Sixteen Years in Heaven
April 3, 2017

Lucas Christopher Ross
October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
Acute Bronchopneumonia


April and springtime have arrived. Winter is gone and summer is not here yet. We are in the time of spring. A time when the earth comes alive again, no longer buried beneath the cold days of winter. The memories of winter still warm our hearts and the anticipation of summer brings with it more memories of days gone by. The warm sun of Springtime reminds us how wonderful life used to be, and the spring breeze carries with it a freshness of new life, but we are sorrowful with the absence of a special life. A life that knows no more time.

Time? What is it really? Time no longer allows us to be with the physical presence of those special souls that have gone on before us. Those that used to run and play and be happy. Those that were consumed by illness or accident or something else that allowed death to take them away from our arms. We miss having them close and we miss knowing that they are waiting for us when we get home. If only we could speak their name and have them to come to us or look at us in that special way that only they can. But because of the passing of time and the events that time brought with it, it seems that we have lost those things we once had. Are they really lost?

Time is the only thing that separates me from my son, Luke, who died on April 3rd, 2001. Time is such a strange thing. When you are in the midst of something awful it seems as if time passes so slowly, and if you are in the midst of something wonderful it seems as if time passes quickly. But as years pass, this thing called time is still confusing. Sometimes it seems as if Luke was here with me only yesterday, but at the same time it seems as if it has been forever since I touched him and held him.

Time has brought many things for me since April 3rd, 2001. I went through all the stages of grief over and over and over and over. Anger stared me in the face and for a time I let it stay. Denial was there full force too, but the years have given me the reality of it all. Bargaining lasted only a few months for me as I begged to trade my life for his. Depression is something that still comes and goes and will be with me until the day that I join Luke in Heaven. Acceptance has been the most difficult stage of grief for me, but it has finally found a place within my heart and mind.

There was a time when I thought that I could never be at peace with Luke's death. But it happened! Much to my surprise, slowly over time, without myself even realizing the transition..... I felt different. I don't know when it happened, where it happened, or how it happened, but it did indeed happen. I wasn't crying every single day anymore. Somewhere along my journey I quit asking why? I had found some peace, some unexpected peace, in just knowing that he lived a good life, and then he died, but more importantly.... his spirit didn't die.

A dog can sense when his master has turned the corner and headed for home. I often think of when Luke was here on earth, at the house, but in another room. I couldn't see him, I couldn't hear him.... but I knew he was in that other room because I possessed that sixth sense that we all take for granted. His spirit was all around me even though he was in the other room unheard and unseen. It is no different now than it was then. He is all around me unheard and unseen. His spirit has survived! Death could not take his spirit away from me, nor could time.

This pain will never go away, but it is not as sharp as it used to be. Instead of fighting away the pain like I used to do, I have learned to live with the pain. It is just as much a part of me now as breathing is.... a breathing that has finally calmed to a slower pace. I have embraced this pain and I own this pain and it will always be with me, so I just decided to let it be what it is. I have realized nothing can be changed, no matter how many times I go over thoughts of 'what if.' I have finally put to rest all the horrible thoughts that have haunted me throughout the years of grief.

So many of my friends and family didn't understand my pain and because they didn't, I think they were afraid of my pain. It used to make me sad and angry because they didn't reach out. How could they not understand? The passing of time has made me realize that they had never experienced what I had experienced. So how could they possible understand? I am so glad that they do not understand this pain. O how I wish that I did not understand it.

I never thought I would smile again, but I did. And I really never thought that I would laugh again, but I did. And you know what I discovered when I finally did? I discovered that he was in my laugh and he was in my smile and he was still in my life.

I didn't believe that any of these new feelings could possibly happen, but they did, and I am so glad that they crept in without me knowing. I am now at peace with his death, and because of this I remember not only the time that he died, but the time that he lived. And oh how he lived, and oh how wonderful the memories of his life are. Those memories give me back the time that I thought was lost forever.

Death may separate me from his physical self, but time gives me his spirit and his love. I will relish this time that I have with his spirit until I reach that place where he is, where we will meet again, without the constraints of time. I will remember the good times, cherish my peaceful times, and look forward to another time and place. Time was, time is, and time will be again.

Springtime is a time for flowers, a time for birds, a time for rain, a time for love, a time to be born, and a time to die. There is a beginning of life and an end of life, but at the end there is another beginning.

Time is waiting for us all..... somewhere.

2011 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


My body's old and wearing out
All my hair is turning gray
My eyes don't see the way they did
But somehow I'm okay.

His body was so young and strong
His hair was full and brown
His eyes were sharp and beautiful
But now he can't be found.

I wonder how I'm breathing still
While his breath disappeared
I'm standing here alive and well
But he's been gone for years.

Sometimes I think it's so unfair
That I'm still in this shell.
I'd like to trade my life for his
And escape this living hell.

But life just doesn't work that way
As proved through history,
Time will tic until death comes
To solve this mystery.

2015 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


By Robin Ross in memory of his son Luke

As I sat quietly thinking of LUKE
I felt a strange pull on my soul,
A different felling than I ever knew
I guess because now I've grown old.

Thoughts of time passed, filled my head
This is nothing new since LUKE had died.
So many years since I'd seen my son,
Countless tears had filled my eyes.

So I climbed the mountain to get closer to GOD
The best place I knew to feel LUKE and HIM.
It's been so long since LUKE had to go
The love, the pain, the time had no end.

As I reached the top, angles started to sing
It felt that I understood everything.
Was this the place I left at my birth
I heard and saw things not of this earth.

"Stairway to Heaven", "Happy Trails to You"
"Oh Danny Boy", "Closer to You".
The girl with one leg now had two,
All the children that I once knew.
Then LUKE said dad, glad to see you.

I then saw Altair running around
Such a great sight to see.
Then I heard the howl of that ole BLUE hound.
I wondered what was happening to me.

Then I saw JESUS face to face.
My savior was there for me.
I felt the feel of everlasting grace.
The pain of time now all erased.

I knew my journey had come to an end
when GOD said welcome home my friend.

2017 - Robin Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


as performed by Michael Crawford

Where there is time, there is tomorrow
Somewhere in time, all sorrows pass to memory
And the end is the beginning
Somewhere in time, we are as we're meant to be

Where there is time, there is a circle
Somewhere in time, the circle yearns to be complete
Though you may feel this is illusion
Somewhere in time, I know we're certain to meet

Somewhere in time love is forever
A love that's here, a love that's now, to last for all time

Somehow I know this moment's waiting somewhere in time

Where there is time, there is a circle
Somewhere in time, the circle will be complete
Somewhere in time love is forever
A love that's here, a love that's now, to last for all time

Somehow I know this moment's waiting somewhere in time





16 years in Heaven

15 years in Heaven

14 years in Heaven

13 years in Heaven

12 years in Heaven

11 years in Heaven

10 years in Heaven

9 years in Heaven

8 years in Heaven

7 years in Heaven

6 years in Heaven

5 years in Heaven

4 years in Heaven

3 years in Heaven

2 years in Heaven

1 year in Heaven


Last Entry in Luke's Journal:

"When there is love in my heart and a smile on my face,
I need nothing else." ~ Luke Ross


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