21 yrs. 360 days
DATES: September 8, 1980 - September 3, 2002
CAUSE: Auto Accident
SUBMITTED BY: TERRIE WHITEMAN, JOEY'S MOM

We are an all sports family and all the teams in the Hatfield & Harleysville, Pennsylvania area got a notice if their child was picked to come to a baseball clinic, sponsored by Tug McGraw (one of the biggest and well known baseball players for the Phillies). My boys couldn’t wait to go. Both Jon-Michael (Joey's brother) and Joey were shown the right and wrong way to bat, manners used in playing, how to pitch, and had the best time of their lives being with REAL SUPERSTARS. We of course took pictures. The boys got shirts, balls, all kinds of souvenirs and some really hard lessons on becoming a real baseball player.

A happier day couldn’t be bought.

The letter below was sent to Joey from a real celebrity twenty three years ago, inviting him to his baseball clinic:

June 30, 1989

Dear Joey:

Welcome to the line-up!

You're all registered for the tug McGraw/Rohm and Haas on Saturday, July 8 from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. It's great to have you on the team.

Bring your glove and be ready for a full day of tips on pitching, hitting and fielding from me and my coaching staff, and a ballgame later in the afternoon. We'll supply bats, balls and other equipment, and luch, t-shirts and a full line-up of prizes will be given away.

The playing field is located adjacent to the Rohm and Haas Research Laboratories in Spring House at 727 Norristown Road, just east of Route 309. to get there, take Norristown road to the intersection of McKean Road. turn down McKean Road, and the field will be on the left.

So get read to play, rain or shine! Should you have any questions on game day, please call the Rohm and Haas Gatehouse at 641-7909 for information, and ask for Paul Ciotta.

See you on the field!

Tug McGraw




2012
Bringer of Light newsletter






Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

GOING HOME

Summer was gone and the landscape had been repainted with vibrant colors. It was October 1979. We were living in the beautiful little farming community of Soda Springs, Idaho with its population of 3,000 and soon to be 3,001. Our daughter Emily was 2 years old and I was 8 months pregnant waiting for the birth of Luke. The air was filled with a fragrant chill and the colors of Autumn had descended upon this little town. Halloween had also made its presence known with decorations on almost every door and window. On weekends we would go to the little town park and let Emily play on the swings and run across the baseball field. There was also a natural geyser in town that would shoot high into the clear blue October sky. Emily loved to watch it as she pointed and giggled. We loved walking downtown and browsing in the stores. There was a pharmacy there with an original ice cream bar with the old-time swivel bar stools. Emily loved to sit high upon the stool and spin while waiting for her ice cream cone. On Sundays after church we would take drives past the farmland and the mountains. That October sunshine warmed our hearts, soft winds whispered to us, Autumn leaves gently fell around us, moonlight reflected in our eyes, until the last day of October brought to us a pleasure that held a secret. On Halloween, October 31, 1979 Luke was born in a little hospital right there in town. That memorable October was one that would tug on our hearts forever. We lived in Soda Springs for the first year of Luke's life and I possess those sedating memories of rocking my baby boy to sleep. Luke grew up knowing all about Soda Springs and what a wonderful adventure it was for all of us. Shortly after Luke's 21st and last birthday he told me that he was thinking about someday going back to Soda Springs. He never got that opportunity. That secret from twenty-one years ago was revealed. Luke died on April 3, 2001, about 6 months after he told me he wanted to go back home, back to his birthplace.

A few months ago my husband Robin and I decided to spend the evening watching a movie. So he began searching for a movie under the NEW RELEASES for Netflix Instant. As he was scrolling through I said...."Oh my God! Look at the name of that movie." Robin said..."Oh my God". The name of the movie was SODA SPRINGS..... the name of the town that Luke was born in. I said..."You don't really think it could be about Soda Springs, Idaho do you?" Robin said... "Well, I don't know anywhere else it could be." I knew that Soda Springs' population was still about the same and couldn't imagine that a movie would be written about that little town.

As we started watching this movie called SODA SPRINGS we recognized that the very first scenes in the movie were in the little town that Luke was born in. There was the Geyser that was the town's namesake, the same geyser that we enjoyed so very many years ago, right there on the screen. We noticed that in the movie everyone had Idaho license plates, so we were sure that it was Soda Springs, Idaho. There was the farm land that we used to drive by, there were the mountains, there was the park, there was downtown Soda Springs. It was all there, all those memories from 1979!

We were so amazed and were so excited that there was a movie, from 2011 that was about the town that Luke was born in. It was a story about modern-day cowboys. But there unfolding on the screen was more than just a movie, it was a story full of memories and signs from Luke. The main character had a son, and his son's name was Christopher (Luke's middle name). The little boy played baseball in the same park where we used to take Emily and Luke to play. The main character's name was EDEN and he had been in a car wreck 8 years earlier where an older couple had died. He went to the cemetery to visit their graves. Their date of death was OCTOBER 1, 2001. (Luke was born in OCTOBER and he died in the year 2001.) Eden worked in a feed store in Soda Springs. As he was checking someone out at the register he said... "That will be 31.79". (Luke was born on the 31st, 1979 in Soda Springs, Idaho). Then Eden said..."Here's your change, 21 cents". (Luke died at the age of 21). Eden also loved to play the guitar, just like Luke.

All the memories of that October 1979 came flooding back and brought Robin and I to tears. As we watched that movie with the name of Luke's birthplace in the title, with Luke's middle name, with Luke's year of death, with Luke's month of birth, with Luke's day of birth, with Luke's year of birth, with Luke's age at death, we knew that a wonderful gift had been delivered right into our living room. After all those years since Luke's birth, and after all those years since Luke's death, we were graced with the knowing that he had finally made it back to Soda Springs..... all the way from his Heavenly home.

© 2012 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001






THAT HOME OF LONG AGO


The front door had that same old squeak
As I entered that empty place.
The walls were bare, the furniture gone
And the sounds of life had ceased.

I was at that home of long ago
Where he took his final breath,
Hoping to find some memories
Or maybe something that was left.

I took a breath and inhaled deep
My lungs filled with musty air.
"Please take me back to yesterday."
I pleaded to God in a prayer.

I opened the door to his room,
There he was sitting on the floor,
Singing a song with a smile on his face,
Strumming away on that old guitar.

He looked up at me and nodded,
So I reached out to stroke his hair,
But just as I did everything that I saw
Faded away and disappeared.

I knew my prayer had been answered
So I got down on my knees
To say a prayer of thankfulness
For all that was given to me.

As I walked away from his room
I turned back for one last glance
And there he was with his hand held out
Saying... "May I have this dance?"

We danced across the bedroom floor
And we danced right down the hall.
Then he bowed and kissed my hand
And said..."I'm so glad you came to call."

I smiled at him as he said "Goodbye".
Then he turned and faded away,
But somehow in that moment of time
I returned to yesterday.

The front door squeaked when I closed it
As I left that "so-called" empty place
Where I found some long lost memories
From a life that never ceased.


© 2012 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001




Find and be found to discover your.....
BRINGER OF LIGHT.

HOME

"Home" is a song recorded by Canadian pop-jazz musician Michael Bublé. It was released on March 31, 2005. The song was written by Bublé, along with Alan Chang and Amy Foster-Gillies. This was Michael Bublé's breakthrough song. "Home" was a hit for Bublé in both Canada and the United States, topping the U.S. adult contemporary chart. Since the release of Bublé's original version, two covers have also been released as singles by other artists.

"Home" centralizes on the male narrator, who is separated from someone he cares about. He expresses a desire to go home. It describes the loneliness from missing someone.

sources: Wikipedia & Songfacts.com



HOME

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

~ Words & music by Michael Bublé, Alan Chang, and Amy Foster-Gillies.







QUOTES:

FAMOUS QUOTE:

"I think I'll be homesick for you, even in Heaven".
~ Victor Heerman (1893 - 1977), Screenwriter

MEMBER QUOTE:

"We lose so much when we lose a child: we lose their future, our future, their graduation from high school and college, their marriage and parenthood, we lose being a grandparent and seeing our genetic code carried on, we lose the genetic code that they inherited, and so on and so on."
~ Karen Lyn Jenkins, Geoff's Mom

MEMORIAL QUOTE:

IN MEMORY OF: Corrina Jennell Parslow
AGE: 18
DATES: 01/15/87 -09/29/05
CAUSE: Car Accident
WRITTEN BY: Michelle Drury

: Corrina was always so happy, and full of life. The day after her high school graduation we had a party. She had all her family and friends around her, and her doting boyfriend. She told me that evening, "Oh mom, this day made me smile out loud". I asked what she meant, and she just said that it meant pure happiness. So, that became our go to phrase when we were at our happiest. After losing Corrina, for so long, we didn't, couldn't, say it out loud. Now I realize exactly what she meant though, because the short time that beautiful, extraordinary, amazing child graced this earth, she made me "Smile Out Loud"!











ANNIVERSARY AND BIRTHDAY
DEDICATIONS

IN MEMORY OF: Adam R. Fiock
AGE: 26
DATES: 7-1-81 10-6-07
CAUSE: GSWH
WRITTEN BY: Christine, Adam's mom

: Dearest, dearest, Adam,

Next month will be five years. I miss you so much. Thank you for your service in Iraq. I want to thank you for the signs. Please come and get me soon. Say hi to grandpa. Be with me this weekend with Allison. Help her not to be so angry and jealous. I don't know who would want this.
I love you with all my heart and soul. Never doubt that ever. I miss you.

Love, your mom

IN MEMORY OF: Justin Douglas Linscott
AGE: 18
DATES: 10/23/1990 - 7/11/2009
CAUSE: Brain injury from auto accident
WRITTEN BY: Jerri Dean

: "There are people in life you learn to live with, there are people you know you can't live without, and then there are people you know life wouldn't be the same without." - Unknown

Life is definitely not the same without you, and it's hard living without you. Your presence, smile & soul touched all who had the honor of knowing you ♥ I love you beyond measure ♥

Missing you so very much on your birthday ♥ I will see you again one day and what a glorious day that will be! Fly with the Angels & Dance with the Stars my sweet boy ♥

I love you beyond the stars ♥

IN MEMORY OF: Jason "Beau" Morgan
AGE: 23
DATES: July 31, 1979 - October 10, 2002
CAUSE: Brain Aneurysm
Written By: Diane Morgan, Beau's Mom

My Sweet Beau you will always be in my heart. It will be 10 years and I miss you more than ever. I love you always. I wish everone PEACE in Beau's honor.

IN MEMORY OF: "Luke" Lucas Christopher Ross
AGE: 21
DATES: October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
CAUSE: Acute Bronchopneumonia
WRITTEN BY: Robin Ross, Luke's Dad

LUKE, it is October again, without you. I remember the wonderful Octobers, the wonderful fall seasons, and the Halloweens, your birthday. We had so much fun, now we have so much pain and sorrow since you left. I am so glad that you gave me these great memoires, because I hold on to them, through the pain. I miss you so much LUKE, but through the signs you send, I know you are staying close by until I catch up with you. I love you and I miss you LUKE, Dad.









LETTERS TO HEAVEN:

IN MEMORY OF: Geoffrey Philip James Edwards
AGE: 18
DATES: 6 May 1984 - 22 May 2002
CAUSE: heoin overdose given him by a "friend"
WRITTEN BY: Karen Lyn Jenkins

: My dearest Geoff:

It has been 10 years since you left us and I cry still tears of such sorrow and pain. Beloved son, your death left the ashes of my life in my hands. You are such a gift to me and my heart just aches that my beautiful gift is not with me now. I miss you so much and the pain of that missing you is unbearable. I just can't seem to feel that my life has any meaning any more. Your death devastated me so terribly, I can't recover from it.

Your cousin Michael has two children: Gavin and Carter Geoffrey; Matt is doing work for us and engaged. Matt has his own construction business and I'd rather give business to him than someone else. They miss you so much and still can't speak of your death. You were too young to die and the idiot that gave you that heroin should be gob-smacked to Jupiter by me. Uncle Joe has 3 children: Tom,, Caroline and Katie Bear (she is my goddaughter). Katie is a hoot and a holler - you would get such a kick out of her. Emmy, Uncle Lou's little girl, is now 14 and you would love her too. She is such a mix of woman and child. Just like you when you died. Oh my son, oh my son - I say this so often because my heart just aches and aches and aches.

I love you son, I will never stop loving you ever. I wish you were here with me.

Mom






LIFE STORIES:

IN MEMORY OF: Jacob Alexander-Lee Gagnon "JAKE "
AGE: 5 1/2
DATES: 05/01/03-09/25/08
CAUSE: Bowel obstruction
WRITTEN BY: Michelle Hall-Gagnon "Mommy"

: Jake was in a sense a typical lit'l boy. He loved sports, race cars and trains. But there was something special about him unlike a five year old. He lived his life with so much joy and passion. Jake was born w/Muscular dystrophy, he was confined to a wheelchair.He faced painful surgeries and challenges as a lit'l boy that many of us will never understand. Jake never complained nor did he ever see himself as different. He never felt sorry for himself.Anytime you saw him, he had a huge smile on his face and he would tell you that one day, "I'm going to walk ." He had such determination and will. It was infectious to others. He had a light and he let it shine! Jake's courage and love for life and exuberant personality made him truely one of a kind. Everyday was an adventure for him-living life to the fullest,exploring every opportunity to play,meet new people and express himself relentlessly. He loved his life and loved everything and everyone he touched. Jake is running the streets of heaven now.I know his spirit is all around me. He shows me in so many ways but I wish I could hold him one more time, touch his beautiful lit'l face ,hear him say "Mommy, I love you" Or " I need ya ! " Jake , you will never ever be forgotten, your memory lives on in so many . We have a big hole now in our hearts since you left on your new journey , but we know one day, we will be together again. Until then my sweet precious lit'l man, RUN LIKE THE WIND Baby, Go Go Go !

Love always, Mommy







POETRY:



IN MEMORY OF: Tina Marie McQuaig
AGE: 27
DATES: 5/5/72 - 3/15/00
CAUSE: murder
WRITTEN BY: Linda Rice

: Cherished Thoughts Of My Tina

Memories of you are all I have to cherish
Since the time that you unexpectedly perished.
What do I think about, I've always been asked.
I think of the beautiful memories from years passed.

My mind drifts back to the days long ago
When you were little and life seemed slow.
I remember your sweet smile and a thoughtful phrase
My mind is so lost as if in a daze.

I hold your picture close to my heart
It's what I do when my day starts.
Then I look to the sky and thank God I'm alive
And ask God to hold you right by His side.

Still when I see a butterfly landing near me
I know how important that butterfly can be
I say "Hello Tina, how are you today?"
I know that you are here to tell me you are ok.

As the years pass us by and I grow old
I think of all the stories I could have told.
I'm remembering all the things that we used to do
In the quiet stillness of my bed, my thoughts are of you.

As the days pass by and my life is through
Only then will I finally get to see you.
So now all I have of cherished memories past
Is to do all that I can do to make them last...

© by Linda Rice
March 2012







SIGNS:


IN MEMORY OF: Dylan Ross
AGE: 36 years
DATES: 11/22/73 - 8/27/10
CAUSE: Pulmonary Embolism
WRITTEN BY: Rhonda Ross, Dylan's Mom

: Before my son, Dylan, died suddenly on August 27, 2010 he and I frequently met for lunch. On one of those occassions I mentioned to him that my husband, his Dad, frequently saw shooting stars and that in my 59 years of life I had never seen one. One evening about a week after Dylan's funeral I walked outside to sit in his truck to see if I could feel him or smell him there. After a few minutes I got out of the truck. Crying, I leaned against his truck and looked up at the night sky calling his name and asking where he was and if he was okay? To my surprise, a shooting star streaked across the sky.







SPECIAL MEMORIES:






IN MEMORY OF: Joey Whiteman
AGE: 21 yrs. 360 days
DATES: September 8, 1980 - September 3, 2002
CAUSE: Auto Accident
WRITTEN BY: TERRIE WHITEMAN, JOEY'S MOM

It was the night before Halloween and Joey asked me to go to the Mall and get him a costume, it was late, but I said ok. We went into a store that was just open on Halloween. He wanted a mask, that's all just a mask, I looked at the price. it was $150.00, they could have picked me up off the floor, but that was many years ago. I told him no, and when the man saw the tears in Joey's eyes, he said ok half the price and I agreed. He said he'd wear it till he died, and that was the truth, didn't get to wear it that year, since he died in September, but it's in the closet (it better be), since moving so much.









DREAMS:



IN MEMORY OF: Adam R. Fiock
AGE: 26
DATES: 7-1-81 10-6-07
CAUSE: GSWH
WRITTEN BY: Christine, Adam's mom

: Again, still having a hard time. Asked Adam (his bear made out of one of his dress shirts) for something. I woke up with my arms folded across my chest holding a baby to me. I woke up so fast and slow, and the same time if that makes any sense. I don't know if it was Adam or an angel, but I wish he/she would come back so I could hold it again.









OUR CHILDREN'S ACHIEVEMENTS, TALENTS, HONORS, AWARDS, AND UNIQUE CHARACTERISTICS:





IN MEMORY OF: Adam R. Fiock
AGE: 26
DATES: 7-1-81 10-6-07
CAUSE: GSWH- self inflicted
WRITTEN BY: Christine, Adam's mom

: My son, Adam, was in the Indiana National Guard. He was a staff sargeant. When he first came back into the country, his whole unit returned intact ( >150 soldiers). I know he endured heat, fear, exhaustion. I am proud of his courage and trading leaves so others could go home. At officer's training at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, he scored so high on his tests that no one believed he was part time (reserve).

Thank you, Adam.




2012
Bringer of Light newsletter






Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

DESTINY ROAD

In the towering mountains of cool, clear Northern Arizona there is an amazing stretch of highway that goes from Flagstaff to the Grand Canyon.

My husband Robin and I first traveled this remarkable road as a young married couple. We were so young, and so in love, and so full of life and energy that experiencing the Grand Canyon was a personal quest of ours. From Flagstaff, Arizona we went north up this embracing highway. As we passed the graceful aspen trees, and the tall ponderosa pines that were reaching for the sky, and as we viewed the overpowering mountain peaks rising above this God-given landscape, we were in awe. Drawn to the beauty of a serene, secluded forest campsite just off this mystical road, shadowed by majestic peaks we captured within all of our senses the beauty of the surrounding landscape in this soul gripping rustic place. We set up camp there and spent a romantic night under the stars. Little did we know the secrets this road would reveal throughout our lives.

Exactly nine months later I gave birth to our first child... a tiny, dainty, beautiful little girl we named Emily. Our lives became indescribably enriched by this new-found expression of our love. This tiny person captured our hearts and became the center of our attention. Our love had multiplied and it was a wonderful feeling.

Then just a few years later we discovered that our lives would again be enlightened by another little person. Opportunity presented itself and our happy little family of 3 and 1/2 moved all the way across the country from Louisiana to Idaho. Just a few short months later our family became complete with the birth of a special little boy, full of unconditional love, that we proudly named Luke.

One year after Luke's birth we moved back to Louisiana, but the four of us kept within us that ever-burning desire to go west. For the next twelve years our family vacations consisted of numerous trips to Disney World, trips to the beach, fishing trips, and, of course, uncountable ventures out west. As destiny would have it, we found ourselves driving that beautiful stretch of highway north of Flagstaff, that same alluring road that had produced our first child. But, now instead of traveling as a couple we were traveling as a family of four. Emily and Luke were overflowing with enthusiasm and anticipation for the visit to the Grand Canyon. We stopped several times along this generous road to take photos and breathe in the crisp mountain air. As we passed the same campsite where the seed of our first child was planted, we pointed it out to Emily and told her "That is a very special place that Dad and I will tell you about someday."

Years passed, time flew by, and again life brought about change with an opportunity to return to the west. We anxiously moved to Phoenix, Arizona, fulfilling a long-awaited dream. With our new-found environment there was so much to explore. In the summertime we found ourselves escaping the heat of the dry desert by exploring that magical highway on weekend family trips.

Luke, now a teenager, loved taking road trips in his Jeep. He took many excursions on this same welcoming highway in search of adventure. He would come back home with stories of secrets revealed by this highway when taking back road trips to unseen destinations.

Yearly, when fall arrived, our little family of four would journey this special highway to experience the spectacular display of nature. At various enchanted spots along this breathtaking road we would picnic on a quilt cushioned by a ground cover of golden aspen leaves.

In early summer, while cruising the back roads off of this wise old highway, we happened upon a little 2 acre spread of land, nestled between the mountains and covered with aspen trees and ponderosa pines, all the while inviting us with an irresistible "FOR SALE" sign.

The following year involved preparations for the building of our little log cabin. This would be our ultimate family retreat. Upon completion we indulged in family gatherings that included croquet, horseshoes, hiking, campfires, cookouts, and memorable family times.

At thanksgiving we once again journeyed this magical road to our little cabin hide-away. Upon arrival a blanket of sparkling snow welcomed us. As we said grace that Thanksgiving, I thanked God for bringing all four of us together at this special place and time.

Christmas delivered even more snow. This was our first white Christmas since that snowy Idaho Christmas twenty-one years ago, just a few months after Luke's birth. As the snowflakes were gently falling, Luke & Emily burst through the front door of the little cabin into a room warmed by a crackling winter fire. As they stood there, Luke (now my 21 year old son) was brushing the snow off of his strong shoulders, looking all around as if it were his first time to see this place. Luke said "Wow Mom, this looks like those lodges we used to go to on vacations." The he said "I want a cabin." Those words still echo through my mind and squeeze my heart, because this would be the last time that Luke would cross that threshold. This road had once again delivered something very special that would have to last a life time.

Months later Robin and I had gone up to our little cabin alone. We were driving down this memorable highway and had just turned on the forest road heading to the cabin. As soon as the tires left the pavement and touched down on the dirt road, I knew without a doubt, that Luke was no longer on this earth. I felt it deep within me as if the road once again revealed a secret, but this time a secret I did not want to know.

Shortly after Luke's death we sold our house in the desert and moved to our little cabin in the mountains. As we drove down this now lonely highway to the dirt forest road, I thought about how Luke must have his very own cabin in Heaven, just as he had wished for at Christmas only months ago. As we drove through the gate, passed the sign announcing LUCAS LODGE, I knew at that very moment, that I was where destiny had led me.

Many years passed and the winters became too difficult with the only transportation to the paved road was by snowmobile. We decided that after all those years to move to a place in Northern Arizona, away from Destiny Road, that had plowed roads in the winter and would make access much easier. So we moved to our new house in the woods... but we never forgot our little Cabin of days gone by.

Just a few weeks ago we sold our little Cabin in the woods with very mixed emotions. Another turning point in our lives. We no longer own a place that Luke has physically been. We saw the little cabin one last time before the new owners took possession. As I stood there on the front porch, gazing at the mountain view, shadowed by the pines, I said my last goodbye to that little Cabin in the woods that represents a lifetime of experiences. That little cabin will always be a symbol near this fateful highway of years and years of collected memories, placed safely within the hearts of four destined souls that will forever be a part of ......DESTINY ROAD.

© 2012 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001






GOODBYE LITTLE CABIN

There is a little cabin
All nestled in the woods
Shadowed by the mountains
Protecting what it should.

Briefly it bestowed to us
A place of happiness.
Memories were gathered
Granting what was wished.

Then the stars fell from the sky.
The moon lost all its glow.
Shadowed now by loneliness
Of death it came to know.

It became my solitude,
A place to mourn and grieve.
Painfulness was gathered.
Sadness was conceived.

Summer brought the sunshine
But brightness never came.
Surrounded by the sorrow
The darkness still remained.

Autumn brought the colors
With dreams of days gone by.
Winds of 'no tomorrow' blew
And clouded up the sky.

Winter brought the snowflakes
With whiteness all around
As quietness of the snowfall
Made a cold and lonesome sound.

Springtime brought the flowers.
Death lingered in the blooms
With sorrowful reminders
Of a life that ceased too soon.

I thank the little cabin
For the memories that it made,
For the comfort it provided
In the shadows and the shade.

I had to leave it far behind
And search for serenity
In another place and time
That found a way to me.

Many weary years have passed
Since those times of early grief.
It shall never be forgotten
All the cabin gave to me.

I miss the little cabin.
It was a faithful longtime friend
That earned a place within my heart
Because it could understand.

Someday I'll find a cabin
Where mountains rest beyond the sky,
Where someone's waiting for me
And we'll never say goodbye.

© 2012 - Christine Ross
~ by Christine Ross in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001



Find and be found to discover your.....
BRINGER OF LIGHT.

THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD

"The Long and Winding Road" is a ballad written by Paul McCartney of the Beatles. It describes feelings of loss without indicating any specific situation. Use of images of the wind and rain suggest feelings of abandonment, while the image of the "long and winding road leading to your door" shows signs of hope. It is a sad and melancholic song. In an interview in 1994, McCartney described the lyric more obliquely "It's rather a sad song. I like writing sad songs, it's a good bag to get into because you can actually acknowledge some deeper feelings of your own and put them in it. It's a good vehicle, it saves having to go to a psychiatrist." It became the group's 20th and last number-one song in the United States on June 13, 1970, and was the last single released by the quartet while all four remained alive.

sources: Wikipedia & iamthebeatles.com



THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD

The long and winding road
that leads to your door
will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to your door

The wild and windy night
that the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears
crying for the day
Why leave me standing here
let me know the way

Many times I've been alone
and many times I've cried
Any way you'll never know
the many ways I've tried

But still they lead me back
to the long winding road
You left me standing here
a long long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here
lead me to your door

But still they lead me back
to the long winding road
You left me standing here
a long long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here
lead me to your door
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

~ Words & music Paul McCartney







QUOTES:

FAMOUS QUOTE:

"Country roads take me home to the place where I belong"
~ John Denver (Singer Songwriter 1943 - 1997)

MEMBER QUOTE:

I lost a part of my joy the night my son was killed in a vehicle accident, it's something you don't think about and never think it will happen to you, as people say it's a club I really don't like being in and if I had a choice I wouldn't. As a grieving parent life completely changes.
~ Yandell Murphy

MEMORIAL QUOTE:

IN MEMORY OF: Jacob Alexander-Lee Gagnon "JAKE "
AGE: 5 1/2
DATES: 05/01/03-09/25/08
CAUSE: Bowel obstruction
WRITTEN BY: Michelle Hall-Gagnon "Mommy"

: My Jake was in a wheelchair due to Muscular dystrophy but he was a fighter and a champ. I taught him early on to never give up and to always try his best in everything he did. I taught him this lit'l poem when he was 2 yr's old. " If you'll remember always there's no goal you can't achieve. If you'll try your very hardest and above all else, believe- Believe that you're a person who has something good to give- Believe that you can make this world a better place to live- If you'll believe your talents and your skills are needed, too then you're sure to find there's nothing in the world that you cannot do! In Jake's 5 short years with us he did so many things all the doctor's said he would not be able to do. He would tell them..."watch me, I'll show you ! " I am so proud to have been his Mom. Never give up is what this child taught us....You Can do anything you set your mind on. I miss everything about him ... Some days are harder than others to put one foot in front of the other but I know I am a better person because of him. I keep moving forward even on those days I want to throw my hands up & give up...Jake would want me to help others from what I have learned on this grief journey. I am trying because of him. On some days I can feel him holding my hand saying, "Be brave Mommy, you can do it. "












ANNIVERSARY AND BIRTHDAY
DEDICATIONS

IN MEMORY OF: Christopher Neil Thomas
AGE: 16
DATES: 09/12/89 -11/19/05
CAUSE: Automobile accident
WRITTEN BY: Patsy Wise, Mother

: Christopher you will never be forgotten not ever. We love and miss you forever and ever. I love you, Mama

IN MEMORY OF: Bradford "Wayne" Wells, Jr.
AGE: 42
DATES: 6/30/63 * 11/15/05
CAUSE: heart failure
WRITTEN BY: Mom of Wayne Wells

: Another year has come and gone without you Wayne and I still miss you every day. Thank you so much for the toothpicks you've left, the memories and your precious children and grandson. I'll be watching that GA vs FL game again this year and remember those Gators have an angel on their side but you know I'm still cheering for my Dawgs. Until I see you again my child, I will miss you every single day. Watch over all of us that love and miss you.

IN MEMORY OF: Josh Hughes
AGE: 21 years old
DATES: April 30, 1982 ~ November 7, 2003
CAUSE: Car accident
WRITTEN BY: Cindy Hughes- Mom

This will be the ninth anniversary of Joshs accident, though it still seems like just yesterday. There isnt a day that comes that he is not in our thoughts or crosses our minds in someway. We continue to place seasonal flowers at the memorial site, along with decorating a tree that we planted at the time of the accident that has grown large in this time that we lovingly decorate for Christmas and even with plastic eggs at Easter. .

IN MEMORY OF: Dylan Ross
AGE: 36 years
DATES: 11/22/73 - 8/27/10
CAUSE: Pulmonary Embolism
WRITTEN BY: Mom

: We are celebrating your life as you spend your third birthday in Heaven. How privileged we are to be able to celebrate the life of such a beloved son, brother, father, and treasured friend to so many. Your life left an indelible mark on the hearts of all who know and love you and your death has left an irreparable hole. We are grateful for your signs and the knowledge that you are always near. We love you as much as ever and miss you more with each passing day. Happy Birthday!!!

IN MEMORY OF: MICHELLE MARIE GREEVER
DATES: August 24th 1984~November 5th 1993
WRITTEN BY: CindyJo

: Loved and Remembered
WebPage I made for her 19th Anniversary ~
http://michellesmama.com/MichMem2012.html
Love, CindyJo, michellesmama.com










LETTERS TO HEAVEN:

IN MEMORY OF: Craig Nolan Watson
AGE: 21
DATES: DOB 3/3/84 DOD 12/1/05
CAUSE: IED
WRITTEN BY: Shirley Watson

: This came home with my son's belongings in Iraq. Written to him when he left for boot camp 2 years before his death. He carried it with him wherever he went.

Craig,

Just so yo know, no on knows I am writing this to you so you won't have to worry about if anyone wants to know what's in it. I know yo didn't want any show of emotion before yo left so I thought I would write this to let yo know some of what I wanted you to "hear" without actually hearing "blah blah blah".

First off I want yo to know that I love you and that I am extremely proud of you. You are the first of my sons to do something with their life. The first to actually gradate from high school. Proud that you have your life planned to achieve things. The only thing that disappoints me is that you can't show emotion. Or refuse to. Either way I respect your decision to do it this way.

I know I haven't been the perfect mother or your dad hasn't been the perfect father but I want you to know that I tried to give you what you needed. The freedom to express your opinions and finally the chance to express them even though I didn't like the language you used to express them with. I know I should have been more strict with you at times but I wanted to trust you to be able to make the right decisions even though I know there were several times you did not make the right one. I had hoped that you learned from those experiences. I wanted you to enjoy your teen years, to be able to remember back and laugh at some of the things you did. I think you did and you will.

Now for my wishes to you. First of all, I wish for you happiness at whatever you decide to do. Success in life. The knowledge to know that being happy is being successful. You have never been a big one on needing money and whether you want to admit it or not you have a big heart when it comes to people wanting things. Don't let them abuse the kindness. Know that it is alright to share but don't let yourself go without what yo need to have to start life without the Marines backing you up. Trust people while at the same time beware of them. This is going to be hard to do. So my advice to you is to trust your first instinct.

I know you have it in you to become that man you want to be. To do the things in your life that you have always dreamed of doing and becoming. Remember are a sort of hope that lingers inside. If you dream of doing something that seems impossible, don't give up on it. Try until you realize that it just can't be done.

Promise me that no matter where you end up living when you get out of the Marines that you respect the people you love. Don't treat them like they are dumb. Some where in the minds of other people are ideas, feelings, and dreams a lot like yours. I'm not saying to let someone walk all over you to spare their feelings, you have to stand up for yourself too. But think before yo speak. Sometimes expressing your opinion is the right thing to do and sometimes it's best to keep it to yourself.

I know that you probably think this letter is a tad bit silly but these are the things I wanted to say to you without you shutting me out as you do quite often. I totally expect you to throw this away when you are done reading it but I hope you remember what is in it and apply it to your life.

But remember, above all else, that I love you more than life itself and that I am so very prod of you and what you are doing with your life. So while you are out on your own, be brave, be smart, and be true to yourself.

Love always,
Mom







LIFE STORIES:

IN MEMORY OF: Justin Douglas Linscott
AGE: 18
DATES: 10/23/1990 - 7/11/2009
CAUSE: Brain injury from auto accident
WRITTEN BY: Jerri Dean

: Justin "Church" Douglas Linscott, Lance Corporal U.S. Marine Corps Justin was born in Alamogordo, NM-October 23, 1990. He spent his childhood in Pennsylvania and San Antonio Texas. He lived in Las Vegas for the last 5 years until he joined the Marine Corps in February 2008. He left for boot camp May 2, 2008 and graduated August 1, 2008. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 5th Marines, 3rd Platoon, Golf Company at Camp Pendleton, California. During his sophomore year he joined the Desert Pines High School Marine Corps JROTC program because of a promise he made to his older sister Melissa. He decided his junior year he wanted to be a Marine. He left Desert Pines and enrolled in Desert Rose Adult High School and completed the last half of his junior year and his entire senior year in 4 months. He was extremely intelligent and dedicated to whatever he set his mind to. He then told his sister Melissa (who is in the Army), "you may outrank me, but I just one upped you". Justin was one of those rare people you meet in life that touched your soul with his presence and personality. He loved life and lived his life doing what he truly wanted.

On March 16, 2009, he was involved in a serious car accident that resulted in a severe brain injury. He was life flighted to Loma Linda University Medical Center where he spent 5 weeks in a coma. On March 20th, the doctors were going to pronounce him brain dead, because he was not responding and his pupils were fixed and dilated. By the next day he was responding somewhat and his brain swelling kept decreasing each day. The neurosurgeon called us and said; "Every time I tell you something about him, he proves me wrong!"

April 21st he was transported to Kindred Hospital in Las Vegas where he was slowly emerging from his coma. June 15th he was transferred to Care Meridian (a rehab facility) where he was making remarkable progress. He would follow anyone with his eyes when they came into the room, give "high fives" when you asked, took off his glasses or adjust them. He gave wonderful hugs! You knew he was there when you would visit him and spend time talking to him. He spoke 3 words that unfortunately I didn't get to hear but he said, "I want Momma."

Justin was promoted to Lance Corporal on July 1st and his 1st LT came to Las Vegas all the way from Camp Pendleton to "pin" him. We had a small ceremony with family and the staff at the facility. The staff was very moved by the ceremony and would always say Justin would be ok. They really loved him. He actually saluted the Lieutenant! That was truly amazing. He passed away on July 11, 2009. He was a "hard-core" gamer, (those are his words) and loved to play Rock Band and Guitar Hero. When he first starting playing he would practice for hours and got extremely good at it; playing at Expert level. He & I would often play together and we both enjoyed those times together. He was a lover of music, mainly the older classic rock and always had his IPOD in his ear. He would also play Halo which is where his nickname Church came from.

Our family; (Justin has 3 sisters and 3 brothers) took a trip to Arizona and New Mexico last Christmas (2008) and I found a sign that Justin actually ended up buying because he loved the saying. "If at first you don't succeed, do it like your Mother told you." He laughed and said "how right that was". He liked to play football with his friends, although he didn't participate in sports in school.








POETRY:




IN MEMORY OF: Joey Whiteman
AGE: 21 yrs. 360 days
DATES: September 8, 1980 - September 3, 2002
CAUSE: Auto Accident
SUBMITTED BY: TERRIE WHITEMAN, JOEY'S MOM

A DECADE

AS I LOOK ACROSS THE CALENDAR
I CAN’T BELIEVE MY EYES
A DECADE NOW HAS PASSED US
SINCE WE SAID OUR LAST GOOD-BYE’S

WHY DID YOU GO, WILL I EVER KNOW?
I GUESS WHEN I AM GONE
TILL THEN I’LL LIVE WITH MEMORIES
WHEN LIFE WAS LIKE A SONG

YOU WERE THE BABY OF THE FAMILY
WHEN YOU CAME INTO OUR LIVES
AND NOW THE FIRST TO LEAVE US
AS ALL WE DO IS CRY

GOD HAD A REASON, WE ALL KNOW
I WISH I KNEW HIS PLAN
I KNOW YOU WERE HIS GOLDEN BOY
AND NOW YOU ARE A MAN.

I LOVE YOU MY SWEET JOEY, REST IN PEACE








SIGNS:


IN MEMORY OF: Christopher David Romero
AGE: 19
DATES: 09/27/1991-01/29/2011
CAUSE: Car accident
WRITTEN BY: Mom

: When i lost Christopher was the hardest day of my life which all of you know But 2 weeks before the car accident we all were setting on my bed and as a parent does they talk about death preparing your children for our death... we all made a pack that if we could get back to let the others know that we were ok we would ..... My Oldest son Steven had just moved into his own Apt Of course they were taking pics of the new place my friend told Steven let me take a pic of you .. In the pic you can see many spirits in the picture ... That night i had a dream Christopher came to me and told me MOM i am in that picture just look mom i told him ok and i woke up ... I looked at that picture for 13 hours just thinking to myself was that just a dream.. My twin sister had came over to look at it she picked my cell phone up and there he was Standing right beside his big brother I could see his face so clearly and and grin... I began to cry I called my sons in and said to them he kept his promise to all of us.... He let us know that he was ok!!!!






ENCORE PRESENTATION FROM NOVEMBER 2012



IN THEIR OWN WORDS:

written or said by our children






IN MEMORY OF: Joey Whiteman
AGE: 21 yrs. 360 days
DATES: September 8, 1980 - September 3, 2002
CAUSE: Auto Accident
SUBMITTED BY: TERRIE WHITEMAN, JOEY'S MOM

A MEMORY

4/14/94

A memory that I had was when I was just a little boy of three. My mother and father had belonged to a sportsman's club by the name of "Cannoneers". My dad was on the softball team and we traveled with him to all of his games.

One night when we were at an away game, my father was on the field and my mother, my older brother, and I were on the bleachers. Everything was fine so far and as the inning came to an end, I stepped off the bleachers for a couple of minutes. By this time my father's team was already in the dugout getting ready to bat. So as I was climbing up the bleachers I fell and cracked my head open. My mother grabbed me bleeding and all and told my father we were going to the hospital.

As we reached North Penn Hospital my brother was assigned the job of trying to stop the bleeding by applying pressure to it. As we pulled through the entrance my brother took the towel off to see if it had stopped when he saw that my head had closed up. We rushed into the emergency room where doctors examined me and told me that I would need stitches. By this time my mother was nervous as anything until she heard that bit of convincing news. After the game was over my father got one of his teammates to drive him down to the hospital to see how I was doing. So I had an exciting night with me cracking my head open, and my father winning his game.








SPECIAL MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: SHELLY LYNN BEAM
AGE: 32
DATES: 10/03/75--03/26/2008
CAUSE: drug overdose
WRITTEN BY: mom

: When Shelly was a little girl around the age of 2, I use to tell her how much I loved her and then I would ask her how much do you love Mama and she would open up her arms real wide and say "I love you this much Mama, more than the sky." From that time in her life and until the day she died every time she wrote me a letter or signed any type of card for me she always signed it, I Love you more than the sky, Love Shelly." I don't think I realized how much that little verse meant to me until that horrible day when I had to pick out her headstone. When the funeral director ask me if there was anything I wanted written special on the plaque it came right to me, I said yes I want written: I Love you more than the sky--love mom.










DREAMS:




IN MEMORY OF: Laurie Michelle Baer
AGE: 16
DATES: October 31 1976 ~ December 4, 1992
CAUSE: Died during open heart surgery to 'fix' a congenital heart defect
WRITTEN BY: Shirley Baer, Laurie's mommy

I have had several dreams about Laurie through the years but most of them are when I was a child growing up going to school. She went to school with me.. It is always so weird. Laurie is always there but never speaks. I can see her but its like she's not really doing anything, just there.. I think she has always been with me.. I always wanted a baby girl because I was a lonely child and when I had her my heart nearly burst with joy. I thought I finally had someone who would always be with me, that I could love and would always love me.










HUMOROUS MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Laurie Michelle Baer
AGE: 16
DATES: October 31 1976 ~ December 4, 1992
CAUSE: Died during open heart surgery to 'fix' a congenital heart defect
WRITTEN BY: Shirley Baer, Laurie's mommy

One Sunday Laurie and I were in the living room watching tv when my husband came in and threw the fitted sheet on the floor saying, 'i cant put this sheet on. it doesn't fit'. She looked at me and I looked at her and we laughed so hard it was pitiful. He just didn/t turn the sheet the right direction... She loved to talk on the phone for hours and I'd love to hear her laugh. Every time she smiled or laughed my heart swelled up in my throat. I was always the happiest when I knew she was having fun..










OUR CHILDREN'S ACHIEVEMENTS, TALENTS, HONORS, AWARDS, AND UNIQUE CHARACTERISTICS:





IN MEMORY OF: Daniel Scott Forrester
AGE: 30
DATES: 2/28/70 ~ 1/10/01
CAUSE: non-hodgkins lymphoma
WRITTEN BY: Arlene Gundersen

THE ICING ON THE CAKE

November - Thanksgiving brings back so many memories. Once the kids were grown and on their own, Thanksgiving Day was a day of gathering. Danny was "the icing on the cake" for all of us. He was always late and always surprised us with wonderful "goodies" from Balducci's Deli in N.Y.C. He'd come beaming in the front door, arms filled with "appetizers" and a smile like no other. Yet, Thanksgiving Day is bittersweet. Thanksgiving Day 1995. My Mom had passed away in August, my sister Valerie was going through chemo. for Hodgkins lymphoma. It was a sad year, yet we said our prayers of Thanksgiving for all being together and remembering the blessings we had. For several years, Danny always left for Florida, the day after Thanksgiving. He was a party planner - same time every year for an organization. This particular year, he said to me he may extend his stay as he was feeling "achy" and exhausted. After dinner, I remember rubbing his back as he said his aches were more like "pain". This was the beginning of Danny's nightmare. He called while in Florida and told me he felt something was wrong. He was in terrible pain. I told him to get home and get to a doctor in New York. He flew home and sought a doctor who dismissed his terrible pain as something minor. It was close to the week-end and Danny signed himself out and went to another doctor in N.Y.U. Medical Center. Tests revealed he had non-hodgkins lymphome, 4th stage. When he called, I immediately drove into the city. When I got to the hospital, and saw my Danny, my heart just dropped. He was holding the bedrails so tightly as pain surged his body with each breath. I went wild, running to the nurses station, demanding they call his doctor.

Soon after, the morphine was ordered and he was able to get some relief. The doctor told us he had 6 months to live.... a year at best. My Danny lived for 5 years. It was a struggle every day, but he fought every step of the way....hoping and praying for a cure to be found. We don't know God's ways and purpose for our lives. So, each Thanksgiving, I treasure the good years and smiles we have tucked away in our hearts. I am so grateful I had Danny in my life for 30 years. His "cure" was to go to Heaven where all his pain and tears were removed for eternity.

I know all our children will be gathered around the ULTIMATE Thanksgiving table in Heaven. Our love is with them as their love is always with us. Peace & Blessings to all.










MEMORIALS: ROAD SIDE, HEADSTONE, URN, GARDEN, DISPLAY, PUBLICATION, BENCH, STATUE, PLAQUE, BRICK, SIGN, STONE, ROOM, SPORT, PLACE.....





IN MEMORY OF: Josh Hughes
AGE: 21 years old
DATES: April 30, 1982 ~ November 7, 2003
CAUSE: Car accident
SUBMITTED BY: Cindy Hughes- Mom

Crosses Across our Nation is name of book that has a photo and a story about our roadside memorial for Josh. The memorial is located on Route 32, Sykesville Maryland alongside LIberty HIgh School, across from the Sykesville Post Office. Below is the published story in the book:

Joshua Samuel Hughes, "Josh", was born on Friday, April 30, 1982. My only son lost his life tragically and suddenly at 21 years old on Friday, November 7, 2003 in an auto accident. He was killed on impact when he hit an utility pole.

A single word could never describe Josh, he represented so many different things to those who loved him. He was obstinate yet reasonable, brutally honest, and very loyal. Josh had an unforgettable laugh and an irreplaceable smile that radiated all the way to his eyes. These individual characteristics put together made up one of the most truly wonderful, unique people we were all blessed to know and love. .

Josh had a great love of life and all that it offered him. He lived everyday to the fullest and wasn’t going to be held back from enjoying each as if it were his last. He savored each new day and experience. Josh radiated this incredible energy that seemed like he was always having a good time no matter what. He wasn’t satisfied with living the mundane life we all so easily accept as the "norm". Josh wanted something more, he wanted his life to mean something, and given the opportunity he would have made his life something extraordinary. His dreams were limitless and his drive to achieve them even greater. He was constantly thinking and planning, never accepting "no" as an answer.

His outgoing, fun-loving, and beautiful soul will live on forever in the memories of those who loved him. Those whose paths never crossed with his truly missed out on the pleasure of his one of a kind personality and his unconditional love for those around him.

Josh will be forever remembered and missed with great sorrow and shattered dreams. His family has established the J.O.S.H. Foundation in his honor and memory. Joining Others Seeking Healing is a small tribute to help others walking the path of losing a loved one.




2012
Bringer of Light newsletter






Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

A SIMPLE GIFT

We celebrated Luke's last Christmas at our little one room cabin in Northern Arizona. My husband Robin and I had driven up a few days before Christmas to prepare for our small family get-together. The snow had covered all the roads that led to the cabin and the only way in was by snowmobile.

It was Christmas Eve and it was very dark there in the wilderness when Emily (Luke's sister of 23) and Luke (age 21) made the 3 hour drive up from the desert to the mountains. Deep snow had covered the landscape of the forest and the beauty of it all was beyond description. I waited alone at the cabin while Robin (Luke's Dad) met them at the paved road on the snowmobile. I was so anxious for them to arrive that I stood there in the cold on the front porch of the cabin, thanking God for bringing my family together once again. Little did I know that it would be our very last Christmas all together. I gazed at the clear star-studded night sky. I breathed in the cool fresh pine scented air as memories flooded my mind. . I thought about our first snowy Christmas in Idaho just a few months after Luke was born and wondered how my babies could be all grown up. Smoke drifted from the chimney as it filled the air with that old familiar scent that brought back the memories of our family camping trips. I kept looking down the little snow-covered road for the headlights of the snowmobile. It seemed like an eternity before I finally saw the lights pierce through the night and knew that my family would soon be there on that porch with me. As the lights got closer I could hear the sound of the jingle bells that decorated the sleigh carrying Christmas gifts being pulled behind the snowmobile. It was a moment that I will never ever forget.

Emily and Luke charged up the steps to the front porch where I awaited their arrival bearing hugs and kisses. It seemed that those Christmas hugs would last a lifetime, and in fact those Christmas hugs from Luke had to last a lifetime because they would be his very last Christmas hugs. They walked into the little one room cabin all excited as if they were still children. A crackling Christmas fire was burning in the wood stove, with smells of good things to eat.

That Christmas Eve we feasted on all kinds of finger foods and had such a wonderful time opening our presents from each other. Luke opened several nice presents from us, but when he opened his last gift it overshadowed all the others. He tore off the paper, took the lid off the box, and pulled out a simple pair of inexpensive gray slippers. Because of his reaction anyone would have thought that those slippers were pure gold. He smiled from ear to ear and said..."Oh Man, these are great!" He immediately pulled his shoes off and put on his new slippers. Who would have ever thought that such a simple gift would have meant so much to him? We had such a wonderful Christmas that year. Soon all the Christmas fun was over and we were all back home in the desert.

That boy ABSOLUTELY loved those slippers. Such a such a simple little gift that brought so much pleasure. Luke would wear those slippers every single day. If he just needed to run to the store... he would go in his slippers. I always knew when he got out of bed in the morning because I could hear the sound of those slippers shuffling down the hallway. One day, dressed and ready to go to work at Blockbusters (his part-time supplemental income job) he gave me a hug at the front door, and said as he always did, "I love you Mom." I said "I love you too, Luke." Then he walked out the door. As I watched him walk down the sidewalk, I noticed he had his slippers on. I started laughing and said "Luke you forgot to put your shoes on." Luke said "No I didn't, I'm wearing my slippers to work." I said "Luke, you can't wear your slippers to work!!!" He said "Nobody, will even know, I will be behind the counter all day." He laughed and then he said "Well, Mom my feet hurt at work, and these slippers are so comfortable." So I told him good-bye and wished him a good day at work. He drove off and headed to work IN HIS SLIPPERS!!!

He only wore those slippers for 4 short months. Displayed at Luke's memorial service were those simple worn gray slippers. They now rest near his urn in his display case in our living room with all of his special things. I take those old slippers out from time to time just to feel the inside of them where his foot indention still remains. I even sniff them to try to inhale Luke's scent. Oh how silly the world would think I am for sniffing an old pair of slippers.

Oh how I wish for angels on Christmas Eve. I long for presents under a Christmas tree and being able to watch him open a gift just one more time. I think of mistletoe hung where I can tiptoe and kiss my sweet boy on the cheek. I want my son to come home for Christmas, if only for that one day. I need to hear that old familiar sound of Luke walking down the hall in those simple old gray slippers. I desire all of these things..... if only in my dreams.

But even if angels don't come, and there are no presents or mistletoe, and Luke doesn't come home for Christmas, and I don't dream a special dream, I know that I have received one of the greatest gifts that I can receive..... the gift of memories that are held within a simple pair of old worn gray slippers that will forever walk the innermost depths of my broken heart.

© 2012 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001






ANGEL'S NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
My emotions were stirring, no one to arouse.
The stockings were hung from the chimney with care.
One stocking seemed lonely... my child wasn't there.

I was sleepy and nestled all snug in my bed
While visions of angels danced in my head.
I dreamt of the heavenly gifts he'd unwrap,
As I settled my brains for a long Christmas nap.

Since the day that he died my life had been shattered.
There was nothing much left that seemed really to matter.
I dosed off to sleep but awoke to a flash.
"Could this light be my child?" myself I did ask.

I gazed out my window at the new fallen snow.
"What was that light?" I wanted to know!
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a beautiful angel with luminous hair.

This angel was happy so lively and quick.
I knew that my child was no longer sick.
More gently than snowflakes his angel friends came
And he softly and tenderly called them by name.

They all stood before me in the snow and the wind
As I heard in the night the sweet message they send.
They want us to know that they heard our lone call
And they're really okay, not to worry at all.

As prayers that are prayed to heaven on high,
When they meet with a teardrop, mount to the sky.
So up to the clouds the angles they flew.
With a message of love for me and for you.

And then in a twinkling, they returned with their love.
They were dancing and prancing right up above.
Then all of the angels flew to the ground.
One entered my home without making a sound.

He was dressed all in white from his head to his foot.
His clothes were all glowing and he carried a book.
Great feathery wings he had on his back.
As he opened his book I sighed and I gasped.

His eyes how they twinkled his smile was so merry.
His cheeks were like roses but I was so weary.
His light and his touch made my heart overflow.
And his fluttering wings were as white as the snow.

As I stood there and watched him I felt a great peace
And a halo encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a sweet face and a wonderful grin
That beamed when he smiled from his ears to his chin.

His hair was so radiant and appeared to be silk.
I was in awe when I saw him, in spite of myself.
The spark in his eyes and the glow 'round his face,
Soon led me to know he was in a good place.

He spoke not a word but went straight to his work
As he checked off my name in his book... under HURT.
My sorrow and pain he perceived, I suppose,
As he gave me a hug and to the clouds he arose.

He joined his new friends and he gave a soft whistle
And away they all flew as I cried just a little.
But I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight...
"Mom, we're visiting all the sad parents tonight."

© 2002 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001



Find and be found to discover your.....
BRINGER OF LIGHT.

I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

"I'll Be Home for Christmas" is a Christmas song recorded in 1943 by Bing Crosby who scored a top ten hit with the song. "I'll Be Home for Christmas" has since gone onto to become a Christmas standard.

The song is sung from the point of view of an overseas soldier during WWII, writing a letter to his family. In the message, he tells the family that he will be coming home, and to prepare the holiday for him including requests for "snow", "mistletoe", and "presents on the tree". The song ends on a melancholy note, with the soldier saying "I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams."

On October 4, 1943, Crosby recorded the song and it charted for eleven weeks. The song touched the hearts of Americans, both soldiers and civilians, who were in the midst of World War II, and it earned Crosby his fifth gold record. "I'll Be Home for Christmas" became the most requested song at Christmas U.S.O. shows. Yank, the GI magazine, said Crosby "accomplished more for military morale than anyone else of that era".

In December 1965, astronauts Frank Borman and Jim Lovell while on Gemini 7 requested "I'll Be Home for Christmas" be played for them by the NASA ground crew.

"I'll Be Home for Christmas" was recorded by Perry Como (1946), Frank Sinatra (1957), Sara Evans (2007), Kelly Clarkson and many other artists. This song not only touches the hearts of those in the military and their families, but it also touches the hearts of anyone who is seperated from someone they love for any reason.

source: Wikipedia



I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

I'll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love light gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams

~ Words & music by Kim Gannon, Walter Kent & Buck Ram







QUOTES:

FAMOUS QUOTE:

"The only gift is a portion of thyself."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

MEMBER QUOTE:

"It is not right that we lost our children"
~ Mary Jo Landers

MEMORIAL QUOTE:

IN MEMORY OF: Laurie Michelle Baer
AGE: 16
DATES: October 31 1976 - December 4, 1992
CAUSE: Died during open heart surgery to 'fix' a congenital heart defect
SUBMITTED BY: Shirley Baer, Laurie's mommy

: "I dont want a surgery but i have to take one." something she said to the little girl in the room with her when she was 5 a couple days before her pulmonary bypass surgery".












ANNIVERSARY AND BIRTHDAY
DEDICATIONS

IN MEMORY OF: Laurie Michelle Baer
AGE: 16
DATES: October 31 1976 - December 4, 1992
CAUSE: Died during open heart surgery to 'fix' a congenital heart defect
SUBMITTED BY: Shirley Baer, Laurie's mommy

: Laurie Michelle Baer's 36th birthday. Laurie was a very sweet baby who grew into a very compassionate sweet innocent young lady. She never said a cross word about anyone. She was the love of my life.. Still is.

IN MEMORY OF: Daniel Joseph Quinn
AGE: 21
DATES: 1/1/87-12/16/08
WRITTEN BY: Mary Jo Landers - Mom

: December 16th will be 4 years the Lord took you home. You left a legacy of love and laughter in everyone who knew you. You had a willingness to beat to your own drum and was not afraid to be different. You lived large and was a natural leader. You grew up with a passion for life, the things you believed in and the people you loved. You are missed every moment by your family and friends. Although you have gone ahead of those who love you and who you loved, we will be looking forward to that special reunion. Keep "Doin' Big Thangs." You will always live on in our hearts.

IN MEMORY OF: Paul John LaFaver
AGE: 27yrs.
DATES: 12/11/79-9/3/2007
CAUSE: carbon monoxide poisoning
WRITTEN BY: Dee Dorsam

: This is the sixth year that we won't be going to Red Lobster for your birthday, you're missed by so many,but the most by me-I just wonder sometimes where you would be in life, if you would have gotten the promotion you wanted,if you would be married, if I would have any grand -children if you'd be happy, All these thing I'll never know, but know I will always love you & you will be in my heart until the day I die! Happy Birthday!

Love you always and forever-Mom

IN MEMORY OF: Timothy D.Stratton
AGE: 29
DATES: 2/6/1979--12/7/2008
CAUSE: Acute pancreatitis,hypovolomic schock,anoxic brain Injury
WRITTEN BY: Karin Haley

: It has been 4 years since you were called home. It feels like yesterday, and a million years ago. It is a day of mourning and celebration. We mourn, in our selfishness to want to keep the people we love so dearly here with us. But, we must celebrate because there are some very fine people watching over us. As I walk with a heavy heart, I must also be happy that you no longer have to endure the struggles of life in the land of hatred and horror. It is in this place that we find it so hard to find true love and friendship. I revel in the fact that you are surrounded by nothing but love, of which you are so deserving. Your time here is never forgotten and those you left behind hold tight to one another in the true spirit of love and family. You're still an inspiration to all of us. Your unconditional love and never ending smile, will live forever in the hearts of those who love you. I miss you tremendously my sweet angel.

All my love. All my life. Mom

IN MEMORY OF: Patti Rawls
AGE: 54
DATES: March 2, 1956 - December 11, 2010
CAUSE: Melanoma cancer
WRITTEN BY: Helen Wallace, mother of Patti Rawls

: In memory of Patricia Diane Rawls, age 54, who went home to be with Jesus on December 11, 2010. Waiting for her arrival was her son Dustin Marshall Rawls who had been waiting since Sept 27, 2007. As happy as she was to see him, she was equally unhappy to leave behind the ones she dearly loved and who dearly loved her. Life has gone on as it must but without her we all have a hole in our hearts. Not a day goes by that we don’t think of her. Since she was living with me I can look around and see her everywhere. In the pictures she colored, the decorations on the walls and other things that I have kept just so I can still have a part of her with me at all times. She was such a good daughter, Mother, Grandmother, sister and a very compassionate friend. Jesus was her friend so I know she is at home with Him so I don’t worry about her. I know she is no longer in pain and that makes it bearable. I do miss her a lot and know that we will be together again. Our life on earth is not the end only the beginning.

IN MEMORY OF: Javon Kevin Watkins
AGE: 23
DATES: 12-3-88 08-13-2012
CAUSE: Pneumonia, Fatty Liver, Obesity, Autism
WRITTEN BY: Lisa Jay's Mom

: Hi Jay, we love and miss you so much!! It has been 3 month since you went home to God and Grandma and you Birthday is coming soon on December 3rd, you will be 24. Life here on earth have been painful without you, but I know that you are happy at home where you can be your best. You were born with Autism, but I didn't see that when I saw you, I saw a beautiful, happy child. I loved and still love you the way you were, even though in Heaven you will not be Autistic and I guess I should be very happy for you! I AM very Happy for you Baby Boy! You were also non verbal, but now you can talk and enjoy life better than I could have imagine for you. You have a great Spirit that, I was blessed to have have in my life here on earth for 23 years! I will always celebrate your Birth on December 3rd. You are still alive and living a great life. You have thought me Love patience and a lot of other things. We your sister and brothers, Erika, Christian and Justin miss you so much! Life for us have changed a lot, it seems like we are not whole without you hear on earth, like something is missing in our hearts. I talk to you every day and think about you all the time. I carry you around in your urine all the time, people think I'm crazy!

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!!!!!

Love Mom!!

IN MEMORY OF: JOSEPH VINCENT CESARIO
AGE: 33
11/12/11
CAUSE: SEIZURE
SUBMITTED BY: JOSEPH VINCENT CESARIO'S PARENTS

: FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS MOTHER AND DAD










LETTERS TO HEAVEN:

IN MEMORY OF: Paul John LaFaver
AGE: 27yrs.
DATES: 12/11/79-9/3/2007
CAUSE: carbon monoxide poisoning
WRITTEN BY: Dee Dorsam

: My Dear Son Paul, How can I ever explain how much you are loved & missed as you were 27yrs. when I last saw you & now you'd be 33yrs-time may go by, but it has stood still when it comes to you! I go on with my day to day life, but you are always right there with me & will be until I'm with you & your Dad! Well the house we all knew as home & the one you went to forever sleep in, is for sale, which brings back more memories of the good life we had as a family, but unfortunately I'm the only one left of the family! So many happy times as well as sad times-your birth & watching you grow up & become the man I hoped my son would be, the sad times when you would get sick & be hospitalized, & of course when your Dad got Cancer & died three days before your 15th birthday, plus all the other good & bad times, it really hurts to let the house go, but I have no choice, I can't believe I'll never go in that house again or hear your voice or your Dad's as we would get ready for the Holidays or your Dad would say his little saying that were funny! Just know you are always on my mind & in my heart & I miss you so!

Love you always and forever Mom







LIFE STORIES:

IN MEMORY OF: Daniel Joseph Quinn
AGE: 21
DATES: Jan 1,1987 - December 16,2008
CAUSE:
WRITTEN BY: Mary Jo (Mom)

: Danny was born on January 1.1987 at 4:35am. He was the 1st baby born at Plantation General Hospital and the 4th baby born in Broward County, Florida. Growing up he enjoyed playing soccer, T-Ball, flag football, skateboarding and performing magic tricks. Danny attended Sandpiper Elementary School where he was placed in gifted classes. He attended Westpine Middle School, Piper High School and graduated from Plainedge High School on Long Island, New York. In 2005 he attended Broward Community College and transfered to Seminole Community College in Orlando where he earned his Associates Degree. He was attending the University of Central Florida in Orlando where he was working towards a degree in Pharmacology. His ultimate goal was to become a Pharmacist. He was interested in boxing, mixed martial arts, working out at the gym and target shooting. He loved Howard Stern, Johnny Cash, Billy Joel and Lil Wayne. Danny was always doing something "Big." Whether it was school, hanging out with his family and friends, BBQ's, parties, getting tattoos, watching UFC or renting movies he always said he was "Doin' Big Thangs." Some special memories were a concert from his idol Billy Joel and his annual road trip to Ohio to attend the Arnold Classic. Danny spent his time off in Florida and Long Island. He loved New York. Danny was very passionate about his tattoos. Each tattoo he had represented who he was. Danny was strong, caring, loyal, fun and smart. Everyone will remember Danny with his sunglasses on and his cap worn sideways. He had a cap for every outfit.

"We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when, but I know we'll meet again some sunny day. Keep smilin' thru just like you always do. Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds away." -Johnny Cash

I love you with all my heart and miss you more and more as the days pass.

Love, Mom








POETRY:





IN MEMORY OF: Tina Marie McQuaig
AGE: 27
DATES: 5.5.72 3.15.00
CAUSE: Homocide
WRITTEN BY: Linda Rice

Candles and Love On Christmas Morn

My sadness seems to surround me in the Christmas music that I hear.
Every young one's glowing face reminds me you're not here.
Shoppers crowd the stores, everyone's emotions are so high,
This world I am a part of, just seems to pass us quickly by.
This holiday is for happy times, for love, warm hearts and cheer,
But grieving moms around the world, remember our child is not here.
We struggle through the season, lighting candles that we may show
Our children aren't forgotten, round the world our candles glow.
I pass through the open door one clear, cold Christmas day.
No toys or gifts do I bring-those are gifts of yesterday

I carry with me just a sorrowful heart of stone in an empty space
And walk with grief to where my child lies in a silent gathering place.
"Merry Christmas, honey" I whisper, The quiet words seem so forlorn,
"I've brought to you my heart to keep, my gift, this Christmas morn.
It is filled with all my love, though this one's carved of stone,
I'll place it here, it will always be near. You will never be alone."
Please keep my gift, my beloved Tina, close to where you lie,
And know my love embraces you, until the day I die.

I love and miss you so much honey!
Mom

© Linda Rice in loving memory of Tina Dec 2010








SIGNS:


IN MEMORY OF: Jason Christopher Dunn
AGE: 22
DATES: June 5, 1974 - March 13. 1997
CAUSE: Playing with a gun
WRITTEN BY: Susie- Jason's Mom

: I believe this happened our second Christmas without Jason. My husband was having a very hard time with the holidays approaching. He did get out there early and put up the lights on the house while it was still warm.. But his heart just wasn't into it.. After Thanksgiving we light the lights. And he started noticing a little tiny bird huddled up on the Christmas lights at the top of the garage. We were using those little lights so there could not have been any real heat from this light. This tiny little bird was only there when he was home.. it was not there in the day time. it was not there when I got home from work. but half hour later when my husband got here.. There he was sitting right there in the very same spot. He would sit there even when my husband started talking to him.he never budged. All night long he would be there.. Still there in the morning when my husband left for work.. But gone 10 minutes later when I left for work. I did get to see him. he was there when I would go out to feed my horses.. I knew he wasn't there for me.. he was a sign for my husband.. He was sent to help my husband get through the season.. We were blessed for over a month... This tiny little bird sat there night after night shivering in the cold dark night until after Christmas.. Then he just went away.










IN THEIR OWN WORDS:

written or said by our children





IN MEMORY OF: Cerridwyn "Kerry" Maire Ursula Brigid Roseanne Lujan
AGE: 19
DATES: May 17, 1989 ~ May 20, 2008
CAUSE: Double hit and run
SUBMITTED BY: Judy Lujan

You Are The Dream

By Kerry M. Lujan

Am I dreaming?
Is life just a mirage
Of thought process?
\Luck, a happy thought,
Love, a fake emotion,
Its true meaning misunderstood...
\How can we know who we are,
If we never wake up
To find out?
\If life is a dream,
I have endless control-
After all, it's all in my head.


Kerry was about 13 when she wrote this








SPECIAL MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Christine Marie Klein
AGE: 27
DATES: 1/30/75 - 2/26/02
CAUSE: Suicide
WRITTEN BY: Christine's Mom, Brigid

: Christine loved Halloween. It was one of her favorite holidays because it gave her an outlet for her creativity and wonderful imagination. Christine made all her Halloween costumes. But, she would wait until the inspiration struck her, usually the day before Halloween or the same day, to come up with a particular idea. She didn't believe in planning. Spontaneity was her middle name. One particular costume that I will never forget is the funnel cloud. Christine had bought some bendable wire and decided she was going to use glue to attach cotton batting to the wire in the shape of a funnel cloud. While certainly original, the practical application was almost impossible. She sat on the living room floor and proceeded to try to glue the cotton batting onto the wire. Most of it was coming off as soon as she glued it on. She finally finished what she could and some of the cotton batting stayed on the wire. But, as she was walking out the door, cotton batting dropping everywhere, I asked her how she was going to sit down with this outfit. I don't remember her exact response but, she didn't seem to have a worry about it. Every year since Christine left this world, I walk in her memory in the NYC Village Halloween parade. Bob, my partner and I dress up in costume and walk the parade route. If you've every been to this parade, you'll know that it's quite an experience. We are probably the oldest fogies walking. This is one of the things I do to keep her memory alive. Thank you Christine, for all that you do for grieving parents. I look forward to opening up the monthly newsletter and reading your stories, poems and all the other entries.

Love,
Brigid
Christine's Mom










DREAMS:



IN MEMORY OF: SHELLY LYNN BEAM
AGE: 3210/03/1975
DATES: 10/03/1975--03/26/2008
CAUSE: drug overdose
WRITTEN BY: mom

: Shelly, my only child died on March 26, 2008. I started attending a group with other people who had lost children. Every week I would listen to many stories where people recieved "signs" from their lost child. I never recieved anything and would pray so hard every night for Shelly to somehow let me know she was safe and happy. I started thinking maybe I was a bad parent or maybe Shelly was mad at me. You see I was always on her about her drug addiction. I put her in one drug rehab program to another. I was not going to give up on her. She was smart, beautiful, and had the kindest heart of anyone I knew. Well needless to say my worst fear came true. It wasn't until 2 years after she passed I had a dream and it was a dream worth waiting for. In my dream Shelly was standing there smiling and surrounded by about 25 cats. You see she was a cat lover and her own cat of 12 years had died about a month before she did. In my dream she came up to me and we hugged so tightly. I could smell her scent in her hair as we hugged and she told me she was ok and she was happy. She told me some other silly things during that hug that would only make since to me. The dream didn't last long but it was as though she was right here with me again. I still don't recieve many signs from Shelly, but that dream was the best! When I woke up the next morning I did not remember anything about the dream, it wasn't until I was driving to work that it entered my mind and I cried all the way there. I miss her with all of me!










HUMOROUS MEMORIES:





IN MEMORY OF: Dennis Christopher Tucker
AGE: 26
DATES: 06-11-60 09-16-86
CAUSE: Accidental
WRITTEN BY: Dolores (mom)

: Since Dennis was a little boy, I would have him open one present per night 1 week before Christmas Eve, and on Christmas Eve, I would tell him he was such an incredibly good child, that Santa would leave chocolate milk and a cookie for him on Christmas Day. Dennis looked like an angel, always smiling and he especially looked forward to the Christmas Holiday. He was my cherub and treasure.










OUR CHILDREN'S ACHIEVEMENTS, TALENTS, HONORS, AWARDS, AND UNIQUE CHARACTERISTICS:





IN MEMORY OF: Amanda Alicia Maria Morrow
AGE: 19
DATES: 5-4-85..1-17-05
CAUSE: head tramma auto accident
WRITTEN BY: Bettie Murray

: Amanda made us so proud when She was promoted from 6th grade to 8th grade. She was the first and only student in our county School district to accomplished such a task. I'll never forget that day. Such a WONDERFUL gift she was to our family. We were so very blessed.










MEMORIALS: ROAD SIDE, HEADSTONE, URN, GARDEN, DISPLAY, PUBLICATION, BENCH, STATUE, PLAQUE, BRICK, SIGN, STONE, ROOM, SPORT, PLACE.....





IN MEMORY OF: Geoffrey Philip James Edwards
AGE: 18
DATES: 6 May 1984 - 22 May 2002
CAUSE: Heroin overdose given by a "friend"
WRITTEN BY: Karen Lyn Jenkins

: When my son, Geoff, died it was hard to think let alone function and decide how to make some kind of lasting memorial in his honor and memory. We've done some things that I believe will keep his memory carried on. One is that we fund the Geoffrey P. Edwards Memorial Scholarship for a Senior in Middletown Township High School South. Each June we give a Scholarship to a student who will graduate that year. We've funded this scholarship on our own with a few donations from people who wish to remember Geoff. It is a good feeling to know that a student will be able to purchase textbooks, pay fees and so on in my son's name. It helps me feel that his life was not lived in vain when we help other students at his school. His classmates also planted a beautiful Weeping Cherry Tree at Middletown Township High School South in his memory with a lovely plaque dedicated in Geoff's name with his full name, birth and death date. I always put balloons on it on his birthday and other holidays. He also has a tree down at his Elementary School, donated by his school mates with a plaque below the tree. A dear friend has made it into a lovely garden area. Again, she and I decorate it on varied holidays and his birthday and Angelversary day. Blessings and prayers to all the mothers of children who have left us bereft in this lifetime. My heart goes out to all of us and the unceasing grief and sorrow we face every single day.










QUESTION: HOW HAS DEATH CHANGED YOU?





IN MEMORY OF: Christine Marie Klein
AGE: 27
DATES: 1/30/75 - 2/26/02
CAUSE: Suicide
WRITTEN BY: Brigid Klein

: Since Christine left this world, I have changed in many ways. I do not get upset about inconsequential things. There is nothing that can happen to me that could ever come close to losing my daughter. I don't take myself so seriously any more. I realize how life can change in an instant, that those I love are most important in my life. I try to be kinder and more understanding with people because Christine had a beautiful, kind heart. I've changed in so many ways that it's hard to enumerate. I look at the world so differently. I've learned that I only have control of my own actions; that I can't control so many things in this life. Material things have virtually no meaning to me any more. I've learned not to judge people by how they look or behave because I have no idea what is going on in their lives. I've always loved nature and since Christine's passing, I find great comfort in being in a peaceful natural setting. I have become more assertive. I don't let people treat me in a disrepectful manner. I got a tattoo of a unicorn a year after Christine's death, over my heart. I was always a very conservative type of person so, this was out of character for me. I've become much more sensitized to people who struggle with mental illness and donate regularly to organizations such as NAMI, etc. I am a very different person now. I would give all these changes back in a nanosecond to have her back, healthy and happy.












"VISIT WITH LUKE"

Last Entry in Luke's Journal:

"When there is love in my heart and a smile on my face,
I need nothing else." ~ Luke Ross

"MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU"

Music playing:
FUR ELISE
(played at Luke's service because he loved playing this on the piano)