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It was late summer and it was a beautiful Colorado day. Robin (my husband) and I had taken our children on a vacation. Luke was 8 years old and Emily (Luke's sister) was 11. We all wanted to experience something fun and exciting. As we drove through this little town in Colorado we saw a sign .... WHITE WATER RIVER RAFTING. We took a vote and everyone agreed that this would be a fun and exciting thing to do. So we all said..."Let's go for it!"

We arrived at the rafting place and inquired about a trip down the river. The old unkempt man behind the counter asked us if we wanted a guide or if we wanted to go it alone. Being adventurous we said..."We'll go it alone." So we paid him for the trip and then he went outside and loaded our small yellow raft into the back of a very old, beat-up, rusty pick-up truck. The yellow raft really didn't look like those heavy-duty rafts you see on river trips. It looked more like a raft for a swimming pool. Robin and I just looked at each other thinking... "This must be okay, or they wouldn't let us go with our children."

So we all piled in the front of the old pick-up truck with this old guy as we headed off down the road. Robin in the middle with Emily on his lap, because I refused to sit next to the old unkemt guy. After a few miles he drove up to the edge of a small canyon. We all got out of that old truck and the old guy gave us our raft and equipment. While pointing down he said..."The river is down there". I thought it was odd that he just dropped us off like that without any instructions or anything. So the old guy got back in his truck and as he was driving away leaving the four of us on the edge of this canyon, he had a huge grin on his face. I thought to myself..."What is that old guy grinning about?" Driving away he leaned out the window and said..."I'll see you at the end."

Well, there we were at the top of a canyon that we were going to have to climb down into. So Robin and I put the raft over our heads and we both had a life vest on each arm and oars to carry too! As we headed down the canyon with a yellow raft, that by this time we had dubbed the K-MART KAYAK, we were trying to hold on to the kids and told them over and over..."Be very careful."

By the time we finally got to the bottom of the canyon we were doubting our decision. We saw that the water was relatively calm and were beginning to wonder about this trip. Robin said...."Well, I sure hope we have some white water!" We stood there on the bank of the river and we all put on our life vests, got into the little yellow raft, and began gently floating down the river. I looked at Robin and asked..."Where the heck is the white water?" He said..."I don't know, but I think we got ripped off." I said... "Well, that is probably what that old guy was grinning about." Emily and Luke seemed like they were having a great time just floating down the river so we decided to be content with our 'float' trip.

We floated, and floated, and floated. Finally we came to some steep cliff walls and noticed that on the top of the cliff were several people waving their arms and shouting 'something' at us, but we had no idea what they were saying. So we all just smiled and waved back, but they kept shouting. I said to Robin... "What the heck is wrong with those people?" He just shrugged his shoulders, as the raft kept floating down the river. Then we began to notice that the water was churning up. All of a sudden we saw what the people on the cliff were trying to warn us about and probably what the old guy that dropped us off was grinning about..... A WATERFALL with about a 10 foot drop! Which all in all is not that bad of a drop, unless, of course, you are in the K-MART KAYAK!

At this point there was no turning back, but believe me we had never paddled in reverse so fast in all of our lives. Before we knew it we were tumbling down the waterfall. Robin and I looked at each other trying not to let the kids know that we were totally scared out of our minds! Our eyes widened with fear... fear that Emily and Luke just assumed was the excitement and fun they were promised. Robin screamed to me above the sound of the crashing water..."Hold on to the kids!" as I screamed to the kids above the sound of the crashing water .... "Hold on to the boat!" It seemed as if we were trapped in time and getting to the bottom of that waterfall was going to take forever. As the water was crashing into the rocks, and into the raft and into our faces, I lost all sanity and screamed....."We're all going to die!" But the kids thought that dear ol' Mom was just joking and they were laughing the whole time, never suspecting that everything was totally out of control.

Buy the time we reached the bottom of the waterfall our raft was full of water. The kids were sitting in water up to their waists and our raft was about to sink. Robin said... "We need to get out and bail the boat." Well there was no way that I was going to put the kids in this water from Hell with just a life vest on. So I said.... "We have to find a place to bank the boat!" We looked around and on both sides of the river and as far as we could see were solid rock vertical cliffs with nowhere to bank the boat. I was trying to regain my sanity, but was thinking..."We are going to sink in this K-MART KAYAK." Finally we saw a small protrusion of rock a little above the water level so we headed for that, paddling like maniacs.

When we arrived at the protrusion Robin jumped out of the boat to hold it so that me and Emily and Luke could stand on the protrusion while he bailed out the boat. The kids and I were still sitting in the boat waiting for him to come up. It seemed again like we were trapped in time and I just knew that the current had sucked him under and I would spend the rest of my life in that K-MART KAYAK on the RIVER OF NO RETURN. But finally Robin emerged from the Hell hole screaming...."There is no bottom to this river!"

Somehow me and Emily and Luke were able to get out of the boat to this tiny protrusion. We three stood with our backs glued to this cliff, with barely enough room for our feet to rest, while Robin bailed out the boat. Then we got back in and feared for what might be up ahead. After many miles of floating we all began laughing at ourselves. The rest of the trip was very peaceful and beautiful.

When we finally got back to the END, to the K-MART KAYAK docking station, we returned our raft and gear without saying one word about the living Hell we had just been through. We all ran to the car, leaving with memories of terror that would later become the K-MART KAYAK STORY that we would laugh at over and over through the years.

Sometimes when I am alone and I talk to Luke, I smile and laugh a little while reminiscing on that trip down the river. Then, as a tear gently runs down my face, I softly whisper to him........... "I'll see you at the end."

© 2014 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


The summer is almost over.
The trees are full with dark green leaves.
The garden flaunts blooms everywhere.
Days aren't as long as they used to be.

The sun still shines high in the sky
But it tells me... "the warmth will pass".
The leaves next month will start to fall,
Then winter begins its task.

Springtime quickly faded away
And summer is leaving too soon.
Before I know it autumn will burst,
Then winter will spread its gloom.

I reminisce of springtime mornings
When youth was at its very best.
And I ponder on the summer days,
Not forgetting that I was blessed.

Autumn brought such wondrous evenings
When this life was at its peak.
But winter blew in fierce one night
Leaving me helpless, cold, and weak.

So goodbye summer, welcome fall...
Remembering all that used to be.
And this time when the winter chills
I'll wrap up warm in my memories.

But for now... it's warm outside
And old thoughts are floating about.
The sky is blue and the sun is bright
As heaven waits in a drifting cloud.

© 2014 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your.....


When the River Meets the Sea is a song written by composer and lyricist Paul Williams for Jim Henson's 1977 HBO special Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas. Emmet Otter, the title character, and his mother, Alice Otter sang this song together. The song was later sung by John Denver and Robin the Frog in the 1979 television special John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together.

Though written for one Christmas story and featured in another, the lyrics are not holiday-related, but symbolic of death as a peaceful transition to an afterlife.



When the mountain touches the valley
All the clouds are taught to fly
Thus our souls will leave this land most peacefully
Though our minds be filled with questions
In our hearts we'll understand
When the river meets the sea

Like a flower that has blossomed
In this dry and barren sand
We are born and born again most gracefully
Thus the winds of time will take us
With a sure and steady hand
When the river meets the sea

Patience my brothers
And patience my son
In that sweet and final hour
Truth and justice will be done

Like a baby when it is sleeping
In its loving mother's arms
What a newborn baby dreams is a mystery

But his life will find a purpose
And in time he'll understand
When the river meets the sea
When the river meets the almighty sea

~ WORDS AND MUSIC BY: Paul Williams


PO1 Joseph "Adam" McSween *26 years old * 08-11-1980 - KIA 04-06-2007 * Cause of Death: Hostile: Result of injuries received while a passenger in a government-owned vehicle (HMMVW 1114) that was struck by a 107mm rocket

Chad Eric Day *30 *B - 10-17-72 D - 8-15-03 *Seizure

Clint Milam *10 *04/07/93-08/05/03 *Accident

David Jordan Bachner *18 *1/16/91 - 8/11/09 *Sudden Cardiac Arrest

Dylan Ross *36 years *11/22/1973 - 8/27/2010 *Pulmonary embolism

Jesse E. Pecco *22 *6/14/78 8/14/2000 * murder

Jill Marie Gregory *35 years 5 months *March 16, 1973 - August 14, 2008 *Overwhelming Sepsis

John-Thomas Bruder *31 *August 7, 1967 - June 30, 1999 *aneurism of the aorta

Joshua Paul Cope *21 years old *7/25/1979 - 8/12/2000 *car accident

Michelle Marie Greever *9 yrs 2 months, 12 days *8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93 *Accident

Pamela SUE Fountain * 21 years *sept 16 1986-Aug 11 2008 *Drug Overdose

Ricky Aaron Phillips *Age 22 *08/11/1979~11/16/2001 *Cerebral hemorrhage

TASIA MARIE QUACKENBUSH *16 years *8/8/92-11/28/08 *killed by drunk driver

timothy arnold roden *21 *02-13-1989-8-18-2010 *accidental

Wayne Jonas *28 * Aug 19 - 10-26-90 *car crash

IN MEMORY OF: Clinton Terry Milam
AGE: 10 yrs 4 mos
DATES: 04/07/93 - 08/05/03
CAUSE: Vehicle Pedestrian Accident

My sweet Clint, August 5, 2014 marks eleven years since I've seen your face, held you in my arms, heard your voice.

Eleven years I've missed you
Eleven years I've cried
Eleven years I've wondered, why it was you died....

There are so many things I don't understand, but there is one thing I know for sure; I will love you and miss you with every breath I take, every minute of every day, for the rest of my life.

We all miss you and love you,
Mom and Dad
Your sisters, Amy and Melinda
Your nieces and nephews, Anna, Logan, Christian, Ethan, Adan and Elise

IN MEMORY OF: Jesse E. Pecco
AGE: 22
DATES: 6/14/78 8/14/2000
CAUSE: murder

I miss you Jesse every day...


IN MEMORY OF: Dylan Ross
AGE: 36 years
DATES: 11/22/73 - 8/27/10
CAUSE: Pulmonary embolism
SUBMITTED BY: Mom (Rhonda Ross)

It seems so much longer than 4 years since I've looked into your gorgeous eyes, heard your voice, seen your handsome smile, and felt one of your big bear hugs. I miss our talks. I miss your humor. I miss your wisdom. I miss YOU! I love you son. I will love you forever. And someday when the time is right I will join you in Heaven.



"Wynken, Blynken, and Nod one night
Sailed off in a wooden shoe—
Sailed on a river of crystal light,
Into a sea of dew."

~ Eugene Field (1850–1895), U.S. poet


"It is a hard, hard road we walk and it is a never-ending pain." ~ Karen Lynn Jenkins 2012


IN MEMORY OF: Adam R. Fiock
AGE: 26
DATES: 7-1-81. 10-6-2007
CAUSE: Self inflicted wound to head
SUBMITTED BY: Christine Knapp, Adam's proud mom of a soldier.

This is a quote at the beginning of the book, 'Bone Dust White'. ~ "the heart is the only machine that keeps on working even after it is broken." ~ T.E. Kallem.


IN MEMORY OF: Brittany Brooks Guleff
AGE: 24
DATES: 5/7/85 - 3/26/10
CAUSE: Bronchopneumonia


The loss of a child no matter what age
Fills me up inside with so much rage
I didn't get a chance to say good-bye to you
It just wasn't long enough; you left so soon

I feel cheated; You were not suppose to leave
Not yet anyway....
Had you known, other choices could have been made.

What happened that night,
no one will really ever know
Too many questions, too many stories told

The only people who do know the truth
are those that lied.
So I go and sit in my room to scream and cry.
Not one person would step forward to ease my mind.

The pain of losing you is so hard to bear;
I wish I could have been there,
for you and your children.
Now it's too late, you are gone.

I don't know why God would take you
and leave me behind
I miss you - always in my heart and always on my mind
I will never be the same,
All I have are memories until we meet again.

~ Written by Angel Brittany's mother Pam in 2010



IN MEMORY OF: Michelle Marie Greever
AGE: 9 yrs 2 months, 12 days
DATES: 8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93
CAUSE: Accident
SUBMITTED BY: Cindy Jo Greever

Michelle was born on a bright and beautiful Friday morning on August 24th 1984 and was precious from the start... Michelle grew into a beautiful little auburn haired girl with bright green eyes that always sparkled with loving glee, she had a sprinkle of freckles upon her little nose and rosy cheeks.

Michelle loved to sing and perform plays and play her keyboard. Michelle was very artistic and loved creating things, she loved God and her family and friends with all of her heart.

Michelle was in a special selected choir at school, sang solos at church, beginning when she was only 4. Her singing was so incredibly beautiful. Michelle attended AWANA at Church for six years and memorized scripture.

Michelle was a giver in all she did, she cared deeply for and about everyone, including insects and every living creature in a most special way..

If anyone was ever down she would turn that frown into a broad smile because Michelle believed in happiness, and beauty... Michelle made the most of each day, every single day.

When Michelle was in fourth grade and nine years old she attempted to board her school bus one crisp and sunny morning on November 5th 1993.. Approximately 7:30 AM on that Friday morning, Michelle was struck on her back by a speeding motorist late for work who had just passed two cars. Michelle did not appear hurt but was instantly with Jesus, she was later declared brain dead and became a cornea and organ donor that day thanks to my husband, her daddy, who gave her continual CPR keeping her physically alive. Michelle was able to give life to five people and restore sight to two men.

Michelle lived to give and even gave in her last breath on earth. Interestingly enough, the last Bible verse Michelle and I memorized which was John 10:28-29 about eternal life and the last conversation we had days before she parted, about death, eternal life and never having to say goodbye.. And the last conversation big sister Melissa had with Michelle days before she parted also about death and Jesus.. were surely in hindsight orchestrated perfectly by God. And I have alot of "Sweet Dreams" which is what Michelle wrote to me in her last letter with a drawing of the sun, moon, stars, and an Angel on the stairway to Heaven.

JOHN 10:28-29

Sincerely, MichellesMama, Cindy Jo


IN MEMORY OF: Joey Marshall Whiteman
AGE: 21 years 360 days
DATES: 9/8/80-9/3/02
CAUSE: auto accident
SUBMITTED BY: Terrie (Joey's Mom)

Dearest Joey,

Keep my memory with you,
For memories never die,
I will be there with you,
When you look across the sky.
I will be there in the clouds,
In the birds that fill the air.
In the beauty of a fragrant rose,
You will find my memory there.
You will find me in the tenderness
of a tiny baby's touch,
You will hear me if you listen,
In the twilights gentle hush,
When your heart is heavy,
And you feel that you're alone,
Just reach down deep inside of you
For your heart is now my home
I always will be with you,
I'll never go away,
For I will live on in your heart.
Forever and a Day.

With Love, Mom


IN MEMORY OF: Amanda Alicia Maria Morrow
AGE: 19
DATES: 5-4-85..1-17-05
CAUSE: head tramma auto accident
WRITTEN BY: Bettie Murray

A day later, was when we were getting ready to head to the viewing, and my husband helped me into the van, everything was quiet, no one spoke, and when he started the engine, out of the quiet started this song.." Where ever you go, what ever you do, I'll be right here waiting for you, what ever it takes or how my heart breaks, I'll be right here waiting for you." (that song is played on her site) We sat in silence listening to the words, and just cried. I knew those words were meant for me to hear, and right at the right moment I needed to hear them.. She was letting me know she would always be right there for me.

IN MEMORY OF: Sean Ernest Stenzel
AGE: 27
DATES: 3/13/1984 - 7/31/2011
CAUSE: Car accident
SUBMITTED BY: Sean's Mom Mary Stenzel

Before going to church on his birthday this past spring 2013, the dome lights in my car came on and would not go. I even had one of the guys check it in the office and he couldn't get it to go off. I went to church and hoped that my battery would not go dead. I didn't lock the car in fear I would not be able to open the electric locks. When I came out of church, the dome light was off.


IN MEMORY OF: Sean Ernest Stenzel
AGE: 27
DATES: 3/13/1984 - 7/31/2011
CAUSE: Car accident
SUBMITTED BY: Sean's Mom Mary Stenzel

We were able to enjoy many family vacations with Sean. He so loved to go to Florida and loved all the theme fact he loved it so much, when he was a young adult he and Josh R went to Florida on their own. When we took Sean to Florida, we would always make it a point to go to all the theme parks as Sean loved them so much. He also loved the alligator Josh he even had a fascination with alligators as a little boy! Sean promised that he would take Lili someday to Disneyworld, so we are going to someway make this happen. He loved family vacations including other trips like to Branson, Wisconsin Dells, cabins, etc., but the one time at the Dells he become overheated at Noah's Ark and suffered a heat stroke. On one vacation where Rick didn't go but just Sean, mom and I was to Las Vegas to attend a cousin's wedding. Sean loved playing in the kids arcade at the Excalibur and attending their fencing dinner show. Sean so loved the simpler family camping with his relatives, fishing with his dad and Uncle Ken, boating, golfing, etc. Uncle Ken taught him how to ski as a young person. One camping adventure with Uncle Don and Aunt Judy is when a hot grate from the grill was on the ground. Unbeknown to our "barefoot" Sean, he ran over it and had a very bad burn on the soles of his feet. Another time when he was up at a cousins playing ball, and got hit badly above and around his eye. Because of fear of a concussion, we took him to emergency. Thank goodness he only ended up with a black eye. Sean had a tendency to get concussions...I remember when he was snowboarding in Mankato with an A-C school group for Winterum (I think that is what it was called), I had gotten a call that they had to take Sean into emergency in Mankato as he suffered a bad fall and concussion. That trip to Mankato for me was just awful worrying how bad he was. I also believe when he was a little older when he was wait boarding with his brother and birth family, he may have suffered a concussion. Sean always got plenty of souvenirs from Mickey ears, pirates hat and sword from Pirates of the Caribbean, etc., and the big gun from Frontierland which brings a memory back about our dilemma in getting this gun home. Even before 911 they would not allow toy guns on the plane. We were able to wrap the long gun in cardboard and ship it that way but when we bought him the toy gun, we never considered having trouble bringing it home. Being raised an only child, he was good at playing the character by himself but sometimes would solicit his dad joining him in the pirate fight, etc. Rick loves kids and always would get right down and play with his little boy..whether he wanted to be a pirate, a cowboy, a farmer or whatever.


IN MEMORY OF: Sean Ernest Stenzel
AGE: 27
DATES: 3/13/1984 - 7/31/2011
CAUSE: Car accident
SUBMITTED BY: Sean's Mom Mary Stenzel

Sean really loved his house, but the best and most important thing in his short life was his daughter Liliana Fay Stenzel. When he was around Lili, his eyes would just light up. He loved her so deeply and always wished her to have a good life. We never expected her life would be without a daddy who loved her more than life itself. Lili will know her daddy through all of us and will know how much her daddy loved her and Sean will always be her special angel watching over her from Heaven. Sean would always say how worried he was when she started dating, as he knew how "boys are". He was such an over protective father over his little girl.



NAME: Randy Reed Hecox
AGE: 30 Years
DATES: 1-7-69 to 7-23-99
CAUSE: Suicide after home from War

I went to the cemetery to let balloons go for Randy's 15 years in Heaven. Hard to believe its been that long. Any way i got my balloons, 2 of them, one a butterfly and one an eagle. Before I let them go my hawk was back and he was screaming at me more than normal. I let the balloons go as it was a nice windy day and for the 1st time in 15 years they went north east, that's the way back to Kansas and where I came from and lived. I was born there not far from the cemetery. Anyway after a talk with my Randy and my dad. Randy lies by his side. I was pg with Randy when my dad died. Anyway on the way out of the cemetery I saw a dove, 1st time for that too. When I got to the gravel road out in front of cemetery (its a family old cemetery from 1865) I pulled out and wow there was my red bird. Story there: I collect them as when Randy was small and in school he made 2 of them out of plastic that was melted then set up hard. He gave me one and his cousin one. Well, over the years and all the moves I lost mine so I collect red birds now. So I felt I had four signs from my Randy today, finally!


Do you think our children that have died miss us? Explain

IN MEMORY OF: Jason Christopher Dunn
AGE: 22 forever
DATES: June 5, 1974 - March 13, 1997
CAUSE: Accidental Gunshot

No...I do not think they miss us at all.
They can visit at any time and share our lives.
We just don't know they are here. There is no
Locks on the gates of Heaven. They can and do visit
Us ...and when you're feeling like
You have been abandoned..they are standing
Right behind you.

Susie Dunn
Mother of Jason Dunn



IN MEMORY OF: Adam R. Fiock
AGE: 26
DATES: 7-1-81. 10-6-2007
CAUSE: Self inflicted wound to head
SUBMITTED BY: Christine Knapp, Adam's proud mom of a soldier.

Dear Christine,

I just realized when I saw the poem about "Where have all the children gone?

I was watching a special of Dance Moms. Only because it was showing her top 10 performances. Her second favorite is called, Where have all the children gone? A little girl is swinging during the dance. The dancers mime all the bad things that can happen to children and disappear off the stage. All tnat is left is an empty swing, swinging. Maybe it was a sign.

Thank you for listing the names of the military children. It means a lot to me especially with all the Iraq talk starting up again.

christine, Adam's m♡m

The heart is the only machine that keeps on working even after it is broken.

IN MEMORY OF: Christopher Ronald Faller
AGE: 7-1/2 yrs
DATES: 5/7/90 - 3/24/98
CAUSE: viral tumors after successful piggyback heart transplant
SUBMITTED BY: Maria, Christopher's Mommy

Dear Christine - as usual, your newsletter is wonderful, and so very uplifting even through the sad stories. does that make any sense at all? your story of Luke and Beau and the Dukes of Hazzard make me laugh and cry at the same time. I don't know if that makes any sense either.

thank you so much,
Christopher's mommy forever


Please send in your submissions ASAP.....


Click on the link below to view this presentation. Be sure to turn up your volume and maximize your screen.

Special thanks for Bringer of Light Newsletter submissions this month:

Mom of Clinton Terry Milam
Mom of Jesse E. Pecco
Dylan's Mom (Rhonda Ross)
Karen Lynn Jenkins
Christine Knapp, Adam's proud mom of a soldier
Pam Brooks
Cindy Jo Greever
Terrie (Joey's Mom)
Bettie Murray
Sean's Mom Mary Stenzel
Ali Hecox
Susie Dunn
Maria, Christopher's Mommy

Thanks also for all of the wonderful submissions that will be featured in an upcoming Bringer of Light newsletter. Those who submitted will be notified when their submission will be included in the newsletter and also which month it will be featured in. Everyone is encouraged to make submissions for ANY of the catagories. You may do so by clicking on the 'submit button' below:

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DEDICATIONS: Reserved for those children that will have their anniversary or birthday next month.

QUOTES: Share a quote or saying of your child's or a quote that you like that for your child.

LETTERS TO HEAVEN: A letter written by you to your child in Heaven.

LIFE STORY: A story written by you about your child's life.

POETRY: A poem written by you about your grief or your child.

SIGNS FROM THE OTHER SIDE: A story written by you about a sign that you received from your child.

IN THEIR OWN WORDS: A story, poem, quote, or anything written or said by your child.

MEMORIES: A story written by you about a special memory that you have of your child.

DREAMS: A story written by you about a dream that you had of your child after the death of your child.

HUMOR: A story written by you about a funny memory you have of your child at any age.

PRIDE: A story written by you about an achievement, talent, or unique characteristic of your child at any age.

MEMORIALS: A story written by you about a memorial that you have for your child.

QUESTION: Your answer to the current question about grief. (see submission site for current question)

ANGEL STORIES: Stories of encounters with angels that you or your child had at anytime

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Last Entry in Luke's Journal:

"When there is love in my heart and a smile on my face,
I need nothing else." ~ Luke Ross