Back to top

JANUARY 2011

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the

BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

A new year? Wow, so hard to believe how time continues to pass. Many of us are facing our FIRST new year without that special someone. It is difficult to leave behind the last year that they lived and loved and died in, to now take on another year. Never will the year 2010 come again. Sometimes it can make us feel as though we are drifting further and further away from the one that died in 2010. My son, Luke, died in 2001 and it seems like an eternity sometimes since the last time I touched him, and then again, it seems like yesterday that he died. But almost 10 years has passed since that day, and I used to feel like I was loosing touch with that LAST moment that we had together because it was getting so far away from me, but as the years have passed I have come to realize that I am closer to the FIRST moment that we will be together in Heaven. A new year means that we are further away from "goodbye", but closer to "hello".

January and a new year has arrived, whether we wanted it to or not!!! Sometimes when we are in the midst of a cold, lonely winter we wish so much for the warmth of springtime. It is much the same in our grief. Oh, how we wish for the days when the world seemed so much warmer. We have suffered the loss of someone so very special that it is very difficult to break away from that long, cold winter and look for the sun. It feels so dark, and cold, and dreary in this place of grief, and we feel so alone. We find ourselves frozen in the icy shadow of death, and in the fear of grief, and in the pain of tears. The cold we feel inside is a reminder of all of these things that we now have been forced to live with.

Spring is coming.... even though it seems as if the long, cold winter will never end. The spring that is coming is very different from the spring that we used to share with that someone special. In those days we took for granted how wonderful a morning breeze could feel as it skimmed across our face, how beautiful the sunrise was, and how mystical the thunder and rain were. The fragrance of the blooming flowers was something that we breathed in, not knowing that one day soon, for us, the flowers would loose their beauty and fragrance.

If only we could have those days back again, but we know they are gone forever. What we can have is the knowing that our loved one is with us in all of these things that we long for. They are in the morning breeze, the sunrise, the thunder, the rain, and the fragrance and beauty of the flowers.

With time.... a different kind of spring will come again. We have to open every one of our senses to the possibility that our loved one is close, and is here, and is saying "hello". So step out of that cold, dark, dreary room and find the wonders that await you, because.... here comes the sun.

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

EARLY SPRING

~ by Christine Ross in memory of
Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

I feel him in the morning breeze
As it skims across my face.
I see him in the sunrise
As it brightens up this place.

I hear him in the thunder
Before the sky begins to drip.
I taste him in the raindrops
That trickle down across my lips.

I smell him in the fragrance
Of every flower that's in bloom.
But these things I just imagine
From the corners of my room.

It's winter here in my room.
There's a chill down to my bones.
It's dark, and cold, and dreary
And I feel so all alone.

The cold is a reminder
Of this frigid, frozen fear
That casts those icy shadows
Of death, and grief, and tears.

I'm hoping for the sunshine,
Fragrant breezes, thunder, rain.
But most of all I'm hoping for...
A very early spring.

© 2008 - Christine Ross

In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Published
APRIL 2010, Volume 25 No. 4
LIVING WITH LOSS magazine
Bereavement Publications, Inc.

Back to top

FEBRUARY 2011

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

February and talk about love and sweethearts and Valentines...... Many of us have that special someone that we will always hold in our hearts; that someone that has crossed over to the other side. We often wonder how did this happen? How could they have possibly died? We held their hands, we held them in our arms, we tried to protect them. But we know that these children that we now hold in our hearts are very special souls. When they were here on earth, no matter their size or age, they proved to be strong. We had that special bond with them that cannot be broken by time or death.

We were always the ones that told them "It will be alright". But now, we cry inwardly and outwardly because of the awful pain that comes with missing them. Roles have changed and we are the ones that need comfort and encouragement from our heavenly children. If we listen really close we can hear them whisper to us from the other side..."I see your tears and I will protect you. I will keep you safe and warm. I know you feel so small in your world of grief, but know that I will be there when you feel alone. Feel my arms around you. You'll be in my heart... always."

Our children that have died talk to us in their own special ways, but many people don't understand that. They don't understand how we feel because others have not had to experience what we have had to experience. The world just doesn't trust anything that the world cannot explain. We are not really much different from the rest of the world. There was a time when we did not have this awful pain and a time when we did not understand the pain of those that had experienced the loss of a child. We were so unaware of all of this. It is amazing how one unimaginable event can transform us from a place of not knowing to a place a wisdom, although it is a wisdom we do not want. As days and years pass, others will join us in grief. At this very moment those others do not know that they are next in line for this unbelievable pain. They do not understand the depth of this pain. But when their day arrives we will greet them with open arms, and tell them we will be there for them. For not only do we understand, but unfortunately now so do they.

We wish that we were still in that place of not understanding, but the reality is that we do understand, and we do know, and we do possess that unwanted wisdom. Our destiny has been laid before us, and although we don't like it or want it, it is ours and we must be strong and carry on in honor and in memory of our children. That special someone may not physically be with us, but the wisdom of their soul tells us daily to..."Hold on, in time we will be together again, and we will once again have our arms around each other".

This life that we have been left with is a difficult one, but we know that one day we will be with the one we miss so much. Together, us and our spiritual children, will show the world that life goes on even after death has come. Death may have taken our children from our arms, but it has not, and will not, and cannot take them from our hearts. They will live on, through us, for their hearts will continue to beat inside our own hearts.

Let us turn our hearts and souls, and turn our thoughts and eyes up towards Heaven and shout those words that we only know through the wisdom of a parent's grief.... "YOU'LL BE IN MY HEART ALWAYS"



Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

YOU'LL BE IN MY HEART

(as performed by Phil Collins)

Come stop your crying.
It will be all right
Just take my hand
Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

INSIDE OF MINE

Since you've been gone my heart is blue.
But death cannot keep me from you.
For you live on My Valentine.
Your heart still beats inside of mine.

© 2007 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Published in
LIVING WITH LOSS MAGAZINE
Spring 2010, Volume 25 No. 2
Bereavement Publications, Inc.

Back to top

MARCH 2011

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

THE SEASONS OF LIFE

March is here..... the third month into the year 2011. This is the month that brings us springtime, rebirth, and hope. There are signs of springtime everywhere with the once barren trees beginning to bud, and the once buried flowers beginning to bloom, and the discrete little animals peeping out of their winter hideouts, all within the presence of a mystical rainbow. The springtime air carries the promise of new birth and the reborn landscape is adorned with color. This is such a contrast from the faded, seemingly dying winter. But as those barren trees begin to bud, and the cold ground warms and produces flowers we realize that winter did not die at all. Winter only appeared to be lifeless, when underneath it all, springtime was waiting to be reborn.

My son, Luke, died almost 10 years ago, on April 3rd, 2001. I used to think of springtime as that awful season that took my son from me. But as the years have passed I realize that he too was reborn in springtime and he is now in that place of forever springtime... that place he now calls home.

For me, springtime represents the beginning of life, summer the prime of life, fall the latter years of life, and winter the end of life. But springtime is that magical season that cannot only represent the beginning of life on earth, but can also represent a life that has left this earth being reborn on the other side. This is the hope of springtime, with its promise of rainbows, flowers, and warmth.

It took me many years to realize the hope of springtime. I honestly never thought that I would be alive in the year 2011. How can a body go through so much pain and sorrow and still survive? But I did survive, and you have too. I guess my only explanation for survival is the knowing that there is 'something' in the promise of springtime, 'something' on the other side, 'something' above the stars, 'something' beyond the sunset, and 'something' at the end of the rainbow. You have probably heard the legend about that pot of gold that is waiting at the end of the rainbow. The pot of gold that I long for at the end of that rainbow is my son, and I am anxiously waiting to find him at the end of this life, when my winter finally arrives. Maybe you and many others that live in this world of grief have that same wish and that same hope.... that hope for something magical to happen and that hope for that wish upon a star to come true.

Oh if I could only get to the end of that rainbow now, if only for a moment or two. I can't, not yet.... not until my winter arrives. But I know for sure that the end of the rainbow can come to me. Sometimes I can see his face, Luke's face, there in the midst of things, and I can hear his voice at the quietest times. At night I feel his spirit near, and at other times, unexpectedly, I feel his touch. There are many things out in this world that remind me of him, things that bring him to me in the most tantalizing and unsuspecting ways. Just the scent of something.... and there he is, or just the whisper in the wind will make him appear in the corners of my mind. That is how the rainbow comes to me and brings my Luke back to me, over and over and over. Even though he died, and even though I want him back physically, I am so very thankful for the gifts of him that I receive from the sunlight, the starlight, a soft breeze, a fierce wind, a gentle snowflake, a summer rain, a flower in bloom, and a spectacular rainbow.

I can't go where he is, and I can't see where he is, but I am sure of one thing... I know exactly where he is and someday, beyond that rainbow, beyond the sunset, beyond this life... my heart will jump with joy as I see him waiting for me in the distance, in a field of grass covered with flowers that are touched by the magic of a beautiful rainbow. I will no longer be prevented from going where he is because I will be there, at last! No longer will I need the gifts from the sunlight and the wind and the seasons, for I will have what I have longed for all these years. Someday, the path will be found to that heavenly place that seems so mysterious from here on earth. But for now, I will wait and I will hope and I will listen and I will feel all the things that I am supposed to, as I make my connection to the other side.... because I know the place he went, and I will get there by and by, in due time. No matter how long it takes, I will always recognize those things that bring him to me, until I finally get to him.

So, wish upon a star, dream upon a rainbow, wonder what's beyond the sunset, but most of all be aware of all the wonders that surround you in all the seasons of your life and beyond. In those wonders you can find that someone special... your very own pot of gold.

© 2011 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

The featured POEM this month is....

THE PLACE YOU WENT.

The featured SONG this month is....
RAINBOW CONNECTION.

"Rainbow Connection" is a popular song written by Paul Williams and kenneth Ascher and originally performed by Kermit the Frog (Jim Henson) in the Muppet Movie, in 1979.

This song has come to epitomze the ideals and artistic spirit of Henson and his company as much as "When You Wish Upon A Star" represents Walt Disney. It was also credited that "Rainbow Connection" serves the same purpose in The Muppet Movie that "Over the Rainbow" serves in The Wizard of Oz.... The purpose being that the songs provided the characters a driving urge for something more in life. This song was also nominated for the Golden Globes for Best Original song in 1979.

This song's name has been used by a number of charitable organizations wishing to evoke its message including a children's charity similar to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, a summer camp for seriously ill children, and a horseback riding camp for people with disabilities.

The American Film Insitute named Rainbow Connetion the 74th greatest movie song of all time.

The original (Kermit the Frog's) version of "Rainbow Connection" reached #25 of the Billboard Hot 100 in November 1979. The song remained in the Top 40 for seven weeks total.

Many artists have covered "Rainbow Connection. Some of them include The Carpenters, Sarah McLachlan, Kenny Loggins, The Dixi Chicks, Justin Timberlake, & Willie Nelson.

SOURCE: Wikipedia

QUOTES:

"Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows lies the seed that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes the rose".
(The Rose as performed by Bette Midler)

"Seasons come and seasons go and nothing stays the same"
(Holes in the Floor of Heaven as performed by Steve Wariner).

READER COMMENTS:

Below are the reader comments received since the last month's newsletter.

SUBMITTED BY:

Yandell Murphy

The loss of a child is part of a family I never imagined I would be involved in. My husband and I had a plan, two children, I would be a stay at home mom until they started school. We planned on two to be able to give a child what they so richly deserved, Both sons loved living at home, and of course I loved doing for them even when they became grown, and then you get that knock at the door that no parent should ever want even though you have some parents abusing and killing their children for no reason. What we wouldn't give to have him back, just to be able to hear mom would be a dream come true. The love will never die but maybe in time the ache won't be so intense, and even though the hole will never be filled, maybe one day it will soften just a little bit...

SUBMITTED BY:

June Witty

Every time I read what you have wrote and sent to others.that are all in the same place ,It brings joy to my soul because I know I'm not alone in this grief,I relize there are so many of us,although were not together we stand together in what we believe,so to me thats like being side by side and we all need that so much.Thank you for all you do the love you send to all of us will never be forgoten.June Witty Tompkinsville k Ky. You are truly an angel

SUBMITTED BY:

Terrie Whiteman

My Sweet Christine,

How wonderful "Bringer of Light" was this month. I love reading your poems and your thoughts and feelings. I'm so glad we're almost writing in the present, that is why our angels, will never fade away.

Good Luck in your next month's newsletter and what you will be doing for the angels and never fogetting Joey.

Love, Terrie & Joey

Back to top

APRIL 2011

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

SOMEWHERE IN TIME

April and springtime have arrived. Winter is gone and summer is not here yet. We are in the time of spring. A time when the earth comes alive again, no longer buried beneath the cold days of winter. The memories of winter still warm our hearts and the anticipation of summer brings with it more memories of days gone by. The warm sun of Springtime reminds us how wonderful life used to be, and the spring breeze carries with it a freshness of new life, but we are sorrowful with the absence of a special life. A life that knows no more time.

Time? What is it really? Time no longer allows us to be with the physical presence of those special souls that have gone on before us. Those that used to run and play and be happy. Those that were consumed by illness or accident or something else that allowed death to take them away from our arms. We miss having them close and we miss knowing that they are waiting for us when we get home/ if only we could speak their name and have them to come to us or look at us in that special way that only they can. But because of the passing of time and the events that time brought with it, it seems that we have lost those things we once had. Are they really lost?

Time is the only thing that separates me from my son, Luke, who died 10 years ago on April 3rd, 2001. Time is such a strange thing. When you are in the midst of something awful it seems as if time passes so slowly, and if you are in the midst of something wonderful it seems as if time passes quickly. But as years pass, this thing called time is still confusing. Sometimes it seems as if Luke was here with me only yesterday, but at the same time it seems as if it has been forever since I touched him and held him.

Time has brought many things for me since April 3rd, 2001. I went through all the stages of grief over and over and over and over. Anger stared me in the face and for a time I let it stay. Denial was there full force too, but the years have given me the reality of it all. Bargaining lasted only a few months for me as I begged to trade my life for his. Depression is something that still comes and goes and will be with me until the day that I join Luke in Heaven. Acceptance has been the most difficult stage of grief for me, but it has finally found a place within my heart and mind.

There was a time when I thought that I could never be at peace with Luke's death. But it happened! Much to my surprise, slowly over time, without myself even realizing the transition..... I felt different. I don't know when it happened, where it happened, or how it happened, but it did indeed happen. I wasn't crying every single day anymore. Somewhere along my journey I quit asking why? I had found some peace, some unexpected peace, in just knowing that he lived a good life, and then he died, but more importantly.... his spirit didn't die.

A dog can sense when his master has turned the corner and headed for home. I often think of when Luke was here on earth, at the house, but in another room. I couldn't see him, I couldn't hear him.... but I knew he was in that other room because I possessed that sixth sense that we all take for granted. His spirit was all around me even though he was in the other room unheard and unseen. It is no different now than it was then. He is all around me unheard and unseen. His spirit has survived! Death could not take his spirit away from me, nor could time.

This pain will never go away, but it is not as sharp as it used to be. Instead of fighting away the pain like I used to do, I have learned to live with the pain. It is just as much a part of me now as breathing is.... a breathing that has finally calmed to a slower pace. I have embraced this pain and I own this pain and it will always be with me, so I just decided to let it be what it is. I have realized nothing can be changed, no matter how many times I go over thoughts of 'what if.' I have finally put to rest all the horrible thoughts that have haunted me throughout the years of grief.

So many of my friends and family didn't understand my pain and because they didn't, I think they were afraid of my pain. It used to make me sad and angry because they didn't reach out. How could they not understand? The passing of time has made me realize that they had never experienced what I had experienced. So how could they possible understand? I am so glad that they do not understand this pain. O how I wish that I did not understand it.

I never thought I would smile again, but I did. And I really never thought that I would laugh again, but I did. And you know what I discovered when I finally did? I discovered that he was in my laugh and he was in my smile and he was still in my life.

I didn't believe that any of these new feelings could possibly happen, but they did, and I am so glad that they crept in without me knowing. I am now at peace with his death, and because of this I remember not only the time that he died, but the time that he lived. And oh how he lived, and oh how wonderful the memories of his life are. Those memories give me back the time that I thought was lost forever.

Death may separate me from his physical self, but time gives me his spirit and his love. I will relish this time that I have with his spirit until I reach that place where he is, where we will meet again, without the constraints of time. I will remember the good times, cherish my peaceful times, and look forward to another time and place. Time was, time is, and time will be again.

Springtime is a time for flowers, a time for birds, a time for rain, a time for love, a time to be born, and a time to die. There is a beginning of life and an end of life, but at the end there is another beginning.

Time is waiting for us all..... somewhere.

© 2011 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW

Was yesterday really a few years ago,
Or was yesterday just a few weeks?
Maybe yesterday never existed at all.
But yesterday is the day that we seek.

Is today really here in the present,
Or is today when we said goodbye?
Maybe today has never really arrived.
But today is the day that we cry.

Is tomorrow really tomorrow,
Or is tomorrow years from this pain?
Maybe tomorrow will never come.
But tomorrow is when we'll meet again.

© 2003 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

The featured POEM this month is....

I'M NOT SURE WHEN IT HAPPENED. I wrote this poem during my 7th year of grieving. It is a poem of hope and was published last month in LIVING WITH LOSS magazine.

I'M NOT SURE WHEN IT HAPPENED

The featured SONG this month is....
SOMEWHERE IN TIME

'Somewhere In Time' is the theme song for the movie Somewhere In Time. The original theme for the movie did not have lyrics. Years later lyrics were added to compliment the beautiful music and has been recorded by several artist.

Somewhere in Time is a 1980 time travel romance. It is a story about a love so strong, it can overcome the obstacle of time itself.

A young playwright is met on the opening night of his first play by an old lady who begs him to "Come back to me" and leaves him with a watch that contains a picture of a ravishing young woman. This elderly lady dies that very night. Eight years later, he visits the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island and comes upon a photograph of the same woman, whom he discovers was an actress who made an appearance at the hotel in 1912. Mystified, he tries to find out about her, and becomes smitten by the photograph. Becoming more and more obsessed with her, he manages, by self hypnosis, to travel back in time to the year 1912 where he meets her and they fall in love. Can their love outlast the immense problems caused by their "time" difference? And can he remain in a time that is not his? The film is adapted from the 1975 novel, Bid Time Return.

SOURCES: Wikipedia & The Internet Movie Database & Answers.com

SOMEWHERE IN TIME

as performed by Michael Crawford

Where there is time, there is tomorrow
Somewhere in time, all sorrows pass to memory
And the end is the beginning
Somewhere in time, we are as we're meant to be

Where there is time, there is a circle
Somewhere in time, the circle yearns to be complete
Though you may feel this is illusion
Somewhere in time, I know we're certain to meet

Somewhere in time love is forever
A love that's here, a love that's now, to last for all time

Somehow I know this moment's waiting somewhere in time

Where there is time, there is a circle
Somewhere in time, the circle will be complete
Somewhere in time love is forever
A love that's here, a love that's now, to last for all time

Somehow I know this moment's waiting somewhere in time

QUOTES:

"Is there any way that I can tell you how my life has changed? Any way at all to let you know what sweetness you have given me? There is so much to say. I cannot find the words. Except for these: I love you".
(From the movie 'Somewhere in Time')

The space between your heart and mine is the space we'll fill with time
~ Dave Matthews

Time is the longest distance between two places.
~ Tennessee Williams

The Past -- the dark unfathomed retrospect! The teeming gulf --the sleepers and the shadows! The past! the infinite greatness of the past! For what is the present after all but a growth out of the past?
~ Walt Whitman

If I could save time in a bottle, the frist thing that I'd like to do is to save everyday 'till eternity passes away just to spend them with you
~ Jim Croce.

If you’re lost you can look and you will find me, time after time. If you fall I will catch you, I’ll be waiting, time after time
~ Cyndi Lauper

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
- Albert Einstein

LIFE STORIES:

"LUKE" LUCAS CHRISTOPHER ROSS
October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
21 years old
Acute Bronchopneumonia

Luke was born on Halloween in 1979. Luke my little spook had arrived full of tricks and treats. He was a wonderful baby, a darling little boy, a funny teenager, and he grew into an amazing man. Luke was so excited to be 21, so on his very last birthday we went to Las Vegas as a family. At 11:59 pm on October 30, 2000 Luke was sitting at a slot machine at the Star Trek Hilton. I was standing right next to him as he sat in the chair with a quarter in one hand and his other hand on the slot lever. We counted down the last few minutes together.... four, three, two, one.... and at exactly 12am on Halloween morning Luke dropped his quarter in the machine, pulled the lever, and told the waitress..."I'll have a JD and coke." She said... "I'll need to see your ID, and with a big smile on that beautiful face of his he reached in his back pocket and said.."No problem". The waitress looked at his ID and said.... "You just turned twenty one this minute." He smiled and placed a tip on her tray. She walked away and I leaned over and gave him a kiss on his cheek and said..."HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKE!" What a wonderful last birthday it was... celebrating his becoming a man in Las Vegas with his sister and his parents. My heart still jumps with joy knowing that he wanted to spend his 21st birthday with his family.

We didn't know it would be his last birthday.... after that night we had only 5 months and 3 more days with him. They were good days, mostly at home or out to lunch. Luke was living with us again.

On the morning of April 2nd, my husband and I went to our little cabin in the mountains of northern Arizona, just a few hours away. Luke worked all day, came home, passed out, and lay on the floor of his room for 8 hours while his lungs filled with fluid until he took his very last faint breath. He wasn't even aware that he was ill, and neither were we. We could not contact him, so we headed home early and he was found on the floor of his room 18 hours after he had left his beautiful life behind. He died in the early morning hours of April 3, 2001. Six weeks later the autopsy report concluded that Luke had died from natural causes due to Acute Bronchopneumonia.

A life well lived was no more. But it is a life well lived that now lives on in heaven forever and ever and ever. We will be together again.... in that land of no time.

If you would like to write a story about your child's life to be included in an upcoming BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER, please complete the form below. The stories will be placed in the order that they are received, and will be spread out over several months.

READER COMMENTS:

Below are the reader comments received since the last month's newsletter.

SUBMITTED BY:

Tammy

I would like to say thank you for this months Bringer of Light. The season of life that you wrote rang so true. I Lost my son on April 1st 2007.Spring is a very hard time for me still,I try to take comfort that Josh loved spring & summer, everything I see, I see Josh in them. I too did not think that I would be here in 2011. I find some peace in knowing I will be with Josh again someday. Again Thank you so much for including all of our angels with your angel.

SUBMITTED BY:

Karen Jenkins

Dearest Christine: Thank you for the wonderful newsletter that adds a little hope to our grieving. It is such pain and sorrow that we have lost a child - there is no worse grief and I don't care what anyone says. Losing a child is the worst pain and sorrow imaginable. We lose so much when we lose a child: we lose their future, our future, their graduation from high school and college, their marriage and parenthood, we lose being a grandparent and seeing our genetic code carried on, we lose the genetic code that they inherited, and so on and so on. I used to see my dad in my son, Geoff, dad died 45 years ago and it was like he was back with us in my son. Bless you for this newsletter that does bring a little light to my day.

SUBMITTED BY:

Lynn

Chris,
It has almost been 10 years since I lost my son and I don't know what I would have done without you and your website. You have no idea how much your poems have brought comfort to me. Thanks so much,
Lynn

You are invited to make a comment, express an opinion, share a thought, or offer support and comfort. There is a form below to complete if you would like to make a comment to be included in next month's newsletter.

Back to top

MAY 2011

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the

BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

LULLABY OF A LIFETIME

Oh, to be a mother.... a blessing not matched by anything else on earth. I remember gazing into the eyes of my very first newborn baby girl and wondering what life had to offer her, and where she would go, and who she would love. My long awaited Mothers Day had finally arrived. A few years later I was gazing into the eyes of a sweet little baby boy wondering all the same things. I found myself holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers for him that were announcing..... "hello".

Nothing in this world can compare to the feeling a mother has when she first greets her little one and sings that very first lullaby. That in itself is something that not everyone gets to experience. Some mothers lost their babies before their child ever took that first breath. And some mothers lost their babies soon after they were born, never getting that opportunity to sing that first lullaby before their child died. I feel so fortunate to have had that opportunity. That first lullaby for my little baby boy was 'You Are My Sunshine'. As I sang, I watched as his eyes sparkled like the sunshine I was singing about. I will never forget that moment as long as I live.

I am so very thankful that I had "my baby" for 21 wonderful years. I was able to hear him say that most precious thing to a mother's ears....Maaa Maaa Maaa, then Mommy, then Momma, then Mom. All those different ways that he said my name represent epochs of those 21 cherished years. What incredible memories I have of baby bottles, and diapers, and little cries and giggles, and kisses, and cuddles, and sweet soft whispers. Time moved on and just like that, he was playing in the backyard and swinging really high, and riding that little tricycle everywhere. Next he was off to school with artwork piling up on the refrigerator door, and coming home with torn pants and a sad little face. More time passed and there were girlfriends, and hanging out with the guys. Before I knew it he was in high school, and going to dances, and driving a car, and working at his first job. Graduation came, then college, then a career. But just like that, in a blink of an eye, it was all over. All the things that I thought would come next, never came.

The next thing I knew, I was standing at the cemetery staring down at a gravestone with my son's name on it. It was early morning and the sun was just beginning to peak over the mountains as the tears streamed down my face. I was seemingly alone on this special day, and I begged the sky for understanding. My long dreaded Mothers Day had arrived. I soon felt my son's presence there with me on that very special day. I found my trembling hands holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers for him that were announcing..... "goodbye". I began to sing that lullaby to him. As I sang I watched his stone sparkle in the sunshine that I was singing about. It is a moment that I will never forget as long as I live.

A sort of peace came over me as I stared at that stone. As I read those dates I began reminiscing on all the amazing things that were between those two dates. Those were the times of his life, the times to be remembered, the times to be celebrated. I told him I loved him. I told him I missed him. I told him how thankful I was for all the great times we had between those two dates. Mothers Day had come again, and it was good because those memories of him filled my heart, and my soul, and my mind with an awakening..... a lullaby of a lifetime.

© 2011 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

THE SPACE BETWEEN

The day he was born and the day that he died
Are the beginning and end of a dream.
I cherish those things from the days of his life,
The days in the space between.

"Memories of sweet soothing lullabies
And the bottles, and diapers, and tears.
Warm cuddles and kisses all through the night
And faint whispers in soft little ears."

"Swing me real high, want you Mommy?
Kiss me and sister night-night.
Mommy I wanna help, please let me help.
My tricycle fits me just right."

"Momma, see what I made at school today!
Look, Daddy taught me to ride my bike.
I like my teacher, but not more than you.
I tore my pants, Momma, I got in a fight."

"Guess what Mom, I have a girlfriend.
Look, I made you something in shop.
I've really got a lot of cool friends now,
See ya Mom, I'll be down at the bus stop."

"Hey Mom, I've got a date for the dance.
Wow, driving a car is really cool.
Look, Mom I got my first real paycheck.
I can't wait to graduate from school."

"Oh Mom, college is really tough.
A new job and life is moving on.
Goodbye for now, I'll wait for you.
Thank you Mom, for all you've done."

He came to me one fateful day
And he left too soon, it seems.
So I cherish the days that matter the most,
The days in the space between."

© 2002 - Christine Ross
revised 2011
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

The featured POEM this month is....

THE BOUQUET
I wrote this poem during my 6th year of grieving after a visit to the cemetery. It is a poem of hope and belief that was published this month for Summer 2011 in the quarterly print edition of LIVING WITH LOSS magazine.

THE BOUQUET

The featured SONG this month is....
BRAHMS' LULLABY

Brahms' Lullaby or Cradle Song is the common name for a number of children's lullabies with similar lyrics and the same melody. The original was written by Johannes Brahms' and titled: Wiegenlied: Guten Abend, gute Nacht ("Good evening, good night")and was published in 1868. The first verse is taken from a collection of German folk poems. The second stanza was written by Georg Scherer in 1849. The lullaby's melody is one of the most famous and recognizable in the world, used by countless parents to sing their babies to sleep.

Johannes Brahms was born May 7, 1833 and died on April 3, 1897. He was a German composer and pianist, and one of the leading musicians of the Romantic period. Born in Hamburg, Brahms spent much of his professional life in Vienna, Austria, where he was a leader of the musical scene. In his lifetime, Brahms' popularity and influence were considerable.

Brahms composed for piano, chamber ensembles, symphony orchestra, and for voice and chorus. A virtuoso pianist, he premiered many of his own works; he also worked with some of the leading performers of his time, including the pianist Clara Schumann and the violinist Joseph Joachim. Many of his works have become staples of the modern concert repertoire. Brahms, an uncompromising perfectionist, destroyed many of his works and left some of them unpublished.

Like Beethoven, Brahms was fond of nature and often went walking in the woods around Vienna. He often brought penny candy with him to hand out to children. Those who were his friends were very loyal to him, and he reciprocated with equal loyalty and generosity.

SOURCE: Wikipedia

BRAHMS' LULLABY

ORIGINAL LYRICS IN GERMAN

Guten Abend, gute Nacht,
mit Rosen bedacht,
mit Näglein[N 1] besteckt,
schlüpf unter die Deck!
Morgen früh, wenn Gott will,
wirst du wieder geweckt.

Guten Abend, gute Nacht,
von Englein bewacht,
die zeigen im Traum
dir Christkindleins Baum.
Schlaf nun selig und süß,
schau im Traum 's Paradies


TRANSLATION OF ORIGINAL LYRICS

Good evening, good night,
With roses adorned,
With carnations covered,
Slip under the covers.
Tomorrow morning, if God wills,
you will wake once again.

Good evening, good night.
By angels watched,
Who show you in your dream
the Christ-child's tree.
Sleep now peacefully and sweetly,
see the paradise in your dream.


LYRICS REVISED TO RHYME

Lullaby and good night,
With roses bedight,
With lilies o'er spread
Is baby's wee bed.
Lay thee down now and rest,
May thy slumber be blessed.

Lullaby and good night,
Thy mother's delight,
Bright angels beside
My darling abide.
They will guard thee at rest,
Thou shalt wake on my breast.

QUOTES:

“Golden slumbers kiss your eyes, smiles awake you when you rise. Sleep, pretty wantons, do not cry, And I will sing a lullaby.”
~ Thomas Dekker

“Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high, There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby”
~ Lyman Frank Baum

"Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby."
~ Langston Hughes

"Hush, my dear, lie still and slumber, Holy angels guard thy bed! Heavenly blessings without number Gently falling on thy head."
- Isaac Watts

"Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top, When the wind blows the cradle will rock; When the bough breaks the cradle will fall; Down will come baby, cradle and all."
- English Nursery Rhyme

"Sweet and low, sweet and low, Wind of the western sea, Low, low, breathe and blow, Wind of the western sea! Over the rolling waters go, Come from the dying moon, and blow, Blow him again to me; While my little one, while my pretty one sleeps."
- Lord Alfred Tennyson

"Hush now baby don't you cry. Rest your wings my butterfly. Peace will come to you in time and I will sing this lullaby"
~ JOSH GROBAN

Someday we'll all be gone, but lullabies go on and on. They never die that's how you and I will be
~ BILLY JOEL

*Bart "Dylan" Ross*
11/22/1973 - 8/27/2010
36 years
Pulmonary Embolism
written by: Rhonda Ross

Early on November 22, 1973, Thanksgiving Day, we were blessed with a precious baby boy. That tiny 5 lbs. 10 oz. bundle brought more joy to our lives than we imagined. He was a good baby, a cuddly toddler, a bright little boy and a funny teenager. He grew up to be a burly 5' 11', 200+ lb. man with a gorgeous smile and amazing blue eyes. He was a very smart, witty, easy going man with a big heart. Dylan "entertained" family and friends from a young age right up to the day he died. He could read a book or watch a movie once and commit it to memory. He called himself "an encyclopedia of useless knowledge". More than anything, Dylan loved his family. He was always close to us and his sister. He enjoyed great relationships with and was loved by his grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, numerous friends, and coworkers. Above all, Dylan loved his children. He enjoyed his job and worked hard. He loved fishing, duck hunting, drag racing and Walt Disney World. On Friday, August 27, 2010 while at work Dylan called his boss to say he thought he was having a heart attack and needed help. He was alive when the paramedics arrived, but he died in route to the hospital and could not be revived. We got the call and raced to the hospital praying and begging God to take one of us... but a doctor and nurse came out to tell us our beloved son was gone. Our worse nightmare came true except this pain is worse than we imagined. We love you Dylan and we will miss you until the day we join you in heaven.

If you would like to write a story about your child's life to be included in an upcoming
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER, please send an email by following the directions below or by completing the form below. The stories will be placed in the order that they are received.

SIGNS:

Lucas Christopher Ross "Luke"
October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
21 years
written by: Christine Ross

When Luke died on April 3rd, 2001 he was living at home with us. About one week after Luke died Robin (my husband, Luke's dad) and I were leaving the house. I got in our Jeep with Robin and remembered that I had forgotten something inside. Robin gave me the keys and I went back inside. While inside alone I said out loud "Luke, I miss you so much. I need so much to know for sure that you are around. Give me some kind of sign. Make the phone ring or something, but whatever sign you give me, make sure that I have no doubt that the sign is from you." Well, I waited in the house for several minutes and nothing happened. I walked out the front door feeling very disappointed. Luke's car was parked in the driveway and had not been moved or opened since the day after he died. His car was locked and the keys were locked in the house. I got in our Jeep with Robin. Robin had no idea of my request to Luke. Well, as we were backing out of the driveway, I started screaming. Robin said: "What's wrong"!!! I said: "Look at Luke's car!". The emergency flashers on his car that was parked, and locked, and had not been touched, came on.... by it's self. Robin looked up and said: "Oh, my God, Thank you Luke." It was so amazing!! We got out of our Jeep and sat in the driveway and just watched Luke's emergency flashers blink for an hour while we cried and thanked Luke. We finally decided to unlock the house, go get the keys to Luke's car and unlock it and turn off the flashers.

This is probably the most spectacular thing that has ever happened to us that confirms that life goes on beyond this earth. We have told this story many times through the years. It was even featured on the JOHN EDWARD'S SHOW... CROSSING OVER in 2003. This is just another amazing sign from Luke for this story to be shared with the world. Since that day we have had many, many signs from Luke. Some simple, and some unbelievable. But one thing is sure... our loved ones on the other side can communicate!

If you would like to write a story about an amazing SIGN that you received from your child to be included in an upcoming BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER, please send an email by following the directions below or by completing the form below. The stories will be placed in the order that they are received.

READER COMMENTS:

Below are the reader comments received since the last month's newsletter.

SUBMITTED BY:

Christine Knapp

Christine,

I never added Adam's name to the Memorial pages at first. Now it means so much to me. They have always been so beautiful, though. You are so creative, and you help others so much. I know Luke is so proud of you, trying to hold other's hands and comforting them.

Thank you,
Another Christine and nurse
Adam's mom

SUBMITTED BY:

Joyce

Dearest Christine,

Thank you so much from all of us who belong to a club we didn't apply to for membership nor did we ever expect to become a member of, Grieving Parents, for Bringer of Light each month. Your Bringer of Light each month offers so much peace as I soak up every word you have written. You have done so much for each of us that must walk this road without our precious child. Bless you.

SUBMITTED BY:

Yandell Murphy

I lost a part of my joy the night my son was killed in a vehicle accident, it's something you don't think about and never think it will happen to you, as people say it's a club I really don't like being in and if I had a choice I wouldn't. As a greiving parent life completely changes. But I would like to thank you for everything you do to bring a little light and hope to all of us.

SUBMITTED BY:

Mary Jo Landers

I lost my 21 year old son Danny December 16,2008. I have to thank you for the beautiful website and newsletter. I read your poems, listen to the songs and read each childs name often. It is not right that we lost our children, but your courage and ispiration has been a tremendous help to me. I want to thank you for helping me through this horrible time in my life. You are an amazing woman and Luke was very blessed to have a Mom like you.

SUBMITTED BY:

Terrie Whiteman

My Dear Christine,
This has to be one of my most favorite "Bringer of Lights" issues, I knew to read it first and then save to the last so that I could dry my tears and write sensibly, You show your love for Luke in everything you write and do. I am so happy to read and receive the Newsletter and go back and read the poetry. of which I am your biggest fan. When you look at my memorial book, you will find yourself and your precious Luke. My thoughts and prayers are with you today on Luke's tenth year in Heaven, with my son Joey.

SUBMITTED BY:

Helen Logie

Oh Christine i cannot find the words - the entire site is so beautiful and such a wonderful tribute to not only your precious son, but our children (both my sons) who chose to die by suicide -

you do not hear from me but please know that you and the memory of your precious son are constantly in my thoughts and prayers - they are now part of my inner being and it is only these memories that keep me going with all the love in the world

from Helen in Cape
Mum of Peter
born 15 April 1968 and died 19th May 2000)
and Glen born 21 February 1973 and died 2nd May 1995)

SUBMITTED BY:

Vicki Tackett

I have lost 2 sons, one at birth and one at age 26. There is no difference in grief, sadness, feelings of loss, or loneliness.

My son, Jeremy Todd Tackett died April 24, 2002 at the age of 26. He was born with VSD. Hole in his heart later developed from the VSD. He was born April 20, 1976. His death left a deep hole in our hearts, my husband and mine. My husband of 35 years passed away 5 months later from a deep hole in his heart from our son's death and after heart surgery. A short time after that, I lost my mother from heart problems also.

Our first son, Rickey Franklin Tackett II was born June 7, 1972 and died the same day.

It really helps to read and see their names in print and I appreciate so that you do this to help keep their memories alive. Thank you and may God bless and keep you and yours.

I happily add that my one remaining son, Scott now has a wonderful son, Zachary, that I cherish every day. some days it is hard to find the ray of sunshine, but if we look, we will see it.

Again, Thank you for all you do.

Vicki Tackett

SUBMITTED BY:

Carol Carico

Christine,
I want to thank you for the Bringer Of Light Newsletter. As reading all your beautiful poems this does ease my heart. Lost my Michael 8 years ago and this is the time of year I miss him as seeing him leave to go fishing and know he would be returning with a lot and then cooking for all of us. Has been so hard and wish none of us had to go thur this. My heart breaks now when ever I hear that someone has lost a child. As now I know the real pain they feel. It is not a loss we want to go thur but we do. I thank you for the newsletter. Take care my friend. Love you.

SUBMITTED BY:

Joan Taylor

Dear Christine.
Thank You so very much for sharing with me Bringer Of Light Newsletter. I so enjoyed reading it my sweet friend bless you. I could feel all the love there in the Letter Christine. All my love and Gods Blessings sent your way my sweet friend. From your friend Joan XXXXXX.

You are invited to make a comment, express an opinion, share a thought, or offer support and comfort. There is a form below to complete if you would like to make a comment to be included in next month's newsletter.

Back to top

JUNE 2011

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

THE NATURE OF GRIEF

There is a kind and gentle man that is the type of dad that dreams are made of. He never misses a soccer game, or an awards day, or a school presentation, or anything for his kids. When his kids are sick, he is there. When his kids are honored, he is there. When his kids just need their dad, he is there. Working hard and long hours is done only to produce wonderful family vacations and to provide his children with the things they need or the things that he wants them to have. But the most important thing he provides for his kids is....LOVE. His FAMILY comes first..... above and beyond anything else. It is understood at his job that NOTHING comes before his family. My children are lucky enough to have this kind of dad.

I reacall a time long ago when there was a sound of joy that came from deep within the soul of this dad as he stood there in the delivery room and first learned that he was the father of a "son". He held his baby so close as his eyes filled with tears. As his little baby grew older he became his dad's piggy back partner, his pitch and catch partner, his fishing partner, his camping partner, his mountain biking partner, his skiing partner, and his partner at work as they shared a job together. The death of his son literally brought this man to his knees. He prayed, kneeling below the window of his son's room, his eyes once again filled with tears and then that sound that came from deep within his soul was released, but this time not because of joy, but because of knowing that his son lie dead just beyond that window.

Sometimes a father and son have that 'special' relationship that is created because of a love that is shared. Their love is not an obligated love, but a love that transcends expectation. A love like these two share cannot be separated by the lack of physical presence. They continue to share in each other's spirits on this earth. One day this dad's eyes will fill with tears and that sound from deep within will be released because of joy, as his soul and his son's soul will reunite as father and son....... FOREVER on the other side.

There are many that have been a special father figure in some child's life. Sometimes this father figure comes in the form of a mom who has taken on both roles of a parent because of reasons beyond her control. Some father figures are those men that have loved a child and that child loved them and looked up to them. But whatever the situation, the nature of a father is to be with his children, not to be without them.

Oh how we long to just see our children once again and be with them once again. We can imagine that we see them, but is it really our imagination or are they really there? When we see someone that resembles our child, it takes our breath away and tears begin to fall. We can hear their voices in our minds, those voices that have a direct line from Heaven. Sometimes we think we need that reassurance that we see them, or that they speak to us.... but in reality, we need nothing but what we know from the nature of our hearts.

The nature of the earth is probably one of the best healers of grief. We can see our children in the sunrise, and we can taste them in the rain. The afternoon breeze brings their scent to us and we can feel their touch in the shadows of the evening. When the world is at its quietest that is when we can hear our children the most. The spirits of our children fill up all of our senses. We long for their love, we long for their laughter, we long to always be with them.... but most of all we long to be the one that dies in their arms, the one that dies first. But all of these senses that are aroused by the gift of nature returns our children to us in ways that we thought were impossible. Our children are here with us always because that..... is their nature.

© 2011 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

SOMETIMES

Sometimes in the early morning.....
When the sun is just beginning to peek over the mountains
I see a glimpse of you as the light fills my tearful eyes.

Sometimes in the midday.....
When the rain is just beginning to sprinkle down from the sky
I savor a taste of you as the drops flood my quivering lips.

Sometimes in the afternoon.....
When the the breeze is just beginning to blow through the trees
I smell the scent of you as the wind engulfs my lonely soul.

Sometimes in the evening.....
When the stars are just beginning to twinkle in the sky
I feel a touch of you as the darkness shadows my broken heart.

Sometimes in the night.....
When the sounds are just beginning to fade from the earth
I hear a whisper of you as the silence quiets my troubled mind.

Sometimes I know you are here
Sometimes.....

© 2007 - Christine Ross
~ memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

The featured POEM this month is....

THE SLEEPLESS NIGHT

I wrote this poem during my 6th year of grieving after a very long sleepless night. It is a poem of mystery and belief that was published SUMMER 2007 in the quarterly print edition of LIVING WITH LOSS magazine.

THE SLEEPLESS NIGHT

I woke up early this morning
Just as the sun was beginning to rise.
I reached out for my husband.
He wasn't there, to my surprise.

I arose and went to the window.
On the porch was his shadowy form.
He was probably just reminiscing
In the misty veil of the dawn.

Silently I remained inside
Hidden secretly from his sight.
Allowing him his solitude
Outside in the pale moonlight.

His silhouette took my breath away.
The eerie resemblance of our son
The one that died many years ago
Leaving us grieving and so alone.

Quiet tears began to fill my eyes
With memories of life and joy.
Longing once more for days gone by.
Wishing my husband still had his boy.

I pondered in the stillness
The pain this man should have been spared.
I wanted to go out and hug him
And tell him how much I cared.

I dared not disturb his reverie
Because I know how I cherish mine,
So I waited inside just watching him
As the clock ticked away the time.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder,
A whisper "You can't sleep either hun?"
I turned quickly away from the window.
Standing next to me was my husband.

So I gazed back out the window.
The silhouette I had seen was gone.
Then my husband said "It's okay sweetie,
"He's been out there all night long."

© 2007 - Christine Ross
in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001
Published in
LIVING WITH LOSS MAGAZINE
Summer 2007, Volume 22 No. 2
Bereavement Publications, Inc.

The featured SONG this month is....
ANNIE'S SONG

"Annie's Song" is a song recorded and written by singer-songwriter John Denver. It was his second number-one song in the United States, occupying that spot for two weeks in July 1974. "Annie's Song" also went to number one on the Easy Listening chart.

"Annie's Song" was written as an ode to Denver's then-wife, Annie Denver. Denver wrote this song in about ten minutes one day on a ski lift in Aspen, Colorado as the physical exhilaration of having just skied down a very difficult run and the feeling of total immersion in the beauty of the colors and sounds that filled all senses inspired him to think about his wife.

Annie Denver recalls: 'Initially it was a love song and it was given to me through him, and yet for him it became a bit like a prayer.'

This song has been adopted by Sheffield United Football Club, from Sheffield, England. The first few lines are played to a home crowd at the beginning of each half of the game, the fans then sing along but with altered words that relate to the Club.

Denver was an avid pilot and died while flying his personal aircraft at the age of 53. He was one of the most popular acoustic artists of the 1970s. His renown in the state of Colorado, which he sang about numerous times and where he lived in Aspen, influenced the governor to name him Poet Laureate of the state in 1974, and for the state legislature to adopt "Rocky Mountain High" as one of its state songs in 2007.

source: Wikipedia

ANNIE'S SONG

You fill up me senses like a night in a forest
Like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses come fill me again.


Come let me love you, let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you
Come let me love you, come love me again.


(words and music by John Denver)

QUOTES:

Nature possesses all the spirits of those that have gone from this earth. Heaven resides in nature.
~ clem

To me a lush carpet of pine needles or spongy grass is more welcome than the most luxurious Persian rug.
~Helen Keller

One touch of nature makes the whole world kin.
~William Shakespeare

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.
~Albert Einstein

And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.
~William Shakespeare

Nature is my medicine.
~Sara Moss-Wolfe

Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life.
~Rachel Carson

Happiness flutters in the air whilst we rest among the breaths of nature.
~Kelly Scheaffer

Nature holds all the answers - go outside and ask some questions - open your heart and listen to the response!
~Amethyst Wyldfyre,

I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order.
~John Burroughs

A setting sun still whispers a promise for tomorrow.
~Jeb Dickerson,

Nothing is more beautiful than the loveliness of the woods before sunrise.
~George Washington Carver

Earth and sky, woods and fields, lakes and rivers, the mountain and the sea, are excellent schoolmasters, and teach some of us more than we can ever learn from books.
~John Lubbock

If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive.
~Eleonora Duse

In some mysterious way woods have never seemed to me to be static things. In physical terms, I move through them; yet in metaphysical ones, they seem to move through me.
~John Fowles

Truly it may be said that the outside of a mountain is good for the inside of a man.
~George Wherry, Alpine Notes and the Climbing Foot, 1896

Drinking nature is an unquenchable thirst.
~Berri Clove

If one way be better than another, that you may be sure is Nature's way.
~Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics

You will find something more in woods than in books. Trees and stones will teach you that which you can never learn from masters.
~St. Bernard

To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter; to be thrilled by the stars at night; to be elated over a bird's nest or a wildflower in spring - these are some of the rewards of the simple life.
~John Burroughs

Look to the forest, and the ocean, and the mountains for healing in times of grief. Nature holds all those that once were.
~ clem

LIFE STORIES:

Radomir /Rade/ 5/15/1964-11/14/1997
33 years
brain tumor
written by: his mom Donna

My son my only child Rade was sick or 13 years of awful brain tumor medulloblostoma and had an operation in 1985 after that he was recovered and lived a normal life.He merried and got two boys. Sudenly in the oktobar of 1997 disease came back and took his life after one month. When I lost him I lost my life, my hope my dreems and evrything. Now I live the life in the hell trying to go on untill god call me to heaven home.I think only my mothers friend can understand how awful pain and grief this is. I pray god for each of you to find some peace in one heart. Sending to all of you my love and support.Donna Ciric Radesmom forever in pain.God Bless you.

If you would like to write a story about your child's life to be included in an upcoming
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER, please send an email by following the directions below or by completing the form below. The stories will be placed in the order that they are received.

SIGNS:

Tyler Alan Vanderwall
4/20/1986-2/04/2007
20 years
HOVD

(caused by a chemo drug. HVOD does something to the veins in your liver so that blood cannot flow through it properly which in turn causes the veins in your esophagus to turn into varicose veins that ultimately burst.)

written by: Michelle Vanderwall

It was February 4, 2010, three years since we had lost our oldest son. My husband and I had taken the day off from work as we always do. Around 3 in the afternoon, my husband suggested that we go get something to eat. We walked in the restaurant-it was deserted at that time of day-and the hostess looked up at us and said "Party of three?" We looked at each other and said "Noooooo-just the two of us." She quickly looked up again from counting out the menus she was going to give us and said "OH! I'm certain I saw three people come in the door!" She strained her neck to look around us and then kind of shrugged. My husband and I just looked at each other and smiled and said "Tyler!" It was so comforting to know that he was with us even though WE couldn't see him!

The next time that happens, I am going to remember to ask the girl to describe who she saw. I'm sure she'll say " A tall,cute guy in his early twenties."

If you would like to write a story about an amazing SIGN that you received from your child to be included in an upcoming BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER, please send an email by following the directions below or by completing the form below. The stories will be placed in the order that they are received.

HUM0ROUS STORIES:

"Luke" Lucas Christopher Ross
October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
21 years
Acute Bronchopneumonia
written by: Christine Ross

When Luke was 11 years old, not too long before we moved to Arizona, we lived on a lake in Louisiana. Robin (Luke's Dad) and Luke, were together building a pier out over the lake, to extend just past the bank. Well the bank area was very, very muddy. Robin and Luke had built the frame and had laid the boards on the top of the frame for the walkway, but had not yet nailed them down. We were all standing there admiring our new pier and Luke decided that he would test the walkway out. Well, he walked too far-out on the end of one of the boards. It popped up, slapped him in the back of the head, and Luke fell face first into the muddy bank. OMG.... It was the funniest thing I had ever seen. We were all laughing and at the same time running to see if Luke was okay. He rose up from the mud, his face completely covered with mud, but you could still see those white teeth shining through his laughter. We then knew he was okay and we all laughed until our sides hurt.

If you would like to write a humorous story about your child at any age to be included in an upcoming
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER, please send an email by following the directions below or by completing the form below. The stories will be placed in the order that they are received.

READER COMMENTS:

Below are the reader comments received since the last month's newsletter.

SUBMITTED BY:

Dolores Tucker

In memory of my son Dennis Christopher Tucker who passed away suddenly while at college. He was 26 years of age, a classical trumpeter, chorale singer and studying to be a doctor. Thankfully, a website was created for him by the Bereaavement Group in Atlanta, which has helped me in my writings as a spiritual way to express my thoughts to Dennis+. Your website is so much appreciated, your poetry and others who contribute to your site. May Luke, Dennis and our children who have gone all too soon, continue to be remembered by the wonderful sites you've created. Thank you so much for these endearing passages. With much appreciation,
Dolores

SUBMITTED BY:

Dolores Tucker

Dear Christine, you are certainly gifted in sharing your poetry, music and inspirational comments from other parents who have lost their child. No matter how young or old in their passing, they are our children and we are mothers for life. The tranquility I feel when I read the different passages seems to lessen the pain of great loss. My son Dennis Christopher was gifted in many ways: classical trumpeter, singer in different choirs, studying to be a doctor. He was 26 years of age and the shock was crippling for me in that I wasn't able to hear trumpet for 3 years without breaking down. He was my youngest of three sons. Thankfully, your website and that of the Atlanta Bereavement Group has helped me in so many ways. The creation of a website has helped where I write in the journal, keeping touch with Dennis spiritually. Thank you for so much and my prayers go out to Luke, Dennis and all our beautiful children....

SUBMITTED BY:

Rhonda Ross

Christine,
Your love for Luke has inspired you to celebrate his life and honor his memory in ways that bring peace and hope to those of us who have also lost our beloved children. You are truly a "Bringer of Light". Love to you and Luke.

You are invited to make a comment, express an opinion, share a thought, or offer support and comfort. If you would like to make a comment to be included in next month's newsletter, click on the SUBMIT BUTTON near the end of this page.

Back to top

JULY 2011

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the

BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

SUMMER RAIN

It was mid summer at the lake and we were sitting at the end of the pier with our legs dangling over... my little boy and me. Oh, he was just a little fellow of three years old. With our hands clutched together we were looking out across the lake. The warm water reached just below my calf, and he was stretching his little toes so that they just skimmed the surface of the water. It was quite, with only an occasional sound of a ripple. In the distance we could see the rain coming across the lake. He pointed and then looked at me waiting for my reassuring smile. As our eyes met, he smiled back as he clutched my hand just a little bit tighter. We both waited quietly, no words were spoken, no words were needed. Slowly the rain got closer and we patiently waited together for the 'dance'. Then, it finally reached us, one gentle plop at a time. Then, more and more plops until warm summer rain was dancing across the water at our feet, and dancing across our skin. It was a welcomed rain. It was a musical performance. The sound was so calming and soothing, as was the touch of the drops as they kissed our lips. The warmth engulfed us and we sat quietly enjoying each other and the wonderful gift of nature. Nothing can ever take away the memory of that beautiful moment in time...

That was almost 30 years ago. That little boy grew into a man of 21. Even at 21 I saw the little boy behind those deep intriguing eyes. Our hands still clutched at times when no words were spoken, and no words were needed.

The little boy no longer exists behind those eyes that no longer exist... they died with the man of 21. But when I need that clutch, or that smile, or that warmth, or those intriguing eyes..... with no words spoken, and no words needed, I retrieve that most treasured memory all... 'summer rain'.

© 2009 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

THE STORM

A cloud formed on the horizon,
I knew a storm was on the way.
I searched and ran for cover
While the sky darkened to gray.

I curled up scared beneath a tree
For protection from the storm.
As the heavens began to drizzle
I thought that I was safe from harm.

The rain poured down, the thunder rolled,
The lightening struck the tree.
Everything came crashing down.
The storm was right on top of me.

The weight of all the branches
Were crushing through my soul.
The rain mixed with my teardrops,
It was all out of control.

I didn't even try to move
Or try to find the light.
I lay there underneath it all
Thinking I had lost the fight.

I listened to the thunder
I felt the pouring rain,
The lightening flashed around me,
My body filled with pain.

My mind was reminiscing
Of the days before the strike,
Back when things were calm and clear,
When I could see the light.

My memories sustained me
Until I regained my strength.
I cried for all that came before
And I cried for where it went.

I reached out for the branches,
One by one threw them aside.
Although bruised and battered
It wasn't me that died.

The storm continued through the night
Then finally morning came.
The sun shone down upon me.
But nothing felt the same.

The gray cloud still surrounds me,
Through the haze I see the dawn.
The sun may never shine as bright...
But I've survived this awful storm.


© 2009 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

FEATURED SONG

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN?

This song was written by John Fogerty, from the band Creedence Cearwater Revival, a band that was most popular during the late 1960s and the early 1970s. This song was first released in 1970. The song is about the sadness that John Fogerty felt when his brother departed from the band. The song can also be interpreted in many ways by the listener, which is what makes a good song excellent. It can be thought of as any bad thing happening in times when things seem to be going well. (Have you ever seen the rain coming down on a sunny day).

sources: Wikipedia & SongFacts.com

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN

Someone told me long ago,
there's a calm before the storm.
I know, and it's been comin' for some time.

When it's over, so they say,
it'll rain a sunny day.
I know, shinin' down like water.

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
comin' down on a sunny day?

Yesterday, and days before,
sun is cold and rain is hard.
I know, been that way for all my time.

'Til forever on it goes
through the circle fast and slow,
I know, and it can't stop, I wonder.

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
comin' down on a sunny day?

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
comin' down on a sunny day?


(words and music by John Fogerty)
originally recorded by Creedence Clearwater Revival

QUOTES:

The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Rain! whose soft architectural hands have power to cut stones, and chisel to shapes of grandeur the very mountains.
~Henry Ward Beecher

Under my head till morning; but the rain, Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh, upon the glass and listen for reply....
~Edna St Vincent Millay

All was silent as before - All silent save the dripping rain.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"I love walking in the rain, 'cause then no-one knows I'm crying."
~ author unknown

"I've seen fire and I've seen rain, I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end, I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought I'd see you again."
~ James Taylor

Into each life some rain must fall.
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

" I'll walk in the rain by your side, I'll cling to the warmth of your hand, I'll do anything to keep you satisfied, I'll love you more than anybody can"
~ John Denver

"A feeling of sadness and longing that is not akin to pain, and resembles sorrow only as the mist resembles the rain."
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Some day when we meet up yonder, We'll stroll hand in hand again, In a land that knows no partin', Blue eyes cryin' in the rain
~ Willie Nelson

Thinking about the good times, Thinking about the rain, Thinking about how bad it feels alone again
~ JOHN DENVER

The rain that falls, Splash in your heart, Ran like sadness down the window into... The Space Between
~Dave Matthews

POETRY:

IN MEMORY OF

Samantha May Zima
09/20/1982- 05/28/1998
15 years old
Auto Accident
written by: Jan Below (Zima) Mom

Jan's note about her poem:
This was written by me Sept 8th 1998 on one of my many sleepless nights that first year.... My daughter was in her accident on May 18th and was in a coma... She never woke up... One early morning the song how do I live without you started to play on the radio and I laid next to her in her hospital bed and sang this in her ear while crying...
Thank you for letting me share...
Jan mom to Samantha May forever 15

How Do I Live without U?

My days are dark and stormy,
my nights are sleepless and long.
You left without a warning,
while I played the titanic song.

You were my backwards baby,
you loved to see the world from upside down.
So now I understand young lady
why you had to leave the ground.

What better way to see this place
than from heaven up above.
As an angel with all your beauty and grace
sending us down all your love.

We could not keep the angels from calling
and will you answer me true?
I can not stop these tears from falling.
How do I live without U???

If you would like to submit a poem that you wrote about grief or about your child to be included in an upcoming BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER please CLICK on the SUBMITT BUTTON near the end of this page.

LIFE STORIES:

IN MEMORY OF

Joey Whiteman
09-08-80-09-03-02
21 yrs. 360 days old
Auto Accident
written by: His Loving Mother

Joey died five days before his 22nd birthday. He had left to go to the Mall to buy all the things needed to go away for his birthday weekend. He then was in an auto accident and died on impact. His funeral was on his 22nd birthday, making it a full circle of life.

IN MEMORY OF

Dennis Murphy, Jr.
28 years old
2/16/81-12/26/09
Auto Accident
written by: Yandell Murphy mother of Dennis Murphy Jr.

It's a horrible pain for a parent to have to bury a child, my son was 28 years and killed on his way home, actually 3 miles from home, he was a mama's boy, and to make matters worse it was the day after Christmas. He was a very hard worker would do anything to help a friend, he loved his brother and that is the one time he would fight you is if you did something to his brother. Dennis Jr. could not walk in the house without pinching me, pulling my hair or touching me in some type of way. He loved to go fishing with his dad or even working out in the yard with his dad. When Dennis Sr. and I got married we planned the home with the picket fence and 2 children because that is what we knew we could provide well for, our son's were 22 months apart but no where in the picture do you plan for the loss of a child. I wish someone could come up with a magic potion that makes this pain easier for a parent in the loss of a child. Not knowing the butterfly is a symbol for the loss of a child I had a tattoo put on my leg of wings with a halo and above it says I have earned my wings, I guess one of these days we will understand.........Why?

Yandell Murphy mother of Dennis Murphy Jr. 2/16/81-12/26/09

IN MEMORY OF

Geoffrey Philip James Edwards
6 May 1984 - 22 May 2002
18 years
heroin overdose given to him by a "friend"
written by: Karen Lyn Jenkins, Mom to Geoffrey P. Edwards

COPING

On 22 May 02, our 18 year old son, Geoffrey P. Edwards, died in his sleep.

In one day, I went from a mother of a Senior in high school to a mother of the child who had died. I went from the excitement of attending his Graduation from Middletown South, planning his Graduation Party, attending Wesley College's Freshman Orientation, choosing college courses and all the things that graduating seniors go through to burying an 18 year old who had his life before him.

My husband and I are grieving and heartbroken. We are trying to find ways to cope with our loss but time seems to be the only healer. Talking with other parents who have lost children, we have found that coping with the loss is easier as time passes but the heart never really recovers. There seems to be a scar on the heart where once there was a hole of pain and grief.

Our pain is so intense - what have we left of Geoff? Memories that are wonderful but there is no one there to hug or kiss. We have things of his such as football cleats, clothes, his high school ring, CD"s, pictures but not him. Pictures that make me weep when I look at them because he is in the Cap and Gown that he never got to wear. The invitation to the Senior Ball he was never able to attend. His Tassel, his Yearbook and his Diploma that we picked up at the school; all the tender, loving memories but no Geoff.

To never see your child again is heart-rending, and it is hard, if not impossible, right now for us to cope any better than we are. We have to learn to live without Geoff and I, for one, cannot believe that he is dead.

We have been working toward coping in the only ways we know how. Thanks to friends, relatives, and supportive people we are mending our lives, albeit slowly. We are working to raise Scholarship Money for "The Geoffrey P. Edwards Memorial Scholarship Fund" through The Middletown Township Board of Education for High School South. We are raising money by selling T-Shirts (a great thank you to Mrs. Sandra Protz). The t-shirt has #67 on the front "Chewy" (Geoff's nickname) in a blue oval on the back and under "Chewy" "Geoffrey P. Edwards," and under his name "Unforgettable." We are also making Bumper Stickers and selling them to raise money for this Scholarship Fund (great thanks to Ms. B. J. Voorhees).

As Mrs. Protz has said: "When my son sprained his knee on the football field no one, helped him, except #67, Geoff Edwards, who had a heart as big as his body." Mrs. Protz is right Geoff had a heart as big as his body but a young person's mind. He was 6'5" tall but still a child not an adult. This young man, Geoffrey P. Edwards was precious to me and I now have to live without a young man who was always protective of those who could not protect themselves from bullies in school, who was loved by his friends and his friends' parents, who was compassionate, kind, generous, gentle and loving.

We are cleaning things from his room; many of those things grieve us because of a life taken away before his time. Things that we have decided to keep, things that we have given away to his dear friends, things to donate, and things that we have to dispose of. Toys, beany babies, "I love you" heart, video games, Boy Scout memorabilia, his Scout shirt, Merit Sash and neckerchief, his football shirt, 6 pairs of almost new shoes buried under tons of stuff because he hated them, videos, an unknown number of mismatched socks and some of my husband's T-shirts that he'd been looking for and were folded inside out, numerous empty bottles of water, and many other items we had to decide what to do with. Some were too precious to dispose of but too painful to look at.

What do we do when everywhere we look, there are memories of him. We have visited a Grief Counselor, will attend meetings of Compassionate Friends, and Bereavement Groups. But it all comes down to this: we lost a child too young to die because a "friend" gave him an overdose of heroin the first time Geoff foolishly experimented with the drug and never bothered to tell us that Geoff was in severe distress when the "friend" left our house. Geoff had a urine test, taken not 5 days before he died, and it was negative for any type of drugs or alcohol.

My husband and I are also determined that something good will come out of this tragedy and that we will speak to children about the dangers of drugs. We give thanks to Mr. Mike Slover, Director, Drug/Alcohol Abuse Prevention Programs and the Mr. David Toma, who speaks all over the country about the deadly dangers of drugs, for allowing us to share our story with young people. We have lost our son but we will not give up the fight to keep other children alive and healthy.

We are also working to enforce two New Jersey State Laws N.J.S.A. 2A:4A-26 and N.J.S.A. 2C:35-9. N.J.S.A. 2A:4A-26 states: A juvenile 14 years old and over who is charged with a drug-related offense can be treated as an adult in criminal court. N.J.S.A. 2C:35-9 states: New Jersey law provides strict liability for drug-induced deaths. Even if the victim voluntarily takes the drug, the person who distributes or dispenses the controlled dangerous substance can be prosecuted for a homicide.

We feel that these two laws, among a list of 11 laws, need to be used to stop the growing threat to our children from Drug Predators and Dealers.

Young people must also know that FRIENDS DON'T LEAVE A FRIEND TO DIE if that friend is in distress from using drugs. Calling 911, parents, or even other friends to take a youngster to a hospital can save many lives. They must have the courage to face the consequences of what they do and save a friend's life.

To find out more information about the T-Shirts and Bumper Stickers, go to:

Antigone50@aol.com

We would appreciate any comments you might make that are positive and helpful to us. Anyone's child can make a mistake like this, it is up to the adults in this area to try to make a difference and to help children realize that the consequences of their mistakes can be death and sorrow to their families.

If you would like to write a story about your child's life to be included in an upcoming BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER, CLICK on the SUBMIT BUTTON near the end of this page.

SIGNS:

IN MEMORY OF

Michelle Marie Greever
8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93
9 yrs 2 months, 12 days
Accident
written by: Cindy Jo Greever

~ The Coleus Seed

~Once upon a time ~ A long, long time ago There lived the sweetest little girl that you could ever know ~

This little girl was a treasure to her family and friends Always loving beyond measure and steadfast to her ends ~

One day at school she planted a tiny little coleus seed Her plant grew so beautifully, then she proudly gave it to her beloved Mommy ~

It was long ago on Mother's Day Back in 1993 Who then would have ever known ~ What joy this plant would always be ~

She was only eight when she planted that tiny little seed None of us then knew her fate, What a few more months would bring

The plant was nurtured and adored with every fiber of her mother's being And when this little girl had died, what comfort and joy this plant would bring

The years went on and the plant stayed strong, It grew with such beauty and meaning, And continued to daily touch the very core of her Mother's being

Some fourteen years had come and gone, one day it seemed the time had come The plant was bound to die, it had Lived its life, and there were no questions why

But could they be given some renewed hope, some faith to assure them now As this plant had served so long and it's continued life was this mother's vow?

What that they could find another to somehow tide them along A new beginning perhaps, as a reminder of the old?

A cherished living reminder of her sweet love and song The very seed that she had planted such a very long time ago?

Hearts searched on for a new seed but one could not be found To ever come close to the one, she so long ago had planted lovingly in it's ground

Days went by, hope diminished, they'd have to settle for another To remind them of the "One" seed brought long ago to her beloved Mother

That Mother's Day back in 1993 when the little girl now in Heaven This plant had so joyfully nurtured and then so lovingly given

But this story is not over for there is joy yet waiting to be discovered And when they thought all had been tried an Angel led a new seed to her very Mother!

Found tucked inside a can that had been closed up tight for years Long forgotten by her Mother were the very seeds from the plant of her tiny little peer

From a past time so dear when the plant grew and prospered here The Angel had spoken and led her Mother there

The message from her Daughter, it was so loud and clear Life does not end Mom! It just starts over! She said with a cheer!

And so the seed was planted, the one from it's mothers vine It would grow and prosper to forever remind

That life is Eternal and Forever, so never lose hope! The little girl was still working from her place in Heaven called Home!

And so it was decreed for this tiny little seed Because you see it truly happened, and it happened to me!

Lovingly Written In Loving Memory of My Youngest Daughter Michelle Marie August 1984 ~ November 1993

© CindyJo Greever March 4th 2006 ~

If you would like to write a story about an SIGN that you received from your child to be included in an upcoming BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER, CLICK on the SUBMIT BUTTON near the end of this page.

HUM0ROUS MEMORIES:

IN MEMORY OF

Dennis Christopher Tucker
June 11, 1960 - Sept 16, 1986
26 years
Accidental, wrong RX
written by: Dolores Tucker

I can think of one particular event when my family and I visited Ottawa, Canada. Dennis Christopher was about 5 yrs old. We had approached the sentinel (guards) in front of the gate. They are the ones that wear the high bear fur hats in their red uniform. They looked like tin soldiers. Dennis tried speaking with them, saying hello and looking up to them, but of course there was no response from the guards. They stood perfectly still and did not veer their eyes away, looking straight ahead. Dennis was always jovial and acquired friends easily, being outgoing. He could not understand why the silent treatment. One would have to see the photo taken at the time to appreciate the look of wonderment on his face. It was funny to me, but not to Dennis.

IN MEMORY OF

Daniel Scott Forester
February 28, 1970 - January 10, 2001
30 years old
Non-hodgkins Lymphoma
written by: Arlene Gundersen

One night, Danny was in SO MUCH PAIN......more so then usual, and I tried everything I could think of but he had no relief. I called the emergency room and they said it's from all the chemo. and radiation and that the only thing they would be able to do was increase his pain meds. which I already did. So, I sat with Danny and I couldn't help but cry.........and I said "Danny, I'm so sorry for all you're going through.....I wish it were me instead of you"..... Then he took my hand and smiled and said "ME TOO" !!!!! He nudged me and we both laughed out loud. We laughed in between the tears,. (SIGH)

IN MEMORY OF

Joey Whiteman
September 8, 1980 - September 3, 2002
21 years old
Single Car Crash
written by: Terrie Whiteman

Never thinking the children would dare come into our room in the middle of the afternoon with the door shut. Joey (at age 7 years old) of course, swung the door open only to see, well what can I say, grabbing the sheet and anything we could to cover up(those afternoon de-lights), not my idea. Anyway, Joey screamed, I screamed, John (my husband) almost passed out from laughing and JM (my other son) wouldn't even come in the room. He didn't even know what was happening. The only nice part of that day was a note, of which I keep in my drawer in the bedroom, I'm going to try and find it. It said "Mommy and Daddy, "I'm sorry." Next was a crossword puzzle that said and I might add, pretty darn good for a 7 year old, "I'm sorry, turn over, the paper, not me", and he did the crossword puzzle, I don't know how "I Love You". The best part was "Turn Over". I'm going to look for it, now I want to see it again.

If you would like to write a story about a humorous memory your child at any age to be included in an upcoming
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER, CLICK on the SUBMIT BUTTON near the end of this page.

DREAMS:

IN MEMORY OF

"Luke" Lucas Christopher Ross
October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
21 years
Acute Bronchopneumonia
written by: Christine Ross

The very first dream visit that I had of Luke was on April 3rd, 2001 at 3:30am. This was the exact time of Luke's death, although at the time, I was not aware that Luke had died. I was physically 100 miles from Luke and I had a dream that he was dying on the floor of our home. He was lying on the floor saying..."Help me, Mom, help me." I was aware in my dream...that he was dying. I awoke, sat straight up in my bed, looked at the clock and it was 3:30 a.m. Luke was found the same day, dead on the floor of his room, and the coroner's estimated time for Luke's death was 3:30 a.m. I was haunted for a very long time because I felt my son was asking for me to help him physically live, and I was not there to give help to him. But now that time has passed, I realize that he was not asking for physical help, but asking for my help in his transition to the other side. He needed his mom to help him be born into this life on earth..... and he needed his mom to help him be born into his NEW life. I will forever be grateful for having the incredible opportunity of sharing in both of Luke's births.... his birth and rebirth.

If you would like to write a story about a dream that you had of your child, after your child died, to be included in an upcoming BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER, CLICK on the SUBMIT BUTTON near the end of this page.

READER COMMENTS:

Below are the reader comments received since the last month's newsletter.

SUBMITTED BY:

Dolores Tucker

Dearest Christine, your publications on my writings about Dennis Christopher has lifted me in that you take the time and show your devotion to those that are bereaved. You are gifted in so many ways: poetry, background music, lovely scenes and so much more. Dennis' birthday would have been on June 11. Thank you so much for all that you do. Prayers go out to Luke, Dennis and all who have passed.
Dolores

SUBMITTED BY:

Anonymous

I just wanted to say that I really enjoy all of the stories about the lives of the children. It is so good to hear the stories and to know that I am not alone in my loss. I also like reading about the signs and look forward to reading about more of them because they give me so much hope.

You are invited to make a comment, express an opinion, share a thought, or offer support and comfort. If you would like to make a comment to be included in next month's newsletter, CLICK on the SUBMIT BUTTON near the end of this page.

Back to top

AUGUST 2011

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the

BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

A SUMMER PLACE

My husband, myself, and our two children lived in Louisiana when our children were very young. My parents had a camp on a beautiful lake with an old weathered wooden pier that stretched out across the water. We would often go there and spend family time together fishing, and boating, and swimming. Luke (our son) was three and Emily (our daughter) was five. We had bought each of them a cute little tackle box and fishing pole. Emily's was a red Mickey Mouse rod and box. Luke's was a blue Donald Duck rod and box. We always kept them in the little tin shed next to the huge Cypress tree that clung to the edge of the lake.

When we moved to Arizona we didn't even consider bringing the little rods and tackle boxes with us since our children were much older and had outgrown them. A few years after we moved my dad died and my mom sold the camp on the lake. My brother went out to the camp and cleaned out the shed, throwing some things away and keeping some. But I never even considered that I would one day want that little blue rod and tackle box as a keepsake from my son's childhood. I thought my little boy would live for a very long time.

Five years after my brother cleaned out that little shed, Luke died at the age of 21. A few years into my grief, I began thinking about Luke's little blue Donald Duck rod and tackle box and wished that I had kept it. I thought to myself ...."I wonder if anyone still has them?" It was probably an impossible reality, but I placed that call to Louisiana anyway. My brother said: "Oh, I don't think so. You see, I took most everything from the shed and piled it up out near the road in front of my house, and I put a 'FOR SALE' sign up, and when people would come by they would choose what they wanted from the pile and then come to the house and pay me for it. Most of the things that were left from the pile I threw away..... But, I will check anyway, just in case."

Well, he did check in his garage and the little rods and tackle boxes from Emily and Luke's childhood so long ago, as expected, were not there. I was disappointed, but not surprised at all. It was just wishful thinking on my part that they could still be around. My brother decided, just as a rare possibility, to ask his son-in-law if maybe he had taken them for his children to use. His son-in-law said: "Yes, I have a Donald Duck fishing pole and tackle box that I got from your garage." My brother just couldn't believe it! He immediately went over to his son-in-law's house and rescued the little blue fishing pole and tackle box. He called me and said: "I am so amazed that Luke's rod and tackle box are still around. I thought for sure someone had bought them, or they had gotten thrown away. No one has Emily's little Mickey Mouse rod and tackle box, but we do have Luke's." I said: "Well, I guess Luke really wanted me to have them." He said: "I guess so." He then mailed them to me all the way from Louisiana to Arizona.

A week later there was a package at the post office for me... a long skinny box. I ran to the car, clutching it in my hands, and telling my husband "The package is here with Luke's fishing pole and tackle box!" I was so excited that I could hardly get the cardboard box opened fast enough. I finally did and there under all of those little white packing peanuts was..... Luke's little blue Donald Duck fishing pole and tackle box. I gently held the little rod and looked at the date the rod was made... 1982. At that time in 2003 when I held this treasure once more, 21 years had passed, exactly the same age as Luke was when he died. I then realized what a miracle it was that this little rod and box had survived 21 years of floods and storms, and also years of being used by Luke, being held over the water at the end of that old weathered wooden pier by many little hands, being placed here and there in the little tin shed, being moved from the shed in the back of a pick-up truck, being moved from the truck to my brother's garage, being piled up in his front yard to be sold, and then being delivered in a long skinny cardboard box to my hands totally intact and looking almost as good as it did 21 years ago. Not only had this miracle made it all the way from Louisiana to Arizona.... it had made it all the way from Heaven.

As I held the little blue rod I clicked the reel and wound in the twine a few times as the memories flowed and I imagined my little boy sitting next to me on that old weathered wooden pier at the lake. Then, I placed the little rod down on the seat and reached for the little blue Donald Duck tackle box. I held that unbelievable little tackle box in my hands, just gazing at it in amazement. My brother had told me there were still a few things in the box. I touched the outside of the box, and looked at the little picture of Donald Duck that my little boy of three years old loved so much. Carefully, I slowly opened the little blue tackle box and there from so very many years ago in that little box, were the very hooks, and sinkers, and corks that my sweet little boy had once touched and fished with. BUT.... there was SOMETHING ELSE in that box..... something that I had not expected or even thought about. There in that little blue Donald Duck tackle box from days gone by was something that had been sealed within that box for all these years and had just now been released..... a summer place within my heart, and my soul, and my mind! My heart ached and my eyes filled with tears because of the pain that came from those unexpected bittersweet memories of that summer place where I spent so many wonderful times with my little boy, but now, years later, he was somehow out of my grasp. My emotions overflowed with the memories buried deep within that summer place of my mind. I choked, and I gasped, but most of all I REMEMBERED. I remembered those fleeting days of Luke's childhood that were now accompanied by the lost hope of the years ahead of me.

Oh how I longed to go back in time to that summer place. Back to a time when life was so good, a time when I could hear the giggles of my little boy, a time when I could see his little eyes widen as he reeled in that first prize fish, a time of happiness, a time of sunshine and laughter, a time that passed gently in a summer place..... if only for just one sweet precious moment.

Many years have passed since that summer of 1982, and also since the day that I opened that long lost little blue tackle box of Luke's that held those eternal summer memories. I believe that everyone has a special box like that, one that contains warm memories of those loved and missed, eternal memories that are just as warm as the days of summer. That special box may be a tackle box, a shoebox, a jewelry box, a toy box, a photo box, or even just a plain old cardboard box. But whatever the box may be, when it is opened, something in that box will release those trapped memories from that warm summer place within the mind, heart, and soul. I know now that all of my memories can be a reality again by doing the things that he used to do, or by doing the things that he never had the opportunity to do. Whether it be spring, summer, winter, or fall, he can live again through me. Then, magically and gently something within me will be found again.... A SUMMER PLACE.

© 2011 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

LIVE THROUGH ME

I'll learn to play piano
And I’ll play the guitar too.
I'll compose a song and music,
Because that's what he loved to do.

I'll drink a glass of chocolate milk
And eat a plate of spicy food.
I'll have a toast with all my friends
To lighten up the mood.

I'll watch a late night movie
And play some video games.
I'll share my bed with my dog
But I never will complain.

I'll take lessons in karate
And I'll whistle while I work.
I'll say a lot of funny things,
Then I'll laugh until it hurts.

I'll ride a roller coaster
And bounce on a trampoline.
I'll be a real daredevil
Doing almost anything.

I'll drive up to the canyon
And watch the sun set from afar.
I'll build a fire to keep me warm
Camping underneath the stars.

I'll climb up to the mountaintop
And ride my bike down from the peak.
I'll crawl down deep inside a cave,
Even drive right through a creek.

I'll hike up to the tallest cliff
And jump off into a lake.
I'll hear my echo through the night
While the wind takes it away.

I'll go skiing in the winter
And see the leaves turn in the fall.
I'll go swimming in the summer.
In spring rain I'll take walk.

I'll give a friend a heartfelt hug
And then share my deepest thoughts.
I'll try to help someone in need
So they won't feel so lost.

I'll pray there at the chapel
And be thankful that he lived.
I'll do the things he'd like to do
Plus all these things he did.

I'll look up high to Heaven
And I'll close my eyes to see.
I'll say.... 'You never really died,
Because you live through me.'

© 2011 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Published
August 2011, Volume 26 No. 08
LIVING WITH LOSS magazine
Bereavement Publications, Inc.

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly
BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER.

ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY DEDICATION:

This month's Bringer of Light Newsletter is dedicated to the memory of:

Bart "Dylan" Ross

36 years
11/22/1973 - 8/27/2010
Pulmonary Embolism

"Loved by all who knew him."
~ Rhonda Ross

If next month is your child's one year anniversary of passing, you are invited to submit your child's name by clicking on the 'submission button' near the end of this page.

FEATURED SONG

A SUMMER PLACE

The "Theme from A Summer Place" is a song with lyrics by Mack Discant and music by Max Steiner, written for the 1959 film, A Summer Place, which starred Sandra Dee and Troy Donahue. In the US, this was the top selling single of 1960. It won the 1960 Grammy for Record Of The Year, becoming the first movie theme to win the award.

Percy Faith, who also recorded this song with his orchestra, was a composer who arranged songs for a variety of artists. It stayed at #1 in the US for nine weeks, the longest run of any instrumental song. Perhaps listeners were anxious to escape the cold... because it first hit #1 in February.

"Theme from A Summer Place" was also covered by The Lettermen in 1965. This was a vocal version that placed it at number sixteen on the Billboard Hot 100.

sources: Wickapedia & SongFacts.com

A SUMMER PLACE

There's a summer place
Where it may rain or storm
I'm safe and warm
For within that summer place
Your arms reach out to me
And my heart is free from all care
For it knows

There are no gloomy skies
When seen through the eyes
Of those who are blessed with love

And the sweet secret of
A summer place
Is that it's anywhere
When two people share
All their hopes
All their dreams
All their love

There's a summer place
Where it may rain or storm
Yet I'm safe and warm
In your arms, in your arms
In your arms, in your arms
In your arms, in your arms


(lyrics by Mack Discant and music by Max Steiner)

QUOTES:

"The things we did last summer, I'll remember all winter long."
~Sammy Cahn (1913–1993), U.S. songwriter

"Like painted kites, those days and nights - went flyin’ by
The world was new, beneath a blue - umbrella sky
Then softer than, a piper man - one day it called to you
And I lost you, to the summer wind"
~Frank Sinatra - singer/songwriter

"'Tis the last rose of summer
Left blooming alone;
All her lovely companions
Are faded and gone;"
~Thomas Moore (1779–1852), Irish poet. "

"Oh when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Yeah - I'd always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life"
~Brian Adams - singer/songwriter

"As imperceptibly as Grief
The Summer lapsed away—"
~Emily Dickinson (1830–1886), U.S. poet

"Summer days, summer nights are gone"
Bob Dylan ~ singer/songwriter

"I dwell in a lonely house I know
That vanished many a summer ago.... "
~Robert Frost (1874–1963), U.S. poet.

Wonder what she’s doin’ now
Summer dreams ripped at the seams
~Olivia Newton-john & John Travolta

"I cannot say what loves have come and gone;
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more."
~Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892–1950), U.S. poet.

Morning found us calmly unaware
Noon burn gold into our hair
At night, we swim the laughin' sea
When summer's gone
Where will we be
~The Doors singers/songwriters

He is gone on the mountain,
He is lost to the forest,
Like a summer-dried fountain,
When our need was the sorest.
Sir Walter Scott (1771–1832), Scottish novelist, poet.

"I think you die again and live again, Johnny, each summer that moves inside my mind."
Anne Sexton (1928–1974), U.S. poet.

"But thy eternal summer shall not fade."
~William Shakespeare (1564–1616), British dramatist, poet.

POETRY:

IN MEMORY OF

Lisa Elaine Mewbourne
25 years
9/23/65 - 4/23/91
gunshot wound to the head
written by: Faye Mewbourne Martin
(Lisa's forever mom)
and Denise's mom, too.

I wrote the first poem (below) shortly after my daughter, Lisa, died in 1991. She took her own life so my anguish was so deep that they nearly had to bury me. I screamed at God to put me in that dark hole with my baby girl. I screamed a lot in those days. I bargained with him to take me and bring her back. On and on it went with no relief from the suffering and pain. I began to write and that provided a small bit of relief. Remembering the day of her burial when I smelled honeysuckle I wrote this poem.

I have one surviving daughter, Denise, who is a fabulous writer. Two or more years later she sent me a poem she had written about her sister. It is the second poem below. Denise had never read my poem, yet what she wrote was a perfect answer to it. She wrote it as though Lisa were speaking. Lisa apologized in the poem for hurting me, and she said what she meant her death to be. She described what Heaven was like and how happy she now was.

I couldn't read Denise's poem without feeling that Lisa had communicated with me. She did it through her sister whom she loved dearly. Later, when reading her own poem, Denise asked me if I had changed it. I told her, "Not a single word." She said that it was not her style of writing and didn't sound like her at all. I told her that was because Lisa had been the author of the poem and had written it through her in order to communicate with us.

I share these writings in the hope of bringing some small comfort to grieving persons who can't seem to find comfort anywhere. Our loved ones do live. They do not die, they only leave our realm of existence. Their souls live on in a far better place than earth. It's okay to think of them, talk of them, and indeed talk to them. Find solace in knowing you will see them again.

The poems are below:

THE DEATH OF A FLOWER

Since childhood I have loved the fragrance of honeysuckle.
I would vie with the honeybee for a blossom-laden branch in which to bury my
trusting little-girl face.
Its sweetness filled the air with the promise of spring and new beginnings and of
wonderful things to come.
Then one fateful spring day I stumbled from an open grave that held captive my
beloved child.
My very heart was ripped from my pain-wracked body and cast into that dark hole.
Overhead, the sun shone brightly, but my world was as black as the clothes I wore.
Suddenly, the haunting scent of honeysuckle assaulted my nostrils.
Its old familiar sweetness clutched at my senses and a physical sickness overtook me.
Now no longer can I delight in the fragrance of the little flower.
It brings bitter reminders of the sorrowful day I died and was not allowed to be buried.
Where now are the promises of spring?
Where now are the new beginnings?
Oh, honeysuckle, thy sweetness is forever gone.
I lament thy passing.

© 1991 ~ Faye Mewbourne Martin
Lisa’s Mom forever

WHAT I MEANT

I never meant to make springtime
Such an aching lament for you!
Not that giddy, glowing, glorious time
When the entire world is new.

I never meant to make springtime
So bitter with unending loss
Filled with the echoes of red-brown clay
Dropped onto a grim metal box.

Did you know that I grieve for you too?
Caught up in those treacherous mirrors,
Whose shattered, deceitful reflections
Tell you this rapture is cause for despair.

I meant to make the springtime
My time to enter the angel’s dream,
To soar through the sky-blue doorway
Into hillsides soft with promise, always green.

I wish you could rejoice for me on April 23rd
And see how sweet is my soul arrayed
With sun-soaked greens and yellows and blues
Draped in satin and lilacs and pearls each day.

Breathe in the sweet breath of spring!
In the scent of the velvet roses, I am.
In the shimmering mists to either side of your eyes, I am.
In the fragrance of the honeysuckle, I am.

Ah, could you but see through my eyes now
You would rejoice for me in the spring.

© 1991 ~ Denise Lynn Mewbourne
For Lisa, my sister forever

You are invited to submit a poem written by you by clicking on the 'submission button' near the end of this page.

LIFE STORIES:

IN MEMORY OF