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My husband Robin and I have been watching Star Trek together since it was a TV series in 1967, when we were sweethearts at age 14. The very first Star Trek Movie was released in 1979, the year that Luke was born. Several months later, close to Mother's Day, we went to see the first Star Trek Movie. Luke was a little baby and Emily (Luke's sister) was almost 3 years old. We all went to the drive-in theater in the little town that Luke was born in... Soda Springs, Idaho. We watched it from our car while I held Luke in my arms and Emily sat between Robin and I in the front seat. I remember looking past the screen at the stars and the moon that were shining so brightly that night. My mind drifted from the movie as I thought about how grateful I was that the 'keeper of the stars' had brought us all together and had given me the honor to once again be a Mother. The soft moonlight was shining on little Luke's face as I looked into his eyes. Heaven was definitely smiling down on us. I had everything.

The years passed and more Star Trek movies followed in 1982, 1984, 1986, 1989, 1991, 1994, 1996, 1998 and the four of us were always in line together at the opening day of each movie. As we waited we talked and laughed and anxiously anticipated what the big screen had in store for us. We always sat together in the same row loaded down with buckets of popcorn, sodas, and candy. In the car on the way home we all shared our favorite scenes.

We also watched the Star Trek TV series as a family. Emily & Luke were huge Star Trek fans. Luke had a collection of ALL the STAR TREK movies and ALL the STAR WARS movies. I can't even count how many times we stayed up late at night with Luke watching Star Trek movies and the Star Trek TV series or how many times Luke talked his dad into staying up until 2am to watch a STAR TREK movie, when Robin had to be up early for work the next day.

We all talked often about our anticipation for the next Star Trek movie to be released in 2002. By the time it was released Luke had already died the year before in 2001 at the age of 21. None of us could bring ourselves to go to the theater and see it. All those years of standing in line for the opening had ended because it just didn't seem right without Luke. No more buckets of popcorn, no more talks and laughter, no more anticipation, no more memories to be made. When it was released for rental we decided to rent it, but it was so difficult to watch without Luke. There on the TV screen was JEAN LUC PICARD (pronounced LUKE). I cried through the entire movie. I felt so guilty for watching it without Luke.

Then in 2013 when Emily came to visit it was during the premier of the 2013 Star Trek movie, and it was also her birthday. So for her birthday she invited us to go see the Star Trek movie with her and her boyfriend of many years, Dave. As we stood in line waiting for the tickets I was sad, but I felt as if Luke was there with us. We went into the theater and ordered buckets of popcorn and sodas and candy. Then Emily and Dave led us to the seats. Without even knowing it Emily chose the perfect number of seats. She walked down the row and Emily sat down, then Dave next to her, then I sat down next to Dave and then Robin sat down. Next to Robin at the end of the row was only one empty chair. I knew that was Luke's seat for the movie. As the commercials began I was hoping for a sign from Luke. There was a Coke commercial where they sang the entire song "You Are My Sunshine." This was an amazing sign from Luke. At Luke's service in 2001 the words to that song were recited in my letter to Luke because I used to sing him to sleep with that song all through his life. When the song began in the commercial, Robin and I looked at each other and knew that Luke was again letting us know he was there with us. During the movie there was a song played named "Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven." We always sit for the end credits. There on the screen was: LUCAS FILMS. Also someone was named APRIL (the month Luke died), someone named LUKE, and then someone named CHRISTOPHER ROSS. So there were all the signs from Luke..... an empty seat, You Are My Sunshine, Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven, April, Luke, and Lucas Christopher Ross.

The year before Luke died he had purchased a telescope and used to sit on the balcony at night and watch the stars. I would peek out through our bedroom window and see him up there and wonder what he was thinking about. After he died we had a star named after him because of his love of the stars and his love of movies about the stars. When we look at the twinkling night above I know that Luke is peeking down on us from beyond the distant sky where he has found a home at the end of his..... TREK to the STARS.

© 2014 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


They say that you are really gone
Although your suitcase wasn't packed.
I saw no maps of where you went
Or how you will come back.

I didn't hear the door close
Or your car pull from the drive.
I found no reservations.
They all say you're not alive.

I think you would have called me
From the place they say you went.
But I never heard the phone ring
So to me it makes no sense.

It's been a long, long time ago
Since the day I saw you last,
But I don't care what they say
They're wrong about the past.

I'm tired of all the lies I hear
That you're in another place.
Everywhere I look for you
I always see your face.

Sometimes in the dark of night
I think I hear you say goodbye.
But I know it can't be true.
I don't think you ever died.

The stars that shine up in the sky
Tell me that you're not gone.
It is the stars that understand
And know I can't move on.

This is the world I've made for us.
Some say it's make believe.
But like the stars communicate....
You'll never really leave.

© 2014 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your.....


"The Keeper of the Stars" is a song written by Dickey Lee, Danny "Bear" Mayo and Karen Staley, and recorded by American country music artist Tracy Byrd. It was released in February 1995. A year after its release, it was named Song of the Year by the Country Music Association.

The song is a ballad in which the singer is telling someone that a third party must have been responsible for bringing them together. Specifically, that third party is defined as being "the keeper of the stars" (God).



It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew

Now I just can't believe you're in my life
Heaven's smilin' down on me
As I look at you tonight

I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin'
When he joined these two hearts

I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

Soft moonlight on your face
Oh how you shine
It takes my breath away
Just to look into your eyes

And I know I don't deserve
A treasure like you
But there really are no words
To show my gratitude

So I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin'
When he joined these two hearts

I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew

~ WORDS AND MUSIC BY: Dickey Lee, Danny "Bear" Mayo and Karen Staley


Allen Dale Boring, Jr. * 32 * 02/17/65- 05/26/97 * Suicide by gun

Amanda Nicole Curcio * 17 * Oct. 17, 1989 - May 19, 2007 * suicide by hanging

Amanda Alicia Maria Morrow * 19 * 5-4-85..1-17-05 * head tramma auto accident

Amanda "Mandy" Taylor Smith * 17 * 5/06/83 - 9/21/2000 * Automobile Accident

Brittany Brooks Guleff * 24 years old * 5/7/85 - 3/26/10

bryan esposito * 20 years * 5/13/78-2/11/00 * unknown

Cerridwyn "Kerry" Maire Ursula Brigid Roseanne Lujan * 19 * May 17, 1989 ~ May 20, 2008 * Double hit and run

Chad Norris * 20 years * 5/14/73 - 6/16/93 * Murdered. Shot by two strangers

Christopher Ronald Faller * 7-1/2 years * 5/7/90 -3/24/98 * viral tumors after a successful piggyback heart transplant

DEREK CHRISTIAAN WENTZ * 36 * 12-4-72 to 5-21-09 * GSWC

Evelin Patricia Ray Meyer * 4 months * 1/22/2010-5/20/2010 * Sids

Geoffrey Philip James Edwards * 18 * 6 May 1984 - 22 May 2002 * heroin overdose

Giankarlo Squicimari * 31 * 9/23/75 - 5/27/2007 * Drowning in rip current

GLEN LOGIE * 22 * 02/21/73 - 05/02/95

Jacob Alexander-Lee Gagnon "JAKE " * 5 1/2 * 05/01/03-09/25/08 * bowel obstruction

Jerry Max Lain Jr. * 33 * 4/17/72-5/26/05 * cancer, over dose of pain meds.

Lauren Niederer * 16 * 10/12/87 - 05/5/04 * Suicide

Mindy Leigh Clark * 22 years * December 19, 1979 - May 10, 2002 * Illness/weak immune system

Paul Ryan Shanno * 9.5 yrs old * 07/26/93 - 05/14/03 * pneumonia, heart stopped

PETER LOGIE * 32 * 04/15/68 - 05/19/00

RADOMIR RADE * 33 YRS * 5/15/64 - 11/14/97 * BRAIN TUMOR

Robert Dennis (Bobby) Digan * 18 Yrs. * 3/23/73 - 5/23/91 * Special Needs & Surgery mistake

Robert "Robby" Rogers III * 19 * 9/12/84....5/3/04 * car accident/head injury

Samantha May Zima * 15 * 09/20/82 - 05/28/98 * AUTO ACCIDENT

Major Sean Cedric Douglas * 36 yrs. * 3/16/72 - 5/31/08 * Motorcycle accident

Sean Harrington Riley * 21 * May 10, 1984- April 26, 2006 * suicide

Tina Marie McQuaig * 27 * 5.5.72 - 3.15.00 * Homocide

Twins: Robert John Clark II and Keith Raymond Clark * 8 hours * May 7, 1972 - May 7, 1972 * Premature and Hylane membrane disease

IN MEMORY OF: Amanda "Mandy" Teylor Smith
AGE: 17
DATES: 5/06/83 - 9/21/2000
CAUSE: automobile accident
SUBMITTED BY: Ronny and Teri Anderson

Mandy's favorite quote was "Smile and be happy. For what is life to live for without a smile."

IN MEMORY OF: Christopher Ronald Faller
AGE: 7-1/2 years
DATES: May 7, 1990 - March 24, 1998
CAUSE: viral tumors after successfull piggyback heart transplant
SUBMITTED BY: Maria, Christopher's mommy forever

Happy Birthday, sweet Angel Christopher,
Twenty-four years ago today
you were sent to us as a special gift,
But we didn't know that you could not stay.

I held you in my arms,
And you held all of our love in your heart.
We only got the chance to hold you for seven short years,
Then our world was torn apart.

I remember your birthday in earlier years,
Filled with joy and not with tears.
With many smiles and laughter too,
Your seven birthdays here we celebrated with you.

But now your birthday is a sad time,
Your laughter we hear no more.
But I know we would see your happy face
If we could see you today through Heaven's door.

So today on your 24th birthday we gather together
With balloons at your final resting place,
And with such sorrow in our hearts
And tears on our faces.

We send up to Heaven
These balloons filled with our love,
And I imagine you reaching down
And catching them in Heaven above.

Today you celebrate another birthday
In that beautiful place called heaven,
But we will always celebrate the day
That God sent us an angel, who sadly is forever seven.

In Loving memory of Christopher Ronald Faller
May 7, 1990 - March 24, 1998
With all of our love on your 24th Birthday,
Mommy, Daddy, Rachel and Mark

IN MEMORY OF: Evelin Patricia Ray Meyer
AGE: 4 months
DATES: 01/22/2010 - 05/20/2010

To my sweet granddaughter, Evelin, May 20th is the best and worse day for me. It was the day we lost you and a year later, it was the day your twin brothers we born. I think of you everyday and wish you were here. Adam and Evan make this day easier.
Miss and Love you always!

IN MEMORY OF: Geoffrey Philip James Edwards
AGE: 18
DATES: 6 May 1984-22 May 2002
CAUSE: heroin overdose
SUBMITTED BY: Karen Jenkins

My beloved Geoff: It is 12 years since you left us. 12 years of pain, sorrow and grief. There is nothing that will make this better - time "softens" but does not make it go away. I miss you dearest son. My heart is broken and I just find it hard to live a full, happy life. I miss you so much and wonder what you would have been.

Love, Mom
Karen Lyn Jenkins

IN MEMORY OF: Tina Marie McQuaig
AGE: 27
DATES: 5.5.72 - 3.15.00
CAUSE: Homocide

A tribute to my precious Tina as we honor her life her on earth and remember her each and every day until we meet again.

As we celebrate another birthday
By visiting your grave,
It's a place where I can talk to you,
Because it's all that we have.

I'd give anything to hear your voice,
I close my eyes and see you more clearly
I know you're a vision within my mind
Oh I wish I could hold you so closely.

Oh Lord, help me remember,
You, are only a prayer away,
And when I keep my faith in You,
I know I'll be okay.

So tonight I'll light a candle,
In honor of my angel child I miss so much;
Praying that I can feel,
Her gentle, tender loving touch.

Today we send you all of our love
On the wings of the angels up above.
Remembering what God has promised to us
That we will be reunited in Eternity, a must.

Happy, Happy Birthday, my sweet Tina
Oh, have a happy, happy day!
I hope the angels sing Happy Birthday to you
Because we are surely singing for you, too!

All my love,

Staff Sergeant ADAM R. FIOCK *** HM2 ATHAN SCOTT ALLEN *** SPC Andrew Paul Wade *** CORPORAL Brian Joseph Parker *** PFC BRANDON TYLER BESHADA *** Spc 4 Specialist Brandon Wesley Sgaggero *** Lance Corporal Brandon C. Dewey *** SPC Brandon Lee Stout *** A1C COREY CHRISTOPHER JAMES *** SFC Christopher Scott Paxton *** Corporal Christopher J. Lapka *** SFC Carlos Marcelino Santos-Silva *** ~: AIRMAN Daniel Bruce Conley *** Lance Corporal Dustin Marshall Rawls *** LIEUTENANT JG DOUGLAS WALTER LAMAY *** Spc Darrell W. Shipp *** Tech Sargent David Paul Heuslein *** SGT. DEREK CHRISTIAN WENTZ *** SGT David Samuel Collins *** Chief Petty Officer David N. Beaulieu *** Private Heath Douglas Warner *** PV2 ISAAC T CORTES *** SERGEANT JASON RANDALL JOHNSON *** AIRMAN JAMES NEAL SMITH *** PFC JOSHUA EUGENE HEDGLIN *** LANCE CORPRAL JESSE RYAN TRACEY *** SGT JASON ALAN SCHUMANN *** SSGT Jason Daniel Whitehouse *** special ops James E. "Wati" Waters *** Petty Officer 1st Class Joseph Adam McSween *** Specialist Joshua Clinton Farmer *** Lance Corporal Justin Douglas Linscott *** 3rd Class Petty Officer KEITH E. COMBS *** PFC Kerri Nicole Larsen *** SARGENT LEE WILLIAM HARRIS *** Private 1st Class Louis MIchael (LOUIE) Johnson *** HC 2nd CLASS Marty Gillespie *** SPC4 MICHAEL LEE NEVILS *** Sgt. Michael Adam Marzano *** PFC Michael Ray Shelly *** Staff Sargent Michael G. Owen *** Petty Officer 2nd Class Michael Burton *** SPC. Nicholas E. Wilson *** SPECIALIST PHILIP CODY FORD *** SEA CADET E-3 PAMELA LYNNE REID *** SPC-4 RANDY REED HECOX *** Lance Corporal ROBERT (ROBBY) ROGERS III *** HN Robert Nathaniel Martens *** chief master sargent *** Robert Randolph Fisher *** Airman First Class SCOTT M. SCHROEDER *** 1ST SARGENT SCOTT ALLEN JOHNS0N *** PVT1 Sam Williams Huff *** Major Sean Cedric Douglas *** CORPORAL Timothy Patrick Parker *** SPC TRENTON ALAN DOVE *** MP THOMAS BECKETT HENSLEY III *** corp William "Bubba" Taylor *** SSG Zachary A. Darras ***



“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.” ~ Eskimo Proverb


"I do have a couple other of Christopher's stuffed animals, and when i am feeling really down, I snuggle with them, and feel somewhat comforted." ~ Maria Faller 2012


IN MEMORY OF: Tina Marie McQuaig
AGE: 27
DATES: 5/5/72 - 3/15/00
CAUSE: Homicide

Sometimes, those we care about the most, must go away,
never to return before we can say good-bye.
Those are the special loved ones we hold
so close to our hearts every single day.


IN MEMORY OF: Joey Marshall Whiteman
AGE: 21 years, 360 days
DATES: 9/8/80-9/3/02
CAUSE: auto accident, blunt force trauma to his heart
WRITTEN BY: Terrie, Joey's Mom

My Dear Sweet Joey,

Even after all these years, I have never written you a letter, writing to you would be accepting the fact that you are gone, gone from the living, never gone from my heart. Do you know how much I miss you? I love you so and can't believe I will never see you in the flesh again. When you left that night, I never expected hours later two policemen would be knocking on the door saying you were in an accident and dead on the scene. Because you were driving Amanda's car, they couldn't find out for 3 hours, between whose car it was, who you were, although your ID Card was in your pocket. There isn't much I can remember about that night, except for calling the court house, over and over not thinking they close at 4:00 PM. I must have asked the one policeman a million times how this happened, I called Amanda's phone that was in her car only to get her voice mail. Why didn't I come to the door when you left so I could have kissed you goodbye? Why is the word I could say every minute of the day.

Our lives are ruined, all we have left are memories, thank God for that. You made me laugh when you asked why I used to take so many pictures, well now you have the answer. That is all I have, to see your beautiful face, I have one good tape where you spoke and instructed your friends to tell you which was better Domino's pizza or Pizza Hut, they just couldn't get it. I still laugh at it, I don't have many things with your voice on it, you weren't the talker, the lover maybe.

I'll leave you now by letting you know, you are in my every thought and prayer and will be until I see you again. Thank you for coming through on the reading, I did find out about the flowers you told me to get, a lot was so true, thank you for that. Come to me in my dreams, I feel you all of the time, I know you are here, I just want to see you in person again. Please tell Skylee and Pepper who are with you now that I love them so much. Eli is with us still and is living a princess's life. Your three little girls.

I love you and will be waiting for you to come to my Big Birthday (I'm Old) 70 next month. Jon-Michael and Daddy miss you so much, but not in the same way that I do, remember I knew you first, I held you first and kissed you hello first but goodbye last..............

April 1, 2014


IN MEMORY OF: Cara Lee Parks Buras
AGE: 30
DATES: September 9, 1976 - October 30, 2006
CAUSE: Official Cause Accident. I say Cara was murdered. She was murdered by the lawyers who saw her as a law suit and damn what happens afterwards. She was killed by doctors who are nothing more than legalized drug pushers. She was killed by lies and indifference of people where we sought help for her.
WRITTEN BY: Elissa Smith

In 2002 Cara was rear ended in a car accident. She was on her way to bathe her grandmother and do a bit of clean up at her Grandma's house. She went once or twice a week to help out her grandmother. That is the kind of person my daughter was. But on that April morning her life was changed forever. After the accident Cara was seen by doctors who put her on pain pills. The path to the grave has been hastened by many a lawyer and doctor and that's what happened to Cara. She developed an addiction to the pain pills. After a couple of years and much pleading Cara went through a course of treatment that was supposed to break the addiction to the pain pills. The problem was that she started taking too many over the counter (OTC) medicines and then went on to use illegal drugs and finally alcohol. I knew for some time that the primary source of Cara's addictive behaviors were fueled by depression and anxiety. I finally got her into a detox facility and they also said she had depression and anxiety issues. They said that she needed long term in patient care. I tried to get help for her but every where I inquired I was told they had no openings. They would say she would have to get on a waiting list. The problem with waiting lists was that by the time an opening would become available Cara would be using again and then she would be required to go into detox again. So of course the opening would not be there after detox. There are too many people needing the service to hold her place open. Detox facilities keep you for 7 to 10 days. So after detox she'd be back on her own and the same vicious cycle would start.

I think now days the medical community is recognizing this and trying harder to face the realities of the problem instead of the short term treatments that fail far more often than they succeed. I heard Dr. Phil I think it was one day advocating even forced intervention. He said waiting till the addict is willing to get help is often too late because they die in some awful way before they realize how badly they need help. Sadly Cara did know she needed help and she begged for help as did we. It just wasn't available at the places we tried and I simply didn't know enough about where to ask. Maybe there would have been someplace if I had known where to ask.


IN MEMORY OF: Denise Rosaleen Vaughan
AGE: 6
DATES: July 14, 1978--Dec. 28, 1984
CAUSE: Braintumor/cancer
WRITTEN BY: Rosaleen (Vaughan) Bellamy

A Flower for Mother's Dsy

A flower for Mother's Day sent with love,
As I watch over you from above.

Do not grieve, I am happy and free,
From pain, illness and disease.

I know you miss me and I know how much you care....
I am always with you, in your heart....right there.

Author: Rosaleen Deschamps

IN MEMORY OF: Michelle Marie Greever
AGE: 9 yrs 2 months, 12 days
DATES: 8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93
CAUSE: Accident
WRITTEN BY: Cindy Jo Greever (May 4, 2012)


Today as I searched my soul for awhile
And thought of the love my heart holds for you
How you bring me flowers and sunshine
And love me so true, even when I am blue~

I wondered about life and all of the strife
How a smile can turn to a frown
How life can be so peaceful
And yet the walls can come crumbling down..

All the years of love, devotion and passion
Intertwined with anger, toil and compassion
The delightful smiles, the heartbreak of sorrow
Reflection of yesterdays and hopes for tomorrows~

In my heart where I contain it all together
I still see me and you forever
I pick a flower for you, to show my love
For eternity will love you if not here then from above~

This life may be fleeting and as with all things of this earth
I know in my heart for all it is worth
That you are my one and only desire
And my love for you will be sustained like a never ending fire

I can't promise you flowers and rainbows all the year through
But I can promise that I will always unconditionally love you
When the tides are toiling their masses of waves
And life gets as rough as the sea
Remember in my heart I will hold a flower for you
To remind you that I will always love "thee.."

© Cindy Jo Greever
November 18th 1999~


IN MEMORY OF: Amanda Alicia Maria Morrow
AGE: 19
DATES: 5-4-85..1-17-05
CAUSE: head tramma auto accident
WRITTEN BY: Bettie Murray

One I still get to this day Loud and clear is this next sign.... When she passed. I found myself waking up at 9:58..and an hour or so later. It would be 10:58, 11:58, 2:58, 6:58, through out the days, no matter what time I looked at a clock, it always had this "58" showing. I questioned why? Why was I seeing that number? This went on for several weeks, and I was trying to find out what it meant. I mentioned it to several of my family members. They just thought I was more aware of the time because I was grieving and missing Amanda so much. I just felt there was more to it, Because no matter what I was doing, something made me turn to look at the time... Then it was as if a light bulb had turned on in my head. I felt I heard Amanda's voice saying "It's me Mommy, remember? You always said, we were alike in so many ways, even with our birth numbers, YOU was born in 58, I, was in 85"..numbers switched around, and a clock can never read the 58 is me telling you I'm with you always Mommy!!!. I fell to my knees because, YES, YES, I remembered saying that to Amanda many times in the past.. When I think of Amanda (which never a day goes by that I don't) I see that number just about everywhere, on the clock, a road sign, license plate, the temp, or someone says it. She knows when I need it.

IN MEMORY OF: Sean Ernest Stenzel
AGE: 27
DATES: 3/13/1984 - 7/31/2011
CAUSE: Car accident
SUBMITTED BY: Sean's Mom Mary Stenzel

The summer 0f 2013 when his daughter Lili, who was then 3 1/2, was at our house for the weekend. She was sitting in the recliner and started giggling so hard. We asked her what was so funny and she said "daddy is tickling my feet".


written or said by our children

Did your child write or say something that you would like to share with the Bringer of Light Newsletter readers? If so please submit it for a future edition.


IN MEMORY OF: Sean Ernest Stenzel
AGE: 27
DATES: 3/13/1984 - 7/31/2011
CAUSE: Car accident
SUBMITTED BY: Sean's Mom Mary Stenzel

Sean always had ear trouble starting from a young infant until a young child when he had the "tube" and his adenoids removed. In fact he lost some hearing in his right ear. As a new mother, I didn't recognize or know much about ear infections. We were visiting at my moms and I had a screaming baby...something was definitely wrong. At my mom's insistence, I took him into emergency. The nurse in the ER knew immediately, it was an ear infection. She put a drop in his right ear to deaden the pain, and my baby quit his crying in an instant. From that day on, I knew what to look for. Not only did they send me home with prescription of Amoxicillan but also the medicine to put in his ear to deaden the pain if it were to reoccur. Over the next few years, Sean's ear infections were very frequent and I think Sean was prescribed every medicine on the market for ear infections because of their frequent reoccurrences. When he had the tube in his right ear and adenoids removed, the ear infections were much less frequent. He did still get one from time to time. One of the hardest things for me as a parent of a young child is when he had the surgery for his tube and adenoids....when they "wheeled' him away and had to sedate him. That was such a horrible experience. The only comforting thing for me was my "shirt-tail" relative was his nurse. Dr. Schmidt was his first doctor and then Dr. Lamson, who got to know Sean quite well. Dr. Lamson would always joke about the times he would ask Sean what hurt, for example, he asked Sean if his hair hurt and Sean would always tell him yes. As a young adult, he still thought of Dr. Lamson as his doctor. Yes, I was an over protective mother and made frequent ER and doctor visits.....things I would do all over again.



IN MEMORY OF: Jeffrey Michael Felix
AGE: 27 years
DATES: 10-03-77 to 12-30-04
CAUSE: Malignant Melanoma
SUBMITTED BY: Dolores, Mama to Jeffery

About four months after losing Jeff I had a dream of my precious boy. He was happy and very healthy and looked better than he had in years. Cancer no longer ravaged his body and his face was just glowing with happiness. He spoke not a word to me only smiled and waved as he wore his favorite football cap of the Denver Broncos backwards on his head like he always used to do. I knew that he was at peace even though my wounded heart continued to bleed. I had a feeling of great joy during my dream and it felt as if a piece of my old life had found it's way back to me. Waking up to the cold hard reality of him not being in the here and now was devastating to say the least and certainly knocked me back down. I have been told by some that our precious loved ones are closest to us when they visit us in our dreams. I'm not sure if that was Jeff's way of trying to let me know he is okay and would certainly like to believe that it is. Dreams of him now are a precious gift to me as it brings him back in a physical sense. Not a day goes by that I don't long to see him again. Still wishing it wasn't just a dream and missing him more than words can ever say. I love you Jeff & miss you more with each passing day!


IN MEMORY OF: Matthew Mullis
AGE: 19
DATES: 07/05/1987 - 11/11/2006
CAUSE: Single Car Accident
SUBMITTED BY:Mom Carol Ragsdale

It was the beginning of Spring 2005 and Matthew was planning a trip with his girlfriend and few others to Panama City Beach Florida which is only about a four hour drive from our house and where all of the teens from our area go. Matthew who was only 18 years old at the time was adamant about going even though I was not as in trawled with the idea as he was as I'm sure you all can understand. It's difficult when your children start the transition from teen to young adult hood or at least it was for me. I've been accused before of not allowing Matthew to grow up to only being able to see him as a little boy and I guess some of that is probably to some degree true. I tried for days to convenience him that he wasn't old enough to go; I tried telling him he wouldn't even be able to check into a room but no he wasn't hearing a word of it. A few days later he would come begging mom I need for you to put some money onto a prepaid credit card so that I can book my reservation and so that I will have it at check in. I decided to just have him a card sent on an account that I had set up just for his child support some many years ago. I had a limit set on the card so I wasn't too concerned about him over using it, but more it gave me some comfort that he would have access to money should something outside the norm occur which in Matthew's case always did. He was so energetic hardly ever was he still and always into to something. Finally he calls me they arrived safe and sound but he has a dilemma that he needs me to take care of immediately. He can't check into the hotel room he has reserved because he isn't 21, money paid down the drain no refund policy clearly stated on the web page he used to book the reservation. He says mom I know your upset about the money but you are so going to smile when I tell you the lady that works here is so nice and she has a friend that works at another location that is willing to let you email all of your information, driver's license, credit card etc. and have the room put in your name, mom isn't that great; man this lady is so cool to hook me up like this. After making him sweat, beg and almost cry I finally gave in as I'm sure he knew I would and I paid for yet another room faxing all my info which was very very weird was able to check him into a room I guess I paid over a $1000.00 dollars for that spring break. I still laugh today when I think about how funny he could be when he was trying to work me for something he wanted. His smile will forever be itched in my heart and my mind. If I had known it was his last spring break I would have put work and worthlessness things on hold and went with him so that I could have watch him enjoy life as a young man the last year of his life.

Thank you my sweet beautiful sons for always making life full of surprises and for always making me laugh no matter how angry I got. What I wouldn't give to see the world just once more through your eyes.




IN MEMORY OF: Cody Wade Edwards
AGE: 21
DATES: 07/01/92-11/23/13
CAUSE: Car accident

Street tunes: Courthouse plaza musicians both appreciated and hassled

Patrick Whitehurst/The Daily Courier Musician Cody Wade Edwards plays on the courthouse plaza in downtown Prescott Sunday. Edwards said he can often make $30 to $40 a day in tips depending on the weather and on how many people are strolling through the area.

Patrick Whitehurst/The Daily Courier

Musician Cody Wade Edwards plays on the courthouse plaza in downtown Prescott Sunday. Edwards said he can often make $30 to $40 a day in tips depending on the weather and on how many people are strolling through the area.

Patrick Whitehurst
The Daily Courier

PRESCOTT - They might not be everyone's musical cup of tea, but musicians are rarely in short supply in downtown Prescott, particularly those who play in public around the courthouse plaza.

Some tell them to get a job, while others drop money into their guitar cases to show appreciation for the public display.

Musician Cody Wade Edwards, 20, is an on-and-off fixture at the plaza. Edwards recently returned to Prescott after a two-month stint in Phoenix. On Sunday, there he was on a bench with a guitar in his lap, playing his own brand of music.

"I came up here because I lost my guitar and had to get a new one, and I managed to get a new one and only paid about $25 for it, which I made back with it," Edwards said. Besides his trip to Phoenix, he's also traveled to Florida and Texas, where's he was born. He typically plays wherever he travels.

Edwards plays a mix of 80s, Indie and underground punk on his electric acoustic guitar.

"I like to play songs that people don't hear all the time on the radio," he said.

On a good night, he can earn $30 to $40.

"It depends on how many people are out, what kind of day it is. Usually I only play on Fridays and Saturdays," Edwards said.

Some days, though, he can find himself the target of those who would rather he played elsewhere.

"Some people really enjoy it and like that I'm out here playing music. Other people think that I should probably get a job instead of playing on the street, because they think I'm really just out here asking for money, when really I'm just playing and enjoying myself," Edwards said. "Someone once walked up and grabbed my guitar. I thought that was kind of screwed up. Usually I don't care. Some people don't want to understand things, and that's okay with me. For me, right now, I'm just trying to heal myself mentally because I've been through a lot, like my ex-wife and personal issues. I'm trying to be less negative than I used to be."

Musician and visual artist Reagan Schmissrauter said he plans to play around the plaza through Labor Day. He's most often there with his dog and an open guitar case with one-dollar bills visible inside. Schmissrauter, who lived in Prescott for three years before leaving for parts unknown, recently returned to the area for a short stint before heading to the West Coast to see the Pacific Ocean.

"I'm really on vacation. It's a frugal vacation," he said, "but if I get a complaint I move on and go somewhere else."

His music, he said, typically evolves from poetry written by others.

"I don't write music, but I work with poets and put poetry to music. I am trying to work on a Vietnam vet right now who's got some really good poetry," Schmissrauter said. "All I'm trying to do is just spread a little love to the world."

My Beautiful child Cody was featured in this article that was done in May. He was killed 6 months later in a car accident and at that time my heart broke into a million pieces.

Cody I miss you more than you will ever know and a day doesn't go by that I don't think about you and miss you. I will not say goodbye my baby boy because I will see you and hug you again. Love with all my heart.

love mom



IN MEMORY OF: Jason "Beau" Morgan
AGE: 23 years
DATES: July 31, 1979 - October 10, 2002
CAUSE: Brain Aneurysm
SUBMITTED BY: Diane, Beau's Mom


Mother's Day Wish

Mother's Day is drawing near
How I wish your laughter I could hear .

A child's death is a Mother's worse fear
It happened to me and brought me much pain, sorrow, and many a tear...

My greatest wish would be for you to be here
To hold you so tightly, smell your wonderful scent and hear your voice so clear .
To look into your hazel green eyes and see your Beautiful smile .

What a wonderful gift this would be for me
To have you on this earth again, so happy I would be.

In this horrible reality, I know that this cannot be
How can I make it through this day without you being here to see?

My Mother's Day wish is to receive a very special sign from you, a sign that I know is only from you
Also, I ask that I see you in a dream, too, before this day, so that I can make it through.

My dear sweet Beau, I need you so much
How I wish that I could feel your warm touch.

So, I will wait till that day, on Mother's Day -- for my wish to come true
Please come see me; I need you so much on this very special day so blue.

In memory of my sweet Beau - May 2006


Based on your personal experience what would you say to someone that has just lost their child and what hope could you give them?
(see the news section and/or the submission page for a new question for next month)

IN MEMORY OF: bryan esposito
AGE: 20
DATES: 5/13/79-2/11/02
CAUSE: unknown
SUBMITTED BY: irene esposito

Febuary 11, 2002, my 20 year old son died. My daughter Danielle was 12, at the time .As you can assume our lives were bryond words. Many family members and friends of ours, as bryans were with us from that day until months later. i vaguely remember much at that time as well as the following months. Bits ans pieces do come to mind as time had gone on and sometimes when i least expect it.

There were many conversatuions and advice from many, but all i felt was anger. I was aware that my family and friends were trying to be salutary by saying"God only gives usas much as we can engure", and Bryan would want me to move forward. This made no sense to me. Truthfully, it only made me angrier. More often I blocked out all that was going on and lived in my own world, where it was safe. My stuggles were pain that I could explain or find a resolution..

We all atended bereavement groups, it was conducive, being with others who knew our feeling and emotions. We were not alone, but the pain was still so intense. I did though at the time, preceived that Danielle was doing well. She seemed to be involved in her group and was participating in school activities. How wrong was iI to believe, my daughter was not feeling anguish, due to her brothers death. It torments mwe how insensitive I was not to acknowlwdge her misery.

My turning point came sometime later, when Danielle and I were out shopping. I looked at my daughter and realized there were tears streaming down her face. I thought she was crying for her brother. I embraced her and tried to comfort her and she told me that she should have died instead of bryan. I couldnt understand that she said I would of been better , because I was so close to him. I pleaded with her that it wasnt true. It broke my heart that my young daughter, who lost her brother, was feeling such pain.. I didnt know that she was feeling that her life was worthless..

A few days later, I recalled, something I heard from one of Bryans friends. She had said that someone she knew had lost a brother and when he died her mother also died. I had not absorbed it then nor did I realized the impact of my grieving was doing to my daughter. I realized then, that I was not regarding my daughters life.

I knew that i had to make a decision to become alive again. It was true that I was just existing.The guilt was overwhelming and thinking about it all, I knew what I had to do. The choive to be a mother and wife again was difficult becauseI didnt know who I was anymore. If I didnt though, my daughters life would be irrecoverable. I never wanted to hurt her as most mothers wouldnt want to hurt their child.

It was difficult as it still is, but I allow myself time daily to think and grieve for Bryan. we all speak of him almost everyday, but my love for my daughter was my priority. Her life is precious.

Our loss was and always will be devastating, but I needed to realize is that it was our loss not just mine.


IN MEMORY OF: Daniel Scott Forrester
AGE: 30
DATES: 2/28/70 ~ 1/10/2001
CAUSE: non-hodgkins lymphoma
SUBMITTED BY: Arlene (Danny's Mom)

A Mothers Love

God's Wings

After a forest fire in Yellowstone National Park , forest rangers began their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno's damage. One ranger found a bird literally petrified in ashes, perched statuesquely on the ground at the base of a tree. Somewhat sickened by the eerie sight, he knocked over the bird with a stick. When he gently struck it, three tiny chicks scurried from under their dead mother's wings. The loving mother, keenly aware of impending disaster, had carried her offspring to the base of the tree and had gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing that the toxic smoke would rise. She could have flown to safety but had refused to abandon her babies. Then the blaze had arrived and the heat had scorched her small body, the mother had remained steadfast....because she had been willing to die, so those under the cover of her wings would live.

'He will cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you will find refuge.' (Psalm 91:4)


Our new prayer request section where you can submit a prayer request for anyone. Just follow the directions below.....

You may submit a prayer request for anyone. There are two ways to request prayer. Choose below:


Your email address? (required)
Name of person needing prayer? (required)
Brief reason for prayer request? (optional)
Your name? (optional)


Please include the following information in an email to
4. YOUR NAME (optional)



IN MEMORY OF: Christopher Ronald Faller
AGE: 7-1/2 yrs
DATES: May 7, 1990 - March 24, 1998
CAUSE: viral tumors after successful piggyback heart transplant
SUBMITTED BY: Maria, Christopher's Mommy

Dear Christine - I sat and cried reading over your story of Luke and how he passed away just looking like he went to sleep. that is so sad, and it must have been awful to have found him like that. my heart truly goes out to you as you remember this month. I have always loved the song "Angel," and I enjoyed reading about how Sarah McLachlan came to write such a special and truly touching song. thank you as always for all you do!

love and hugs,

Christopher's mommy forever

IN MEMORY OF: Joey Marshall Whiteman360
AGE: 21 years, 360 days
DATES: 9/8/80-9/3/02
CAUSE: auto accident
SUBMITTED BY: Terrie (Joey's Mom)

Dear Christine,

April's newsletter is fabulous. Love everything you did for the month of April and as always, thank you for including my letter this month.

Love to you and Luke,

Terrie and Joey

IN MEMORY OF: Daniel Scott Forrester
AGE: 30
DATES: 2/28/70 ~ 1/10/2001
CAUSE: non-hodgkins lymphoma
SUBMITTED BY: Arlene (Danny's Mom)

During the month of May --- we celebrate Mother's Day. I am thinking of my Mom in Heaven. She was the most loving, "saintly" - caring Mom and I miss her terribly. My comfort is....she is taking good care of my Danny. She loved him so much and I know they are enjoying Paradise together. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY IN HEAVEN MOM.


A new section has been added to the Bringer of Light Newsletter. We now have a section where you can request prayers. This new section is named.... BEACON OF PRAYER. If you have a prayer request for anyone, please follow the directions below.....

You may submit a prayer request for anyone. There are two ways to request prayer. Choose below:


Your email address? (required)
Name of person needing prayer? (required)
Brief reason for prayer request? (optional)
Your name? (optional)

Please include the following information in an email to
4. YOUR NAME (optional)


How long has your child been gone physically, and how long does it seem like your child has been gone? Explain


If you have ever made a submission to the Bringer of Light Newsletter or if you have responded to the request for the information update your child's name should appear at the top of the Dedications Section when it is their anniversary or birthday. If you have not sent in your information update you may do so by replying to the BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER email. You may also write a dedication to be included below the section names for your child's special dates.


This is a very toucing presentation.

Click on the link below to view this presentation. Be sure to turn up your volume and maximize your screen.

Special thanks for Bringer of Light Newsletter submissions this month:

Ronny & Teri Anderson
Maria, Christopher's mommy forever
Patty (Evelin's Grandma)
Karen Jenkins
LInda Rice
Terrie, Joey's Mom
Elissa Smith
Rosaleen (Vaughan) Bellamy
Cindy Jo Greever
Bettie Murray
Sean's Mom, Mary Stenzel
Mom, Carol Ragsdale
Cody's Mom
Diane, Beau's Mom
Irene Esposito
Arlene (Danny's Mom)
Dolores, Mama to Jeffery

Thanks also for all of the wonderful submissions that will be featured in an upcoming Bringer of Light newsletter. Those who submitted will be notified when their submission will be included in the newsletter and also which month it will be featured in. Everyone is encouraged to make submissions for ANY of the catagories. You may do so by clicking on the 'submit button' below:

Music playing:


In honor of our children please click on the links below:

If you are not on the mailing list already and you would like to receive the free monthly BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER, just complete the form below:

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If your submission has appeared in a past Bringer of Light Newsletter, it may also appear again as an Encore Presentation.

Submissions are needed for many of the Bringer of Light Newsletter sections. Submissions are placed in the order that they are received and/or for a relevant month. Your submissions are the essence of the newsletter. So start typing and send in those submissions ASAP! Please go to the link below the section list to see a chart of available sections.

DEDICATIONS: Reserved for those children that will have their anniversary or birthday next month.

QUOTES: Share a quote or saying of your child's or a quote that you like that for your child.

LETTERS TO HEAVEN: A letter written by you to your child in Heaven.

LIFE STORY: A story written by you about your child's life.

POETRY: A poem written by you about your grief or your child.

SIGNS FROM THE OTHER SIDE: A story written by you about a sign that you received from your child.

IN THEIR OWN WORDS: A story, poem, quote, or anything written or said by your child.

MEMORIES: A story written by you about a special memory that you have of your child.

DREAMS: A story written by you about a dream that you had of your child after the death of your child.

HUMOR: A story written by you about a funny memory you have of your child at any age.

PRIDE: A story written by you about an achievement, talent, or unique characteristic of your child at any age.

MEMORIALS: A story written by you about a memorial that you have for your child.

QUESTION: Your answer to the current question about grief. (see submission site for current question)

ANGEL STORIES: Stories of encounters with angels that you or your child had at anytime

COMMENTS: A comment that you may have for any of the sections in the Bringer of Light newsletter. CHART FOR AVAILABLE SECTIONS:

When you enter the SUBMISSION PAGE there is a chart that will show the available sections so that you will know what is available to submit. The cart represents an entire year. You are invited to submit to any of the available sections. You may see the chart by clicking on the button below:



We would love to hear all about your child, or your grief, or your comments. You can participate in the BRINGER OF LIGHT NEWSLETTER by submitting to the above sections.


Last Entry in Luke's Journal:

"When there is love in my heart and a smile on my face,
I need nothing else." ~ Luke Ross