21 years old
October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
FOREVER LIVING IN THE PAST
Tears fall and the sweet memories of Luke,
Flood through my consciousness so fast.
Just memories remain so I begin,
FOREVER LIVING IN THE PAST.
Our desperate search for Luke has ended,
He is in his room all alone.
We are speeding along so anxiously,
Trying so hard to get back home.
We seem to move down the road so slowly,
Through the warm and stale April night.
I hear only the hum of tires and stare,
Straight ahead at the red taillights.
The scene grips my soul as we park the car,
Home sweet home as never before,
The eerie shadows of bright flashing lights,
Police tape across the front door.
We want to go inside and see our son,
We're not allowed is what we're told.
We wait forever in the heat outside,
Although the desert seems so cold.
Murmurs and voices are muffled and drift,
Across the still dark desert air.
The hours of endless waiting linger,
As I go to my God in prayer.
I ache in the dark and lonely silence,
As I shed my own private tears.
While in my suffering mind I relive,
All of those fond wonderful years.
I finally enter the house alone,
My footsteps stop cold at his door.
My heart is heavy with sadness and pride,
I want to hold him just once more.
Luke's Dad joins me and together we stand,
Holding on to each otherís clutch.
We can only gaze in dull disbelief,
Because we're not allowed to touch.
Outside his only sister cries: "No Luke!"
As it echoes throughout the night.
I painfully watch the coroners van,
Until it is out of my sight.
We enter our home once again and search,
For answers of what took his life.
Nothing is found but shattered hopes and dreams,
Stabbing through our hearts like a knife.
Somehow morning arrives and seems to move,
At an unexplainable pace.
Suspended we make unbearable plans,
That time will not ever erase.
Oh my God! I just can not believe it,
Twenty-one years old and he's dead.
Numbness absorbs me and everything feels,
So misplaced in my mixed up head.
The autopsy is done and finally,
I touch his soft beautiful skin.
Within my chest is a horrible pain,
Because of the absence of him.
Final good-byes before his cremation,
We give him an eternal kiss.
Once more I ask God to please bring him back,
This is my last and only wish.
But my only wish is never granted,
Once again he's warm in my lap.
He's back home again but only ashes,
Oh when I will wake from this nap.
Family members arrive for his service,
They all come from so far away.
To honor our Lucas Christopher Ross,
On this his everlasting day.
We are gathered with loved ones and flowers,
Within a never yearned for place.
There are hugs and precious words of comfort,
As tears stream down each saddened face.
Now solemnly his friends fill the chapel,
As they each enter one by one.
Words and music then the service concludes,
The emptiness has just begun.
After endless weeks of waiting to know,
We get an answer to our why,
Pneumonia crept in and left him to stay,
All alone in his room to die.
Our little family is not apart,
In some strange unusual way.
We share Luke's imperishable spirit,
Each day after day after day.
Our love, dreams and unfading memories,
Still make us cry and make us laugh.
And the FOUR of us spend a lot of time,
FOREVER LIVING IN THE PAST.
© 2001 ~ Christine Ross, Luke's MOM
In Memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001